wins:
+$51.20 - UTG raises to $1.50 and gets 2 callers. I not only have the almight AK, it's suited in hearts, so I mash the pot button and raise it up to $8.25. UTG folds, next guy calls, rest fold. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but it has to be retarded. Flop is Jh Qh 6s and he checks to me. I can barely control the mouse as my entire body goes into a BSOD influenced seizure. I pot it, he shoves on me, I call. Board runs out 6c 4s, and by some miracle I've beaten the monster that is 9cTc. Uhhh. What a way to start.
+$43.25 - UTG limps, cutoff raises to $2, I call on the BB with 88, and UTG folds. I'll never understand what these idiots are limp/folding with like that. Anyway, name of the game is flop a set, stack a donk, so that's what I'm focused on. Flop comes 3Q8 rainbow, I check raise the shit out of this idiot who calls. Turn 2, I just put him all-in and he calls drawing dead with KQo. These morons and their KQ, it never ceases to amuse me.
+$40.75 - As most poker players can tell you, sometimes you get a moment of true clarity where you just know what's going to happen. Here I had one of those. Some retard raises and I call with 44. I just know that he's probably eating cold hot dogs at this point. I don't know how I know, it's definitely not a math based read, but just a pure gut instinct. Flop comes out 954 and now I'm sure of it. He bets, I raise, he shoves on me, and I bust hot dog boy's QQ when the board blanks out. I now have a new note on him: "if he's eating hot dogs, flop a set and bust his ass."
+$51.75 - I raise with my good friend KK and get 2 callers. As I move the mouse over to close the window down I see the flop come up K76 rainbow. There's no flush draw, so I'm not sure what I'm gonna lose to, so when it checks to me I bet $3. Strangely enough I get check-raised to $10. I break a branch off and call. Turn 3 completing the rainbow and this guy bets $17. Sure seems like he's not folding so I put him all-in. He calls with 76 drawing dead, and even after all that I still win the hand. This poker thing is rigged I tell you.
+$42.25 - I raise with 99 and everyone north of the equator calls. Flop is T9T 2 diamonds and I figure this is where I bet and they fold so fast it's like the site just crashed. I bet $7 and to my surprise I get 1 caller. Turn Kc and now is the time to set the trap. I check, put my sunglasses on, my hat on, my hood up, and put both hands right up to my face. No one is getting through this force field. Not a chance. My opponent bets $14, I only have $33 left so fuck it, I shove, and he calls with the hand known as drawing dead, in this case it's AdJd. These morons and their flush draws, gotta love em. Or their money at least.
+$44 - This one had me laughing for a while. Folds to the SB who limps, I check with the powerhouse that is Q6o. Flop is Q5Q and I start wondering wtf kinda nonsense is gonna happen here. He bets 75c, which is so fucking retarded I can't even begin to describe it, so I won't. I choose the only line available to me. What I mean is that I can't call or fold for obvious reasons, I can't make a normal raise because it requires more than one click, so I choose the only line available, I gobble. He calls because that's what people do when they bet 75c in a 25c/50c game and get gobbled. Turn 6 and he checks. I go into full Hellmuth mode, refill the mouse trap with cheese and check behind. River 7 and he comes out betting $7.50. For those of you who are following this, preflop there's $2 in the pot, on the flop there's $3 more, so he just bet $7.50 into a $5 pot. At this point I seriously consider another gobble, but since I didn't gobble the turn there's no point. I just shove for $45 and he instacalls with 55. See previous statement about nonsense. Fuckin gobblers. Err, oh wait.
+$47.25 - Some moron named ScareyGirl open limps in MP, I check the BB with 76. Flop is T66 and I just lead out and pot it for $1.25. This genius raises to $3.25 and I know immediately that she has a big pair. Anyone named ScareyGirl who open limped and raised on that flop ain't folding, so I shoved for $75. She happily calls her stack off with AA putting no thought into it at all. I nail a full house boat on the turn with a 7, river T and I yell BOO as she hits the rail.
+$46.50 - guy named Double Fold raises to $2. I hit pot and make it $8.75 with AA, and he shoves with AKo. Board runs 43A5K and I email FullTilt asking them to change this guy's name to Double Up.
+$34.35 - Folds to me in the cutoff and I have 2 suited cards, so I raise, they happen to be 7d6d. SB re-raises to $4.25 which is an amount that just screams "HEY, BUST ME!", so I do. I call, flop is Ah 9d 5d, he bets $5, I just shove, and he calls it away with AQo. I win in the most amusing way possible, turn 6h, river 7c, and another AQ playing, rail hitting moron, uhhh, plays AQ and hits the rail.
+$56.50 - UTG+1 raises to 1.50, I re-raise with KK, someone behind cold calls, raiser calls. I see a flop of KT6 2 clubs, and wonder what kinda ridiculous flush draw is gonna bust me. Instead, the cold caller pots it into me with TT, I shove and bust him. My only guess is the other guy misclicked with his flush draw, cause flopping top set with KK shouldn't be that easy to win with.
+$52.15 - I raise UTG with JJ and get not one, not two, not three, not four, but five (5, FIVE) callers. Now there's some respect. Flop comes out KJ6 with 2 spades and one player checks to me. I honestly can't see any reasonable play here, so I just shove for $111. Next guy behind me calls his $46 away, the rest fold, and I bust this poor guy's 66.
+$40.20 - I raise with AA to $1.75 (pot button is your friend, or at least my friend), guy named ninjachicken re-raises to $6.50. A famous man named Matt Matros once said that you should be shoving AK into completely unreasonable situations to cover for the times you have AA. Well, this time I have AA, so I need to shove here in order to cover for the times I have AK. I do. He tanks. He requests time. I type in "just fold already" and at that exact second he calls with AKs. I somehow still beat him even after trash talking and after he flops a K. Jedi mind tricks, Morphy style.
+$37.05 - I raise to $1.75 with TT. 1 caller, SB re-raises to $4.25, which is about the most retarded re-raise size there is. We both call, and the 99T flop smacks me silly. We check around while I try to do that thing they do on cartoons when they get flattened by an anvil. I don't have an air pump, so I close my mouth, hold my nose, and blow as hard as I can. Try it, you'll like it. Turn As and now I think there's a good chance he has AA, but obv I'm never folding. He checks, I bet $6, 1 call, and he shoves for $25. I call, next guy folds, and this genius is drawing almost dead with AK. River 8 seals the deal. For some reason I can't hear out of my left ear now.
+$57.85 - Someone in EP raises, retard makes it $5 an I have QQ on the BB. I don't want to get too nuts here so I just call, and original raiser folds. Flop is T66. I check, he bets $7.50 which seems weak, but there's no real point in raising, so I just call. I mean, I guess I can raise, but his re-raising range is either 2 big cards or a pair. If he has TT I'm drawing to 2 outs, if he has 2 big cards he folds to a raise, if he has an overpair he shoves. I can't stand a re-raise, so I think calling is probably best. Turn Q and I giggle a bit. I check, he bets $10.75 and while there's a chance he has AA, I doubt it, so I do the old check/gobble figuring he'll shove AQ or KK/AA, but he calls. I can't think of wtf he would/should be calling with here. River A and he has $24.85 left so I just bet $25. He calls it off with AK. Awesome. Calls the check raise with a gutshot draw drawing completely dead.
losses:
-$45.35 - I raise UTG with QQ and get called by some guy in MP. Flop is 753 rainbow, I bet $3 and he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 spades up, I bet $5, he raises and I should probably fold so I shove instead. He has the awesomeness that is 78, and rivers another 8 for a tug boat. Err wait, a house boat. Sorry, I keep screwing up the terms.
-$35.70 - I haven't lost with AA in a while so let's see what I can do. Button open limps, one of the strongest moves in poker (if you're a retard), I raise from the SB with said aces, BB calls, button finds a fold somehow (second strongest move). Flop comes 78J rainbow, I just pot it and BB calls. Turn T which is a pretty ugly card, but he's kinda short so I just check raise right into his 99. Oops.
-$36.45 - 1 limper, I limp behind with 55, blinds are in. Flop is 8Q4 and it checks around. Turn 5 and I drool a little. 1 check, next guy bets $2, gets a call, I raise to $10, and first guy (who was the BB) shoves. The BB could have anything in this hand, and 2 raggy pair is all over his range. I can't fold here, and naturally he has 76. River K and I don't fill up, so all the wannabe announcers out there can say "big blind special" out loud and feel better about themselves. Go ahead. You know you want to do it.
-$30.80 - I raise with AA and the BB calls. Flop is 6K6 and he check raises me. I put him on some hands I can beat and shove. He doesn't have any of those hands and instead has 65. Who the hell calls raises with suited cards like that? Oh wait.
-$51.60 - I raise UTG with 88 and guy I have marked as a loose re-raiser makes it $3.50. Button calls, blinds fold, I call. Flop is 689 all diamonds. Raiser bets $4.50 and gets called. I'm in a tough spot here and don't know wtf to do. When in doubt, shove in drawing dead I always say, so that's what I do, right into 99.
-$35.50 - 1 limper, I raise with my good buddy KK and he calls. Flop is 289 2 clubs, I pot it, he calls. Turn is the Tc and he checks to me. Pot is $15ish, he has $30 something left, so I don't know what to do here. I can't always put them on the flush draw, and I can't just always give up when the flush card hits. That's what weak players do, and that's why they'll never be winning players. Of course, they are also results oriented, and in this hand they will say I should have checked the turn and folded to the river bet, cause the guy had Ac4c. Which, btw, is a fine open limping hand. It is suited afterall. I act surprised that KK lost to a flush draw, but only because it was the nut flush draw, and not the 8 high flush draw.
-$51.35 - Folds to me on the button adn I raise wtih AK. SB folds, BB re-raises. They re-raise with a lot here, so AK is well ahead of their re-raising range. This makes a shove profitable. Well, in most cases. But not here, when he calls with the monster that is AsJs. It never ceases to amaze me when I see this shit. WTF does he think I'm shoving with? Air? In a cash game? WTF? As I see the board come out, I now know what he was thinking. He was thinking he'd bust the fool with AK when the board runs out 5s Ac 2c Qs 8s and he has the nuts. AJ, the universal hand of the retard. If you just found yourself saying "but it was suited", then yes. Exactly.
-$40.90 - So I normally don't play this hand, but there's a reason. There's this elusive little maggot fucker named, appropriately, DieShorty. I've been playing this guy for 9 months and literally have only been in like 3 hands with him. I've been trying to bust him the entire time. The great whale of poker as it is. So, some moron maggot raises to $1.25 from the button, DieShorty calls on the SB and I call on the BB with KsJs. Like I said, I normally don't play this hand, and what I didn't even realize until after the hand is that DieShorty, who ALWAYS has $20 or less, somehow has $40.90 here. He must have missed his chance to rathole after doubling up before. So anyway, flop 8K2 and it checks to me, I bet 3, button who obv had nothing folds, Shorty raises to $7.50, and I'm blinded by baggging the big one, so I shove right into his 22. Sigh. Another one got away. I'll get you Shorty!
Until next time!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
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