Pokerus Donkus - The Poker Donkey

Sometimes while playing online poker you run into this mysterious creature, Pokerus Donkus, or The Poker Donkey in our common language. The average frequency of encounter is unknown, but if I'd wager a guess I'd say you'll run into one of these odd beings about every 20 seconds. Saying that The Poker Donkey is an idiot is an insult to idiots everywhere who strive to work hard for their status. This species of donkey has the ability to make the normal poker player stare at his screen in disbelief.

A documented encounter with Pokerus Donkus is captured below, starting with the first hand of a SNG on FullTilt Poker:

Dealer: You have been dealt [Td Kd]
Dealer: sighound calls 30
Dealer: XaQ Morphy calls 30
Dealer: Colorado Dave checks

Dealer: The flop is [Kc 2s Tc]
Dealer: Colorado Dave checks
Dealer: sighound bets 30
Dealer: XaQ Morphy raises to 90
Dealer: Colorado Dave folds
Dealer: sighound calls 60

So, it's the first hand and I don't want to go crazy. I've flopped 2 pair, but it's an unraised pot and there's a possible flush draw. So I go easy and raise a little bit to try and get a feel for where I am. There's 105 in the pot before the flop.

Dealer: The turn is [3d]
Dealer: sighound bets 30
Dealer: XaQ Morphy raises to 200
Dealer: sighound calls 170

Ahh, we have the "here's a quarter, please go away" bet. Now I'm pretty sure he's on a flush draw, so I want to raise enough so that it's incorrect for him to call, knowing that he will probably call anyway. Now there is 685 in the pot.

Dealer: The river is [2c]
Dealer: sighound bets 90
XaQ Morphy: ?
Dealer: XaQ Morphy calls 90

When I typed in "?" it was more like "WTF???" I'm 99% certain that he made his flush here, but he bet 90 into a pot of 685. It's now worth it for me to call with any 2 cards, just to see what he has.

Dealer: sighound shows [4s 3s] two pair, Threes and Twos
Dealer: XaQ Morphy shows [Td Kd] two pair, Kings and Tens
Dealer: XaQ Morphy wins the pot (865) with two pair, Kings and Tens

sighound: ?
XaQ Morphy: blink blink
sighound: Knew you had a K Youy announced
that early
sighound: I was hopin to trip
XaQ Morphy: nice read
sighound: ty

I sit there staring at my screen in disbelief. I somehow blurt out "nice read" and am stupified here. Now, a lot of times you'll see a different species of donkey, the Wannabepropokerplayerus Donkus, berate a player like this and/or make fun of them. This is not good. I like to encourage Pokerus Donkus to make as many plays like this as possible. Meanwhile, hand 2 is underway:

Dealer: pokrpro2b raises to 60
Dealer: sighound calls 60

Dealer: The flop is [Qh Jd 3s]
Dealer: pokrpro2b checks
Dealer: sighound checks

Dealer: The turn is [7h]
Dealer: pokrpro2b bets 165
Dealer: sighound calls 165

Dealer: The river is [Tc]
Dealer: pokrpro2b bets 495
Dealer: sighound calls 495

Dealer: pokrpro2b shows [As Ah] a pair of Aces
Dealer: sighound mucks [Kc 7d]
Dealer: pokrpro2b wins the pot (1,485) with a pair of Aces

The play alone seems to indicate a possible double donkey sighting. So many people get burned when they slow play AA it isn't even funny, but this guy got Pokerus Donkus to pay him off. The chat confirms that we may very well be dealing with two off this fascinating species:

sighound: lol
sighound: didnt see that
pokrpro2b: ty
XaQ Morphy: yeah I thought for sure 4th pair was
good there too
sighound: But it figures dope slow plays AA
pokrpro2b: who u calln dope chump
sighound: a nerd that does that w/ a art draw on
board
sighound: strt
sighound: draw
pokrpro2b: i was scared
pokrpro2b: but i din t put u on a draw
sighound: i know cause you shouldnt do that

Fast forward to this hand, which I got a kick out of. The blinds are now 25/50, and our original Pokerus Donkus is the first to act:

Dealer: sighound raises to 100
Dealer: pokrpro2b calls 75
Dealer: canglem calls 50

Dealer: The flop is [7h 9c 8s]
Dealer: pokrpro2b checks
Dealer: canglem checks
Dealer: sighound bets 100
Dealer: pokrpro2b calls 100
Dealer: canglem folds

Dealer: The turn is [4h]
Dealer: pokrpro2b checks
Dealer: sighound bets 500
Dealer: pokrpro2b folds
Dealer: Uncalled bet of 500 returned to sighound
Dealer: sighound shows [5c 6h] (a straight, Nine high)
Dealer: sighound wins the pot (500)

Here Fishy: nh
sighound: ty
pokrpro2b: i put u on a draw
sighound: was kinda nervous raising but I like the
low connectors

Oh my. Our friend seems to be on a roll here. But wait...

Dealer: Here Fishy raises to 200
Dealer: sighound calls 200

Dealer: The flop is [Qc Ac Td]
Dealer: sighound bets 50
Dealer: Here Fishy raises to 300
Dealer: sighound raises to 770, and is all in
Dealer: Here Fishy has 15 seconds left to act
Dealer: Here Fishy calls 470

Dealer: sighound shows [Jc 9s]
Dealer: Here Fishy shows [9h 9d]

Dealer: The turn is [As]
Dealer: The river is [6c]
Dealer: sighound shows a pair of Aces
Dealer: Here Fishy shows two pair, Aces and Nines
Dealer: Here Fishy wins the pot (2,065) with two pair, Aces and Nines
Dealer: sighound is sitting out
Dealer: sighound stands up

XaQ Morphy: wow, that guy lost?

Yes, the Pokerus Donkus is a fascinating creature. Here's hoping that you have at least one specimen on your buddy lists.

Morphy