Donking Like It's 2007

Hello Manifestites! Remember me? I think it's obvious that the blog has sort of taken a back seat to the other priorities in my life. However, I haven't forgotten about it, nor about you, my loyal readers (assuming any of you still have the blog bookmarked or even know it exists). I don't read RGP much anymore, only post if there's a trolling to be had (and yet the morons there still don't believe that I'm trolling, which is flat out awesome). I got ironman status on FullTilt for 13 months straight in 2010 and earlier this year, but I finally got off of that. That rush poker is like crack, and combined with the ironman shit, it's just a big time suck and turned into only a slightly winning year for less than 10 buyins for me. The problem is that when I play, if I want to quit for any reason I just quit. Well, I should say that's how I like to play. With the ironman goal looming overhead, I had to hit a certain amount of points each day, so even if I was 100% sure that I wasn't playing my best game, if I didn't hit my goal I had to stay on and play. Enough of that!

So all that said, I still have ideas for blog entries. I've talked to a few of you about this already, but I'm seriously considering doing a documentary of sorts on RGP's resident nutcase igotskillz. He is truly insane, and there's so many levels of it I really don't even know where to start. My thoughts were to go back to years ago when he was convinced a player on PokerStars was booting people from tournaments and then the Stars' owners showed up and insulted his mom. Yeah, that is as ridiculous as it sounds. It goes way past that, from rigged poker sites to mail order brides to 2012 end of the world drama and now he thinks he's an alien. Yes, I'm serious. If anyone has any ideas about how to do this (or better yet, wants to help me with research and fact gathering, for recognition or anonymously), please drop me an email. I think it would make for a great series, and might even kick start the blog back into action.

Anyway, onto the point of this post. A few days ago I was searching around my computer for something that I can't remember right now, and I found a bunch of text files with various chats and things dating back to 2007. Looking through them, a few had the famous "nice bluff" line, first introduced here: http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/tilt-donk-chapter-48.html. I believe my plan was to keep gathering various poker chats and do another random donk chat post, but at the time I was heavy into the Uber Troll (found here: http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/worst-music-ever-uber-troll-part-1.html), and then shortly after started the series of PLO videos (that link contains a main link with the videos archived). After all that I just forgot about the text files and seriously just found them recently. So all that said, here we go, for the 2007 throwback edition of Random Donk Chat!

It all starts on Bodog, which was my home for many years and I'm happy to say I've started playing again. It's like 2005 all over again, and like I never left. So apparently based on my notes, this guy bet $50 into an $8 pot, and I must have been having a bad day:

XaQ Morphy: now what kind of stupid idiotic bet is that?
XaQ Morphy: are you really that stupid?
XaQ Morphy: *
jdog1974: well call
XaQ Morphy: why would I call that?
XaQ Morphy: I mean really
XaQ Morphy: that one I'll call though

My only guess is that he made another stupid bet with something incredibly retarded, and I called it and won.

jdog1974: good call
XaQ Morphy: thanks
jdog1974: well
XaQ Morphy: wtf
XaQ Morphy: jnesus
XaQ Morphy: you guys are fuckin *s
XaQ Morphy: what kinda idiot uses the raise any button?
XaQ Morphy: then bets $50 into an $8 pot?
XaQ Morphy: this fuckin hurts my head, I can't take it anymore

Ahh the good old Bodog swear filter bug. Unfortunately they've since fixed it. F%%uckin morons.

Just a little teaser to get us started. The next entry takes part during FullTilt's regular series of tourneys, the FTOPS. I don't remember much about the tourney, so we'll get right into the events:

Dealer: Pechorin wins the pot (100)
Dealer: Pechorin wins the pot (125)
Dealer: Pechorin has 15 seconds left to act

I leave the above lines in because there's a self-donk incident coming up. Stay tuned.

Dealer: XaQ Morphy wins the pot (150)
12thMan2 (Observer): yay
XaQ Morphy: heh
XaQ Morphy: Paul, check your email
12thMan2 (Observer): OK

So here is a friend of mine, obviously named Paul. I either emailed him earlier and wanted him to check it, or probably posted something retarded that happened at the table before he got there and had no other way to tell him without letting the table realize I was onto their donkishness. Our new friend "suckoutonu" apparently took offense to this, and started in on me.

suckoutonu: wtf can i get an email too please?
suckoutonu: i dont want to be left out
mnyhunter: lol
XaQ Morphy: no email for you!
suckoutonu: oh so your talking about me
suckoutonu: so mny your name is paul?
mnyhunter: no just thought it was funny
suckoutonu: paul echorin?
suckoutonu: yup that makes more sense

Ok so you have to understand that on FullTilt if you have the default config for chat, all the chat lines are intermingled with dealer status lines, tournament announcements, and other nonsense. I must have not been paying anywhere near as much attention to the table as I should have been, because his "paul echorin" comment made no sense at the time. Hopefully you've caught on by now who he was referring to, but at the time, I didn't. Meanwhile this guy goes from babbling about his hand, to...

suckoutonu: nice job
suckoutonu: my 2 outer was coming boy that q was gonna hit
mnyhunter: had aq
suckoutonu: 1 outer
suckoutonu: ok i did not have qq i had kk
suckoutonu: i still had 2 outs
suckoutonu: lol
suckoutonu: xaq and pechorin sitting in a tree
suckoutonu: they tought they were slick
mnyhunter: kissing
suckoutonu: but got busted by mr suckit

Uhh, right. While he's going off about who knows what, I had 44 and got all-in vs. KK on a 4QK all diamond flop. A pretty gross situation, sure, but not the easiest hand to get away from. Fortunately for me the board ran out Ad Td and we split both playing the board. If it weren't for luck in poker I'd lose every time, but this presents a unique opportunity for me.

Dealer: chapz805 shows [Kh Kc]
Dealer: XaQ Morphy shows [4h 4s]
suckoutonu: they are passing notes
Dealer: chapz805 shows a flush, Ace high
Dealer: XaQ Morphy shows a flush, Ace high
Dealer: chapz805 ties for the pot (6,310) with a flush, Ace high
Dealer: XaQ Morphy ties for the pot (6,310) with a flush, Ace high
suckoutonu: wow
PrimO-G (Observer): stupid
XaQ Morphy: nice bluff

Sometimes it's the simplest of comments that gets people riled up. "Nice bluff" works so well.

mnyhunter: pocket 5s and a diamond
emjohn2007: he had a set of K's...ur the one who should feel extremely lucky to still be at the table murphy
XaQ Morphy: who the hell is murphy?
emjohn2007: morphy...better
emjohn2007: ?
XaQ Morphy: much, thanks
emjohn2007: boy that would have sucked...from a double stack to out
tedders_nc: set lose to a set....no prob
suckoutonu: now morph its not just the p in echorin name that is giving it away you know
XaQ Morphy: suckout, wtf are you talking about?

So here's suckoutonu going on about this p echorin thing, which I still haven't picked up on, but what I'm really hoping for is for someone to really grab the bait.

tedders_nc: went down firing
tedders_nc: he had you set over set
XaQ Morphy: I had a flush
emjohn2007: ha
XaQ Morphy: do you guys even know how to play poker?
XaQ Morphy: come on

That should be enough. Now to watch the mayhem, of course helping out as much as I can. My good friend BTS invented a new religion called World Burners, where we set fire to things and sit back and watch them burn. But sometimes it's fun to join in by throwing gasoline covered pieces of dynamite to the fire instead...

tedders_nc: you both got the flush
XaQ Morphy: yes, that's why we split
tedders_nc: he had KKK you had 444
XaQ Morphy: no, I had a flush
tedders_nc: well hell we all had the same flush
XaQ Morphy: I had 4QKA10 all diamonds
XaQ Morphy: you folded, how did you have a flush?
tedders_nc: stfu
tedders_nc: idiot
XaQ Morphy: lol
XaQ Morphy: I can do this all night
suckoutonu: man cancel the break this table is heated
suckoutonu: continue play
XaQ Morphy: no
XaQ Morphy: another round of chase your tail please

So here I flat out tell them that I'm messing with them. They'll stop now, right?

emjohn2007: go for it...but the bottom line is...u hit runner runner flush cards to split it up

LOL nope, he's still going!

suckoutonu: morphy what did that email say to pechorin?

God this fucker is still on about the email and pechorin, I'm going to have to seriously multi-task here, stoking the fire AND telling an idiot I have no clue wtf he's talking about.

XaQ Morphy: ok listen, I don't know how long you kids have been playing poker, but in texas holdem, the best 5 card hand wins
emjohn2007: otherwise u were drawing to a 1 outer to win the whole pot
XaQ Morphy: and I had 4QKA10 all diamonds, which is a flush, and so did he
XaQ Morphy: suckout, I have no clue what you are talking about
XaQ Morphy: I emailed Paul, who is a friend of mine who is railing me here
12thMan2 (Observer): ROFL. This is why we paid the admission
emjohn2007: u guys r butt buddies then?
XaQ Morphy: see? that's Paul
XaQ Morphy: lol
XaQ Morphy: why do you internet donks always pull out the gay card when trying to insult someone?
emjohn2007: u said railing u
XaQ Morphy: yes, watching me from the rail
XaQ Morphy: like, as in, where you'll be pretty soon
XaQ Morphy: unless you can get your stack in with another gutshot draw
emjohn2007: oh...hmmm....just sayin..that can be perceived various ways
emjohn2007: i was double gutted by the way...if you wanna comment atleast be right
emjohn2007: smart guy
emjohn2007: oh guess u had to look back and unfortunately u found that i was right
XaQ Morphy: no, went and got another drink
XaQ Morphy: you're probably wrong though
emjohn2007: doesnt matter much anyhow cuz im prob gonna be gone in about 5 mins
cl12pak (Observer): Guys, I've seen XaQ play many hands. I've never seen him lose a hand where all 5 cards on board are the same and nobody else has that suit. He's undefeated. So, beware, be very bewarish.

I have no clue who the hell cl12pak is. He was chatting on the rail before this thing started (or railing, as it's commonly known, unless you're a homophobic retard that is).

XaQ Morphy: you make a good point
XaQ Morphy: whenever I have the best hand, I win the pot
emjohn2007: thats typical of me
XaQ Morphy: I normally don't give away my secrets, but that's one of them
Dealer: Pechorin has 15 seconds left to act

I just left this last line in there to show that this Pechorin guy is still at the table, and I'm still completely oblivious to it.

12thMan2 (Observer): Morphy, forget that "best hand " stuff. Too much Omaha
XaQ Morphy: Omaha? never been there
XaQ Morphy: was in Davenport, Iowa once tho, boring town
cl12pak (Observer): nh
12thMan2 (Observer): Mormonic
XaQ Morphy: hahaha
XaQ Morphy: umm
XaQ Morphy: suckout?
XaQ Morphy: I owe you an apology
XaQ Morphy: there's a guy on the table named Pechorin
XaQ Morphy: and I had no clue wtf you were talking about before
tedders_nc: yki
Pechorin: ?
tedders_nc: ghost in the backyard cheese
XaQ Morphy: I wouldn't ask, only bad news lives down the hole those answers are in

LOL so there we have it. This suckoutonu idiot was talking about p echorin and pechorin for what must have been 15 minutes, and it wasn't until I said it that the guy chimes in with the old "?" which translated from Donk into English means "huh? what are you talking about? wait, where am I?" Unfortunately they didn't take the bluff comment any further, so there's really nothing left after this point. I'd like to say that every one of my online chats ends with something epic, but well, they don't.

Ok well, this next one just might be what you were looking for. It starts out innocently enough. I was playing shorthanded pot limit holdem with a few idiots, raised with some crap, flopped top pair and shoved over the inevitable check raise. Well, this guy had a set, I went runner runner for a straight and won a $200 pot. Oops. Time for operation "nice bluff".

IneedGASmoney: fkin fish
XaQ Morphy: I knew you were bluffing
IneedGASmoney: i had a set
IneedGASmoney: idiot
XaQ Morphy: I had a straight
XaQ Morphy: get a "what beats what" chart
IneedGASmoney: iver
IneedGASmoney: u called wit a pair dominated to my set
XaQ Morphy: hey, you gonna reload?
XaQ Morphy: cause I can pick off ur bluffs a mile away
IneedGASmoney: are u stupid?
IneedGASmoney: when u called i had u crushed
XaQ Morphy: didn't the pot go my way?
IneedGASmoney: cuz u went runner runner idiiot
IneedGASmoney: not cuz i was bluffin
XaQ Morphy: it's ok, we all get caught bluffing from time to time
IneedGASmoney: cuz u needed perfect perfect to win
IneedGASmoney: is that bluffin
IneedGASmoney: no
XaQ Morphy: woah
IneedGASmoney: thast u bein completely dominatted in need of runenrs
XaQ Morphy: I appreciate the compliment, but I'm far from perfect

I crack myself up.

IneedGASmoney: perfect perfect meanns u had to hit running cards
IneedGASmoney: man u dont kno anything abt this game do u?
XaQ Morphy: english only please
IneedGASmoney: other than ohh top pair i call
XaQ Morphy: I didn't call
XaQ Morphy: I raised
IneedGASmoney: dominated
IneedGASmoney: lol
IneedGASmoney: u got so lucky
IneedGASmoney: dont try to justify ur call or raise as a good play
IneedGASmoney: u got ur money in really bad
IneedGASmoney: and u ran really good
XaQ Morphy: I picked off your bluff
XaQ Morphy: and now you're angry
IneedGASmoney: ok
IneedGASmoney: just tell me how it was a bluff
XaQ Morphy: I'm glad you understand now
IneedGASmoney: i had u beat the whole way until the river
IneedGASmoney: imma take all ur money
XaQ Morphy: if you had me beat, wouldn't the pot go your way?
IneedGASmoney: no cuz the river came
XaQ Morphy: it's a 7 card game, afterall
XaQ Morphy: oh
IneedGASmoney: damn irs like im talkin to a wall
IneedGASmoney: fkin idiot
XaQ Morphy: you didn't play your "don't deal the river card" chip?
IneedGASmoney: so ur sayin u picked me off bluffin with a set with top pair or are u sayin that u knew u were gonna river me and u called dominated?

LOL, some people never learn. I could have kept this going this all day. Or at least until I got hungry. So like 5 minutes or so.

Just then I had a great hand come up. Some jackass open limps the button, I check the big blind with the mighty A2, and the flop comes up A25 all clubs. The small blind checks, I bet the pot, button folds, SB calls. Turn is an offsuit 3, small blind checks and I check behind figuring I can't get much value out of a bet. River is a really funny (to me anyway) 2, and now the small blind (poin is his name) fires out a 2/3 pot bet. I figure he has a number of hands that can withstand a raise, most likely some crappy 2 pair that rivered a weaker full house, or maybe a completely retardedly played flush, or a 4 for a straight. I raise it up a bit over 3x his bet, and he re-raises again. Well I'm not folding and if he has one of the few hands that beats me good for him, so I put him all in and stack him for a $250 pot. He had K3 of clubs. Sick slowplay there, sparky. The chat that follows is great.

XaQ Morphy: see?
XaQ Morphy: he was bluffing too
IneedGASmoney: ur such a river !%&#$
IneedGASmoney: he flopped the fl
XaQ Morphy: not my fault he didn't bet his hand
IneedGASmoney: u river the boat
IneedGASmoney: lol
IneedGASmoney: that is true
XaQ Morphy: I mean really
IneedGASmoney: u didnt play the hand bad
IneedGASmoney: he should have bet more
IneedGASmoney: but still
IneedGASmoney: u got lucky river
IneedGASmoney: again
XaQ Morphy: he didn't bet anything
poin: i'm glad you two are friends now. it's cute.

LOL, this is hilarious. Sorry that you lost your stack dude, but this comment is awesome.

XaQ Morphy: lol
XaQ Morphy: he's finally accepted that I picked off his bluff
IneedGASmoney: with top pair
XaQ Morphy: no I had a full house
XaQ Morphy: don't you pay attention?
poin: i'm glad that my bluffing can bring peace and friendship to this table.
IneedGASmoney: u had a str8
IneedGASmoney: dont u pay attention?
XaQ Morphy: no
XaQ Morphy: too busy taking ur money
IneedGASmoney: as long as u dont p.ussy out and stay there u wont have it for long
poin: i'm just trying to dig out of the donkey hole i dug myself into against XaQ. i'm coming for you, XaQ!!!

I normally never leave a table as good as this, but I decided this would be the perfect time to get up and leave but stay at the table to see what they would say.

Dealer: XaQ Morphy has 5 seconds left to act
Dealer: XaQ Morphy has timed out
IneedGASmoney: aww he left
poin: whoa .. scared him.
IneedGASmoney: there goes easy money
XaQ Morphy: lol scared?
XaQ Morphy: I owned you guys left and right
IneedGASmoney: u rivered us left and right
IneedGASmoney: which has nothing to do with skill
IneedGASmoney: its called luck
XaQ Morphy: now you're arguing semantics
IneedGASmoney: if ur so good stay
IneedGASmoney: keep ownin me
XaQ Morphy: a good poker player would try to learn from his mistakes, not argue with the guy that beat him soundly
IneedGASmoney: or hittin runner runner.....whatever u wanna call it
XaQ Morphy: oh, and I can't stay
XaQ Morphy: gas just dropped 2 cents
XaQ Morphy: gonna use ur stack to fill up the whole block
poin: you let me know when you see a good poker player in my seat, xaq.
poin: hasn't happened yet lol
XaQ Morphy: lol poin
XaQ Morphy: your problem was you played phil hellmuth's version of slow play until the guy catches up
IneedGASmoney: i didnt slow play
IneedGASmoney: ur an idiot
IneedGASmoney: we went all in on the flop
IneedGASmoney: not the river
XaQ Morphy: not you sparky
XaQ Morphy: talking to poin
XaQ Morphy: world might not revolve around you, ok?

And I left. Neighborhood all got free tanks of gas and held a party in my honor. This may look like a common hit and run, but uhh, well yeah it probably was. Fuck em.

Finally this last one has a bit of everything. It starts out with some hand that a player named artdogg8201 must have played in a way I thought was pretty stupid. There are bets in poker that basically can only be called by a hand that has the bettor crushed. Despite rumors to the fact that these bets are known as Morphy Bets, this is simply not true. Our friend artdonk here makes an Artdonk Bet and the player nikeboy717 busts his ass in a spot where he couldn't possibly have gotten a worse hand than his to call. It starts off innocently enough:

XaQ Morphy: nice bet
XaQ Morphy: lol
XaQ Morphy: that was a nice play
artdogg8201: wow
artdogg8201: i love retards on this site
XaQ Morphy: we love you too art
artdogg8201: thanks i guess
artdogg8201: i see it all the time
artdogg8201: someone catches a flush
artdogg8201: another catches a set
artdogg8201: and they boat up
artdogg8201: esp when im in the hand
artdogg8201: i have a flush i get boated on
artdogg8201: i have a set i get flushed
XaQ Morphy: my favorite is the guy who bets so much that the only hand that calls him has him beat
artdogg8201: thats the way it works
artdogg8201: i guess thats me

Heh, so artdonk admits as such. This guy was incredibly bad, so I needed to find a way to get him back on the table. I really wanted to bust him, but nikeboy was equally bad so I figure the money will come my way eventually. Usually saying "please reload" doesn't work, so I find that if you insinuate that they are broke they go out of their way to brag about how great they are at poker and how much money they have. Let's see if it works:

XaQ Morphy: you gonna reload art or is that the last of your money here?
artdogg8201: no i still got 500 more
XaQ Morphy: right
XaQ Morphy: wow
artdogg8201: morphy please bust this joker
XaQ Morphy: can't
XaQ Morphy: not this hand anyway
XaQ Morphy: top pair no good

My guess is that nikeboy shoved on me in a spot where I knew I wasn't good. Meanwhile Artdonk reloaded and is back in action. He wins a pot here:

XaQ Morphy: nice one art
artdogg8201: thanks
artdogg8201: a few more of them ill be happy

It may seem like I'm being overly nice and out of character here, but I'm really just trying to get this guy over confident so that I can bust him later.

artdogg8201: this guy is a joker anyways but i was really ognna be mad if dude rivered a flush on me
nikeboy717: lucky turn
artdogg8201: u say lucky turn but u are a piece of garbage
artdogg8201: horrible poker player
nikeboy717: art u are gay aren't u
nikeboy717: such a hot head
XaQ Morphy: hey art, you almost back up to even yet?

Here I'm just fishing for something. At this point I never figured I'd catch the spew that I did!

artdogg8201: ahahaha no way
XaQ Morphy: lol
artdogg8201: i mean yea
artdogg8201: im up from my deposit
artdogg8201: i was way up on my deposit
artdogg8201: i deposited 70 bucks last friday
artdogg8201: i was up to 830 yesterday
XaQ Morphy: nice
artdogg8201: now im down to a little over 600
artdogg8201: im tryin to get back up to where i was
XaQ Morphy: you should move up in levels, more money on the table, easier to win more that way
artdogg8201: i get unlucky and get all hot
artdogg8201: u know what im sayin
artdogg8201: and just keep throwin money in there
artdogg8201: and play pissed
artdogg8201: thats not the way to go man
artdogg8201: i just get stupid
artdogg8201: u kno what im sayin morph
XaQ Morphy: yeah but what you gonna do when you get bad beats? just sit there and take it? screw that

See here I'm trying to be overly nice and kind of hoping he'd move up in levels so I could follow him and he would play retarded AND scared. Those are the best. What I didn't realize is that he was going to open up bad beat anonymous on me.

artdogg8201: what u mean
artdogg8201: i know
artdogg8201: dude yesterday i think i had the worst one in a while
artdogg8201: it was nothin like floppin that set
artdogg8201: like this was horrible
artdogg8201: i only had like 30 bucks and had 10 9
artdogg8201: flop comes up 6 7 8
artdogg8201: i check it
artdogg8201: everyone else checks
artdogg8201: next card comes up is 6 again
artdogg8201: so im hopin someone catches the 6
artdogg8201: i got all in
artdogg8201: someone calls me
artdogg8201: he got 22
artdogg8201: after the turn
artdogg8201: next card comes up is the 2
XaQ Morphy: that's sick
artdogg8201: i mean he was tryin to bluff too
artdogg8201: i trapped him
artdogg8201: the other day i trapped iwth AA after the flop i got some dude to go all in iwth 99
artdogg8201: caught nothing the dude with 99
artdogg8201: he pushes all his chips in
artdogg8201: im like yes i see him turn his cards over
artdogg8201: river
artdogg8201: 9
artdogg8201: just horrible beats u know
XaQ Morphy: you musta pissed off someone at bodog
artdogg8201: i mean those beats are just crazy
artdogg8201: dudes catchin 2 outers
artdogg8201: on the river when they got a 5 percent chance of winnin
XaQ Morphy: yeah
artdogg8201: i wanted to call there so bad and didnt
artdogg8201: i had 5 6

Yikes. Is there a relief from this in sight? Ahh yes, another really bad reg shows up and they share in their sorrows. Great, cause you know, we love bad beat stories!

artdogg8201: luvboat hows it goin man
LuvBoat: hey
LuvBoat: rough
artdogg8201: really
artdogg8201: i feel that
LuvBoat: lost with quads yesterday
artdogg8201: to what?
LuvBoat: first time ever
LuvBoat: str8 flush
artdogg8201: wow
artdogg8201: horrible
LuvBoat: dude flpped it
artdogg8201: wow that is just crazy
LuvBoat: yeah, tell me about it
artdogg8201: how much on that hand?
artdogg8201: just like 100
artdogg8201: or what
LuvBoat: whole stack
LuvBoat: about 150
LuvBoat: he had more than me
artdogg8201: oh ok
artdogg8201: dude i was like you yesterday
artdogg8201: i kept losin and rebuyin
LuvBoat: losin with aa
artdogg8201: just gettin mad
artdogg8201: bout bad beats
artdogg8201: oh man that happens to me all the time
artdogg8201: u cant let it make ya mad
LuvBoat: nah, i just go to a bigger table
LuvBoat: win it back
artdogg8201: yep
artdogg8201: thats what i been doin
artdogg8201: hahaha
artdogg8201: what u go to 300 max>?
LuvBoat: 600
artdogg8201: wow u got balls
artdogg8201: i wont do that man
artdogg8201: thats alot of loot
LuvBoat: yeah
LuvBoat: the swings are sick
artdogg8201: i know
artdogg8201: i do that when im at the 300 max table
LuvBoat: i played on 2K table
LuvBoat: insane
artdogg8201: im sure
artdogg8201: u do this for a living?
XaQ Morphy: what did you buy in for?
LuvBoat: the max
artdogg8201: and what happened?
LuvBoat: won a lil
artdogg8201: like what a few hundred?
LuvBoat: u go in with a small stack u get bullied too easily
nikeboy717: huh
artdogg8201: oh yea def i know what u mean buddy
artdogg8201: how much is the min buy in?
XaQ Morphy: art is the king of getting bullied while being the short stack
LuvBoat: buy in??
artdogg8201: yea min buy in at the 2k table
artdogg8201: morph it works alot
artdogg8201: when u go in with a small stack u can win alot
LuvBoat: not sure about min
XaQ Morphy: min is 1k
artdogg8201: damn
LuvBoat: i always go in for the max
XaQ Morphy: most sites it's only 400
XaQ Morphy: but 1k here

God they are feeding off of each other. I'm trying a few things here and there, throwing in jabs when I can, but the bad beat lefts and rights keep coming. Time to take another approach. I don't know why, but I decided to act like I was some old dude. This can't possibly work, right?

artdogg8201: wow
artdogg8201: any of you play this as your job
artdogg8201: or u work too
XaQ Morphy: nah, I got retired back in 83
XaQ Morphy: buncha punk kids out east took me out of the game
artdogg8201: oh ok
XaQ Morphy: then after I got out, this internet thing was the new fad, so I took that up
artdogg8201: oh ok
artdogg8201: how old u morph
XaQ Morphy: old
artdogg8201: like 50 old
artdogg8201: 60 old
XaQ Morphy: somewhere in there
artdogg8201: damn
artdogg8201: how bout u luvboat
LuvBoat: 30
artdogg8201: u do this for a living?
artdogg8201: or u work too
LuvBoat: work too
artdogg8201: u say u buy in to the max table
artdogg8201: how much u usually cash out a week on here
artdogg8201: or dont u cash out
LuvBoat: not weekly
artdogg8201: like what monthly?
LuvBoat: 2-3 grand
artdogg8201: a month?
LuvBoat: on avg
artdogg8201: not bad man
LuvBoat: not enough to live my p-diffy lifedtyle
LuvBoat: j/k
artdogg8201: haha ill le tya have it
artdogg8201: i ot nothin
artdogg8201: just fishin
LuvBoat: nothing wrong w/a lil fishin
artdogg8201: i think if i bet i could have got ya off it
XaQ Morphy: back where i come from, a guy who fishes that much at a card table doesn't come
home in one piece
LuvBoat: hahha
artdogg8201: hahahaha
LuvBoat: ure safe here
artdogg8201: dude the people on this site are rediculous
artdogg8201: i mean i do it when i can do it cheap
artdogg8201: but some people push 100s of bucks in on their fishin adventure
artdogg8201: everytime i got trips someones fishin for the flush for 100s of bucks
artdogg8201: and its not even the nut flush
artdogg8201: not even a high one at all
artdogg8201: like with 3 6
artdogg8201: but when i do that i get screwed someone has a higher one

Dear lord, it's not working! Time to step up my game here.

XaQ Morphy: last time I lost to a higher flush I did 15 years
artdogg8201: 15 years of what
XaQ Morphy: .....
XaQ Morphy: of time, son
XaQ Morphy: time
artdogg8201: ok
XaQ Morphy: how old are you anyway, boy?
artdogg8201: 24
artdogg8201: why
XaQ Morphy: I got shorts older than you
artdogg8201: hahaha
artdogg8201: im young
artdogg8201: i just started playin like bout 3 years ago
artdogg8201: on here about 2
artdogg8201: i do ok
artdogg8201: its some extra income ontop of my job u know
artdogg8201: a few extra gs a year
XaQ Morphy: all I gots is this govt check
artdogg8201: nothin too big
artdogg8201: haha u make any on here morph?
XaQ Morphy: sometimes
nikeboy717: god damn
nikeboy717: nice river
artdogg8201: nice river
XaQ Morphy: nice turn
artdogg8201: he had ya way before the river
nikeboy717: yeah u turned me
nikeboy717: w/e turn river
artdogg8201: so how much u make morph alot
XaQ Morphy: back in my day, we called the flop the turn
artdogg8201: or just enough to live
XaQ Morphy: the turn 4th street
XaQ Morphy: and the river 5th street
XaQ Morphy: but we didn't play much holdem
XaQ Morphy: mostly 5 card stud
XaQ Morphy: well last year I made enough to buy a nice boat
artdogg8201: not too shabby
artdogg8201: like what 8 gs
artdogg8201: or alot more than that
XaQ Morphy: well I really wanted the 58 footer
XaQ Morphy: but had to settle on the 30 footer
artdogg8201: so that was a pretty penny
artdogg8201: more than 8 gs
artdogg8201: haha
XaQ Morphy: had to cut out one of the bedrooms
XaQ Morphy: but it's nice
artdogg8201: not too sahbby
artdogg8201: u think people come on here and lose their asses
artdogg8201: i mean alot of people all u see them do is lose
XaQ Morphy: almost lost my ass
artdogg8201: on here?
XaQ Morphy: no
XaQ Morphy: back in nam
artdogg8201: hahah i see
artdogg8201: that sucks man
XaQ Morphy: yeah I got my ass shot up and govt just gives me this check each month
artdogg8201: yep
XaQ Morphy: ok I gotta go soon
artdogg8201: me too
nikeboy717: 10-10
nikeboy717: nh
XaQ Morphy: thanks son
artdogg8201: haHAHA
nikeboy717: nice bluff
artdogg8201: he outplayed you
XaQ Morphy: I wasnt bluffin
artdogg8201: no bluffin
XaQ Morphy: had me what you boys call big slick

And that kids is how it's done. Any questions?

I have a bunch of smaller chats that I've gathered over the last 2 years or so. Next task is to put those together into 1-2 entries. In the meantime, if anyone is interested in helping out with the igotskillz donkumentary, please email me. It's going to be a huge undertaking and I could use all the help I can get. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy
xaqmorphy@gmail.com