wins:
+$39.50 - I raise UTG with 88 and just the SB calls. Flop is 4A7 all diamonds, he checks, I bet $3 and he calls. Turn is the 8h and he bets $4. This is exactly how a flopped flush would play it, so I raise to $20. I make this raise instead of putting him in hoping that a lesser hands thinks they still have fold equity when they shove. Or so they can shove with the damn near nuts, which he does with QdJd. A 4 hits the river and my full boat house busts his ass. That's what you get for slow playing your flopped flush! Or something.
+$46.25 - I raise from the button with AA and the SB calls. Flop is 8T8 and he leads for $4 into me. I don't see an 8 doing this, but all sorts of other crap trying to represent an 8 will do this, so I just call. Turn is a 2 putting 2 diamonds up, he bets $5, and now I don't know wtf so I raise to $15 and he calls. River 5 and he checks. Now I figure he has a T or like JJ-KK. I just shove the river and he calls with QT. QT? Really?
+$56.60 - UTG with the monster stack that is $7.85 gobbles, next guy raises to $5. I have JJ and don't love my spot, but figure wtf, I can call and flop a set and bust some idiot and a maggot. So that's what I do. I call, maggot puts his last $1.85 in and we both call. Flop is 2KJ and the guy who raised to $5 has KQo and check/shoves the flop when I bet. UTG had A8 cause you know, it was suited, and I bust two idiots.
+$50.15 - UTG+1 open limps, one of the strongest moves in poker. If you're a retard that is. I raise with AK and he calls. Flop is AK7, he check/calls $4. Turn 2 and he check/calls $11. River 4, no flush possible, and he check/calls the rest. With A7o. That's a mighty splendid hand you have there son. You can whine and cry about it being a cooler flop, but if you weren't a retard, then I wouldn't have your stack.
+$47.20 - Some idiot gobbles, I re-raise with JJ, and he comes over the top with another small re-raise to $9 I figure he has AA/KK/AK or something completely retarded at this point, and I'm ahead of the retarded part, so wtf, I call. Flop QJ5, he bets $10, which seems funny since he put $9 in preflop, but who cares, I just hope he doesn't have AK, cause he either folds, or calls with a gutshot and I can't fade that. I shove, he calls and has KK and I bust him.
+$59.45 - this hand is kind of a mirror image of the one above, different opponent tho. I raise with AA, button calls. Flop 8Q8, I bet $4 and he calls. Turn 9, I check, he bets $7, I raise to $27, he calls. WTF here. River 7 and I just shove. He calls me with QT. QT is the new KQ? WTF?
+$51.75 - some idiot raises, even bigger idiot named girl_moneymake (no that's not a typo) re-raises to $5.25 and I have QQ. I just call, and so does the first idiot. No clue why he's an idiot other than he is playing poker online, so we'll go with that. Flop is 33Q, first guy checks, girl_moneymake bets $9, I giggle a bit and call, idiot folds. Turn J putting 3 hearts up and this moron shoves into me with KK. Granted, it's a line I'd take, but since I won and she lost, she's an idiot and I'm not. Best thing, there's 3 hearts up and she doesn't have one. River bricks and I double.
+$48 - UTG raises, I re-raise with AK, someone behind me cold calls and original raiser folds. Flop 8K6 all hearts, I have none, so I bet $8 and get called. Turn 8, I can't see this guy calling me with an 8 behind, but he could have hearts here. I decide to take a somewhat risky (read: stupid) line and check/raise. I check, he shoves for $145, which has me covered of course. I call and he has KQo no hearts. Ah on the river and another KQo gets the stackeroo going.
+$47.25 - I finally figured out how to win with KK: shove right into AA and have the board run 4K239. Easy as that.
+$71.25 - Over the years I've seen the most ridiculous questions posted to various online forums and newsgroups. My favorites are the ones where the idiots flop quads or a royal flush or quads or some shit then ask how they could have gotten paid off. Well, this is your guide so pay attention. I raise with 66 and get 2 callers. Flop is 66T 2 spades, I check, next guy checks, next guy pots it, I call, rest fold. Turn A, I check again and the guy pots it again. I do the most annoying bet in poker and gobble, and he calls. There's no real hand he can have that he would bet/fold here unless it's pure air, and if it is, I doubt he calls a bet on the river or bets himself anyway, since I've called 2 pot bets. As I was saying, I gobble, he calls. River K, only 2 spades on board from the flop, so I shove and he beats me into the pot with A8s. LOL. Somewhere he's whining to his friends about a cold deck. So there's your guide, find a moron with a flush draw and have him hand you his stack. Easy.
+$41.50 - Cutoff open limps, I complete on the SB with KTc, BB checks. Flop is 7TT, I bet $1 and get gobbled. I just call and see what I can donk up on the turn. Turn is the Ac putting 2 clubs up, so I figure there's basically no way I can win at this point. I check, he bets $3, wtf, I raise to $12, he calls. I don't have a clue what's going on here but I imagine he's just a moron with a T who somehow can't get his stack in. River is a K and I just shove. Poor bastard has T5o. Oh well. Sucks to be him.
+$39.75 - Someone raises and gets so many callers that I actually physically cannot fold here on the BB. I try but I call instead. I happen to have 46c. That hand used to be known as The Arlo, but now is known as the AIG. For obvious reasons of course. Anyway, flop is 5c 2c 3d and I just sit back laughing wondering wtf I'm gonna lose to. I check, someone bets $4.50, I just raise to $12 hoping I can get someone else in, but I only get the original raiser who puts his last $15 in or whatever it was. He has JJ and is damn near drawing dead. FTP puts the 4s on the turn just to fuck with me, but the 7c hits the river and I do a little dance. Then I sell my AIG stock. Fuckin Arlo, what a maroon.
+$38.45 - EP raises, SB calls and I re-raise with QQ. EP folds and the SB calls. I have him marked down as a total fuckin nitwit, like, certified, card carrying, the whole thing. This fucker even has the "Hi my name is IDIOT" name tag on. Flop is 759, he checks, I just pot it cause he's a moron and will call with anything, but instead he shoves on me. I call and he shows the monster that is A8h (flop has 2 spades and a diamond on it). Turn 8, river Q and his note remains.
+$46 - I raise with 45 cause it's suited, the BB re-raises, and I call with position and a veritable monster. Flop is 236 2 clubs cause that's how I roll. He bets $6, I figure at this point the re-raising range is like AJ+ and pairs, with the occasional moron in there. Anything with clubs isn't folding, any pair isn't folding, and hell, half the morons with AK no clubs will get it in, so I raise to $20. This fucker shoves on me with JJ. FTP does its thing with the 6 on the turn but a 4 hits the river and I bust this one too.
+$59.40 - here's some runbad turned into play bad turned into get lucky as hell. I raise UTG with QQ and get re-raised. I figure QQ plays like AK in this spot so I just shovey shovey, right into AA. I turn a Q and win a nice pot.
losses:
-$59.30 - Someone raises and gets 2 callers, and I have AK in the SB. I hate re-raising here, getting called in position and spewing on the flop, so I figured I'd just call and see if I can spew my stack another way. Flop 65K, I check, preflop raiser bets, I call sure, wtf. Turn 8 putting 2 spades up, I check, guy bets $13 this time, and I can't see anything taking this line that isn't AK or better, so I shove into his 55.
-$45.55 - MP raises, I call on the SB with JJ. I'm probably 80/20 raising vs. calling, so this is the 20% I call. Flop is 29K rainbow, I check, he bets $3.50, so I call. Turn 2s, I check, he bets $5.50, I check gobble, he calls. River 9 and shove figuring I'm value betting at this point. Well I was, just not for me. He had AK. There's an old saying that you shouldn't go broke with only one pair, but since I can't fold it, I won't blame him much.
-$43.35 - 2 limpers, someone raises and gets called, so I call on the SB with 77, and somehow both limpers fold. Flop is T73 2 clubs and I check/call a pot sized bet which is $9.75, putting this guy squarely on an overpair at this point. Turn is a K which puts 3 clubs up. I check, he bets $10 which is really a weak ass bet, so I shove for a little over $20 more. He calls and barely has me covered with the monster that is JJ with a club. Fortunately for him another J hits the river. Bah.
-$56.45 - I have no fucking clue what this is, but I see that I lost this much with AJo. I don't even want to look at the hand history cause there's simply no reason for that. I don't even play AJo, so my only guess is that my database is rigged.
-$49.50 - here's a fun hand, fun in that do a sommersault on a bed of nails kind of way. Some genius raises, I call with 88. Flop 85T 2 diamonds, he checks, and I'm feeling like letting him catch up so wtf, I check behind. Turn Q so the board is now 8d 5d Tc Qc. He bets $2.50, I raise to $8 and he shoves for $80 and has me covered. I call and he has the AcJc for A high and the magical fucking flush draw. River 2c and the flush draw is rewarded once again. Congrats dude.
-$47.15 - Some guy in MP open limps, SB completes and I make it $3 from the BB with JJ. Both call of course, and we head to the flop. Flop is 3JT 2 spades, I bet $6 and just the SB calls. Turn Ah, he checks, I bet $18, he calls. River 2h and he shoves and has me covered by a bit. A lot of hands take this line, missed spades, lower sets, 2 pair, something absurd, and in this case, the nuts takes this line, KQo no spades. Awesome.
-$50.75 - poker is a cruel beast. Someone raises, I re-raise with AK, they call. Flop is K76 2 diamonds, I have none so I bet $7 and the guy calls. Turn Ad and he leads into me. At this point I can just all out fold or put him in for his last $23. And lose to a flush. The 5 high flush of course.
-$48.50 - here's one of those "you know it's a bad day when" hands. I raise with 86 cause it's suited and I get re-raised from one of the blinds. I call in position. This can be argued as being bad, but I think there's enough data and proof that calling with these types of hands 100BB deep can be profitable enough. FLop is 7d Td 5h and I just sigh cause I know what's coming. I start counting outs and don't get past 9 or so when he pots it, I have plenty of ways to miss so I shove and he instacalls with fucking AKo. Turn J, river 7 and I have the mighty 8 high against A high, which is no good in today's poker. These fuckers.
-$20.30 - not a huge hand but more run bad. 2 limpers, I make it $3.50 with AA. One of the limpers with a monster $20 stack calls with QJo. Flop QT2 and we get it in. I get kicked in the nuts twice with the J on the turn and the Q on the river. Wonderful.
-$7.70 - another maggot run bad whine. 1 limper and this maggot shoves with AQo. I call with AKo and watch in amusement as the board runs 98T7J. Awesome.
-$20.70 - maybe the last of my runbad whines. Maybe not. This one is funny to me cause I was done for the day several hours earlier but decided to sit down and grind a bit. First hand I get AA on the BB. Someone raises, I re-raise and he shoves his maggot stack with JJ. Board Q8TTJ and I just sit out and close it down at that point. I get the message FTP. You can stop fucking with me now. Please? Ok well I found some more runbad but I'll spare you. I lost like 8 stacks over the last 2 weeks with AA or KK vs. a flopped set. That shit is just standard cause I do that to my opponents enough. I'll spare you the details though, lol.
Until next time!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
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