Confessions of a Rush Poker donk - 10/27/10

Greetings Manifestites! It's here, another installment of the good, the bad, the ugly, and then the hands I played, which don't even really qualify for the above. I'm working up another installment o of random donk chat, which is misc. chat from various tables and such online, so look for that sometime in the relatively near future. Until then, enjoy these!

wins:

+$39.50 - I raise UTG with 88 and just the SB calls. Flop is 4A7 all diamonds, he checks, I bet $3 and he calls. Turn is the 8h and he bets $4. This is exactly how a flopped flush would play it, so I raise to $20. I make this raise instead of putting him in hoping that a lesser hands thinks they still have fold equity when they shove. Or so they can shove with the damn near nuts, which he does with QdJd. A 4 hits the river and my full boat house busts his ass. That's what you get for slow playing your flopped flush! Or something.

+$46.25 - I raise from the button with AA and the SB calls. Flop is 8T8 and he leads for $4 into me. I don't see an 8 doing this, but all sorts of other crap trying to represent an 8 will do this, so I just call. Turn is a 2 putting 2 diamonds up, he bets $5, and now I don't know wtf so I raise to $15 and he calls. River 5 and he checks. Now I figure he has a T or like JJ-KK. I just shove the river and he calls with QT. QT? Really?

+$56.60 - UTG with the monster stack that is $7.85 gobbles, next guy raises to $5. I have JJ and don't love my spot, but figure wtf, I can call and flop a set and bust some idiot and a maggot. So that's what I do. I call, maggot puts his last $1.85 in and we both call. Flop is 2KJ and the guy who raised to $5 has KQo and check/shoves the flop when I bet. UTG had A8 cause you know, it was suited, and I bust two idiots.

+$50.15 - UTG+1 open limps, one of the strongest moves in poker. If you're a retard that is. I raise with AK and he calls. Flop is AK7, he check/calls $4. Turn 2 and he check/calls $11. River 4, no flush possible, and he check/calls the rest. With A7o. That's a mighty splendid hand you have there son. You can whine and cry about it being a cooler flop, but if you weren't a retard, then I wouldn't have your stack.

+$47.20 - Some idiot gobbles, I re-raise with JJ, and he comes over the top with another small re-raise to $9 I figure he has AA/KK/AK or something completely retarded at this point, and I'm ahead of the retarded part, so wtf, I call. Flop QJ5, he bets $10, which seems funny since he put $9 in preflop, but who cares, I just hope he doesn't have AK, cause he either folds, or calls with a gutshot and I can't fade that. I shove, he calls and has KK and I bust him.

+$59.45 - this hand is kind of a mirror image of the one above, different opponent tho. I raise with AA, button calls. Flop 8Q8, I bet $4 and he calls. Turn 9, I check, he bets $7, I raise to $27, he calls. WTF here. River 7 and I just shove. He calls me with QT. QT is the new KQ? WTF?

+$51.75 - some idiot raises, even bigger idiot named girl_moneymake (no that's not a typo) re-raises to $5.25 and I have QQ. I just call, and so does the first idiot. No clue why he's an idiot other than he is playing poker online, so we'll go with that. Flop is 33Q, first guy checks, girl_moneymake bets $9, I giggle a bit and call, idiot folds. Turn J putting 3 hearts up and this moron shoves into me with KK. Granted, it's a line I'd take, but since I won and she lost, she's an idiot and I'm not. Best thing, there's 3 hearts up and she doesn't have one. River bricks and I double.

+$48 - UTG raises, I re-raise with AK, someone behind me cold calls and original raiser folds. Flop 8K6 all hearts, I have none, so I bet $8 and get called. Turn 8, I can't see this guy calling me with an 8 behind, but he could have hearts here. I decide to take a somewhat risky (read: stupid) line and check/raise. I check, he shoves for $145, which has me covered of course. I call and he has KQo no hearts. Ah on the river and another KQo gets the stackeroo going.

+$47.25 - I finally figured out how to win with KK: shove right into AA and have the board run 4K239. Easy as that.

+$71.25 - Over the years I've seen the most ridiculous questions posted to various online forums and newsgroups. My favorites are the ones where the idiots flop quads or a royal flush or quads or some shit then ask how they could have gotten paid off. Well, this is your guide so pay attention. I raise with 66 and get 2 callers. Flop is 66T 2 spades, I check, next guy checks, next guy pots it, I call, rest fold. Turn A, I check again and the guy pots it again. I do the most annoying bet in poker and gobble, and he calls. There's no real hand he can have that he would bet/fold here unless it's pure air, and if it is, I doubt he calls a bet on the river or bets himself anyway, since I've called 2 pot bets. As I was saying, I gobble, he calls. River K, only 2 spades on board from the flop, so I shove and he beats me into the pot with A8s. LOL. Somewhere he's whining to his friends about a cold deck. So there's your guide, find a moron with a flush draw and have him hand you his stack. Easy.

+$41.50 - Cutoff open limps, I complete on the SB with KTc, BB checks. Flop is 7TT, I bet $1 and get gobbled. I just call and see what I can donk up on the turn. Turn is the Ac putting 2 clubs up, so I figure there's basically no way I can win at this point. I check, he bets $3, wtf, I raise to $12, he calls. I don't have a clue what's going on here but I imagine he's just a moron with a T who somehow can't get his stack in. River is a K and I just shove. Poor bastard has T5o. Oh well. Sucks to be him.

+$39.75 - Someone raises and gets so many callers that I actually physically cannot fold here on the BB. I try but I call instead. I happen to have 46c. That hand used to be known as The Arlo, but now is known as the AIG. For obvious reasons of course. Anyway, flop is 5c 2c 3d and I just sit back laughing wondering wtf I'm gonna lose to. I check, someone bets $4.50, I just raise to $12 hoping I can get someone else in, but I only get the original raiser who puts his last $15 in or whatever it was. He has JJ and is damn near drawing dead. FTP puts the 4s on the turn just to fuck with me, but the 7c hits the river and I do a little dance. Then I sell my AIG stock. Fuckin Arlo, what a maroon.

+$38.45 - EP raises, SB calls and I re-raise with QQ. EP folds and the SB calls. I have him marked down as a total fuckin nitwit, like, certified, card carrying, the whole thing. This fucker even has the "Hi my name is IDIOT" name tag on. Flop is 759, he checks, I just pot it cause he's a moron and will call with anything, but instead he shoves on me. I call and he shows the monster that is A8h (flop has 2 spades and a diamond on it). Turn 8, river Q and his note remains.

+$46 - I raise with 45 cause it's suited, the BB re-raises, and I call with position and a veritable monster. Flop is 236 2 clubs cause that's how I roll. He bets $6, I figure at this point the re-raising range is like AJ+ and pairs, with the occasional moron in there. Anything with clubs isn't folding, any pair isn't folding, and hell, half the morons with AK no clubs will get it in, so I raise to $20. This fucker shoves on me with JJ. FTP does its thing with the 6 on the turn but a 4 hits the river and I bust this one too.

+$59.40 - here's some runbad turned into play bad turned into get lucky as hell. I raise UTG with QQ and get re-raised. I figure QQ plays like AK in this spot so I just shovey shovey, right into AA. I turn a Q and win a nice pot.

losses:

-$59.30 - Someone raises and gets 2 callers, and I have AK in the SB. I hate re-raising here, getting called in position and spewing on the flop, so I figured I'd just call and see if I can spew my stack another way. Flop 65K, I check, preflop raiser bets, I call sure, wtf. Turn 8 putting 2 spades up, I check, guy bets $13 this time, and I can't see anything taking this line that isn't AK or better, so I shove into his 55.

-$45.55 - MP raises, I call on the SB with JJ. I'm probably 80/20 raising vs. calling, so this is the 20% I call. Flop is 29K rainbow, I check, he bets $3.50, so I call. Turn 2s, I check, he bets $5.50, I check gobble, he calls. River 9 and shove figuring I'm value betting at this point. Well I was, just not for me. He had AK. There's an old saying that you shouldn't go broke with only one pair, but since I can't fold it, I won't blame him much.

-$43.35 - 2 limpers, someone raises and gets called, so I call on the SB with 77, and somehow both limpers fold. Flop is T73 2 clubs and I check/call a pot sized bet which is $9.75, putting this guy squarely on an overpair at this point. Turn is a K which puts 3 clubs up. I check, he bets $10 which is really a weak ass bet, so I shove for a little over $20 more. He calls and barely has me covered with the monster that is JJ with a club. Fortunately for him another J hits the river. Bah.

-$56.45 - I have no fucking clue what this is, but I see that I lost this much with AJo. I don't even want to look at the hand history cause there's simply no reason for that. I don't even play AJo, so my only guess is that my database is rigged.

-$49.50 - here's a fun hand, fun in that do a sommersault on a bed of nails kind of way. Some genius raises, I call with 88. Flop 85T 2 diamonds, he checks, and I'm feeling like letting him catch up so wtf, I check behind. Turn Q so the board is now 8d 5d Tc Qc. He bets $2.50, I raise to $8 and he shoves for $80 and has me covered. I call and he has the AcJc for A high and the magical fucking flush draw. River 2c and the flush draw is rewarded once again. Congrats dude.

-$47.15 - Some guy in MP open limps, SB completes and I make it $3 from the BB with JJ. Both call of course, and we head to the flop. Flop is 3JT 2 spades, I bet $6 and just the SB calls. Turn Ah, he checks, I bet $18, he calls. River 2h and he shoves and has me covered by a bit. A lot of hands take this line, missed spades, lower sets, 2 pair, something absurd, and in this case, the nuts takes this line, KQo no spades. Awesome.

-$50.75 - poker is a cruel beast. Someone raises, I re-raise with AK, they call. Flop is K76 2 diamonds, I have none so I bet $7 and the guy calls. Turn Ad and he leads into me. At this point I can just all out fold or put him in for his last $23. And lose to a flush. The 5 high flush of course.

-$48.50 - here's one of those "you know it's a bad day when" hands. I raise with 86 cause it's suited and I get re-raised from one of the blinds. I call in position. This can be argued as being bad, but I think there's enough data and proof that calling with these types of hands 100BB deep can be profitable enough. FLop is 7d Td 5h and I just sigh cause I know what's coming. I start counting outs and don't get past 9 or so when he pots it, I have plenty of ways to miss so I shove and he instacalls with fucking AKo. Turn J, river 7 and I have the mighty 8 high against A high, which is no good in today's poker. These fuckers.

-$20.30 - not a huge hand but more run bad. 2 limpers, I make it $3.50 with AA. One of the limpers with a monster $20 stack calls with QJo. Flop QT2 and we get it in. I get kicked in the nuts twice with the J on the turn and the Q on the river. Wonderful.

-$7.70 - another maggot run bad whine. 1 limper and this maggot shoves with AQo. I call with AKo and watch in amusement as the board runs 98T7J. Awesome.

-$20.70 - maybe the last of my runbad whines. Maybe not. This one is funny to me cause I was done for the day several hours earlier but decided to sit down and grind a bit. First hand I get AA on the BB. Someone raises, I re-raise and he shoves his maggot stack with JJ. Board Q8TTJ and I just sit out and close it down at that point. I get the message FTP. You can stop fucking with me now. Please? Ok well I found some more runbad but I'll spare you. I lost like 8 stacks over the last 2 weeks with AA or KK vs. a flopped set. That shit is just standard cause I do that to my opponents enough. I'll spare you the details though, lol.

Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy

Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 10/17/10

Hello Manifestites! Not much to report, and no time to report it, so I'll just get to the hands. Enjoy!

wins:

+$51.20 - UTG raises to $1.50 and gets 2 callers. I not only have the almight AK, it's suited in hearts, so I mash the pot button and raise it up to $8.25. UTG folds, next guy calls, rest fold. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but it has to be retarded. Flop is Jh Qh 6s and he checks to me. I can barely control the mouse as my entire body goes into a BSOD influenced seizure. I pot it, he shoves on me, I call. Board runs out 6c 4s, and by some miracle I've beaten the monster that is 9cTc. Uhhh. What a way to start.

+$43.25 - UTG limps, cutoff raises to $2, I call on the BB with 88, and UTG folds. I'll never understand what these idiots are limp/folding with like that. Anyway, name of the game is flop a set, stack a donk, so that's what I'm focused on. Flop comes 3Q8 rainbow, I check raise the shit out of this idiot who calls. Turn 2, I just put him all-in and he calls drawing dead with KQo. These morons and their KQ, it never ceases to amuse me.

+$40.75 - As most poker players can tell you, sometimes you get a moment of true clarity where you just know what's going to happen. Here I had one of those. Some retard raises and I call with 44. I just know that he's probably eating cold hot dogs at this point. I don't know how I know, it's definitely not a math based read, but just a pure gut instinct. Flop comes out 954 and now I'm sure of it. He bets, I raise, he shoves on me, and I bust hot dog boy's QQ when the board blanks out. I now have a new note on him: "if he's eating hot dogs, flop a set and bust his ass."

+$51.75 - I raise with my good friend KK and get 2 callers. As I move the mouse over to close the window down I see the flop come up K76 rainbow. There's no flush draw, so I'm not sure what I'm gonna lose to, so when it checks to me I bet $3. Strangely enough I get check-raised to $10. I break a branch off and call. Turn 3 completing the rainbow and this guy bets $17. Sure seems like he's not folding so I put him all-in. He calls with 76 drawing dead, and even after all that I still win the hand. This poker thing is rigged I tell you.

+$42.25 - I raise with 99 and everyone north of the equator calls. Flop is T9T 2 diamonds and I figure this is where I bet and they fold so fast it's like the site just crashed. I bet $7 and to my surprise I get 1 caller. Turn Kc and now is the time to set the trap. I check, put my sunglasses on, my hat on, my hood up, and put both hands right up to my face. No one is getting through this force field. Not a chance. My opponent bets $14, I only have $33 left so fuck it, I shove, and he calls with the hand known as drawing dead, in this case it's AdJd. These morons and their flush draws, gotta love em. Or their money at least.

+$44 - This one had me laughing for a while. Folds to the SB who limps, I check with the powerhouse that is Q6o. Flop is Q5Q and I start wondering wtf kinda nonsense is gonna happen here. He bets 75c, which is so fucking retarded I can't even begin to describe it, so I won't. I choose the only line available to me. What I mean is that I can't call or fold for obvious reasons, I can't make a normal raise because it requires more than one click, so I choose the only line available, I gobble. He calls because that's what people do when they bet 75c in a 25c/50c game and get gobbled. Turn 6 and he checks. I go into full Hellmuth mode, refill the mouse trap with cheese and check behind. River 7 and he comes out betting $7.50. For those of you who are following this, preflop there's $2 in the pot, on the flop there's $3 more, so he just bet $7.50 into a $5 pot. At this point I seriously consider another gobble, but since I didn't gobble the turn there's no point. I just shove for $45 and he instacalls with 55. See previous statement about nonsense. Fuckin gobblers. Err, oh wait.

+$47.25 - Some moron named ScareyGirl open limps in MP, I check the BB with 76. Flop is T66 and I just lead out and pot it for $1.25. This genius raises to $3.25 and I know immediately that she has a big pair. Anyone named ScareyGirl who open limped and raised on that flop ain't folding, so I shoved for $75. She happily calls her stack off with AA putting no thought into it at all. I nail a full house boat on the turn with a 7, river T and I yell BOO as she hits the rail.

+$46.50 - guy named Double Fold raises to $2. I hit pot and make it $8.75 with AA, and he shoves with AKo. Board runs 43A5K and I email FullTilt asking them to change this guy's name to Double Up.

+$34.35 - Folds to me in the cutoff and I have 2 suited cards, so I raise, they happen to be 7d6d. SB re-raises to $4.25 which is an amount that just screams "HEY, BUST ME!", so I do. I call, flop is Ah 9d 5d, he bets $5, I just shove, and he calls it away with AQo. I win in the most amusing way possible, turn 6h, river 7c, and another AQ playing, rail hitting moron, uhhh, plays AQ and hits the rail.

+$56.50 - UTG+1 raises to 1.50, I re-raise with KK, someone behind cold calls, raiser calls. I see a flop of KT6 2 clubs, and wonder what kinda ridiculous flush draw is gonna bust me. Instead, the cold caller pots it into me with TT, I shove and bust him. My only guess is the other guy misclicked with his flush draw, cause flopping top set with KK shouldn't be that easy to win with.

+$52.15 - I raise UTG with JJ and get not one, not two, not three, not four, but five (5, FIVE) callers. Now there's some respect. Flop comes out KJ6 with 2 spades and one player checks to me. I honestly can't see any reasonable play here, so I just shove for $111. Next guy behind me calls his $46 away, the rest fold, and I bust this poor guy's 66.

+$40.20 - I raise with AA to $1.75 (pot button is your friend, or at least my friend), guy named ninjachicken re-raises to $6.50. A famous man named Matt Matros once said that you should be shoving AK into completely unreasonable situations to cover for the times you have AA. Well, this time I have AA, so I need to shove here in order to cover for the times I have AK. I do. He tanks. He requests time. I type in "just fold already" and at that exact second he calls with AKs. I somehow still beat him even after trash talking and after he flops a K. Jedi mind tricks, Morphy style.

+$37.05 - I raise to $1.75 with TT. 1 caller, SB re-raises to $4.25, which is about the most retarded re-raise size there is. We both call, and the 99T flop smacks me silly. We check around while I try to do that thing they do on cartoons when they get flattened by an anvil. I don't have an air pump, so I close my mouth, hold my nose, and blow as hard as I can. Try it, you'll like it. Turn As and now I think there's a good chance he has AA, but obv I'm never folding. He checks, I bet $6, 1 call, and he shoves for $25. I call, next guy folds, and this genius is drawing almost dead with AK. River 8 seals the deal. For some reason I can't hear out of my left ear now.

+$57.85 - Someone in EP raises, retard makes it $5 an I have QQ on the BB. I don't want to get too nuts here so I just call, and original raiser folds. Flop is T66. I check, he bets $7.50 which seems weak, but there's no real point in raising, so I just call. I mean, I guess I can raise, but his re-raising range is either 2 big cards or a pair. If he has TT I'm drawing to 2 outs, if he has 2 big cards he folds to a raise, if he has an overpair he shoves. I can't stand a re-raise, so I think calling is probably best. Turn Q and I giggle a bit. I check, he bets $10.75 and while there's a chance he has AA, I doubt it, so I do the old check/gobble figuring he'll shove AQ or KK/AA, but he calls. I can't think of wtf he would/should be calling with here. River A and he has $24.85 left so I just bet $25. He calls it off with AK. Awesome. Calls the check raise with a gutshot draw drawing completely dead.

losses:

-$45.35 - I raise UTG with QQ and get called by some guy in MP. Flop is 753 rainbow, I bet $3 and he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 spades up, I bet $5, he raises and I should probably fold so I shove instead. He has the awesomeness that is 78, and rivers another 8 for a tug boat. Err wait, a house boat. Sorry, I keep screwing up the terms.

-$35.70 - I haven't lost with AA in a while so let's see what I can do. Button open limps, one of the strongest moves in poker (if you're a retard), I raise from the SB with said aces, BB calls, button finds a fold somehow (second strongest move). Flop comes 78J rainbow, I just pot it and BB calls. Turn T which is a pretty ugly card, but he's kinda short so I just check raise right into his 99. Oops.

-$36.45 - 1 limper, I limp behind with 55, blinds are in. Flop is 8Q4 and it checks around. Turn 5 and I drool a little. 1 check, next guy bets $2, gets a call, I raise to $10, and first guy (who was the BB) shoves. The BB could have anything in this hand, and 2 raggy pair is all over his range. I can't fold here, and naturally he has 76. River K and I don't fill up, so all the wannabe announcers out there can say "big blind special" out loud and feel better about themselves. Go ahead. You know you want to do it.

-$30.80 - I raise with AA and the BB calls. Flop is 6K6 and he check raises me. I put him on some hands I can beat and shove. He doesn't have any of those hands and instead has 65. Who the hell calls raises with suited cards like that? Oh wait.

-$51.60 - I raise UTG with 88 and guy I have marked as a loose re-raiser makes it $3.50. Button calls, blinds fold, I call. Flop is 689 all diamonds. Raiser bets $4.50 and gets called. I'm in a tough spot here and don't know wtf to do. When in doubt, shove in drawing dead I always say, so that's what I do, right into 99.

-$35.50 - 1 limper, I raise with my good buddy KK and he calls. Flop is 289 2 clubs, I pot it, he calls. Turn is the Tc and he checks to me. Pot is $15ish, he has $30 something left, so I don't know what to do here. I can't always put them on the flush draw, and I can't just always give up when the flush card hits. That's what weak players do, and that's why they'll never be winning players. Of course, they are also results oriented, and in this hand they will say I should have checked the turn and folded to the river bet, cause the guy had Ac4c. Which, btw, is a fine open limping hand. It is suited afterall. I act surprised that KK lost to a flush draw, but only because it was the nut flush draw, and not the 8 high flush draw.

-$51.35 - Folds to me on the button adn I raise wtih AK. SB folds, BB re-raises. They re-raise with a lot here, so AK is well ahead of their re-raising range. This makes a shove profitable. Well, in most cases. But not here, when he calls with the monster that is AsJs. It never ceases to amaze me when I see this shit. WTF does he think I'm shoving with? Air? In a cash game? WTF? As I see the board come out, I now know what he was thinking. He was thinking he'd bust the fool with AK when the board runs out 5s Ac 2c Qs 8s and he has the nuts. AJ, the universal hand of the retard. If you just found yourself saying "but it was suited", then yes. Exactly.

-$40.90 - So I normally don't play this hand, but there's a reason. There's this elusive little maggot fucker named, appropriately, DieShorty. I've been playing this guy for 9 months and literally have only been in like 3 hands with him. I've been trying to bust him the entire time. The great whale of poker as it is. So, some moron maggot raises to $1.25 from the button, DieShorty calls on the SB and I call on the BB with KsJs. Like I said, I normally don't play this hand, and what I didn't even realize until after the hand is that DieShorty, who ALWAYS has $20 or less, somehow has $40.90 here. He must have missed his chance to rathole after doubling up before. So anyway, flop 8K2 and it checks to me, I bet 3, button who obv had nothing folds, Shorty raises to $7.50, and I'm blinded by baggging the big one, so I shove right into his 22. Sigh. Another one got away. I'll get you Shorty!

Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy

Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 10/2/10

Hello Manifestites! I hope all is well out in Donkeyville. Not much to report here, new month, same shit going on, more Rush Poker, playing some other stuff on The Site That Shall Not Be Named that I might include here from time to time. Nothing else to really say, so on with the hands!

Wins:

+$26.05 - 1 limper, SB checks, I decide to check the BB with 99 since only bad things can happen if I raise, and worse things could happen if the flop is all undercards, so I go with that. Flop is 9AJ 2 hearts. I bet $1.50 and some genius shoves for $28. I call and somehow his A8o doesn't win. Sorry dude, please try again.

+$66.30 - I raise with QQ from the button, SB folds, BB re-raises. I 4 bet to $15.25 (just hit pot and go) figuring he's on a fairly wide range, and he calls. Flop is 9AQ which is awesome. He bets $14 into me, I just shove and he calls drawing near dead with AK.

+$31 - I raise with AK and get 1 caller. Flop is AQJ 2 diamonds, I have none. I bet $2.50, which is in my standard cbet range, he raises to $6.50, I can't really beat anything so I call. Turn is the Tc and I laugh a bit wondering wtf I'm gonna run into now. I check, he bets $5, I raise to $25 figuring he'll just shove, but to my surprise he calls. The river is the 3d, which completes the flush draw and is kind of an ugly card, but I'm not folding at this point. I figure if he has 2 pair he's checking behind, a set might check behind, and if he's on something like 99 or something retarded like that he never bets, so I just put him all-in, but he folded on the river. I have no clue wtf he could have had to take this line, so I'm just gonna go with the standard read that he's a retard.

+$65.35 - I would swear that I lose every time I'm dealt KK, but my database says otherwise, and since there's a 100% chance that my database is smarter than I am, I'm gonna go with that. In this hand cutoff raises to $1.50, button calls, SB raises to $4, and fuck it, I just shove for $65 something. SB calls with AsKs, board runs 7T863 without a single spade and FTP builds a statue in my honor.

+$81.70 - if this hand isn't proof that I've conquered NLHE, I don't know what is. I get QQ all-in preflop against AA and KK and bust both of them with a board of 674Q5. FTP designs an avatar in my honor. It looks very similar to their donkey avatar. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

+$43.05 - I raise with JJ and get one caller. Flop is 9T7, I bet $3, he raises to $8.50, I can't beat much so I call. Turn J and I check while getting my shovel and some twigs. He checks behind. River T, so fuck it, I overshove and he calls with QQ. I bet he was getting his shovel too. To bury himself with. Or something.

+$36.35 - UTG+1 raises to $1.75, I call with 77, genius re-gobbles to $3, the first raiser finds a fold somehow, I call. Flop 967 rainbow, I check raise his $4 bet, he shoves on me with the mighty AK high drawing dead. Nice play there, sparksalot.

+$31.30 - Same preflop raiser from above raises, a different moron gobbles, I call with TT on the SB, BB folds, but this time the preflop raiser finds it in his heart to call getting 35.23467834:1. Good man. Flop is TK7, I check, pf raiser checks, gobbler bets $4, I call, pf raiser folds. Turn 3, I check, pf raiser shoves on me with the mighty JJ. Gobble is as gobble does.

Hands for the victoriously challenged:

-$45.15 - 2 limpers, and some fuckin genius gobbles on the button. I'm in the BB and have 2 cards so I can't fold. The 2 cards happen to be Qc8c, but that doesn't even matter. The limpers call as well, surprise surprise. Flop is 2c Ac 5c. Checks to the button who bets fuckin $1. I raise to $5, someone else calls and the button calls. Turn Th. I bet $15, other caller calls, button folds. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but I'm never folding. River is the As and I figure if he had something like AxJc he'll never fold now, so I shove. Yeah, fucker has KcTc. Cold decks suck. Gobblers suck. Q8 sucks. Clubs suck. Except for Canadian Club. I've recently joined that club and I'm liking it so far. Maybe it will help with some of these hands.

-$36.80 - 3 limpers, I call on the SB with J7, BB checks. Flop is J25 2 clubs, checks to last player to act who bets $2, so I call and peel a turn. Turn Js and now I'm in trouble. I check, he bets $8, I hate it but I call. River As, I check again, he moves in, I somehow only started the hand with $36.80 so by some odd coincidence that's what I give his 55. I normally don't even call the flop bets with these top pair no kicker hands, since the only reason I call preflop is for the odds I'm being given, but for some reason I got stupid here. Oops.

-$22.60 - KK + maggot = -$22.60. This time he called it off preflop with AQd. Board 23524, awesome.

-$48.50 - good old KK again. 2 limpers to my button so I just make it $4. BB damn near instacalls, others fold. WTF? Flop is 88Q 2 spades, which is perfect for KK, right? I mean other than the flush draw. That they always have. Always. Seriously. What flush draw could he have here? The old Ks9s. He bets into me, I shove, he calls me so fast it's like he has the Js, 4d already in his hand ready to deal, and sure enough, I sit there wondering wtf just happened.

-$36.45 - Someone raises to $1.75, I re-raise to $5.50 from the SB with QQ, he calls. Flop is 327 rainbow. I bet $12, he shoves and I snap his JJ off. That is, until the J nails the river.

-$31.70 - this one is fun. I raise to $1.75 with AK, genius behind me re-raises, folds back to me and I just shove for $47. He calls off his stack which happens to be uhh, $31 something with the old QJo. Board runs out 865J5 and the QJo trick works again.

-$40.75 - KK again. Are you seeing the pattern here? Fuck sake. I raise , 1 caller. Flop 92J and the fuck has JJ. Sigh.

That's it for now, but as expected, I have 2 weeks worth of hands to write up. I'm gonna do that now. No really, I am. So expect another blog entry in, well, you know. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy

xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com