A Donkey Saved is a Penny Earned

Sometimes you have to search for material when doing something like this. Don't get me wrong, there are enough donkeys in this world for plenty of material, but sometimes it's more fun to create a situation that just screams "put me in your blog!"

Last night I discovered something incredible. UltimateBet allows someone to bring in as little as 5BB worth of chips into a NL cash room. Armed with this valuable, newfound information, I entered a high stakes .01/.02 table with $.10.

First hand? Allin of course, but I lost. So, I bought back in for another dime, went allin with 92s and promptly tripled up. The very next hand I get Qc6h and move in for $.35. Three people call. The flop comes up 3d Kh Jh and they check. The turn is the Ah, someone goes allin for $.52 and the other two fold. The river is the 4h and I beat A8o with my 6h for the flush. Now we're in business!

I end up moving in here and there, and going up and down in money, but never down below about $.34. One of the better hands I called allin with 63o, flopped a double gutted straight draw, and hit it on the river in a 4 way pot. I then found that people would actually fold at a penny table. It might have had something to do with me moving allin for $2 every other hand, but who knows. I actually slowed down a bit until thenutlow joined the table. He posted the BB for .02, and the following played out:

XaQ Morphy is dealt: 4h Jd
XaQ Morphy raises to $1.
justinvennix re-raises to $1.98.
XaQ Morphy says "sorry in advance for the suckout".
XaQ Morphy goes all-in for $1.83.
River (board: Tc 3c 9s 8d Qd):
justinvennix shows Kc Kd.
justinvennix has Kc Kd Tc 9s Qd: a pair of kings.
XaQ Morphy shows 4h Jd.
XaQ Morphy has Jd Tc 9s 8d Qd: straight, queen high.

Sometimes you can't plan stuff this good. Now, note what happens next. "justinvennix" says nothing, but our Donkey shows his ears:

christogolfer says "haa haa haa u won on a crap draw ididot".
XaQ Morphy says "draw?".
XaQ Morphy says "J4 is the nuts".
XaQ Morphy says "what's an ididot?".
christogolfer says "j4 nuts on fith dip ****".
XaQ Morphy says "fith?".

Sometimes it's too easy. Our poor Donkey doesn't realize what he's up against.

christogolfer says "pocket kings had u till river".
XaQ Morphy says "J4 was in the lead the whole time".
XaQ Morphy says "I had a feeling".

I've always wanted to say this. This is the phrase of choice by Donkeys everywhere when they call their stack away with 22 and flop quads. Meanwhile our featured Donkey has decided that he's found his mark, and is going to get involved in as many pots with me as possible. This is where I start making it look like I'm a complete maniac yet I'm paying very close attention to what he's doing. He's a typical know-it-all Donkey, playing big cards and pretending to know what he's talking about by reading a few books. Like most know-it-all Donkeys, this guy just can't let it go.

christogolfer says "u really need to check hand history for two hands ago u are behind the whole hand".
christogolfer says "u drew out on the river".
XaQ Morphy says "J4 does not "draw out" it simply wins".
christogolfer says "you had to hit your river card for the strait dip sh it".
XaQ Morphy says "strait?".
christogolfer says "george".

Right about now I'm about 100% he's making the blog. So, I let him know this:

XaQ Morphy says "you're gonna be famous now".
christogolfer says "lol nice shirt". (ed. note: wtf?!?!?!)
christogolfer says "u really do suck".
christogolfer says "lol".
christogolfer says "gl though".
XaQ Morphy says "ty".
XaQ Morphy says "feel free to join any table I play at".
christogolfer says "welcome".
christogolfer says "would love to the way you call".
christogolfer says "lol".

Oh boy. He's totally clueless. Does he honestly think I am here to play serious for pennies? So I elaborate a little. Note that while I have played a few dozen $50 SNG's, my comfort level is in the $20-$30 SNG level. I have the bankroll to comfortably play $50 SNG's, but I don't feel my play is there quite yet. I've also been focusing on larger tourneys instead of SNG's lately. That said:

XaQ Morphy says "so chris, what table do you want to play at?".
XaQ Morphy says "$50 SNG?".
christogolfer says "dont have it or would".
christogolfer says "u suck i would kill you".
XaQ Morphy says "so let me ask you a question".
XaQ Morphy says "if I usually play $50 SNG's, why do you think I'm playing a penny table?".
christogolfer says "lost?".
christogolfer says "lol".
XaQ Morphy says "no".
XaQ Morphy says "so chris...I'm still waiting for an answer".

Unfortunately our Donkey just didn't get it. Meanwhile the play has been getting boring. I'm formulating ideas on how to write the blog entry up, so I'm not playing many hands. A hand comes up where another Donkey calls a huge bet with a flush draw, then moves allin for a huge overbet as soon as the draw hits. We fold, and our featured Donkey has this to say:

christogolfer says "punked usout lol".
XaQ Morphy says "english only at the tables please".
christogolfer says "lol".
christogolfer says "punked us put lol".
christogolfer says "out".

Poor Donkey. Next hand I bet with nothing into a board of 7KK and get raised, I say "ahh, there's the K and fold" and of course the person in the hand felt obligated to show AK. Donkey jumps all over that:

christogolfer says "nice bluff, moron".
XaQ Morphy says "ty chris".

This hand is purely here for RGP's and Arlo's sake:

XaQ Morphy is dealt: 6h 4c
XaQ Morphy goes all-in for $3.18.
pokerose says "should I ??".
XaQ Morphy says "yes".
pokerose says "na".
pokerose folds.
XaQ Morphy opts to show 6h 4c.
pokerose says "good bluff but it it reached".
XaQ Morphy says "that wasn't a bluff".
christogolfer says "semi bluff then".
XaQ Morphy says "yes, semi bluff".
XaQ Morphy says "I was on a full house draw".
christogolfer says "key word, "draw"".

Poor, poor Donkey. Not much happened after that. Donkey made a comment about taking my "roll" and I said it could take weeks since they only allow a max $2 buyin at the penny tables. Then I realized that the fun was over, I gave the rest of the money I made away, bid the Donkey goodnight, and left. I did have some parting words as I tried to give my money away:

XaQ Morphy says "ok next hand you can get a chance to take it".
christogolfer says "i come for it now lol".
XaQ Morphy goes all-in for $2.94.
christogolfer says "umm or not".
XaQ Morphy says "awww".
christogolfer says "ummm ok".
XaQ Morphy says "I lost my 20 cents".

So, sometimes the Donkeys come to you, sometimes you need to find the Donkeys. What's great is that it usually only costs a few pennies.

Morphy