Tilt-A-Donk, Chapter 48

Ok Ok, I said I would be working on the next part for the Uber Troll, but I ran into this situation today and felt it was amusing enough to post.

Anyone who knows me in real life or online knows that I have a great sense of humor. I'm always joking around, picking on people, and especially in online poker, where everyone takes things so seriously, I like to have as much fun as possible. It makes the horrible game that is poker somewhat bearable.

Today I was playing a small pot limit Omaha rebuy tournament on FullTilt. A little over an hour into it, I flopped the nut flush draw, turned a gutshot straight draw, and the action was checked to me. I bet, and some moron who was slow playing a set moved in on me for a little over my bet. I called, hit the flush on the river, and busted him. It was then time for the famous line:

XaQ Morphy: nice bluff

Now, a few people have taken this lightly and laughed it off, but most of these morons have a temper tantrum that makes my 3 year old seem mature. Of course once I get them going, I keep pushing buttons until they give up, or I get bored. Most of the times they just keep giving me rope to hang them with, as exhibited below:

Steam_Rollerr (Observer): ?
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): bluff?
XaQ Morphy: yes, I picked off your bluff
psshaw-psshaw: bluff he had u beat when all the money went in
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): what the hell are you talking about blkuff?
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): i had top set dumass
XaQ Morphy: I had a flush
XaQ Morphy: last time I checked, a flush beats a set does it not?
psshaw-psshaw: not when u put the money in the pot
XaQ Morphy: huh?
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): you caught your flush lucky @&$

Awesome. Not only do I have the guy I just busted freaking out, I have some moron at the table trying to set me straight as well. Let's see how far I can take this...

XaQ Morphy: I'm not sure how long you guys have been playing poker, but in omaha, the best 5 card hand wins
XaQ Morphy: I had a flush,he had a set, a flush beats a set
XaQ Morphy: you guys need one of those "how to play poker" sites? I can google for you
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): the money went in when all you had was a flush draw and a gut shot Jenny92: lol
XaQ Morphy: I don't see how that is relevant
Jenny92: was about the situation when you put your money in
XaQ Morphy: when the hand was over, I had a flush

Ok so they obviously don't realize I'm messing around, so I'm all ready to play another few rounds of chase my tail. But then the internet bragging comes into play:

Steam_Rollerr (Observer): look bud...today will be the first time in a week i havent come in 2nd or 1st in this tourney....and it takes a lucky hit to get me out

For the record, I looked him up on thepokerdb and yes, he's done quite well in this tourney and in others. Funny though, you'd think someone who does well in poker can control his emotions. Not this donk:

Steam_Rollerr (Observer): you were the one bluffing dumbass
XaQ Morphy: I don't think I've ever bluffed with a flush before
XaQ Morphy: but nice theory
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): you didnt have a flush when you bet
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): hence a bluff
XaQ Morphy: what does that matter?
XaQ Morphy: my bet was a trap
XaQ Morphy: I knew you would bluff at me, and I picked it off
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): it matters because you said nice bluff......
XaQ Morphy: yes
XaQ Morphy: you bluffed your set into my flush
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): you didnt have a !$#%ing flush dumbass
XaQ Morphy: then why did I win the hand, genius?
XaQ Morphy: did it say "XaQ Morphy doesn't have a flush" and then award the pot to me?
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): BECAUSE YOU CAUGHT YOUR SEMIBLUFF

Oooh, all caps now. FullTilt indeed! Let's keep pressing this shiny red button, shall we?

XaQ Morphy: what the hell are you talking about?
XaQ Morphy: I'm serious, I know some really good poker teachers, want me to hook you up?
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): WHEN YOU BET YOUR CHIPS YOU DID NOT HAVE A FLUSH
XaQ Morphy: why are you yelling?
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): CANT ARGUE THAT
psshaw-psshaw: murphy u r the one that doesnt know what you are tailking about you are a donkey, MORON
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): WHEN YOU BET YOUR CHIPS LIKE THAT....ITS CALLED A SEMIBLUFF
XaQ Morphy: wow, I mean wow
XaQ Morphy: I heard that there's a lot of idiots online, but I figured they would at least know how to read a what beats what chart
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND THAT YOU DID NOT HAVE A FLUSH WHEN YOU BET?
XaQ Morphy: why can't you understand that in omaha, like holdem, the best 5 card hand wins
Jenny92: and you are not being provocative now haha :)
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): I DO UNDERSTAND CHUMP....DIDNT I JUST GET DONE TELLING YOU I OWN THIS TOURNAMENT
XaQ Morphy: no! I'm never provocative, I'm trying to help these guys out since it's obvious they don't really know much about poker
XaQ Morphy: wait
XaQ Morphy: you own this tournament?
XaQ Morphy: isn't that against the rules for you to play it then?
snackmix: lol
Steam_Rollerr (Observer): 2 1ST 3 2NDS AND 2 3RDS THIS WEEK.....YEAH #$%$%%&

Ok, so at least two have figured it out, but this tilting donkatron keeps going. The energizer donk, keeps donking, and donking, and donking, and donking, and donking...

So I paste part of this to RGP's Diputsur, and he shows up on the rail, and I get some support from another guy at my table:

Diputsur (Observer): I just talked to support, they said a flush beats top set. sorry roller.
snackmix: what are you 12?
snackmix: get over it
Diputsur (Observer): XaQ is right. best 5 card hand. I tried to get you back into the tourney, but they said no.
snackmix: lol
Diputsur (Observer): oh, they also said: nice bluff.

I played in that tournament for another 60-70 minutes after this, and this donk kept showing up on the rail with some stupid comment, no doubt waiting for me to bust. I went out on a gamble, and sure enough he sat there making wisecracks, as if he "owned" me (or "pwned" the word of all cool kids who live in their parents' basements). Sorry loser, time to take out the garbage. Oh yeah, and...nice bluff.

This week: Uber Troll, part 2.

Yours Donkily,

Morphy