Hello Manifestites! I hope all is well out in Donkeyville. Not much to report here, new month, same shit going on, more Rush Poker, playing some other stuff on The Site That Shall Not Be Named that I might include here from time to time. Nothing else to really say, so on with the hands!
Wins:
+$26.05 - 1 limper, SB checks, I decide to check the BB with 99 since only bad things can happen if I raise, and worse things could happen if the flop is all undercards, so I go with that. Flop is 9AJ 2 hearts. I bet $1.50 and some genius shoves for $28. I call and somehow his A8o doesn't win. Sorry dude, please try again.
+$66.30 - I raise with QQ from the button, SB folds, BB re-raises. I 4 bet to $15.25 (just hit pot and go) figuring he's on a fairly wide range, and he calls. Flop is 9AQ which is awesome. He bets $14 into me, I just shove and he calls drawing near dead with AK.
+$31 - I raise with AK and get 1 caller. Flop is AQJ 2 diamonds, I have none. I bet $2.50, which is in my standard cbet range, he raises to $6.50, I can't really beat anything so I call. Turn is the Tc and I laugh a bit wondering wtf I'm gonna run into now. I check, he bets $5, I raise to $25 figuring he'll just shove, but to my surprise he calls. The river is the 3d, which completes the flush draw and is kind of an ugly card, but I'm not folding at this point. I figure if he has 2 pair he's checking behind, a set might check behind, and if he's on something like 99 or something retarded like that he never bets, so I just put him all-in, but he folded on the river. I have no clue wtf he could have had to take this line, so I'm just gonna go with the standard read that he's a retard.
+$65.35 - I would swear that I lose every time I'm dealt KK, but my database says otherwise, and since there's a 100% chance that my database is smarter than I am, I'm gonna go with that. In this hand cutoff raises to $1.50, button calls, SB raises to $4, and fuck it, I just shove for $65 something. SB calls with AsKs, board runs 7T863 without a single spade and FTP builds a statue in my honor.
+$81.70 - if this hand isn't proof that I've conquered NLHE, I don't know what is. I get QQ all-in preflop against AA and KK and bust both of them with a board of 674Q5. FTP designs an avatar in my honor. It looks very similar to their donkey avatar. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
+$43.05 - I raise with JJ and get one caller. Flop is 9T7, I bet $3, he raises to $8.50, I can't beat much so I call. Turn J and I check while getting my shovel and some twigs. He checks behind. River T, so fuck it, I overshove and he calls with QQ. I bet he was getting his shovel too. To bury himself with. Or something.
+$36.35 - UTG+1 raises to $1.75, I call with 77, genius re-gobbles to $3, the first raiser finds a fold somehow, I call. Flop 967 rainbow, I check raise his $4 bet, he shoves on me with the mighty AK high drawing dead. Nice play there, sparksalot.
+$31.30 - Same preflop raiser from above raises, a different moron gobbles, I call with TT on the SB, BB folds, but this time the preflop raiser finds it in his heart to call getting 35.23467834:1. Good man. Flop is TK7, I check, pf raiser checks, gobbler bets $4, I call, pf raiser folds. Turn 3, I check, pf raiser shoves on me with the mighty JJ. Gobble is as gobble does.
Wins:
+$26.05 - 1 limper, SB checks, I decide to check the BB with 99 since only bad things can happen if I raise, and worse things could happen if the flop is all undercards, so I go with that. Flop is 9AJ 2 hearts. I bet $1.50 and some genius shoves for $28. I call and somehow his A8o doesn't win. Sorry dude, please try again.
+$66.30 - I raise with QQ from the button, SB folds, BB re-raises. I 4 bet to $15.25 (just hit pot and go) figuring he's on a fairly wide range, and he calls. Flop is 9AQ which is awesome. He bets $14 into me, I just shove and he calls drawing near dead with AK.
+$31 - I raise with AK and get 1 caller. Flop is AQJ 2 diamonds, I have none. I bet $2.50, which is in my standard cbet range, he raises to $6.50, I can't really beat anything so I call. Turn is the Tc and I laugh a bit wondering wtf I'm gonna run into now. I check, he bets $5, I raise to $25 figuring he'll just shove, but to my surprise he calls. The river is the 3d, which completes the flush draw and is kind of an ugly card, but I'm not folding at this point. I figure if he has 2 pair he's checking behind, a set might check behind, and if he's on something like 99 or something retarded like that he never bets, so I just put him all-in, but he folded on the river. I have no clue wtf he could have had to take this line, so I'm just gonna go with the standard read that he's a retard.
+$65.35 - I would swear that I lose every time I'm dealt KK, but my database says otherwise, and since there's a 100% chance that my database is smarter than I am, I'm gonna go with that. In this hand cutoff raises to $1.50, button calls, SB raises to $4, and fuck it, I just shove for $65 something. SB calls with AsKs, board runs 7T863 without a single spade and FTP builds a statue in my honor.
+$81.70 - if this hand isn't proof that I've conquered NLHE, I don't know what is. I get QQ all-in preflop against AA and KK and bust both of them with a board of 674Q5. FTP designs an avatar in my honor. It looks very similar to their donkey avatar. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.
+$43.05 - I raise with JJ and get one caller. Flop is 9T7, I bet $3, he raises to $8.50, I can't beat much so I call. Turn J and I check while getting my shovel and some twigs. He checks behind. River T, so fuck it, I overshove and he calls with QQ. I bet he was getting his shovel too. To bury himself with. Or something.
+$36.35 - UTG+1 raises to $1.75, I call with 77, genius re-gobbles to $3, the first raiser finds a fold somehow, I call. Flop 967 rainbow, I check raise his $4 bet, he shoves on me with the mighty AK high drawing dead. Nice play there, sparksalot.
+$31.30 - Same preflop raiser from above raises, a different moron gobbles, I call with TT on the SB, BB folds, but this time the preflop raiser finds it in his heart to call getting 35.23467834:1. Good man. Flop is TK7, I check, pf raiser checks, gobbler bets $4, I call, pf raiser folds. Turn 3, I check, pf raiser shoves on me with the mighty JJ. Gobble is as gobble does.
Hands for the victoriously challenged:
-$45.15 - 2 limpers, and some fuckin genius gobbles on the button. I'm in the BB and have 2 cards so I can't fold. The 2 cards happen to be Qc8c, but that doesn't even matter. The limpers call as well, surprise surprise. Flop is 2c Ac 5c. Checks to the button who bets fuckin $1. I raise to $5, someone else calls and the button calls. Turn Th. I bet $15, other caller calls, button folds. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but I'm never folding. River is the As and I figure if he had something like AxJc he'll never fold now, so I shove. Yeah, fucker has KcTc. Cold decks suck. Gobblers suck. Q8 sucks. Clubs suck. Except for Canadian Club. I've recently joined that club and I'm liking it so far. Maybe it will help with some of these hands.
-$36.80 - 3 limpers, I call on the SB with J7, BB checks. Flop is J25 2 clubs, checks to last player to act who bets $2, so I call and peel a turn. Turn Js and now I'm in trouble. I check, he bets $8, I hate it but I call. River As, I check again, he moves in, I somehow only started the hand with $36.80 so by some odd coincidence that's what I give his 55. I normally don't even call the flop bets with these top pair no kicker hands, since the only reason I call preflop is for the odds I'm being given, but for some reason I got stupid here. Oops.
-$22.60 - KK + maggot = -$22.60. This time he called it off preflop with AQd. Board 23524, awesome.
-$48.50 - good old KK again. 2 limpers to my button so I just make it $4. BB damn near instacalls, others fold. WTF? Flop is 88Q 2 spades, which is perfect for KK, right? I mean other than the flush draw. That they always have. Always. Seriously. What flush draw could he have here? The old Ks9s. He bets into me, I shove, he calls me so fast it's like he has the Js, 4d already in his hand ready to deal, and sure enough, I sit there wondering wtf just happened.
-$36.45 - Someone raises to $1.75, I re-raise to $5.50 from the SB with QQ, he calls. Flop is 327 rainbow. I bet $12, he shoves and I snap his JJ off. That is, until the J nails the river.
-$31.70 - this one is fun. I raise to $1.75 with AK, genius behind me re-raises, folds back to me and I just shove for $47. He calls off his stack which happens to be uhh, $31 something with the old QJo. Board runs out 865J5 and the QJo trick works again.
-$40.75 - KK again. Are you seeing the pattern here? Fuck sake. I raise , 1 caller. Flop 92J and the fuck has JJ. Sigh.
-$45.15 - 2 limpers, and some fuckin genius gobbles on the button. I'm in the BB and have 2 cards so I can't fold. The 2 cards happen to be Qc8c, but that doesn't even matter. The limpers call as well, surprise surprise. Flop is 2c Ac 5c. Checks to the button who bets fuckin $1. I raise to $5, someone else calls and the button calls. Turn Th. I bet $15, other caller calls, button folds. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but I'm never folding. River is the As and I figure if he had something like AxJc he'll never fold now, so I shove. Yeah, fucker has KcTc. Cold decks suck. Gobblers suck. Q8 sucks. Clubs suck. Except for Canadian Club. I've recently joined that club and I'm liking it so far. Maybe it will help with some of these hands.
-$36.80 - 3 limpers, I call on the SB with J7, BB checks. Flop is J25 2 clubs, checks to last player to act who bets $2, so I call and peel a turn. Turn Js and now I'm in trouble. I check, he bets $8, I hate it but I call. River As, I check again, he moves in, I somehow only started the hand with $36.80 so by some odd coincidence that's what I give his 55. I normally don't even call the flop bets with these top pair no kicker hands, since the only reason I call preflop is for the odds I'm being given, but for some reason I got stupid here. Oops.
-$22.60 - KK + maggot = -$22.60. This time he called it off preflop with AQd. Board 23524, awesome.
-$48.50 - good old KK again. 2 limpers to my button so I just make it $4. BB damn near instacalls, others fold. WTF? Flop is 88Q 2 spades, which is perfect for KK, right? I mean other than the flush draw. That they always have. Always. Seriously. What flush draw could he have here? The old Ks9s. He bets into me, I shove, he calls me so fast it's like he has the Js, 4d already in his hand ready to deal, and sure enough, I sit there wondering wtf just happened.
-$36.45 - Someone raises to $1.75, I re-raise to $5.50 from the SB with QQ, he calls. Flop is 327 rainbow. I bet $12, he shoves and I snap his JJ off. That is, until the J nails the river.
-$31.70 - this one is fun. I raise to $1.75 with AK, genius behind me re-raises, folds back to me and I just shove for $47. He calls off his stack which happens to be uhh, $31 something with the old QJo. Board runs out 865J5 and the QJo trick works again.
-$40.75 - KK again. Are you seeing the pattern here? Fuck sake. I raise , 1 caller. Flop 92J and the fuck has JJ. Sigh.
That's it for now, but as expected, I have 2 weeks worth of hands to write up. I'm gonna do that now. No really, I am. So expect another blog entry in, well, you know. Until next time!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com
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