tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-138585962024-03-12T18:32:15.069-05:00The Donkey ManifestoWelcome to The Donkey Manifesto. Let's face it, donkeys are everywhere. We can't get away from them, and they seep the life from us every day. This blog is dedicated to those special donkeys who go out of their way to prove their donkeyness.XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.comBlogger113125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-75897432327114037572020-10-08T13:16:00.002-05:002020-10-08T13:16:19.204-05:002020 sucks<p> SHUT UP IDIOT</p>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-35208842615644552552012-02-02T22:41:00.000-06:002012-02-02T22:41:21.748-06:00AT&T Donk-Verse, A Tale of Woe<div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hello Manifestites! You thought I forgot about you, didn’t you? I wouldn’t say I flat out forgot about you, it’s more like I purposely made you wait just so the next blog entry would be that much more enjoyable. Or something. In this episode we encounter what it’s like to have the biggest telecom company in the world try to fix what should be a routine issue. Hold on and enjoy the ride!</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I’ve been an AT&T U-Verse customer for a long time now. 5 years maybe? I honestly don’t remember and can’t be bothered to research it. Milwaukee was a pilot city for U-verse and overall I’ve been really happy with the TV and Internet service they provide. I’ve had a few minor issues, and only one that I’d consider a major one. Almost exactly one year ago there was a problem where the router/gateway/modem (known as gateway from this point forward) would fill up with errors and reboot itself, which cut off TV and Internet for a good 5 minutes. It took a few inside techs and a few outside techs about 2 weeks to fix that one, but after a good bit of outside work and replacing the gateway, the problem went away completely.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">This new problem started in early December, but because it wasn’t quite annoying enough and because I was sick for the entire month of December I didn’t bother calling it in for a while. The problem is an intermittent disconnection problem. Internet and TV drops for anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Just long enough to disconnect remote work session, online games for the kids, screws up DVR recordings, and hangs up phone calls since we have Vonage which is VOIP. And of course long enough to be really annoying.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Before I really get started I’ll write a bit about what I know about AT&T’s support. When you use their online chat you get a tier 1 person. If tier 1 is unable to solve the problem they can transfer you to tier 2. If you call on the phone you immediately get a tier 2 person, but you usually have to wait a good 10 minutes to talk to them. There’s typically no wait for a tier 1 chat person, and all of their names are foreign. Thing is, there’s no difference at all between what a tier 1 and tier 2 person can do. They can go through the typical reboot the router, reboot your computer troubleshooting, view the line status, and send out an inside tech (tech that comes to your house and deals with everything from the phone jack outside to the gateway inside). They can’t dispatch an outside tech. In fact, only an inside tech can dispatch an outside tech. It makes sense in the fact that they don’t want to send someone up a telephone pole when a gateway reboot could fix it, but it doesn’t make sense when something happens like my situation, which you’ll see in a bit. So as far as time goes, the online chat is the easiest and fastest way to get a technician dispatched.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Here’s where we begin. It’s sometime in early January. I used AT&T’s online chat and they created a ticket for me for an inside tech to come out to the house. I ask for a 8am-12pm time frame, he gets here about 11:45am on the appointment day. He says he can’t bring up all of a diagnostics on his fancy laptop, so he unplugs the gateway, plugs it back in and we wait for a few minutes. His eyes light up, says he can see the diagnostics now, and that this will “definitely fix the problem”. Uhh, you just rebooted the gateway you putz, you didn’t actually do anything. He leaves and says he’ll check things out back just to make sure they are ok. Uhh yeah sure. Great. Problem goes away for almost a full day.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">After a few days of dealing with it I get back on the online chat get another inside tech dispatched for the next week. This time I choose the time window of 12pm-4pm so they don’t screw up my lunch. At 3:35pm I get a call from AT&T that’s an automated message. The message starts saying something about my appointment, only the fucking connection goes down and the call drops so I have no clue what the hell it said. I wait a while since I was busy with something at work, then dig up the URL they gave to check the appointment status. The site says I need to call the 800 number. Well ffs. By now it’s 4:15pm. I get on the phone and by the time I get someone it’s 4:30pm. I tell her that I was supposed to have a 12-4 appointment but I got a call a while back and because it got disconnected I didn’t know what was going on. She says “ok well let me call the dispatch center and see if the technician is going to be late.” I tell her that they’re already 30 minutes late and she just giggles and puts me on hold. WTF? She comes back to say that they are running 1 to 2 hours late. Awesome. At 5:15pm I get a call and they say they’ll be here in 30-45 minutes because of traffic. They finally get here at 6:20pm.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">This guy seemed to be on top of things, and he had a trainee with him that seems more competent than most regular techs. They ran all sorts of tests, plugging devices into the gateway, running tests from their fancy AT&T branded iPads, etc. They confirmed that the gateway was fine, and the wiring from the gateway to outside of the house was fine. Of course since the problem is intermittent they didn’t see anything wrong. I showed them the logs on their own gateway that showed millions of errors, and they gave me the old tech bullshit that translates to “blah blah blah we don’t know what the fuck that means but we hope you don’t either”. They went outside to the interface box on the house and said that someone previously didn’t have enough slack on the cable so he put essentially a splicer on a piece of cat 5 cable. I don’t know how many times someone would have to be dropped on their head to think that was a valid solution to a problem, or when it was even done, but I just shook my head. He pulled more slack through, connected it the right way and said that might fix it. He did say that if the problem still happens that the inside wiring and gateway were all fine and the problem had to be on the outside, so I should call and have an outside tech come out if the problem happened again. I said wait a minute, I can’t call an outside tech, only you inside techs can. He said no, he didn’t have access to call an outside tech, and only the people on the phone could. By this time it was almost 7:30pm and I hadn’t eaten dinner yet so I just hoped the problem would go away and I let them go.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">This time the problem went away for 2 full days. I had several days away from home in a row so I wasn’t able to call in a new issue until the next week, so I got online chat on and this time scheduled an appointment for the 8am-12pm window. In fact, when the guy asked me what time I wanted I said “let’s choose 8am-12pm, that way when he’s 2 hours late he’ll really screw up my day.” I did ask for an outside tech but of course the person on the chat said the only people who could call outside techs were the inside techs, and that it was not possible for someone on the chat or phone support to dispatch an outside tech. Fantastic.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Appointment day comes around and at 11:55am I get a call from the tech who arrived 15 minutes later. He remembers me because he’s the guy who showed up last year to replace the gateway which fixed last year’s problem. He again verified that the inside wiring and everything was fine, and that the only thing he could do was replace the gateway. I asked about an outside tech and he said that that would be the next step, that if replacing the gateway didn’t do it that an outside tech is the next step. Ok cool, maybe this will do it.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Or not. The disconnects started up again the very next day. I dealt with it (read: ignored it) until the weekend when I couldn’t take it anymore, so I brought up the old online chat again. Sometime early on the guy gave me a URL to use in case we got disconnected. I didn’t bother copying it figuring the window would stay up if we did and I could just click it again. He took literally 5 minutes to pull up my account information. While I was waiting I clicked on a youtube link sent over by a friend of mine. I don’t remember what it was but it I’m sure it was either some dumb animal or a skateboarder taking a nut shot, cause that’s what makes up 99% of youtube. It promptly locked up Chrome and I had to kill the window, losing the URL. Awesome. I get back in and get a different guy. I didn’t put any information in the chat form except “same issue.” I did choose “intermittent issue” from the drop down of tech support choices, so he asked me if I was still having, and I quote “problem with intermittent issue.” I said yes and told him to read my previous notes. He then asks me if we can do some “remediary” troubleshooting, whatever the fuck that is. I ask him what he wants to do, and he says he wants to reboot the gateway. I type “did you read the case notes?!?!?!? The router was just replaced 4 days ago!” He immediately says “ok let me transfer you to tier 2 so they can help.” I wait for maybe 2 minutes and literally say out loud “fuck this”, closed the chat window down and picked up the phone.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I call up, have to verify to the automated voice system that my phone number they read off to me is indeed my phone number, then get put on hold for 10 minutes. I’m greeted by a fairly nice sounding individual who told me his name is either Kali, Khan, Molaram, or Bill. It was hard to tell. First question he asks me is what my phone number is. Sigh. Now here’s the real kicker. The guy reviews the case notes and just as I’m getting ready to flinch as he tells me he has to send out inside tech #4 he says “ok sir I’m putting in a case for an outside tech to come out. You won’t need to be home and he will hopefully find and fix the problem.” Wait, what? I ask him if he’s serious, and he says yes, then promptly puts me on hold, saying he wants to confer with a senior team member to make sure this is what he should do. Ok, that sounds about right. Sure enough he comes back and says that his team member agrees, an outside tech is the right thing to do now. Err, but uhh, I thought that only the, err, yeah fuck it, nevermind, send the fucker out! I give him my cell number to call when he’s done so I can verify he didn’t fuck everything up, and quickly get off the phone before Bill Molaram changed his mind and/or I woke up from my dream where he tries to rip my heart out but instead I throw him off the bridge and the crocs eat him. He did say that the tech’s time was between 8am-8pm but because I didn’t need to be home it didn’t really matter, and that he would definitely call me when he was done.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">So it’s the morning that the outside tech is supposed to arrive. Somewhere around 9am my phone rings once then stops, but doesn’t ring long enough to show a caller ID. No voicemail, no call back, nothing. I assume this was the AT&T guy cause I mean why else would that happen. Sure enough, a few minutes later the Internet connection goes out. It stays off for maybe 20 minutes, then on for 10, off for 20, on and off a few times for another 30, and then stays on. Things seemed ok for a few hours, and then sure enough, around 12:30pm it disconnects. I go online to the appointment status page that informs me that my order has been completed. Great! I must have ordered a double dose of fuckall. Looks like I also got a complimentary side of jack shit. Awesome.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Just so you know my mindset through all of this, by now I was starting to give in to the fact that I may have to just tell them to fuck off and switch everything over to Time Warner. Time Warner isn’t without their problems, and for comparable TV/Internet packages it’s going to be like $50/month more with TW. Not looking forward to that, not looking forward to having to clear off the DVR, problems with installation or any of that. I just don’t want to go through it because AT&T has been so good these last years.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Alright next step, call AT&T back again. Tell them that the outside tech didn’t fix it and that he had to come back. I told them that I was trying not to be angry, and that I wasn’t saying it as a threat, but that I was having to face the very real possibility that I would leave AT&T because of their inability to fix the problem. This chick on the phone then tells me all she can do is send out an inside tech, because the system doesn’t let the tier 2 people on the phone send outside techs out. I say wait a minute, the guy I talked to yesterday called an outside tech right away. She tells me that the system won’t let her. I say well the outside tech was here today, didn’t fix it, and he needs to come back out. She then gives away their secret loophole…if the outside tech closes his ticket, they can’t re-open it. That’s fuckin brilliant. There’s outside techs out there who likely don’t do a fucking thing all day long, write any old bullshit in the ticket closure, and then they can’t get called on it to fix it because of the way their system works. I wonder how many outside techs are getting paid to fuck off and not do anything. That’s amazing. I get her supervisor on who is almost as useful as the tier 1 chat techs who don’t know a fucking thing. Neither of these nitwits seem to understand that the outside tech was JUST FUCKING HERE, so sending another goddamn inside tech isn’t going to do any good. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I say ok, if you have to send out an inside tech he needs to be here today. This was like 2pm already, and they said ok, we have a 12-4 timeslot available, and then she actually took the time to explain to me that since it was after 12pm that the timeslot would really be from “now” until 4pm because it wasn't possible for him to show up between 12pm and 2pm. I was kinda hoping she would tell me that he could still show up at 12pm, in which case I’d kill the fucker, hide his body and steal his time machine. I went and posted a whine on Facebook about this saga and asked if we should have a pool on how many techs I can have out to my house. One guy wanted a pool to see what time he would show up. I liked that idea, but to my surprise tech #4 called at 3pm from out front of the house, and came in shortly after.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Inside tech #4 told me right away that he was going to make sure there I didn’t have to have tech #5 come out, and that he was a senior tech and he implied that he got pulled off of a job to come out and fix this issue. Not sure if that’s true, but at least someone is taking this somewhat seriously. He replaced some inside cables and got rid of some 5 year old punch down boxes and then ran what he called an intrusive test. He said it would put 120V through the line and that if there were problems with a dirty line or whatever that the test itself might fix it. As an aside, that was an old trick we used to use in the dial-up days. We would call up the phone company, tell them that we were experiencing line noise on a data connection, they’d run their test without really knowing what it was and half the time it ending up fixing the issue. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">He also said he found a problem on the outside line and he was going to call in an outside tech. He showed me the software they use to run their tests, and showed me two separate tests that showed a problem about 800ft. from the house. He got on the phone with whoever it was, and said “ok hopefully I can bully them into getting an outside tech in here”, and then sure enough he had to argue with the people on the phone to get an outside tech in, and then they denied him. What the fuck? So inside techs are the only ones who can call outside techs, unless some random fucker on the phone denies it? Even if they have a test that specifically shows a problem at a specific place? (800 ft in this case, remember this by the way) Or unless it’s Kali Bill. This fucking company is ridiculous. So he hangs up and tells me “this is where I call my boss and get them to override the guys on the phone so I can put in the ticket.” He then tells me that it’s good to be him cause all his bosses like him and he knows where they are at all times, and tells me that his boss is out buying a boat. Cause yeah, we do that a lot here in Wisconsin. In January. At least there actually seems to be someone in the company that can make things happen, unlike what everyone on the phone seems to tell me.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">During all this he asks me about the bass guitars I have hanging up on the wall in my basement office, and says he’s also a musician and plays “everything.” Oh boy, here we go. I already know what to expect. Usually when people say they play "everything", it means they know 4 notes on each instrument and are fair to mediocre on their best one. He has me to go his band’s myspace page and I listened to some of their music. It’s average at best and before it even starts he apologizes for the shitty recording quality. He was right. Unfortunately he didn't apologize for the song quality. First song sounded like a 2nd rate version of a Tom Petty ballad, if that's even possible. Then he has me play a song that he says they couldn't have it sound any more like a Kiss song if they tried. It sounded nothing like Kiss.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I then play him a few of the recordings from my current and previous bands including some live tracks, and I can tell right away he’s a bit intimidated. I don’t really brag about it, but I’m a very good musician, and I’ve played with very good musicians all my life. I try to be as humble as I can, just letting the music speak for itself and not bragging, and I’m pretty good at not letting my ego get in the way. Well, despite all that he decided to start the one-upping game, and it got more ridiculous as it went along. Oh, and don’t ask. I’m not going to give his band link away. Everything below aside, he was a cool guy and might have fixed the problem, so it’s certainly not a Paul (EYE) situation. (Those of you who don’t know what that means should search the blog).<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">He started by saying that he spent “the most” he’s ever spent on a guitar, $1200, then 2 days later got in a car accident which screwed up both of his wrists and he’s just now starting to be able to play guitar again after 6 months of not being able to play. Ok sure, I’ve been there. I couldn’t play bass for almost 2 years during my arm and neck surgeries of 2005-06. It sucked, so I feel for the guy, cause buying a new instrument and then not being able to play it would really suck. He then asks how much I spent on my main bass. It’s a really damn fine looking instrument, as can be seen <a href="http://www.xaqmorphy.com/bass/" target="_blank">here</a>. I tried to just brush it off by laughing and saying “heh, a lot” but that wasn’t good enough, he had to know. I gave him a figure almost 3 times what his guitar cost, and then it started. He went into some story about how he was bidding on some guitar on ebay that was over $8000, and his bid stood for 2 days (he even gave me the exact amount of the bid), and that someone outbid him with 5 seconds to go by $2. I said I had a lot of apprehension buying a bass for as much as mine was, and he said that when he was 17 he had an original Les Paul guitar made by Les Paul himself and that it was $10k but one day his mom wanted to clean so she picked it up but dropped it on the cement floor where it smashed into a zillion pieces. Oh yeah, at some point he also said his band got invited to open for U2 in Ireland, but that they had to pay $15k or so to fly there and move all their gear there, and they couldn’t afford it, despite getting $200k if they played the gig, so they had to pass it up.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Anyway, that was amusing and all but eventually he left, said he would put the ticket in for the outside tech to come out and it would probably be the next day. But, not only wouldn’t I have to be home, he wouldn’t call me, and that he would just get things done and it should be fixed. Cause you know, that worked so well the first time. He did give me his personal cell number and told me to call him if it happened again. He was nice and all but I really hope I never have to talk to him again.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Strangely enough, around 6pm that same night, the doorbell rings. It was outside tech #2 who told me that his test he ran showed a problem at 800ft. but it was under a manhole cover so he had to get a crew out the next day to do it. Imagine that, inside tech finds a problem at 800ft., some jackass on the phone won’t let the only person in the company who is able to call for an outside tech actually call for the outside tech, and once the outside tech gets here he finds a problem at 800ft. That’s what we call corporate brilliance, folks. Fuckin morons. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">At this point in the story I’m going to end the blog entry. The connection has been up solid since outside tech #2 was here 4 days ago. The connection hasn't gone down once since then, so I’m pretty sure no one did anything under the manhole cover, but that’s probably a good thing since that's just one more chance for them to fuck something up and start the inside/outside/upside down cycle all over again. The error count is zeroes across the board, and speed is just fine. Throughout this whole saga I’ve kept friends up to date on various parts of the problem. They usually reply with some sort of joke like “you should probably reboot the router, yeah that’s the problem.” Sad thing is, the truth is funnier than their jokes! For those keeping track that was 4 inside techs and 2 outside techs, and however many people on the online chat and phone. I feel like I should end this with some sort of moral to the story. Moral is, don’t eat mushrooms. They’re nasty. Until next time, which may be soon, may be never, but most likely will be somewhere in between that.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yours Donkily,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Morphy<o:p></o:p></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-64917237783140392872011-05-06T15:12:00.000-05:002011-05-06T15:12:39.722-05:00Tilt-a-Donk, Chapter Eleventy-Seven<div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hello Manifestites and a happy Friday to you! Can you believe it? 4 (FOUR) posts last month? Well, 5 (FIVE) if you consider the post announcing that I’m now on twitter is a real post. It definitely served its purpose though. That twitter thing is great. A friend of mine lamented “ffs, I read your tweet which sends me to your blog only to find out that the blog entry tells me you’re on twitter.” Isn’t technology great? I’ve become part of the twittering tweeting twits. Or something. I don’t plan on using it much, but it’s a nice place to announce blog entries and various other random things.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">So speaking of random things, here we are in the first week of May with yet another blog post. I know what you’re thinking, how could I possibly keep up with both the volume and quality of April? My more astute readers know this already, but the answer is, I probably can’t, so enjoy while you can cause this gravy train could end at any second.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">As most poker players know, Black Friday happened for online poker in the US on April 15<sup>th</sup>, 2011. I’ve been following some of the developments, especially with one particular network, the CEREUS network, home of UltimateBet and Absolute Poker. Readers in the know will recognize these names as they were the center of huge cheating scandals in the recent years. I was seriously considering devoting an entry or two to discussing the sites and what’s been going on since April 15<sup>th</sup> but then I realized that it would be much too much like actual journalism and nothing like what I’m really good at, which is telling idiots to shut the fuck up. There are several really good blogs and news sites out there if anyone wants to follow the story for themselves, but for now I’m gonna continue on with what I do best.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">This exchange happened earlier this year on PokerStars. They have all sorts of rebuy tournaments, where you can buy back in if you bust for a single or a double stack. They are very popular because they allow for some very deep stacked play later in the tournament. Well that is, if you wind up playing well enough and caring enough to get that far. I find tournaments are a nice distraction from cash game play, but eventually I get bored and find something better to do and my stack gets randomly distributed around the table. Anyway I digress… The first hour or so during the rebuy period can get a bit out of hand at times, because there are a lot of people who go all out nuts trying to amass a huge stack. I’ve seen people rebuy 20-30 times in these things. It’s pretty easy to do if you get carried away. At some point, a guy on my table lost yet another hand, and starts in. I don’t even remember the hand that started it all but I must have won, and of course I can’t help but to chime in:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: what a joke<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: same ****ing hand and this donk still draws on me<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: it's a $5 tourney, shut up moron<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: shut the **** up<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: fish<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: headsup for your life?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: go die?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: ***got<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: anyone named Xaq is a queer<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: what a ***got name</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Ahh yes, pretty much a standard exchange at this point. I call him a moron, he calls me a fish, I offer the obligatory headsup challenge, and he starts in calling me gay. Ever notice how they immediately start down this line? I’ve told them before and I’ll tell them again, I’m not gay, have no interest in being gay, and certainly aren’t interested in weird angry gay advances on a poker site. Yet they still continue on.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">A few hands later our friend RL shoves pre-flop with Jc Tc because it’s suited (aka, cause you know or cyk for short) and gets called by pocket tens. Board runs out 5c Qd 4c 4s 2d, and the pocket tens hold up. One thing that really bugs me about results oriented idiots are the comments about “on the river” or “I was a huge favorite on the flop” when the money went in pre-flop. I blame the tv shows like the WPT and the WSOP for this a bit because of the way they over-dramatize the order the cards come out and all-in situations. The fact is, the odds are calculated when the money goes in, then the cards are dealt and the player with the best hand wins. In a case like this, the pocket tens are a bit over a 60/40 favorite over the Jc Tc. Those are the only odds that need to be considered because all of the money went in pre-flop. However, a lot of people flat out can’t see it that way because they think they “hit a flush draw” and then “missed”. But this guy takes it a step further, as we see here:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: nice<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: cant hit 1 out<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: cool<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: ppl draw out on me all day long<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: so funny<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: huh xaq<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: snt that funny?</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">So he gets his money in bad, flops a flush draw and then somehow thinks that he got drawn out on, even though he didn’t hit so much as a pair. He also calls me out even though I didn’t say anything. That’s not to say I didn’t deserve it, mind you…<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: J 10 losing to 10 10 is drawing out on you?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: after the flop</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Oh yeah, so after the flop, where he’s still a 51/49 underdog, he still thinks he got drawn out on. Of course he won’t mention that based on his line of thinking that he’s a 3:1 underdog on the turn, and if he hit a club or a J on the river that he would have drawn out on his opponent. Makes sense, right? Only if you’re a fuckin moron, but then again, that’s why we’re here:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: dumb ****<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: did u see the flop?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: all the money was in preflop sparky<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: or are you ****ing blind<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: ?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: it doesn't matter<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: goddamn idiot<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit;">See, I never believe in just letting people vent, especially if they are venting at me. I always like to take things one step further. I find calling someone an idiot after they vent something idiotic tends to bring out the real idiot in them. Sure enough, he starts the all caps shit and loses it:</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: it does matter<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: after the flop comes<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: stupid ****ing queer<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: i picked up outs<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: are you ****ing stupid?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: or blind<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: which one<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: your money went in preflop as a big dog<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: WHO CARES<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: doesn't matter what order the cards are dealt, slugger<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: AFTER THE FLOP CAME<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">R Lazzaro: I PICKED UP OUTS<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: the flop came? did you jerk it off or something?</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">LOL, this last line cracks me up every time I read it. So simple, so eloquent, I mean that’s some of that journalism shit right there. Or is that Donkalism? Anyway, I don’t think I’ll be getting a Nobel prize in Donkalism for telling idiots to shut up, so might as well continue on here.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">One of the great things about PokerStars is (was) the chat moderators. You could go in and hit the “Call Moderator” button, type in a complaint, and then a moderator shows up at the table, claims to review the chat, does absolutely nothing at all, and then vanishes wishing everyone well. The mods are absolutely useless and if anything are just a complete waste of man-power. I’ve had mods ignore non-English chat where the people were flat out talking about their hole cards on the table. I’ve also had mods tell me when people were blatantly cheating that the chat moderators weren’t meant for reporting “table play issues”, and that I should email support instead. Useless. So naturally since they are completely useless I try to waste their time as much as possible since that’s all they are there for. Might as well make them earn their paychecks, right? So I called the mod and told them RL was an idiot.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Moderator102 [Moderator]: Hello players.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Moderator102 [Moderator]: Please note that all chat must be clean and respectful at all times.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Moderator102 [Moderator]: Please refrain from using rude or derogatory remarks/comments. We want everyone to enjoy their gaming experience at the tables without being offended.<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: what if the guy is really an idiot? is it ok to call him an idiot then?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Moderator102 [Moderator]: Thank you in advance for your cooperation and good luck with your games. :-)</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">See? Completely useless. Funny, but useless. Then again, maybe they did something, because that was the last thing I heard from our friend RL. I tried talking to him again, but he didn’t answer:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: hey Lazzaro, I'm sorry your flush draw you picked up after you got your money in as a big dog lost. Can we be friends still?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nh friend</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Oops. He busted out, didn’t rebuy and then vanished, probably getting his chat banned in the process. Fucking ***got queer.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Until next time!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yours Donkily,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Morphy<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><a href="mailto:xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com">xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com</a><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><a href="http://www.donkeymanifesto.com/">www.donkeymanifesto.com</a><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><a href="http://www.twitter.com/xaqmorphy">www.twitter.com/xaqmorphy</a><o:p></o:p></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-7130152747597916022011-04-25T18:26:00.000-05:002011-04-25T18:26:15.953-05:00Tweeting DonksOr is that Donking Tweets? Hello Manifestites. I bring you a quick blog entry to announce that you can find yours truly on Twitter now at www.twitter.com/xaqmorphy. The main use for this will be to announce new blog posts, but of course I will also be telling idiots to shut up. I may throw some other random stuff in there as well. Follow me! Or don't. Either way.<br />
<br />
Yours Donkily,<br />
<br />
MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-44358410175724858222011-04-22T16:18:00.001-05:002011-04-22T16:21:24.553-05:00The Donkey Manifesto Presents: Shut Up Idiot<div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hello Manifestites! That’s right, 4 (FOUR) posts in 1 (ONE) month. Can you believe it? We haven’t had this since, well, the last time we had it (2007 for anyone counting). I like the approach I’ve been taking with the shorter entries. Of course you guys are going to expect this to keep up, so I’ll see what I can do. I’m still working off of some older material, but at some point I’m sure I’ll get new material in. I’ve gone back to playing on what I’ve called my donk sweet donk site, and the play and chat there are, well, donkteresting. I had a really good chat going yesterday and the site’s software is so fucked up that it locked up just by trying to copy the chat to paste to a file. Argh!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">This entry I want to highlight one of my favorite terms from the past few years, which is simply, shut up idiot. It’s hilarious how something so simple and straight forward can get people completely bent out of shape. It’s taken on a sort of cult following. Some of it might have a guess you had to be there sort of feel to it, but if you have the sense of humor that I do, the more you use it the more amusing it will be.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">It all starts back with this quote, from the second entry of <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2010/02/donkey-manifesto-presents-list-poker.html">The List</a>: </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">thenutlow: gonna ratstab his way to another $6 profit and then ysteriously have to do some made up bullshit so he can run down his hole with that big bag of loot ratting its way on his shoulder<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">thenutlow: "ratstab"<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">thenutlow: verb: to win a small sum of money quickly and escape the table for spurious reasons</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">To describe what was happening here, my friend A-Ten_suited spent one afternoon sitting at a table, playing enough to win a few dollars (literally), then leave the table. He kept saying things to me via AIM like “ffs woman leave me alone!” or “argh wife needs me again brb” every time he left the table. Yet, he would show up at a new table 30 seconds later and do it all over again. This went on for way too long, and TNL and I were damn near in tears watching it. Thus, the chat above.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Sometime in 2008 a newish (and now deceased) poker site named FSG appeared. It was one of those new generation sites with really shitty software and a tiny player base, but was “legal” because you could either play completely for free, or purchase a monthly subscription to be able to play various tournaments using points instead of cash, but could still earn cash prizes. The main draw to the site was a $50k freeroll they were offering. All you had to do was final table some other smaller free tournament once and you were entered in it. Most people took advantage of this and played to just try to enter the freeroll, while there were others who practically lived on the site. Anyway, I needed to come up with a name for the site, so I took A-Ten’s wife’s name and put a Beavis & Butthead spin on it and came up with The Great Patholio, or Patholio for short. A typical entry into a room for me was:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PATHOLIO: I AM THE GREAT PATHOLIO!!!</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Of course someone always had something to say, so I’d pull the famous line:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PATHOLIO: ARE YOU THREATENING ME???</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Remember, things are always funny when they are in caps. You can imagine the standard response from some of these morons that don’t have a sense of humor and are there to play their free poker game seriously. Naturally a few had some choice comments. One day I just blurted out:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PATHOLIO: SHUT UP IDIOT</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">For some reason that was really funny to me, so I just started using it everywhere I could. I even created the website <a href="http://www.shutupidiot.info/">www.shutupidiot.info</a> which is there for your use. Enjoy!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">The first documented use of “shut up idiot” was somewhere in May or so of 2008, and documented here in this episode of <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2008/06/random-donk-chat.html">Random Donk Chat</a>:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">h82bukid: lol<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">h82bukid: true to your name <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">DOKTER DONKEY: shut up idiot</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Here, a good 3 years later, it still cracks me up every time I see it. I don’t know why, and it very well could be unfunny to my readers, but since I write these entries mostly for myself, I don’t much give a shit.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">From that same blog entry above I had a few encounters with a player named PhippsJ, who is one of those typical morons who thinks he knows everything and always has something to say. Well, what’s the best response to something like that?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PhippsJ: your like the 5 foot 5 guy at the bar trying to pick fights<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PhippsJ: and everyone just laughs at<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">DOKTER DONKEY: yup that's me<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">DOKTER DONKEY: except I'm 5 foot 10<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">DOKTER DONKEY: and have a blackbelt in dawnkeigh-do</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Well no, that wasn’t it, although that’s pretty good too. Here it is:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PhippsJ: great hand to play out of position<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">DOKTER DONKEY: shut up idiot</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">It works everywhere. Here’s an example of how well it fits into a standard donk chat:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">KeithFichas: ??<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: shut up idiot<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">KeithFichas: ok i am a idiot but play and shut up plx<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: what does plx mean?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">KeithFichas: please<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: oh yeah, the x is silent?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">KeithFichas: are u a children?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: are u a moron?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">KeithFichas: very funny<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: shut up idiot</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Simple, to the point, game, set, match. Oh, and, shut up idiot.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Here’s another one. This guy just couldn’t leave well enough alone. We were playing 8 game on Stars, and a razz hand came up. He had no clue what he was talking about, I won the hand, he had to say something.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: nh idiot<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: shut up idiot</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">See? Simple, effective. But they can’t ever sit there and just not say anything after being called an idiot.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: i allways get stuck with the lucky morons in these things<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: so it's everyone else?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: yes u played that hand amazing<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: thanks</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I don’t get many compliments when I play, so I need to thank them when they do.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: u were ahead all the time<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: i played mine really bad<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: ****ing clown<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: go learn something b4 u open ur mouth<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: not sure if you know this, but razz is a 7 card game<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: hey poo, I just ran the odds on that hand<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: and it said after 7th street I was 100%/0%</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Notice the similarities between these chats and the “nice bluff” chats. They’ll never learn. Never. Which is a good thing for you guys because it means I’ll have a constant supply of material.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: u were behinde the hole way<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: the hole way?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: ur donkey a.ss got saved and u no it<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: do you mean whole way?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: care to make a wager that I wasn't behind the "whole" way?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: u got lucky just shut up<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: why u keep going on<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: say $500?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: $2k?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: $5k?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: your life?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: why would o open ur mouth and start when u suck out on someone<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: shut up idiot</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Heh, cracks me up. Every time.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: no thats u<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you were the one with the comment<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I want to bet you though, you think I was behind the whole way<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: let's put some money on it<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poo500: do u allways play really bad, get lucky then start with the crap?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yeah usually, so what of it?</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Unfortunately he gave up after this. Maybe he realized he couldn’t possibly win, maybe he was busy frantically writing notes on how big of a donk I was, maybe he looked up the hand in question and realized he was completely wrong, or maybe his mom took his computer away.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Finally we have another encounter with the clueless. In the poker hand prior to this chat, conboy1969 was all-in, I called and someone else called, on the flop the other guy shoves with no hand, no draw and conboy1969 wins the pot. Naturally I would have won if he hadn’t bet, but that’s ok, I’m used to those by now. I start out innocently enough, with the comment to the other player:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: good bet there sparky<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: tanks<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yeah you should thank him<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: falk you dont tell me what to do</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Sigh, here we go. I wasn’t even talking to this moron and he chimes in with this. Now let’s see, what possible answer could I use to reply to him? Hmmm, maybe…nah, that’s too obvious, well yeah fuck it, bonzai!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: shut up idiot<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: yankee goof<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: canadian, uhh, canadian<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: WHOS XAQ YOUR BOY FRIEND<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: special<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: who the hell are you talking to?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: you donk<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: ok then you're too stupid for me to understand, sorry</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Seriously, I have no clue wtf he’s talking about. He’s asking me if I’m my boyfriend? Uhhh, righty-o.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: nc house prices down there</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Well there’s certainly an insult that strikes close to, uhhh, home. Waiting for the “sticks and stones” line any minute here.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: might bye 3 more next week<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: bye?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: how about you buy yourself a high school education?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: got 1<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: do you<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: sorry kicked out i kindergarden<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: in</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">So he spells every other word wrong and corrects “in.” Brilliant. Meanwhile I beat him in a hand where I was behind and caught up to bust him (shit happens, what can I say. If luck weren’t involved I’d lose every one).<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: lol<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: canadian goof<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: lmao<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: conboy1969 finished the tournament in 10th place<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: gg wp nh ul</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Ahh yes the optimal parting gift: “good game, well played, nice hand, unluck”. These were the Fifty/50 sit and gos on Stars. 10 people, top 5 get paid based on chip count. He finished in a respectable 10<sup>th</sup> out of well, 10. About 30 minutes later he showed up in another one I was in.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: hey xaq you huge donk<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: who are you?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: carefull who you falk with xaq donk<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: oh noes<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: conboy is gonna stupid me to death<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: about an hour agao shouldnt be too hard<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: conboy, I'm bored, say something stupid<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">conboy1969: carefull I said donk<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: shut up idiot</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Weird thing here, he did shut up! Are they finally learning? Well, I doubt that. But until next time, see if you can find creative uses for shut up idiot, and send them to me. I know with the whole online poker fiasco most of you aren’t playing anymore, but if you can find ways to fit that into every day conversations, send them to me and I’ll be sure to post them.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yours Donkily,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Morphy<o:p></o:p></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-36862973716395588082011-04-18T21:32:00.000-05:002011-04-18T21:32:12.998-05:00Donking the Spellchecker<div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hello Manifestites!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you guys are probably freaking out about so many posts in such a short time, but hey, when I say I’m going to deliver, I uhh, well, I mean, err, sometimes I, uhh, ok yeah so how about another post?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will say that the shorter post last time seemed to go over just as well, so I’m going to keep going with the shorter post/greater number of posts route.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Before I start this I might as well say a few words on the current state of online poker in the US.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As most everyone should know by now, Friday April 15<sup>th</sup>, the US DoJ and FBI indicted the owners of PokerStars, FullTilt poker, and those cheating fucks over at Absolute Poker/UltimateBet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They also indicted a slew of payment processors, seized bank accounts and generally did what they do in cases of money laundering and fraud.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t really go into my thoughts on most of this only to say that online poker in the US is about to undergo some drastic changes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until everything is figured out across the board there’s not much to do, well, except read blog entries and laugh at everyone jumping around threating to move to another country because their favorite poker site broke laws and got busted for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fortunately there are still a few places left to play, and we can hope the chat keeps pouring in so I can provide my faithful reader(s) with some more material.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Onwards!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">We had fun with the<a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2011/04/english-is-donking-hard.html"> English Is Donking Hard</a> post with mostly non-English speakers, but the really amusing ones are the ones who natively speak English, are “intelligent” (and I use that word lightly) enough to figure out how to use a computer, yet butcher the English language so badly that you have to wonder if they are going out of their way to try. I ran into this guy a while back and walked away with the distinct impression that he just didn’t care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the hand, player RogueWiener (lol) made a fairly large raise/shove, and slivy folded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then we have:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: lol<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: thank you<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: fo beting os much<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: thank yuou<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: lol<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: cnat wai to pu****** all in<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: they avhe touenryes here ay know<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: u ugys kil me<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: dyingot push chips all in<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: english</span>?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">English, no doubt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You should see what MS Word’s spell check does to this shit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Last time I saw that much red on a paper was in high school when I had to sit next to this semi-retarded kid who did his homework by putting a pen in his mouth and randomly drooling all over it and the paper on his desk in an attempt to write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently getting stuffed into a locker too many times causes retardation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Poor guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who knew?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I guess what slivy’s trying to say is that he doesn’t approve of the other guy betting so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He must have had a draw of some sorts (likely the old 1 pair draw) and got mad at RogueWiener (lol.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sorry, too much Beavis & Butthead maybe, but that name makes me giggle) for betting so much, so that he couldn’t hit his hand cheaply and win the pot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s kind of the point of games with no limit betting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back to the fun:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: no<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">RogueWiener: should have sakked up to your big preraise<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: why?u adh aa or kk<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: oculdnt beat it<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">RogueWiener: then you shouldnt have been in the hand<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: is sacking up mena being stupid?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: dude no offense, but if you can't type a sentence without butchering a word you can't call someone else stupid</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I can’t help to emphasize the point I made here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We see this all the time in various online forums, poker tables, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People who can’t string a simple sentence together calling each other idiots.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They ARE idiots of course, but if they realized they were idiots, would they still be idiots?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If a tree fell on an idiot in a forest, would the tree make noise?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would the idiot whine?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would anyone care?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway…<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: i got 4 sites pen<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: 12 tables<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: sorry</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Oh great.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The reason he’s typing like a legally blind semi-retarded ostrich (thanks for that brew) is because he’s playing on 12 tables spread across 4 sites.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess the only positive point about it is that he’s a really bad player and isn’t really slowing the game down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d go on a rant about these kids living in their parents’ basements playing 20 tables at a time and barely making as much as they would running a corner lemonade stand, but there’s simply not enough time in the day to type out exactly how I feel about them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back to the donking:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: try for w chek riase iwth the jack?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">RogueWiener: maybe someone on the other tables will let you hang around in hands to catch some bs, not me<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: do what u wnat<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: i dont give a ***<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: why woud u assume i care?</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Damn, he almost did it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost got through one line without butchering something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Almost.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">RogueWiener: because you keep talking about it<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: keep?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: i entioned one thing<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: si di u wcant wit ot ge tall in<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: neve sisd anogteh word<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">RogueWiener: im past it if you are<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: dud ei dont care<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: u cnat wit ot ge tall in<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">slivy: are u taking it as some kind of insult?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">RogueWiener: no</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">And there we have it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s at least 2 lines in there that I can barely decipher what slivy is trying to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Needless to say, shortly after this chat he made a stupid play, busted his stack and took off without saying another word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And also needless to say, I’ve never seen him since.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">This next one I’m putting this one here because I don’t know where else to put it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I won’t even try to explain this:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">pails09: mc sleeve i can't wait to snap u off u gerbil stufferrrrr</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Of course then we have the geographically challenged donks:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">gzagenius11 [observer]: and i have won live tourneys at the montreal casino<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">dagon2467: whers that</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Who IS buried in Grant’s tomb anyway?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where is the Washington Monument?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What state is the capital of Alabama located in? What country is spelled I-T-A-L-Y?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know these are hard questions, sorry, it certainly wasn’t my intention to make my readers think!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">So what makes a good online poker name?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are the witty names the best?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The inside jokes that no one understands but has some sort of meaning to the owner?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something completely nondescript that doesn’t stand out?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some retarded new trendy phrase containing one or more of the following:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>420, 69, philivey, teddykbg, pwn?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ve all come across some pretty amusing names in the past, from DOKTER DONKEY to one of my personal favorites, Stu Pidasle.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This next exchange got a good chuckle out of me:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">CallMeNames checks<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy bets $21<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">CallMeNames has 15 seconds left to act<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: fold asswipe<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">CallMeNames folds</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hey, he asked for it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see a lot of players with certain hands/cards as their name.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like, if I see a guy with a name like AAbuster, I secretly hope I can bust him when he’s holding AA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or if his name is 43offsuit I’m most likely losing ¾ of my stack to him trying to bluff him with 43o.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friend A-Ten_suited picked his name in his early days of playing, and apparently wishes he could change it, as seen in this next bit:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Joey5883: i hate a-10 suited <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">A-Ten_suited: me too <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Ro0M 1.8.7.: you hate the hand...or the player<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Joey5883: hand<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">A-Ten_suited: player</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I’ll end this entry with a short but bizarre exchange I had a few years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every once and a while this guy shows up on AIM and has a line or two to say.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s a former RGPer and I haven’t spent much time talking to him, but our chats are always short and amusing, like this one:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">(7:38:41 PM) Phillyscr: you like chutney?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">(7:40:20 PM) XaQ Morphy: seems like a silly question<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">(7:40:35 PM) Phillyscr: yea - that is what I told Lenny Jenkins<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">(7:40:40 PM) XaQ Morphy: word<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">(7:40:48 PM) Phillyscr: to your motha</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">That’s probably a great way to end this entry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until next time!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yours Donkily,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Morphy<o:p></o:p></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-72429963639296285452011-04-13T19:46:00.000-05:002011-04-13T19:46:15.160-05:00English Is Donking Hard!<div class="MsoNoSpacing">Hello Manifestites!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After writing up the last entry with the old chat from 2007 I realized that I really miss writing these blog entries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, lack of material is and has been an issue, but I also realized that I enjoy reading my own entries enough that even if I were the only reader of the blog I think I’d be ok with it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They say simple things amuse simple minds and well, I’m amused a lot.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">One of the things I have noticed, however, is that over the years the entries themselves have gotten longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What ended up happening was that I wouldn’t write up an entry right after it happened, so instead of a bunch of smaller entries I’d get one big entry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure the entry in itself was great, but I found myself trying to tie completely unrelated things together all in the sake of clearing out the material.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I completely forgot our motto here at the Manifesto, which is quantity over quality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So on that note what I’m going to do from now on is try to write up things shortly after they happen and keep the entries somewhat smaller overall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll see if it works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do have a bunch of material stored up that I’ve gathered over the past few years when the blog was mostly dormant, so what that means for my faithful reader(s???) is that you can expect a few more entries in the near future.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">The theme of this particular entry is loosely based off of difficulties with the English language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you’ve seen over the years, I’ve had plenty of interesting, uhh, “discussions” with donks all over the world, and they make for some highly entertaining situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For some highlights, we’ll start by going all the way back to one of my favorite entries from 2005, <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2005/10/time-space-con-donkey-um.html">The Time-Space Con-Donkey-Um</a>, a pure classic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>From there we take a trip to 2006 somewhere in Nigeria with <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2006/08/donk-donk-walla-walla-donk-donk.html">Donk Donk Walla Walla Donk Donk</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was too busy with the <a href="http://www.donkeymanifesto.com/videos">PLO videos</a> and such in 2007, but 2008 brings us the ever famous trenzen in <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2008/04/you-are-donk-of-puta.html">You are donk of puta</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2009 was a slow year and 2010 all I really did was the Rush Poker posts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There were a few others in there somewhere but those will do nicely to keep you busy while I write this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Err wait, by the time you read this I’ll be done already.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you done yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Am I done yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Woah, I think I just travelled through time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it 7:17pm for you guys too?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Err sorry, anyway, this entry will feature one main encounter with an English challenged donk,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but before we start with that I want to kick things off with a few RGP posts from 2006 from a poster who we’ll call Daniel because well, that’s the name he posted under.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Daniel’s native language obviously wasn’t English, so while it would be just funny enough to make fun of him for that, what he came up with was one of the most amusing phrases that has been a standby since the day he posted it.</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">From: Daniel<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Subject: How many you see hands like this at PS??<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Why every 3 hands at STARS one and is always like this.WHYYYY? Every one says thats not rigged, ok ok, but at least agree that the software generate action hands with a lot of bad river at river.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">He then posted a hand where he had KK and got all-in on a flop of T88 with J9.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turn brought a 7 to give J9 the straight, but the river brought a 4<sup>th</sup> diamond to give Daniel a flush.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In other words, Daniel won the pot, but used that hand as some sort of proof that the “software generate action hands with a lot of bad river at river.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever the fuck that is supposed to mean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well I’ve never been one to let something like that pass by, so I jump right in and reply:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">From: XaQ Morphy<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">If you think it's rigged, stop fucking playing there you moron.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one gives a fuck about your $3 loss or your views on rigged poker.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thing you have going for you is that because English is your 4th or 5th native language, your posts come out making you look like a raving nitwit. But seriously, fuck off. </span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Naturally Daniel takes offense to that, and fires back, providing one of the best taglines to date:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">From: Daniel<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Well thats a post of a great player, for sure. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About the 3$, those hands happens at every levels, and for sure you are a loser. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allways same escuses,"bla bla 3$,blabla only 1$ no one cares, bla bla only 5$ thats for donkeys". What fucking stakes you play? 100000? You are my hero. English is not my native language,and im glad of that.But its funny that you had perfectly understud what i said and i also understand everything, but moron only speak one language.And like you said that no one cares so dont post. Die far to not smell badly.</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Die far to not smell badly??!??!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is simply awesome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a catch phrase on RGP for weeks after that, and still every once and a while it will show up in post where someone butchers the English language.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I still don’t know what it means, but fuck me that’s some funny shit right there.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Online poker has really opened up world-wide and in the past few years the rest of the world has been experiencing various poker booms similar to what the US saw in 2004-05.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a result of this there’s players from all over the world at every table, and because the online sites have English only chat rules, some of the chat can be rather amusing to those of us who are easily amused.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I pick up chat here and there and save it just for this purpose.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See, you can be playing, see something stupid and think it’s stupid enough, but when someone chimes in with:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">iso lero: two biddest idiots<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">iso lero: on hole tournament</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">You can’t help but to laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or how about this next guy, who I’m afraid to say actually was from the US:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nhabn: FCK U all hope you al ldie andfck</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Sometimes they even try to communicate with each other but fail miserably:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">GrinDEr770: horriable<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Thuong1712: yes it does bro !</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yes it does bro indeed!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some time back in late 2009 I played <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a donk from the nether regions of the world who goes by the name arturo468 on PokerStars.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I shared it with some friends but for some reason never thought to share it with the blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My apologies, I don’t know what I was thinking.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">We start out with a relatively innocent poker hand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It folds to arturo in the small blind and he gobbles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gobbling of course is the term for min raising made famous by TNL and then used mercilessly and beat into the ground by the rest of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had the monster hand that is Q5 in the big blind, but gobbling drives me nuts, so I decided to call and take the pot away from him on the flop if I could.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The flop came T5T with no flush draw possible, and he again gobbled (min bet).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, gobble is as gobble does, so I re-gobbled.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He then pulled the seldom used re-re-gobble.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a fkin thing at this point, so I move all-in on him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Naturally he folds but then immediately says:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: fold KK</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Uhh, what?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He folded KK?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If so, that’s damn near the worst played KK in history, despite all of the comments I make about folding that shit preflop cause it never wins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, I couldn’t let that go without a comment, but I can’t really come out guns blazing here, so I start out slow…<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: lol really?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: juro..((Yn)<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: you 10?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: no I had Q5o<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: Q?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">SlackMac1: hehe</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">A lot of times people will just say “good fold” and make up a hand that beat what their opponents had (or what they claim they had), even if they were bluffing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes both players are lying about what they had, and in some cases we get things like Player A telling Player B that what he had was really what Player B had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyway, I felt no reason not to tell him exactly what I had, since he likely won’t believe it. Notice a player named SlackMac1 jumps in as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Time to get him confused…err, more confused, since I have no clue wtf “juro..((Yn)” is supposed to mean, unless it’s some secret sort of programming language meant to change the background colors or something.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ufffffff<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: I had AA<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: good fold<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ok ok<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ufff<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ...<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: ok ok<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: i had KK,,,<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: wtfffff</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yeah I don’t know wtf all the fffffffs were for, but I wanted to jump in and see what the big deal was with them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turns out they are overrated.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: I you do not bellieve that you had TO TO<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: well I'm not sure what TO TO is, but I didn't have it<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">SlackMac1: toto was dorthy's dog in the wizard of oz<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: no place for KK, no place for KK<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: I'll get you my pretty, you and your KK too!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: jajaja, the truth that well, you tape, worm, that to have throw shot allin , whit KK<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: uhh, what?</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Oh boy, here we go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>First the obvious wizard of oz joke, couldn’t pass that up no matter how cheesy it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just one of those things that everyone expected but still got a chuckle out of me, so needed to be done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That “jajaja” shit drives me crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently certain countries are so fucked up that they can’t even afford the h key on their keyboards, so everytjing is jajaja jello go to jell jappy jalloween and sjit tje jell up and well you see, tje list goes on and on to tje point of sjeer ridiculousness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or sometjing.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Anyway, I don’t really get what he’s saying, but I think he called me a tapeworm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been called worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But here we go, game on!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: that **** you DONK<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: hey now, no need to get testy, just because I out played you<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: it he seem to me likely<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: is this a word scramble of some sorts?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ??<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: what?</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yeah poor bastard has no clue what’s going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Meanwhile arturo gets into another hand and folds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He asks his opponent what he has, and I can’t help but jump in.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: youhad?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">faflar: kj<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: I had TO TO<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: i had 99<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">SlackMac1: previous hand function is a mystical thing<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: its mystery is only exceeded by its power</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Bonus points for those of you who get this reference.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">SlackMac1: ill bet you 10 that he had arturo<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ok<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: NH<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: I bet how you know A 10 he had<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">rfeverlast: nh<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: ty<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: you had?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: A=<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: yes?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">rfeverlast: a7<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: yyes ok ok<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: I had TO TO again<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: :O?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: K 10<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: idiot<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: don't smile at me</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I find it’s best to fight donk with donk, so I just randomly re-arranged words figuring he might understand them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right about this time I raised in late position with KQ, a short stack shoved on me, I was getting almost 2.5:1 on a call and can’t really fold there, so I called and lost to A6o.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Pretty standard situation in a tournament, and one that most people won’t think twice about, being on either side of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, most people doesn’t include our jajaja buddy here, as you can see:<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: jajaja K Q?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: good bye<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: good bye DONK</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Note that I still have chips here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All this donk saw was that I called an all-in and he didn’t bother to look at stack sizes (which are right there on the screen for those who don’t play online poker), so he didn’t realize I was still in the tournament with plenty of chips.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: lol you are truly stupid aren't you arturo?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: I still have chips moron<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: fkin nitwit<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: yeaaah jajaja<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: K Q it is called the hand of the idiot since as your jajaja<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: so you fold KQ getting over 2:1 there, sparky?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: oh wait, let me ask this:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>do you know what 2:1 is?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: jajajaa<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: that's what I thought, thanks<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: idiot<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: yes, you are<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: but it's ok, keep typing "jajaja" and all will be well<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: I happen of discussing whit you, this is poker friends<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: yeah I'm sorry, I have no fkin clue wtf you are trying to say<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: can we get a translator?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>someone proficient in translating moron to English?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: jajajaaj, man, i am spanish enough that i defend myself whit the english man estudpi<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Grant1525: do you know a guy named trenzen by chance?<o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">arturo468: do not grate the head and keep silent about you already</span><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Die far to not smell badly!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously, this is almost as good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do not grate the head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dear lord.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean I suppose I should be happy that they are at least trying, since the non-English chat happening online is a pretty big issue and even with their online chat moderators, PokerStars doesn’t seem to want to do anything about it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But that doesn’t mean we can’t make fun of them!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">I hope you enjoyed this one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hopefully I’ll have some other (relatively) shorter entries soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until next time!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Yours Donkily,<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNoSpacing"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">Morphy<o:p></o:p></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-69349297098541664002011-04-11T17:39:00.001-05:002011-04-12T14:42:30.417-05:00Donking Like It's 2007Hello Manifestites! Remember me? I think it's obvious that the blog has sort of taken a back seat to the other priorities in my life. However, I haven't forgotten about it, nor about you, my loyal readers (assuming any of you still have the blog bookmarked or even know it exists). I don't read RGP much anymore, only post if there's a trolling to be had (and yet the morons there still don't believe that I'm trolling, which is flat out awesome). I got ironman status on FullTilt for 13 months straight in 2010 and earlier this year, but I finally got off of that. That rush poker is like crack, and combined with the ironman shit, it's just a big time suck and turned into only a slightly winning year for less than 10 buyins for me. The problem is that when I play, if I want to quit for any reason I just quit. Well, I should say that's how I like to play. With the ironman goal looming overhead, I had to hit a certain amount of points each day, so even if I was 100% sure that I wasn't playing my best game, if I didn't hit my goal I had to stay on and play. Enough of that!<br />
<br />
So all that said, I still have ideas for blog entries. I've talked to a few of you about this already, but I'm seriously considering doing a documentary of sorts on RGP's resident nutcase igotskillz. He is truly insane, and there's so many levels of it I really don't even know where to start. My thoughts were to go back to years ago when he was convinced a player on PokerStars was booting people from tournaments and then the Stars' owners showed up and insulted his mom. Yeah, that is as ridiculous as it sounds. It goes way past that, from rigged poker sites to mail order brides to 2012 end of the world drama and now he thinks he's an alien. Yes, I'm serious. If anyone has any ideas about how to do this (or better yet, wants to help me with research and fact gathering, for recognition or anonymously), please drop me an email. I think it would make for a great series, and might even kick start the blog back into action.<br />
<br />
Anyway, onto the point of this post. A few days ago I was searching around my computer for something that I can't remember right now, and I found a bunch of text files with various chats and things dating back to 2007. Looking through them, a few had the famous "nice bluff" line, first introduced here: <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/tilt-donk-chapter-48.html">http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/tilt-donk-chapter-48.html</a>. I believe my plan was to keep gathering various poker chats and do another random donk chat post, but at the time I was heavy into the Uber Troll (found here: <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/worst-music-ever-uber-troll-part-1.html">http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/worst-music-ever-uber-troll-part-1.html</a>), and then shortly after started the series of <a href="http://www.donkeymanifesto.com/videos">PLO videos</a> (that link contains a main link with the videos archived). After all that I just forgot about the text files and seriously just found them recently. So all that said, here we go, for the 2007 throwback edition of Random Donk Chat!<br />
<br />
It all starts on Bodog, which was my home for many years and I'm happy to say I've started playing again. It's like 2005 all over again, and like I never left. So apparently based on my notes, this guy bet $50 into an $8 pot, and I must have been having a bad day:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: now what kind of stupid idiotic bet is that?<br />
XaQ Morphy: are you really that stupid?<br />
XaQ Morphy: *<br />
jdog1974: well call<br />
XaQ Morphy: why would I call that?<br />
XaQ Morphy: I mean really<br />
XaQ Morphy: that one I'll call though</span></span><br />
<br />
My only guess is that he made another stupid bet with something incredibly retarded, and I called it and won.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">jdog1974: good call</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: thanks</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">jdog1974: well</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: wtf</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: jnesus</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you guys are fuckin *s</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: what kinda idiot uses the raise any button?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: then bets $50 into an $8 pot?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: this fuckin hurts my head, I can't take it anymore</span><br />
<br />
Ahh the good old Bodog swear filter bug. Unfortunately they've since fixed it. F%%uckin morons.<br />
<br />
Just a little teaser to get us started. The next entry takes part during FullTilt's regular series of tourneys, the FTOPS. I don't remember much about the tourney, so we'll get right into the events:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: Pechorin wins the pot (100)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: Pechorin wins the pot (125)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: Pechorin has 15 seconds left to act</span><br />
<br />
I leave the above lines in because there's a self-donk incident coming up. Stay tuned.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: XaQ Morphy wins the pot (150)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">12thMan2 (Observer): yay</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: heh</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: Paul, check your email</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">12thMan2 (Observer): OK</span><br />
<br />
So here is a friend of mine, obviously named Paul. I either emailed him earlier and wanted him to check it, or probably posted something retarded that happened at the table before he got there and had no other way to tell him without letting the table realize I was onto their donkishness. Our new friend "suckoutonu" apparently took offense to this, and started in on me.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: wtf can i get an email too please?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: i dont want to be left out</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">mnyhunter: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no email for you!</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: oh so your talking about me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: so mny your name is paul?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">mnyhunter: no just thought it was funny</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: paul echorin?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: yup that makes more sense</span><br />
<br />
Ok so you have to understand that on FullTilt if you have the default config for chat, all the chat lines are intermingled with dealer status lines, tournament announcements, and other nonsense. I must have not been paying anywhere near as much attention to the table as I should have been, because his "paul echorin" comment made no sense at the time. Hopefully you've caught on by now who he was referring to, but at the time, I didn't. Meanwhile this guy goes from babbling about his hand, to...<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: nice job</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: my 2 outer was coming boy that q was gonna hit</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">mnyhunter: had aq</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: 1 outer</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: ok i did not have qq i had kk</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: i still had 2 outs</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: xaq and pechorin sitting in a tree</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: they tought they were slick</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">mnyhunter: kissing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: but got busted by mr suckit</span><br />
<br />
Uhh, right. While he's going off about who knows what, I had 44 and got all-in vs. KK on a 4QK all diamond flop. A pretty gross situation, sure, but not the easiest hand to get away from. Fortunately for me the board ran out Ad Td and we split both playing the board. If it weren't for luck in poker I'd lose every time, but this presents a unique opportunity for me.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: chapz805 shows [Kh Kc]</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: XaQ Morphy shows [4h 4s]</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: they are passing notes</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: chapz805 shows a flush, Ace high</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: XaQ Morphy shows a flush, Ace high</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: chapz805 ties for the pot (6,310) with a flush, Ace high</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: XaQ Morphy ties for the pot (6,310) with a flush, Ace high</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: wow</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">PrimO-G (Observer): stupid</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nice bluff</span><br />
<br />
Sometimes it's the simplest of comments that gets people riled up. "Nice bluff" works so well.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">mnyhunter: pocket 5s and a diamond</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: he had a set of K's...ur the one who should feel extremely lucky to still be at the table murphy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: who the hell is murphy?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: morphy...better</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: ?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: much, thanks</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: boy that would have sucked...from a double stack to out</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: set lose to a set....no prob</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: now morph its not just the p in echorin name that is giving it away you know</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: suckout, wtf are you talking about?</span><br />
<br />
So here's suckoutonu going on about this p echorin thing, which I still haven't picked up on, but what I'm really hoping for is for someone to really grab the bait.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: went down firing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: he had you set over set</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I had a flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: ha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: do you guys even know how to play poker?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: come on</span><br />
<br />
That should be enough. Now to watch the mayhem, of course helping out as much as I can. My good friend BTS invented a new religion called World Burners, where we set fire to things and sit back and watch them burn. But sometimes it's fun to join in by throwing gasoline covered pieces of dynamite to the fire instead...<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: you both got the flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yes, that's why we split</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: he had KKK you had 444</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no, I had a flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: well hell we all had the same flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I had 4QKA10 all diamonds</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you folded, how did you have a flush?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: stfu</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: idiot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I can do this all night</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: man cancel the break this table is heated</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: continue play</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: another round of chase your tail please</span><br />
<br />
So here I flat out tell them that I'm messing with them. They'll stop now, right?<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: go for it...but the bottom line is...u hit runner runner flush cards to split it up</span><br />
<br />
LOL nope, he's still going!<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">suckoutonu: morphy what did that email say to pechorin?</span><br />
<br />
God this fucker is still on about the email and pechorin, I'm going to have to seriously multi-task here, stoking the fire AND telling an idiot I have no clue wtf he's talking about.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: ok listen, I don't know how long you kids have been playing poker, but in texas holdem, the best 5 card hand wins</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: otherwise u were drawing to a 1 outer to win the whole pot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: and I had 4QKA10 all diamonds, which is a flush, and so did he</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: suckout, I have no clue what you are talking about</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I emailed Paul, who is a friend of mine who is railing me here</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">12thMan2 (Observer): ROFL. This is why we paid the admission</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: u guys r butt buddies then?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: see? that's Paul</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: why do you internet donks always pull out the gay card when trying to insult someone?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: u said railing u</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yes, watching me from the rail</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: like, as in, where you'll be pretty soon</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: unless you can get your stack in with another gutshot draw</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: oh...hmmm....just sayin..that can be perceived various ways</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: i was double gutted by the way...if you wanna comment atleast be right</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: smart guy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: oh guess u had to look back and unfortunately u found that i was right</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no, went and got another drink</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you're probably wrong though</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: doesnt matter much anyhow cuz im prob gonna be gone in about 5 mins</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">cl12pak (Observer): Guys, I've seen XaQ play many hands. I've never seen him lose a hand where all 5 cards on board are the same and nobody else has that suit. He's undefeated. So, beware, be very bewarish.</span><br />
<br />
I have no clue who the hell cl12pak is. He was chatting on the rail before this thing started (or railing, as it's commonly known, unless you're a homophobic retard that is).<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you make a good point</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: whenever I have the best hand, I win the pot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">emjohn2007: thats typical of me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I normally don't give away my secrets, but that's one of them</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: Pechorin has 15 seconds left to act</span><br />
<br />
I just left this last line in there to show that this Pechorin guy is still at the table, and I'm still completely oblivious to it.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">12thMan2 (Observer): Morphy, forget that "best hand " stuff. Too much Omaha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: Omaha? never been there</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: was in Davenport, Iowa once tho, boring town</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">cl12pak (Observer): nh</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">12thMan2 (Observer): Mormonic</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: hahaha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: umm</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: suckout?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I owe you an apology</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: there's a guy on the table named Pechorin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: and I had no clue wtf you were talking about before</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: yki</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Pechorin: ?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">tedders_nc: ghost in the backyard cheese</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I wouldn't ask, only bad news lives down the hole those answers are in</span><br />
<br />
LOL so there we have it. This suckoutonu idiot was talking about p echorin and pechorin for what must have been 15 minutes, and it wasn't until I said it that the guy chimes in with the old "?" which translated from Donk into English means "huh? what are you talking about? wait, where am I?" Unfortunately they didn't take the bluff comment any further, so there's really nothing left after this point. I'd like to say that every one of my online chats ends with something epic, but well, they don't.<br />
<br />
Ok well, this next one just might be what you were looking for. It starts out innocently enough. I was playing shorthanded pot limit holdem with a few idiots, raised with some crap, flopped top pair and shoved over the inevitable check raise. Well, this guy had a set, I went runner runner for a straight and won a $200 pot. Oops. Time for operation "nice bluff".<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: fkin fish</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I knew you were bluffing</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: i had a set</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: idiot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I had a straight</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: get a "what beats what" chart</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: iver</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u called wit a pair dominated to my set</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: hey, you gonna reload?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: cause I can pick off ur bluffs a mile away</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: are u stupid?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: when u called i had u crushed</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: didn't the pot go my way?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: cuz u went runner runner idiiot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: not cuz i was bluffin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: it's ok, we all get caught bluffing from time to time</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: cuz u needed perfect perfect to win</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: is that bluffin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: no</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: woah</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: thast u bein completely dominatted in need of runenrs</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I appreciate the compliment, but I'm far from perfect</span><br />
<br />
I crack myself up.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: perfect perfect meanns u had to hit running cards</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: man u dont kno anything abt this game do u?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: english only please</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: other than ohh top pair i call</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I didn't call</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I raised</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: dominated</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u got so lucky</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: dont try to justify ur call or raise as a good play</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u got ur money in really bad</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: and u ran really good</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I picked off your bluff</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: and now you're angry</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: ok</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: just tell me how it was a bluff</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I'm glad you understand now</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: i had u beat the whole way until the river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: imma take all ur money</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: if you had me beat, wouldn't the pot go your way?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: no cuz the river came</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: it's a 7 card game, afterall</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: oh</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: damn irs like im talkin to a wall</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: fkin idiot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you didn't play your "don't deal the river card" chip?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: so ur sayin u picked me off bluffin with a set with top pair or are u sayin that u knew u were gonna river me and u called dominated?</span><br />
<br />
LOL, some people never learn. I could have kept this going this all day. Or at least until I got hungry. So like 5 minutes or so.<br />
<br />
Just then I had a great hand come up. Some jackass open limps the button, I check the big blind with the mighty A2, and the flop comes up A25 all clubs. The small blind checks, I bet the pot, button folds, SB calls. Turn is an offsuit 3, small blind checks and I check behind figuring I can't get much value out of a bet. River is a really funny (to me anyway) 2, and now the small blind (poin is his name) fires out a 2/3 pot bet. I figure he has a number of hands that can withstand a raise, most likely some crappy 2 pair that rivered a weaker full house, or maybe a completely retardedly played flush, or a 4 for a straight. I raise it up a bit over 3x his bet, and he re-raises again. Well I'm not folding and if he has one of the few hands that beats me good for him, so I put him all in and stack him for a $250 pot. He had K3 of clubs. Sick slowplay there, sparky. The chat that follows is great.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: see?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: he was bluffing too</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: ur such a river !%&#$</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: he flopped the fl</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: not my fault he didn't bet his hand</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u river the boat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: that is true</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I mean really</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u didnt play the hand bad</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: he should have bet more</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: but still</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u got lucky river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: again</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: he didn't bet anything</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poin: i'm glad you two are friends now. it's cute.</span><br />
<br />
LOL, this is hilarious. Sorry that you lost your stack dude, but this comment is awesome.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: he's finally accepted that I picked off his bluff</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: with top pair</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no I had a full house</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: don't you pay attention?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poin: i'm glad that my bluffing can bring peace and friendship to this table.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u had a str8</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: dont u pay attention?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: too busy taking ur money</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: as long as u dont p.ussy out and stay there u wont have it for long</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poin: i'm just trying to dig out of the donkey hole i dug myself into against XaQ. i'm coming for you, XaQ!!!</span><br />
<br />
I normally never leave a table as good as this, but I decided this would be the perfect time to get up and leave but stay at the table to see what they would say.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: XaQ Morphy has 5 seconds left to act</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Dealer: XaQ Morphy has timed out</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: aww he left</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poin: whoa .. scared him.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: there goes easy money</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol scared?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I owned you guys left and right</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: u rivered us left and right</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: which has nothing to do with skill</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: its called luck</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: now you're arguing semantics</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: if ur so good stay</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: keep ownin me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: a good poker player would try to learn from his mistakes, not argue with the guy that beat him soundly</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: or hittin runner runner.....whatever u wanna call it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: oh, and I can't stay</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: gas just dropped 2 cents</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: gonna use ur stack to fill up the whole block</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poin: you let me know when you see a good poker player in my seat, xaq.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">poin: hasn't happened yet lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol poin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: your problem was you played phil hellmuth's version of slow play until the guy catches up</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: i didnt slow play</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: ur an idiot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: we went all in on the flop</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">IneedGASmoney: not the river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: not you sparky</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: talking to poin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: world might not revolve around you, ok?</span><br />
<br />
And I left. Neighborhood all got free tanks of gas and held a party in my honor. This may look like a common hit and run, but uhh, well yeah it probably was. Fuck em.<br />
<br />
Finally this last one has a bit of everything. It starts out with some hand that a player named artdogg8201 must have played in a way I thought was pretty stupid. There are bets in poker that basically can only be called by a hand that has the bettor crushed. Despite rumors to the fact that these bets are known as Morphy Bets, this is simply not true. Our friend artdonk here makes an Artdonk Bet and the player nikeboy717 busts his ass in a spot where he couldn't possibly have gotten a worse hand than his to call. It starts off innocently enough:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nice bet</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: that was a nice play</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: wow</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i love retards on this site</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: we love you too art</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: thanks i guess</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i see it all the time</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: someone catches a flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: another catches a set</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: and they boat up</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: esp when im in the hand</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i have a flush i get boated on</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i have a set i get flushed</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: my favorite is the guy who bets so much that the only hand that calls him has him beat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: thats the way it works</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i guess thats me</span><br />
<br />
Heh, so artdonk admits as such. This guy was incredibly bad, so I needed to find a way to get him back on the table. I really wanted to bust him, but nikeboy was equally bad so I figure the money will come my way eventually. Usually saying "please reload" doesn't work, so I find that if you insinuate that they are broke they go out of their way to brag about how great they are at poker and how much money they have. Let's see if it works:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you gonna reload art or is that the last of your money here?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: no i still got 500 more</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: right</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: wow</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: morphy please bust this joker</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: can't</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: not this hand anyway</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: top pair no good</span><br />
<br />
My guess is that nikeboy shoved on me in a spot where I knew I wasn't good. Meanwhile Artdonk reloaded and is back in action. He wins a pot here:<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nice one art</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: thanks</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: a few more of them ill be happy</span><br />
<br />
It may seem like I'm being overly nice and out of character here, but I'm really just trying to get this guy over confident so that I can bust him later.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: this guy is a joker anyways but i was really ognna be mad if dude rivered a flush on me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: lucky turn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u say lucky turn but u are a piece of garbage</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: horrible poker player</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: art u are gay aren't u</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: such a hot head</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: hey art, you almost back up to even yet?</span><br />
<br />
Here I'm just fishing for something. At this point I never figured I'd catch the spew that I did!<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: ahahaha no way</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: lol</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i mean yea</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: im up from my deposit</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i was way up on my deposit</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i deposited 70 bucks last friday</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i was up to 830 yesterday</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nice</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: now im down to a little over 600</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: im tryin to get back up to where i was</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you should move up in levels, more money on the table, easier to win more that way</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i get unlucky and get all hot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u know what im sayin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: and just keep throwin money in there</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: and play pissed</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: thats not the way to go man</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i just get stupid</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u kno what im sayin morph</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yeah but what you gonna do when you get bad beats? just sit there and take it? screw that</span><br />
<br />
See here I'm trying to be overly nice and kind of hoping he'd move up in levels so I could follow him and he would play retarded AND scared. Those are the best. What I didn't realize is that he was going to open up bad beat anonymous on me.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: what u mean</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i know</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: dude yesterday i think i had the worst one in a while</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: it was nothin like floppin that set</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: like this was horrible</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i only had like 30 bucks and had 10 9</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: flop comes up 6 7 8</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i check it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: everyone else checks</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: next card comes up is 6 again</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: so im hopin someone catches the 6</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i got all in</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: someone calls me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: he got 22</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: after the turn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: next card comes up is the 2</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: that's sick</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i mean he was tryin to bluff too</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i trapped him</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: the other day i trapped iwth AA after the flop i got some dude to go all in iwth 99</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: caught nothing the dude with 99</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: he pushes all his chips in</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: im like yes i see him turn his cards over</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: 9</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: just horrible beats u know</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: you musta pissed off someone at bodog</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i mean those beats are just crazy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: dudes catchin 2 outers</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: on the river when they got a 5 percent chance of winnin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yeah</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i wanted to call there so bad and didnt</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i had 5 6</span><br />
<br />
Yikes. Is there a relief from this in sight? Ahh yes, another really bad reg shows up and they share in their sorrows. Great, cause you know, we love bad beat stories!<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: luvboat hows it goin man</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: hey</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: rough</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: really</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i feel that</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: lost with quads yesterday</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: to what?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: first time ever</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: str8 flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: wow</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: horrible</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: dude flpped it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: wow that is just crazy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: yeah, tell me about it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: how much on that hand?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: just like 100</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: or what</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: whole stack</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: about 150</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: he had more than me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: oh ok</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: dude i was like you yesterday</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i kept losin and rebuyin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: losin with aa</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: just gettin mad</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: bout bad beats</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: oh man that happens to me all the time</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u cant let it make ya mad</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: nah, i just go to a bigger table</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: win it back</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: yep</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: thats what i been doin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: hahaha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: what u go to 300 max>?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: 600</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: wow u got balls</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i wont do that man</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: thats alot of loot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: yeah</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: the swings are sick</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i know</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i do that when im at the 300 max table</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: i played on 2K table</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: insane</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: im sure</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u do this for a living?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: what did you buy in for?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: the max</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: and what happened?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: won a lil</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: like what a few hundred?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: u go in with a small stack u get bullied too easily</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: huh</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: oh yea def i know what u mean buddy</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: how much is the min buy in?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: art is the king of getting bullied while being the short stack</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: buy in??</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: yea min buy in at the 2k table</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: morph it works alot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: when u go in with a small stack u can win alot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: not sure about min</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: min is 1k</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: damn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: i always go in for the max</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: most sites it's only 400</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: but 1k here</span><br />
<br />
God they are feeding off of each other. I'm trying a few things here and there, throwing in jabs when I can, but the bad beat lefts and rights keep coming. Time to take another approach. I don't know why, but I decided to act like I was some old dude. This can't possibly work, right?<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: wow</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: any of you play this as your job</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: or u work too</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nah, I got retired back in 83</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: buncha punk kids out east took me out of the game</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: oh ok</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: then after I got out, this internet thing was the new fad, so I took that up</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: oh ok</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: how old u morph</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: old</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: like 50 old</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: 60 old</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: somewhere in there</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: damn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: how bout u luvboat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: 30</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u do this for a living?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: or u work too</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: work too</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u say u buy in to the max table</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: how much u usually cash out a week on here</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: or dont u cash out</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: not weekly</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: like what monthly?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: 2-3 grand</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: a month?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: on avg</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: not bad man</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: not enough to live my p-diffy lifedtyle</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: j/k</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: haha ill le tya have it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i ot nothin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: just fishin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: nothing wrong w/a lil fishin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i think if i bet i could have got ya off it</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: back where i come from, a guy who fishes that much at a card table doesn't come</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">home in one piece</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: hahha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: hahahaha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">LuvBoat: ure safe here</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: dude the people on this site are rediculous</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i mean i do it when i can do it cheap</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: but some people push 100s of bucks in on their fishin adventure</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: everytime i got trips someones fishin for the flush for 100s of bucks</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: and its not even the nut flush</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: not even a high one at all</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: like with 3 6</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: but when i do that i get screwed someone has a higher one</span><br />
<br />
Dear lord, it's not working! Time to step up my game here.<br />
<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: last time I lost to a higher flush I did 15 years</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: 15 years of what</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: .....</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: of time, son</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: time</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: ok</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: how old are you anyway, boy?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: 24</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: why</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I got shorts older than you</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: hahaha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: im young</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i just started playin like bout 3 years ago</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: on here about 2</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i do ok</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: its some extra income ontop of my job u know</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: a few extra gs a year</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: all I gots is this govt check</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: nothin too big</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: haha u make any on here morph?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: sometimes</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: god damn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: nice river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: nice river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: nice turn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: he had ya way before the river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: yeah u turned me</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: w/e turn river</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: so how much u make morph alot</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: back in my day, we called the flop the turn</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: or just enough to live</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: the turn 4th street</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: and the river 5th street</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: but we didn't play much holdem</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: mostly 5 card stud</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: well last year I made enough to buy a nice boat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: not too shabby</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: like what 8 gs</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: or alot more than that</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: well I really wanted the 58 footer</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: but had to settle on the 30 footer</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: so that was a pretty penny</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: more than 8 gs</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: haha</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: had to cut out one of the bedrooms</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: but it's nice</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: not too sahbby</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: u think people come on here and lose their asses</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: i mean alot of people all u see them do is lose</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: almost lost my ass</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: on here?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: no</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: back in nam</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: hahah i see</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: that sucks man</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: yeah I got my ass shot up and govt just gives me this check each month</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: yep</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: ok I gotta go soon</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: me too</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: 10-10</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: nh</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: thanks son</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: haHAHA</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">nikeboy717: nice bluff</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: he outplayed you</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: I wasnt bluffin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">artdogg8201: no bluffin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">XaQ Morphy: had me what you boys call big slick</span><br />
<br />
And that kids is how it's done. Any questions?<br />
<br />
I have a bunch of smaller chats that I've gathered over the last 2 years or so. Next task is to put those together into 1-2 entries. In the meantime, if anyone is interested in helping out with the igotskillz donkumentary, please email me. It's going to be a huge undertaking and I could use all the help I can get. Until next time!<br />
<br />
Yours Donkily,<br />
<br />
Morphy<br />
xaqmorphy@gmail.comXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-81965810852127044582010-11-09T22:28:00.004-06:002010-11-10T13:37:16.161-06:00Confessions of a Rush Poker donk - 11/9/10Hello Manifestites! I hope all is well. Things here aren't bad. Nothing really new to report. I'm just about a month away from making a large electronics purchase through the FullTilt FTP points store. This Rush thing is at least going to be good for something! A shout out to my bud Adam Schoenfeld. He didn't relay my message to Phil H. last night but did have a good one-liner, so that gave a good chuckle. <div><br /></div><div>Anyway, onto the hands. A lot of them this time as I've been slacking on writing up the hands. I'm not even caught up. Hope you are enjoying these!</div><div><br /></div><div><div>wins:</div><div><br /></div><div>+$44.45 - Some moron gobbles UTG, some other idiot calls, I call on the BB with K8d cause it's just the hand that's likely to bust one of these nitfucks who gobbles UTG. Flop is Q54 all diamonds and I do a little dance. Then I check, and it checks around. Turn is the Ac, I bet $3, UTG raiser gobbles, cause that's what these gobbling morons do, I figure he has some nonsense with an A so I make it $22 which is just over half my remaining stack and he calls. I see visions of an ugly river, but it's the Jh which is just as likely to have given this idiot 2 pair, cause idiots sure love their AJ. I shove, he damn near instacalls me with A9o. Surely he's complaining to his dorm buddies about the "sick cooler" and the guy who called him with K8.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$56.65 - I raise with 66, SB re-gobbles and I pray that I flop a set and call. Flop 6TK and the star spangled banner AND show tunes go off in my head. I pull my hoodie over my head, put the sunglasses on, and he's so intimidated that he checks to me. Fuck it, I'm betting. He says fuck you, I check raise. I say fuck you, I shove. He says here sir, have my stack as he calls with AK. I somehow have him dead on the 5d turn, and the river doesn't matter at this point since I've already spent his money on a set of kings somewhere.</div><div><br /></div><div>+54.20 - every once and a while I'll get a hand so sick even I cringe from it. I raise with TT and get 2 callers, both blinds fold, so I'm OOP vs. an unknown and a total moron. Flop is JQT 2 diamonds and my spidey sense goes off. I then realize I hate spiders and smack myself and bet $6 on the flop, which gets called. Turn is the 7h and I don't know what to do. I can either just get it in here or check and make an attempt to get to showdown which likely results in getting it in on the river or making a sick hero fold. In the name of trying to make things the most difficult for myself possible, I check/call a $12 bet. I hate it, but I do it anyway. River is the case T and I giggle a bit and just shove. He calls me and the poor bastard had JJ. I actually do feel a bit bad for that one. Just a bit. Ok no I don't.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$46.10 - not sure wtf I was doing here. UTG+1 limps, cutoff raises to $2, and I'm in the SB with AKo. In the name of not knowing wtf to do, I shoved for almost a full stack. Limper folds but raiser has JJ and calls. I flop a K, dodge the rest, and cross off "winning a flip" from my bucket list.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$60.80 - UTG raises, I re-raise with AA and he calls. Flop is 374 2 clubs (I have the Ac). He checks, I bet $10 and he calls. Turn is the 8c, and he checks again. At this point I figure a few things...he either has a set and isn't folding, has some sort of fuckall that the club scared off, or has an overpair that may or may not fold. If he has an overpair with a club he never folds, so I just shove. He called with QcQs and the river 6 busts him.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$40.20 - I raise with 77 and get 2 callers. Flop is 427 rainbow and the SB leads out and pots it. I call, other guy folds. Turn J putting 2 clubs up, he checks, I bet $12 and he calls. River 8 and he instashoves into me. I call just as fast and he has 78c. Damn idiots and their suited cards.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$37.25 - this one is funny. At least to me. I raise UTG with AKs (btw, when I say AKs I mean spades. If you haven't figured that out already by the times when I say AKc and mean clubs, then you're a damn idiot too). BB calls. Flop is Js 6d 9s. BB checks, I bet $3, BB raises to $10 and there's no way I'm folding here so I shove. Right into the monster that is Q2s. LOL. Turn K and I somehow avoid the T and bust his stupid ass. Damn idiots and their suited cards!</div><div><br /></div><div>+$88.75 - Alright kids, time to play move up in levels to recoup our losses. Ready? Awesome. For these next 2 hands I'm at $1/$2, which is the low end of where I should be playing. But of course I made the stupid decision to cash out my roll a few years ago and here I am stuck playing with maggots. Anyway, I raise UTG with TT and a guy who I've played a ton with (and won a ton from) on another site calls with, umm, $88.75 in his stack. Board is 8T659, 3 diamonds by the end, and I just make a series of progressively bigger bets until I put him all-in. He happily calls all the bets with QQ. Yup, notes from 3 years ago still apply!</div><div><br /></div><div>+$155 - this hand was pretty interesting to me. Not only cause I won a big pot, but due to the nature of how it played out. UTG limps, I raise to $10 with AA, folds back to him and he calls. Flop is 626 2 hearts, he checks, I bet $16 trying to make it a little weaker looking so he can raise me and I can just shove and watch the nonsense ensue. Instead he calls. Turn is the 6d and he checks. I figure a few things...if he's on hearts the 6 scares him away, if he's on overs I can give him a chance to catch up, if he has a pair he probably calls another bet. In addition to this, players in rush love to check/call flop bets and then spew the river if you check behind the turn. That's a secret a few of us found earlier this year, and it seems to have moved to all forms of NLHE, not just rush. So I checked behind. Sure enough he pots the 8d river. At this point I have $129 in my stack and decide he can't have a 6 based on his play, might have 88 but that's so remote I don't consider it, but might have another pair or some other stupid shit that he might call a bet with. I shove it in and he calls with 99. I hate his play on all levels there, but only from the poker theory standpoint. Obv I love it for what it does to my overall session!</div><div><br /></div><div>+$49.65 - I raise with KK from the cutoff. Yeah, I know, why am I playing this crap hand in rush poker of all places, but I can't help it. At least it's not suited. Button calls and we see a flop of 2T4 all spades. I bet and naturally get fuckin gobbled. I figure I'll call and fold to the Js on the turn. Nope, turn Qd, I check, he bets $4.50 and I don't know wtf that means, so I just shove. Right into QT. aljsdflasjlasf Wait, what's this? This hand is in the win section? Huh? Yup kids, Kh on the river and I immediately head to the basement waiting for the end of the world storm.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$48.90 - UTG limps, next guy raises and for some reason I just call with AKd. I'm 50/50 calling/raising/spewing/folding here, so I choose call since there's only 2 options in a 50/50 situation. Or something. UTG limper folds which is funny cause I can't think of anything he would limp/fold with there. Literally nothing. Flop is 7d Tc 5c and the raiser bets $3. I decide to float this so I call. Turn is the Jd and now I have just enough outs to spew off a stack. He bets $7 but I just call figuring only losing $12 something on this hand is better than most, so let's see the river. River is the 4d and he checks. Well wtf I don't know what that means, but it's probably missed clubs. Or something totally retarded. Either way I go for max value and shove here. He calls away with KJs. LOL.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$41.85 - I raise with 33, guy behind makes it $4, I call, sure wtf. Flop 354 all diamonds. I check and he checks behind. Turn 3c giving me quads. I check, he bets $2.50 and I'm way too busy digging my hole to even think about gathering branches and twigs much less raising here, so I call. River is the Js and I bet $10. He shoves on me. At some point I'm going to hell for this, but until then, I'm gonna have fun with it. As I time down and request time, I give him this line:</div><div><br /></div><div>XaQ Morphy: straight flush?</div><div>XaQ Morphy has 15 seconds left to act</div><div>XaQ Morphy has requested TIME</div><div>XaQ Morphy: I guess I have to call, I have quads afterall</div><div>XaQ Morphy: gl</div><div><br /></div><div>Poor bastard had JJ. Yup, going to hell for sure.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>+$51.15 - I raised with QQ and the SB called. Flop was J57 2 diamonds, he leads out weak, I raised to $8, he called. Turn 5 and he checks. I bet $18 and he shoved and I had him covered by a bit. I figure if he flopped a set he doesn't wake up now and shove as his hand got stronger, so I'm putting him on something stupid like a flush draw or Jx. Jx it is and he flips over QJo and is drawing to 2 outs, neither of which get there.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>losses:</div><div><br /></div><div>-$49.50 - every once and a while playing rush I lose my mind and play something I never play. There's a reason I never play these hands...let me illustrate. UTG+2 raises to $1.50, folds to me on the BB and I have AJd. Now, half the morons out there would re-raise in this situation. I suppose a case could be made for doing that at a normal table, but at a rush table that's just pure spew. I think calling is 2nd worst. I normally just fold, but, well, it was suited. So fuck it, I call. Flop 9d 6d Ts and I sigh. I check and somehow he checks behind. Turn 6s and I decide to bet, and get called. River 3d and he all of a sudden leads out and bets. I figure I'm either up against something retarded or the nuts. I go for something retarded and shove. Yup, something retarded alright, my AJd. He had 99 and happily accepts my donation from the land of it was suited.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$42.75 - I raise with JJ and a $80 stack and get called by another $80ish stack. Flop is Js Qd 9d and I hate it already. I bet $3, he raises to $9 and I don't know what to do here. I could put in another raise but it would only be to fold if he pushes. I generally like to avoid these types of spew plays. Instead I decide to call and see if I can get there cheapish. Turn 8h and I hate it even more. I check, he bets $12 and I almost just fold here but choose to peel another one instead. River is the 5d. I check, he bets $20 and since there's damn near nothing I can beat at this point, I guess I put him on 99 and called. In retrospect this is a really bad call and I can probably just fold the turn and move on, but TdJd gets another $32 from me that he normally shouldn't have.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$52 - Someone makes it $1.50, I call with 55 and the SB calls. Flop is Td Jd 5s. SB checks, raiser bets $3, I make it $10, and SB shoves for $50ish and I have her covered. I can't fold here so I call and see the monster that is 4d3d. Naturally the 6d hits the river and they just doubled their net worth.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$49.25 - I raise with 98 cause it's suited in spades and I'm a damn idiot. Button calls. Flop is Kc 7d Ts. I bet $3 and get instagobbled, so I hope to hit a card and call. Turn is the 7s which makes my eyes gloss over. I get it in and lose to his AKo when the 5d hits the river.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$42.35 - hands like this irritate me to no end. Some idiot limps, I pot it with AA, 1 call and a guy behind makes it $12. Folds back to me and I just shove, he calls away with TT. TT? Really? WTF kinda nonsense is gonna happen now I ask myself. Yup, 4 diamonds on board and since he has one and I don't, he's awarded the nitwit of the week award. Err, maybe not week. Nitwit of the minute. That's better.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$50 - Folds to me on the SB and I limp with J9d. I've gone through reasons for limping here, but overall if I limp with a lot of hands and pot any flop it's cheaper than if I raise and get called and then bet the flop and get called or raised and have to give up. So based on that I do it with a lot of hands and in a lot of situations. I figure the blind vs. blind hands typically aren't big pots anyway, so I give them up fairly easily. Until this one. BB raises to $1.50 and dammit I have suited cards so I call. Flop is Qd 8c 7d. I check, he bets $2, I start to count outs, get to 9 and raise to $9. He raises again so I just shove, right into Ad8d. Ugh. I don't hit a miracle, he wins. Ugly, ugly hand.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$48.90 - So every once and a while I get something so completely retarded there are no words. Well there are, but most of them aren't nice. Guy raises to $1.50, 1 caller and I have AA on the SB. I juse raiset he hell out of it and make it $10 total. 1st guy folds, 2nd guy calls with 77. How do I know it was 77? Cause we got it in on the 726 flop, that's why.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$50.55 - This one is extremely annoying. Guy raises to $1.50, I call with 55, another caller behind, and the BB who is named "flingUfeces" makes it $6.50. Folds to me and I have position on him so I call, guy behind folds. Flop is 365 all clubs, and unless he has AKc I think I'm good here. He bets $10.50, I shove, and the monster re-raising hand vs. half the table is Q9c. I don't pair up and hopefully he washed his hands.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$47.95 - here's a sick one. UTG gobbles, button calls and I call on the BB with 66. Flop is Ac Kc 6h. I lead out for $3 and it's gobbled and called behind me. I shove and watch both of these guys get it in behind me. One has AK and the other has QcJc. Yikes. turn 7c, I don't pair up on the river and that's just a sick hand that I don't think anyone played really badly at all. Just one of those things.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Until next time my friends.</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-54827209054966273642010-10-27T19:23:00.002-05:002010-10-27T19:44:03.925-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker donk - 10/27/10Greetings Manifestites! It's here, another installment of the good, the bad, the ugly, and then the hands I played, which don't even really qualify for the above. I'm working up another installment o of random donk chat, which is misc. chat from various tables and such online, so look for that sometime in the relatively near future. Until then, enjoy these!<div><br /></div><div><div>wins:</div><div><br /></div><div>+$39.50 - I raise UTG with 88 and just the SB calls. Flop is 4A7 all diamonds, he checks, I bet $3 and he calls. Turn is the 8h and he bets $4. This is exactly how a flopped flush would play it, so I raise to $20. I make this raise instead of putting him in hoping that a lesser hands thinks they still have fold equity when they shove. Or so they can shove with the damn near nuts, which he does with QdJd. A 4 hits the river and my full boat house busts his ass. That's what you get for slow playing your flopped flush! Or something.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$46.25 - I raise from the button with AA and the SB calls. Flop is 8T8 and he leads for $4 into me. I don't see an 8 doing this, but all sorts of other crap trying to represent an 8 will do this, so I just call. Turn is a 2 putting 2 diamonds up, he bets $5, and now I don't know wtf so I raise to $15 and he calls. River 5 and he checks. Now I figure he has a T or like JJ-KK. I just shove the river and he calls with QT. QT? Really?</div><div><br /></div><div>+$56.60 - UTG with the monster stack that is $7.85 gobbles, next guy raises to $5. I have JJ and don't love my spot, but figure wtf, I can call and flop a set and bust some idiot and a maggot. So that's what I do. I call, maggot puts his last $1.85 in and we both call. Flop is 2KJ and the guy who raised to $5 has KQo and check/shoves the flop when I bet. UTG had A8 cause you know, it was suited, and I bust two idiots.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$50.15 - UTG+1 open limps, one of the strongest moves in poker. If you're a retard that is. I raise with AK and he calls. Flop is AK7, he check/calls $4. Turn 2 and he check/calls $11. River 4, no flush possible, and he check/calls the rest. With A7o. That's a mighty splendid hand you have there son. You can whine and cry about it being a cooler flop, but if you weren't a retard, then I wouldn't have your stack.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$47.20 - Some idiot gobbles, I re-raise with JJ, and he comes over the top with another small re-raise to $9 I figure he has AA/KK/AK or something completely retarded at this point, and I'm ahead of the retarded part, so wtf, I call. Flop QJ5, he bets $10, which seems funny since he put $9 in preflop, but who cares, I just hope he doesn't have AK, cause he either folds, or calls with a gutshot and I can't fade that. I shove, he calls and has KK and I bust him.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$59.45 - this hand is kind of a mirror image of the one above, different opponent tho. I raise with AA, button calls. Flop 8Q8, I bet $4 and he calls. Turn 9, I check, he bets $7, I raise to $27, he calls. WTF here. River 7 and I just shove. He calls me with QT. QT is the new KQ? WTF?</div><div><br /></div><div>+$51.75 - some idiot raises, even bigger idiot named girl_moneymake (no that's not a typo) re-raises to $5.25 and I have QQ. I just call, and so does the first idiot. No clue why he's an idiot other than he is playing poker online, so we'll go with that. Flop is 33Q, first guy checks, girl_moneymake bets $9, I giggle a bit and call, idiot folds. Turn J putting 3 hearts up and this moron shoves into me with KK. Granted, it's a line I'd take, but since I won and she lost, she's an idiot and I'm not. Best thing, there's 3 hearts up and she doesn't have one. River bricks and I double.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$48 - UTG raises, I re-raise with AK, someone behind me cold calls and original raiser folds. Flop 8K6 all hearts, I have none, so I bet $8 and get called. Turn 8, I can't see this guy calling me with an 8 behind, but he could have hearts here. I decide to take a somewhat risky (read: stupid) line and check/raise. I check, he shoves for $145, which has me covered of course. I call and he has KQo no hearts. Ah on the river and another KQo gets the stackeroo going. </div><div><br /></div><div>+$47.25 - I finally figured out how to win with KK: shove right into AA and have the board run 4K239. Easy as that.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$71.25 - Over the years I've seen the most ridiculous questions posted to various online forums and newsgroups. My favorites are the ones where the idiots flop quads or a royal flush or quads or some shit then ask how they could have gotten paid off. Well, this is your guide so pay attention. I raise with 66 and get 2 callers. Flop is 66T 2 spades, I check, next guy checks, next guy pots it, I call, rest fold. Turn A, I check again and the guy pots it again. I do the most annoying bet in poker and gobble, and he calls. There's no real hand he can have that he would bet/fold here unless it's pure air, and if it is, I doubt he calls a bet on the river or bets himself anyway, since I've called 2 pot bets. As I was saying, I gobble, he calls. River K, only 2 spades on board from the flop, so I shove and he beats me into the pot with A8s. LOL. Somewhere he's whining to his friends about a cold deck. So there's your guide, find a moron with a flush draw and have him hand you his stack. Easy.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$41.50 - Cutoff open limps, I complete on the SB with KTc, BB checks. Flop is 7TT, I bet $1 and get gobbled. I just call and see what I can donk up on the turn. Turn is the Ac putting 2 clubs up, so I figure there's basically no way I can win at this point. I check, he bets $3, wtf, I raise to $12, he calls. I don't have a clue what's going on here but I imagine he's just a moron with a T who somehow can't get his stack in. River is a K and I just shove. Poor bastard has T5o. Oh well. Sucks to be him.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$39.75 - Someone raises and gets so many callers that I actually physically cannot fold here on the BB. I try but I call instead. I happen to have 46c. That hand used to be known as The Arlo, but now is known as the AIG. For obvious reasons of course. Anyway, flop is 5c 2c 3d and I just sit back laughing wondering wtf I'm gonna lose to. I check, someone bets $4.50, I just raise to $12 hoping I can get someone else in, but I only get the original raiser who puts his last $15 in or whatever it was. He has JJ and is damn near drawing dead. FTP puts the 4s on the turn just to fuck with me, but the 7c hits the river and I do a little dance. Then I sell my AIG stock. Fuckin Arlo, what a maroon.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$38.45 - EP raises, SB calls and I re-raise with QQ. EP folds and the SB calls. I have him marked down as a total fuckin nitwit, like, certified, card carrying, the whole thing. This fucker even has the "Hi my name is IDIOT" name tag on. Flop is 759, he checks, I just pot it cause he's a moron and will call with anything, but instead he shoves on me. I call and he shows the monster that is A8h (flop has 2 spades and a diamond on it). Turn 8, river Q and his note remains.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$46 - I raise with 45 cause it's suited, the BB re-raises, and I call with position and a veritable monster. Flop is 236 2 clubs cause that's how I roll. He bets $6, I figure at this point the re-raising range is like AJ+ and pairs, with the occasional moron in there. Anything with clubs isn't folding, any pair isn't folding, and hell, half the morons with AK no clubs will get it in, so I raise to $20. This fucker shoves on me with JJ. FTP does its thing with the 6 on the turn but a 4 hits the river and I bust this one too.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$59.40 - here's some runbad turned into play bad turned into get lucky as hell. I raise UTG with QQ and get re-raised. I figure QQ plays like AK in this spot so I just shovey shovey, right into AA. I turn a Q and win a nice pot.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>losses:</div><div><br /></div><div>-$59.30 - Someone raises and gets 2 callers, and I have AK in the SB. I hate re-raising here, getting called in position and spewing on the flop, so I figured I'd just call and see if I can spew my stack another way. Flop 65K, I check, preflop raiser bets, I call sure, wtf. Turn 8 putting 2 spades up, I check, guy bets $13 this time, and I can't see anything taking this line that isn't AK or better, so I shove into his 55. </div><div><br /></div><div>-$45.55 - MP raises, I call on the SB with JJ. I'm probably 80/20 raising vs. calling, so this is the 20% I call. Flop is 29K rainbow, I check, he bets $3.50, so I call. Turn 2s, I check, he bets $5.50, I check gobble, he calls. River 9 and shove figuring I'm value betting at this point. Well I was, just not for me. He had AK. There's an old saying that you shouldn't go broke with only one pair, but since I can't fold it, I won't blame him much.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$43.35 - 2 limpers, someone raises and gets called, so I call on the SB with 77, and somehow both limpers fold. Flop is T73 2 clubs and I check/call a pot sized bet which is $9.75, putting this guy squarely on an overpair at this point. Turn is a K which puts 3 clubs up. I check, he bets $10 which is really a weak ass bet, so I shove for a little over $20 more. He calls and barely has me covered with the monster that is JJ with a club. Fortunately for him another J hits the river. Bah.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$56.45 - I have no fucking clue what this is, but I see that I lost this much with AJo. I don't even want to look at the hand history cause there's simply no reason for that. I don't even play AJo, so my only guess is that my database is rigged.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$49.50 - here's a fun hand, fun in that do a sommersault on a bed of nails kind of way. Some genius raises, I call with 88. Flop 85T 2 diamonds, he checks, and I'm feeling like letting him catch up so wtf, I check behind. Turn Q so the board is now 8d 5d Tc Qc. He bets $2.50, I raise to $8 and he shoves for $80 and has me covered. I call and he has the AcJc for A high and the magical fucking flush draw. River 2c and the flush draw is rewarded once again. Congrats dude.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$47.15 - Some guy in MP open limps, SB completes and I make it $3 from the BB with JJ. Both call of course, and we head to the flop. Flop is 3JT 2 spades, I bet $6 and just the SB calls. Turn Ah, he checks, I bet $18, he calls. River 2h and he shoves and has me covered by a bit. A lot of hands take this line, missed spades, lower sets, 2 pair, something absurd, and in this case, the nuts takes this line, KQo no spades. Awesome.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$50.75 - poker is a cruel beast. Someone raises, I re-raise with AK, they call. Flop is K76 2 diamonds, I have none so I bet $7 and the guy calls. Turn Ad and he leads into me. At this point I can just all out fold or put him in for his last $23. And lose to a flush. The 5 high flush of course.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$48.50 - here's one of those "you know it's a bad day when" hands. I raise with 86 cause it's suited and I get re-raised from one of the blinds. I call in position. This can be argued as being bad, but I think there's enough data and proof that calling with these types of hands 100BB deep can be profitable enough. FLop is 7d Td 5h and I just sigh cause I know what's coming. I start counting outs and don't get past 9 or so when he pots it, I have plenty of ways to miss so I shove and he instacalls with fucking AKo. Turn J, river 7 and I have the mighty 8 high against A high, which is no good in today's poker. These fuckers.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$20.30 - not a huge hand but more run bad. 2 limpers, I make it $3.50 with AA. One of the limpers with a monster $20 stack calls with QJo. Flop QT2 and we get it in. I get kicked in the nuts twice with the J on the turn and the Q on the river. Wonderful.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$7.70 - another maggot run bad whine. 1 limper and this maggot shoves with AQo. I call with AKo and watch in amusement as the board runs 98T7J. Awesome.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$20.70 - maybe the last of my runbad whines. Maybe not. This one is funny to me cause I was done for the day several hours earlier but decided to sit down and grind a bit. First hand I get AA on the BB. Someone raises, I re-raise and he shoves his maggot stack with JJ. Board Q8TTJ and I just sit out and close it down at that point. I get the message FTP. You can stop fucking with me now. Please? Ok well I found some more runbad but I'll spare you. I lost like 8 stacks over the last 2 weeks with AA or KK vs. a flopped set. That shit is just standard cause I do that to my opponents enough. I'll spare you the details though, lol.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Until next time! </div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-84947850534042448892010-10-17T12:02:00.003-05:002010-10-17T21:23:31.638-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 10/17/10Hello Manifestites! Not much to report, and no time to report it, so I'll just get to the hands. Enjoy!<div><br /></div><div><div>wins:</div><div><br /></div><div>+$51.20 - UTG raises to $1.50 and gets 2 callers. I not only have the almight AK, it's suited in hearts, so I mash the pot button and raise it up to $8.25. UTG folds, next guy calls, rest fold. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but it has to be retarded. Flop is Jh Qh 6s and he checks to me. I can barely control the mouse as my entire body goes into a BSOD influenced seizure. I pot it, he shoves on me, I call. Board runs out 6c 4s, and by some miracle I've beaten the monster that is 9cTc. Uhhh. What a way to start.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$43.25 - UTG limps, cutoff raises to $2, I call on the BB with 88, and UTG folds. I'll never understand what these idiots are limp/folding with like that. Anyway, name of the game is flop a set, stack a donk, so that's what I'm focused on. Flop comes 3Q8 rainbow, I check raise the shit out of this idiot who calls. Turn 2, I just put him all-in and he calls drawing dead with KQo. These morons and their KQ, it never ceases to amuse me.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$40.75 - As most poker players can tell you, sometimes you get a moment of true clarity where you just know what's going to happen. Here I had one of those. Some retard raises and I call with 44. I just know that he's probably eating cold hot dogs at this point. I don't know how I know, it's definitely not a math based read, but just a pure gut instinct. Flop comes out 954 and now I'm sure of it. He bets, I raise, he shoves on me, and I bust hot dog boy's QQ when the board blanks out. I now have a new note on him: "if he's eating hot dogs, flop a set and bust his ass."</div><div><br /></div><div>+$51.75 - I raise with my good friend KK and get 2 callers. As I move the mouse over to close the window down I see the flop come up K76 rainbow. There's no flush draw, so I'm not sure what I'm gonna lose to, so when it checks to me I bet $3. Strangely enough I get check-raised to $10. I break a branch off and call. Turn 3 completing the rainbow and this guy bets $17. Sure seems like he's not folding so I put him all-in. He calls with 76 drawing dead, and even after all that I still win the hand. This poker thing is rigged I tell you.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$42.25 - I raise with 99 and everyone north of the equator calls. Flop is T9T 2 diamonds and I figure this is where I bet and they fold so fast it's like the site just crashed. I bet $7 and to my surprise I get 1 caller. Turn Kc and now is the time to set the trap. I check, put my sunglasses on, my hat on, my hood up, and put both hands right up to my face. No one is getting through this force field. Not a chance. My opponent bets $14, I only have $33 left so fuck it, I shove, and he calls with the hand known as drawing dead, in this case it's AdJd. These morons and their flush draws, gotta love em. Or their money at least.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$44 - This one had me laughing for a while. Folds to the SB who limps, I check with the powerhouse that is Q6o. Flop is Q5Q and I start wondering wtf kinda nonsense is gonna happen here. He bets 75c, which is so fucking retarded I can't even begin to describe it, so I won't. I choose the only line available to me. What I mean is that I can't call or fold for obvious reasons, I can't make a normal raise because it requires more than one click, so I choose the only line available, I gobble. He calls because that's what people do when they bet 75c in a 25c/50c game and get gobbled. Turn 6 and he checks. I go into full Hellmuth mode, refill the mouse trap with cheese and check behind. River 7 and he comes out betting $7.50. For those of you who are following this, preflop there's $2 in the pot, on the flop there's $3 more, so he just bet $7.50 into a $5 pot. At this point I seriously consider another gobble, but since I didn't gobble the turn there's no point. I just shove for $45 and he instacalls with 55. See previous statement about nonsense. Fuckin gobblers. Err, oh wait.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$47.25 - Some moron named ScareyGirl open limps in MP, I check the BB with 76. Flop is T66 and I just lead out and pot it for $1.25. This genius raises to $3.25 and I know immediately that she has a big pair. Anyone named ScareyGirl who open limped and raised on that flop ain't folding, so I shoved for $75. She happily calls her stack off with AA putting no thought into it at all. I nail a full house boat on the turn with a 7, river T and I yell BOO as she hits the rail.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$46.50 - guy named Double Fold raises to $2. I hit pot and make it $8.75 with AA, and he shoves with AKo. Board runs 43A5K and I email FullTilt asking them to change this guy's name to Double Up.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$34.35 - Folds to me in the cutoff and I have 2 suited cards, so I raise, they happen to be 7d6d. SB re-raises to $4.25 which is an amount that just screams "HEY, BUST ME!", so I do. I call, flop is Ah 9d 5d, he bets $5, I just shove, and he calls it away with AQo. I win in the most amusing way possible, turn 6h, river 7c, and another AQ playing, rail hitting moron, uhhh, plays AQ and hits the rail.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$56.50 - UTG+1 raises to 1.50, I re-raise with KK, someone behind cold calls, raiser calls. I see a flop of KT6 2 clubs, and wonder what kinda ridiculous flush draw is gonna bust me. Instead, the cold caller pots it into me with TT, I shove and bust him. My only guess is the other guy misclicked with his flush draw, cause flopping top set with KK shouldn't be that easy to win with.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$52.15 - I raise UTG with JJ and get not one, not two, not three, not four, but five (5, FIVE) callers. Now there's some respect. Flop comes out KJ6 with 2 spades and one player checks to me. I honestly can't see any reasonable play here, so I just shove for $111. Next guy behind me calls his $46 away, the rest fold, and I bust this poor guy's 66.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$40.20 - I raise with AA to $1.75 (pot button is your friend, or at least my friend), guy named ninjachicken re-raises to $6.50. A famous man named Matt Matros once said that you should be shoving AK into completely unreasonable situations to cover for the times you have AA. Well, this time I have AA, so I need to shove here in order to cover for the times I have AK. I do. He tanks. He requests time. I type in "just fold already" and at that exact second he calls with AKs. I somehow still beat him even after trash talking and after he flops a K. Jedi mind tricks, Morphy style.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$37.05 - I raise to $1.75 with TT. 1 caller, SB re-raises to $4.25, which is about the most retarded re-raise size there is. We both call, and the 99T flop smacks me silly. We check around while I try to do that thing they do on cartoons when they get flattened by an anvil. I don't have an air pump, so I close my mouth, hold my nose, and blow as hard as I can. Try it, you'll like it. Turn As and now I think there's a good chance he has AA, but obv I'm never folding. He checks, I bet $6, 1 call, and he shoves for $25. I call, next guy folds, and this genius is drawing almost dead with AK. River 8 seals the deal. For some reason I can't hear out of my left ear now. </div><div><br /></div><div>+$57.85 - Someone in EP raises, retard makes it $5 an I have QQ on the BB. I don't want to get too nuts here so I just call, and original raiser folds. Flop is T66. I check, he bets $7.50 which seems weak, but there's no real point in raising, so I just call. I mean, I guess I can raise, but his re-raising range is either 2 big cards or a pair. If he has TT I'm drawing to 2 outs, if he has 2 big cards he folds to a raise, if he has an overpair he shoves. I can't stand a re-raise, so I think calling is probably best. Turn Q and I giggle a bit. I check, he bets $10.75 and while there's a chance he has AA, I doubt it, so I do the old check/gobble figuring he'll shove AQ or KK/AA, but he calls. I can't think of wtf he would/should be calling with here. River A and he has $24.85 left so I just bet $25. He calls it off with AK. Awesome. Calls the check raise with a gutshot draw drawing completely dead.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>losses:</div><div><br /></div><div>-$45.35 - I raise UTG with QQ and get called by some guy in MP. Flop is 753 rainbow, I bet $3 and he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 spades up, I bet $5, he raises and I should probably fold so I shove instead. He has the awesomeness that is 78, and rivers another 8 for a tug boat. Err wait, a house boat. Sorry, I keep screwing up the terms.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$35.70 - I haven't lost with AA in a while so let's see what I can do. Button open limps, one of the strongest moves in poker (if you're a retard), I raise from the SB with said aces, BB calls, button finds a fold somehow (second strongest move). Flop comes 78J rainbow, I just pot it and BB calls. Turn T which is a pretty ugly card, but he's kinda short so I just check raise right into his 99. Oops.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$36.45 - 1 limper, I limp behind with 55, blinds are in. Flop is 8Q4 and it checks around. Turn 5 and I drool a little. 1 check, next guy bets $2, gets a call, I raise to $10, and first guy (who was the BB) shoves. The BB could have anything in this hand, and 2 raggy pair is all over his range. I can't fold here, and naturally he has 76. River K and I don't fill up, so all the wannabe announcers out there can say "big blind special" out loud and feel better about themselves. Go ahead. You know you want to do it.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$30.80 - I raise with AA and the BB calls. Flop is 6K6 and he check raises me. I put him on some hands I can beat and shove. He doesn't have any of those hands and instead has 65. Who the hell calls raises with suited cards like that? Oh wait.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$51.60 - I raise UTG with 88 and guy I have marked as a loose re-raiser makes it $3.50. Button calls, blinds fold, I call. Flop is 689 all diamonds. Raiser bets $4.50 and gets called. I'm in a tough spot here and don't know wtf to do. When in doubt, shove in drawing dead I always say, so that's what I do, right into 99.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$35.50 - 1 limper, I raise with my good buddy KK and he calls. Flop is 289 2 clubs, I pot it, he calls. Turn is the Tc and he checks to me. Pot is $15ish, he has $30 something left, so I don't know what to do here. I can't always put them on the flush draw, and I can't just always give up when the flush card hits. That's what weak players do, and that's why they'll never be winning players. Of course, they are also results oriented, and in this hand they will say I should have checked the turn and folded to the river bet, cause the guy had Ac4c. Which, btw, is a fine open limping hand. It is suited afterall. I act surprised that KK lost to a flush draw, but only because it was the nut flush draw, and not the 8 high flush draw.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$51.35 - Folds to me on the button adn I raise wtih AK. SB folds, BB re-raises. They re-raise with a lot here, so AK is well ahead of their re-raising range. This makes a shove profitable. Well, in most cases. But not here, when he calls with the monster that is AsJs. It never ceases to amaze me when I see this shit. WTF does he think I'm shoving with? Air? In a cash game? WTF? As I see the board come out, I now know what he was thinking. He was thinking he'd bust the fool with AK when the board runs out 5s Ac 2c Qs 8s and he has the nuts. AJ, the universal hand of the retard. If you just found yourself saying "but it was suited", then yes. Exactly.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$40.90 - So I normally don't play this hand, but there's a reason. There's this elusive little maggot fucker named, appropriately, DieShorty. I've been playing this guy for 9 months and literally have only been in like 3 hands with him. I've been trying to bust him the entire time. The great whale of poker as it is. So, some moron maggot raises to $1.25 from the button, DieShorty calls on the SB and I call on the BB with KsJs. Like I said, I normally don't play this hand, and what I didn't even realize until after the hand is that DieShorty, who ALWAYS has $20 or less, somehow has $40.90 here. He must have missed his chance to rathole after doubling up before. So anyway, flop 8K2 and it checks to me, I bet 3, button who obv had nothing folds, Shorty raises to $7.50, and I'm blinded by baggging the big one, so I shove right into his 22. Sigh. Another one got away. I'll get you Shorty!</div><div><br /></div></div><div>Until next time!</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-91877136990472161632010-10-02T10:58:00.002-05:002010-10-02T11:22:41.739-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 10/2/10<div>Hello Manifestites! I hope all is well out in Donkeyville. Not much to report here, new month, same shit going on, more Rush Poker, playing some other stuff on The Site That Shall Not Be Named that I might include here from time to time. Nothing else to really say, so on with the hands!<br /><br />Wins:<br /><br />+$26.05 - 1 limper, SB checks, I decide to check the BB with 99 since only bad things can happen if I raise, and worse things could happen if the flop is all undercards, so I go with that. Flop is 9AJ 2 hearts. I bet $1.50 and some genius shoves for $28. I call and somehow his A8o doesn't win. Sorry dude, please try again.<br /><br />+$66.30 - I raise with QQ from the button, SB folds, BB re-raises. I 4 bet to $15.25 (just hit pot and go) figuring he's on a fairly wide range, and he calls. Flop is 9AQ which is awesome. He bets $14 into me, I just shove and he calls drawing near dead with AK.<br /><br />+$31 - I raise with AK and get 1 caller. Flop is AQJ 2 diamonds, I have none. I bet $2.50, which is in my standard cbet range, he raises to $6.50, I can't really beat anything so I call. Turn is the Tc and I laugh a bit wondering wtf I'm gonna run into now. I check, he bets $5, I raise to $25 figuring he'll just shove, but to my surprise he calls. The river is the 3d, which completes the flush draw and is kind of an ugly card, but I'm not folding at this point. I figure if he has 2 pair he's checking behind, a set might check behind, and if he's on something like 99 or something retarded like that he never bets, so I just put him all-in, but he folded on the river. I have no clue wtf he could have had to take this line, so I'm just gonna go with the standard read that he's a retard.<br /><br />+$65.35 - I would swear that I lose every time I'm dealt KK, but my database says otherwise, and since there's a 100% chance that my database is smarter than I am, I'm gonna go with that. In this hand cutoff raises to $1.50, button calls, SB raises to $4, and fuck it, I just shove for $65 something. SB calls with AsKs, board runs 7T863 without a single spade and FTP builds a statue in my honor.<br /><br />+$81.70 - if this hand isn't proof that I've conquered NLHE, I don't know what is. I get QQ all-in preflop against AA and KK and bust both of them with a board of 674Q5. FTP designs an avatar in my honor. It looks very similar to their donkey avatar. I'm sure it's just a coincidence.<br /><br />+$43.05 - I raise with JJ and get one caller. Flop is 9T7, I bet $3, he raises to $8.50, I can't beat much so I call. Turn J and I check while getting my shovel and some twigs. He checks behind. River T, so fuck it, I overshove and he calls with QQ. I bet he was getting his shovel too. To bury himself with. Or something.<br /><br />+$36.35 - UTG+1 raises to $1.75, I call with 77, genius re-gobbles to $3, the first raiser finds a fold somehow, I call. Flop 967 rainbow, I check raise his $4 bet, he shoves on me with the mighty AK high drawing dead. Nice play there, sparksalot.<br /><br />+$31.30 - Same preflop raiser from above raises, a different moron gobbles, I call with TT on the SB, BB folds, but this time the preflop raiser finds it in his heart to call getting 35.23467834:1. Good man. Flop is TK7, I check, pf raiser checks, gobbler bets $4, I call, pf raiser folds. Turn 3, I check, pf raiser shoves on me with the mighty JJ. Gobble is as gobble does.<br /><br /><br /></div><div>Hands for the victoriously challenged:<br /><br />-$45.15 - 2 limpers, and some fuckin genius gobbles on the button. I'm in the BB and have 2 cards so I can't fold. The 2 cards happen to be Qc8c, but that doesn't even matter. The limpers call as well, surprise surprise. Flop is 2c Ac 5c. Checks to the button who bets fuckin $1. I raise to $5, someone else calls and the button calls. Turn Th. I bet $15, other caller calls, button folds. I have no clue wtf this guy could have here, but I'm never folding. River is the As and I figure if he had something like AxJc he'll never fold now, so I shove. Yeah, fucker has KcTc. Cold decks suck. Gobblers suck. Q8 sucks. Clubs suck. Except for Canadian Club. I've recently joined that club and I'm liking it so far. Maybe it will help with some of these hands.<br /><br />-$36.80 - 3 limpers, I call on the SB with J7, BB checks. Flop is J25 2 clubs, checks to last player to act who bets $2, so I call and peel a turn. Turn Js and now I'm in trouble. I check, he bets $8, I hate it but I call. River As, I check again, he moves in, I somehow only started the hand with $36.80 so by some odd coincidence that's what I give his 55. I normally don't even call the flop bets with these top pair no kicker hands, since the only reason I call preflop is for the odds I'm being given, but for some reason I got stupid here. Oops.<br /><br />-$22.60 - KK + maggot = -$22.60. This time he called it off preflop with AQd. Board 23524, awesome.<br /><br />-$48.50 - good old KK again. 2 limpers to my button so I just make it $4. BB damn near instacalls, others fold. WTF? Flop is 88Q 2 spades, which is perfect for KK, right? I mean other than the flush draw. That they always have. Always. Seriously. What flush draw could he have here? The old Ks9s. He bets into me, I shove, he calls me so fast it's like he has the Js, 4d already in his hand ready to deal, and sure enough, I sit there wondering wtf just happened.<br /><br />-$36.45 - Someone raises to $1.75, I re-raise to $5.50 from the SB with QQ, he calls. Flop is 327 rainbow. I bet $12, he shoves and I snap his JJ off. That is, until the J nails the river.<br /><br />-$31.70 - this one is fun. I raise to $1.75 with AK, genius behind me re-raises, folds back to me and I just shove for $47. He calls off his stack which happens to be uhh, $31 something with the old QJo. Board runs out 865J5 and the QJo trick works again.<br /><br />-$40.75 - KK again. Are you seeing the pattern here? Fuck sake. I raise , 1 caller. Flop 92J and the fuck has JJ. Sigh.<br /><br /></div><div>That's it for now, but as expected, I have 2 weeks worth of hands to write up. I'm gonna do that now. No really, I am. So expect another blog entry in, well, you know. Until next time!</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div> </div><div>Morphy</div><div>xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com</div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-61628942655952339682010-09-21T10:57:00.004-05:002010-09-21T14:39:10.872-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 9/21/10Greetings Manifestites! Yup, I've been slacking again. Oh well, if you aren't used to it by now you'll never learn, so I'll just keep making these half excuses and posting when I feel like it. Recovery from neck surgery is going very well, at the 2 month point I'm now able to lift up to 20lbs and do just about everything else fairly normally. I'm still in a fair amount of pain from time to time, especially later in the day, but that's getting better every day. I'm expecting another month to be cleared of any weight restrictions. If it's anything like last time it'll take a good year before I feel 100% again, but this is so much better than before surgery I can't even describe it.<div><br /></div><div>Poker for me lately has been a bit different. I've been playing on the site that shall not be named that rhymes with BlokerMars. They have some really juicy sort of hidden games that run from time to time and I'm taking advantage of the people who like to play every hand in every game they choose. It's great. But I'm still playing Rush Poker on FullTilt. I have a goal of getting a slew of FTP points and spending them all on something from the FTP store, and Rush is the easiest way to get there, so wtf, why not. During the few weeks that the hands below came from I've been running worse than normal, so I decided to change things up here and there. Some PLO, some PLO8, a few limit games here and there, basically something to stop the bleeding. Since I'm still writing these I guess it worked. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'd also like to announce that I'm 1 month RGP free. What a shithole that place is. I can't believe I've wasted so much time there over the years with all of the total morons that post there on a day to day basis. Oh well, I will be making a return appearance in a few months for an event that is going by the name "The Welchiversary", so that should be fun. Look for me in November or so.</div><div><br /></div><div>Ok I've babbled enough, onto the hands. Note that these run up through 9/9, so I'm even slacking on writing up the hands after my sessions. I was using it as a way to review my play, and it was working well, but it took a while to do, so I sort of slacked. This is basically a foreshadow to the possibility that I'll stop doing these one day.</div><div><br /></div><div>Wins:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$38 - raise with 22, button calls. Flop 892 rainbow, I bet, get fucking gobbled, so I just shove and poor guy has 89. Can't blame him on this one. I mean, I can because by default all of my opponents are morons, but for this particular hand, I'll give him a pass.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$37.65 - I raise with AK in the cutoff to $1.75, and the jackass in the SB makes it $2.75. I resist the urge to toss the laptop out the window, and shove. Fucker beats me into the pot with AQ and amazingly the board runs T6J29 and I bust his ass.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$29.55 - a bunch of limpers to me and I call with 22, some moron raises so we all call. Flop is 2QQ. Preflop raiser checks to me so I just bet pot figuring any Q goes nuts and everyone else folds anyway, so wtf. He calls, rest fold. Turn 7 and I pot it again, and he calls all-in with JJ. Wonder wtf he put me on. Oh well, thanks dude.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$35.95 - UTG+1 gobbles and gets a call. I re-raise to $4 to isolate and some idiot behind calls but the other 2 fold. WTF is going on here. Flop is A86 rainbow. I bet $9 and he shoves. Well ffs, I call, he has AJ. I somehow hold and another moron calling 8BB preflop cold with AJ cause it's suited hits the rail. So I wrote this hand up a few weeks ago and apparently never put in my hole cards. I'm going to guess that I didn't have KK, so I'll go with AK.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$176.70 - yup you read that one right. After running horribly for a solid week I lose my patience and take $160 to $2/$4 PLO looking to gamble it up. And gamble it up I did. Guy who raises every hand raises, I call witih QJT7 double suited, 1 other call. Flop is 936 rainbow and this guy bets, like he does EVERY single time he raises preflop. I'm serious, I watched him for 40 minutes doing the same thing over and over. I say you know what, I have a pretty strong hand here with QJ high, so fuck you pal, I'm getting you off this hand. I shove. He calls me with fuckin 5576. Really? 5576? What the fuckin hell kinda call is that? Turn A giving him a flush draw and I start to close the laptop, but river is an 8 and I double up. Seriously, wtf, and I'm not just saying that about his play.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$36.45 - more PLO, but this time at what unfortunately seems to be the level I'm going to be stuck at for the rest of my life. 3 handed here, and I'm missing every flop and getting raised every time I bluff. I call a raise with QT75 with spades and see a flop of Q82 with 2 spades. That seems plenty, so I get it in with AA93 with spades. Uhh, oops. Turn 3, river is a Q and I giggle a bit.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$42.10 - UTG+1 raises, I re-raise with QQ, he calls. Flop 467, 2 diamonds, I bet $6 and he shoves for $90. I only started the hand with $44, so I don't know what to do here. If he has something like AdKd I'm basically even, if not slightly behind. If he has AA/KK I would have thought he would re-raise me pre, especially on a rush table. If he has a set I don't know if he shoves like this. So I call, he has 99 and I double up.</div><div><br /></div><div>+$41.15 - I call a raise on the SB with 88, BB calls as well. Flop is 83Q and I decide to lead out for $3. BB raises to $13.50 and raiser folds. I figure the raise size plus speed at which he raised means he's never folding so I just shove. He has AQ and rivers the insult kick in the nuts Q to fill me up. Another full house boat my way!</div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Un-wins:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>-$43.55 - so here's a fun hand. As I said earlier, lately I've been playing a bunch of different games including some PLO, PLO8, 7-game cash, and NL facepalming. In this fun hand of PLO, the table moron raises and I call with JT96 double suited hearts/diamonds. This guy has been playing every hand so I figure if I can hit a good flop I can win a big pot, and even if I have a weaker hand he'll bluff at it so I can pick him off fairly light. FLop is 8Q9 rainbow with one club, and I groan. I check, another player checks, this guy bets, I check/raise pot, he calls. Turn Ac and I lead out and pot it. River is the Jc, I still have the nut straight but now there's 3 clubs. I decide to check/call because I know he's shoving 100% of his range here, and 100% of his range is not clubs. In retrospect and talking the hand over with Fell, I probably should have just bet him in, cause 2 pair/sets might call but will check behind on the river. Who knows since I still think he shoves his whole range. Anyway, this genius has the old fuckin J76c4c. Drawing dead to running clubs for the 6 high flush. Naturally he donked off the rest of the stack to someone else about 10 mins later.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$48.45 - this one irritates me to no end. Some fuckin genius gobbles, players not even on the table call, and I'm getting like 17:1 to call with 4h6h on the BB. Long time RGPers know that 46 was known as the Arlo, but ever since that crazy bastard told everyone to put all their extra money in a certain stock, the hand has been renamed to the AIG. So yeah, I see a flop of 5h 2h Qc. Fuck. I can't control the complete BSOD that overcomes me and I get in with the gobbler, who naturally has AA. These people need to be strung up by their toenails and whipped to death with live turkeys. Seriously.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$20.25 - I have no recollection of this hand but it looks funny. I call a raise with J7 cause you know it was suited. Flop is AQ8 2 hearts and the guy bets, so I raise cause I have the nut fuckall. Turn 3h, he checks, I bet $11 and he fuckin gobbles me. alsdjfalsjdfal;sdfj.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$32.75 - this one is annoying cause I knew better. I raised with TT, guy re-raises and I call. Flop is 252 and I check/call a bet. Turn is a 9, I check, he bets again and I figure I'll never fold so I just shove, right into the most obvious overpair ever. Blah.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$84.55. This one stung a bit. I limped with 22 and called a raise with 4 others. FLop is T42. I check, guy bets $6 and for some reason I only raise to $15. He calls. Turn A, and all of a sudden my spidey senses go off. I have really really bad feelings about this hand. I ignore them and check/shove right into AA. I still don't see folding this, but I just had such a strong feeling at the time that the A was such a bad card that I at least thought about it.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$103.80 - running bad so I take $100 to $1/$2. First hand i get AKs on the BB. Cutoff raises to $6, I don't know wtf to do so I just shove it in. He tank calls with JJ of all hands. I flop the A but he goes runner runner for a flush. That was mostly a reminder to stop screwing around when running bad and just find something else to do. A cheap one at least.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$47.75 - I laughed for a good 2 mins after this hand. So folds to the button who raises. SB calls, and I have AhQh. I could really call, fold, or raise. I raise it to $6, button calls. Flop is Jh 6h 5d and I have 2 overs that may be live and a flush draw. I bet $12, he calls. Turn Kc and I add a gutshot draw. I don't know wtf he has so I just shove it in. He damn near beats me into the pot with the monster that is Ad6c. WTF? Remember how I said the buttons always raise with garbage and a re-raise usually takes it down? Yup. Also remember when I said I hate AQ? Yup.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$67.55 - this one is one of the sickest hands I played last week. Game is PLO8, basically changing things up to try not losing my mind. 6 handed table, there's 2 limps to me and I have A248 rainbow. I could raise here, but elect to limp along. Both blinds in so it's a 5 way pot. Flop is 424 2 clubs. My god, I've flopped a monster high but any low card gives one of these idiots who plays shit like J963 a low, so I need to build a pot quick here. 1 check, guy bets $2.50, gets 2 calls and I raise it to $15. To my surprise, 3 people call! Turn is a 2, and now my hand is even better because of the fact that anyone with a 2 might think they are good, and the low hasn't come in yet. I don't know what the hell anyone could possibly have here, but I don't really care since I'm never ever not going to just get my stack in. Sure enough it checks to me, I shove for $52 and get 2 calls, by KTA3 for the naked low draw, and A4T9 for trip 4's. River is the nastiest, ugliest T I've ever seen, and I watch all the chips fly towards that guy. Yuck.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$43.50 - good old fuckin KK. I raise and get near min-raised. I decide not to go 37 gobbles against AA so I just shove right into it instead.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$33.55 - Looking back I must have been pretty irritated at how I was running, but I don't hate my play. UTG raises and gets 2 callers and it's on me with QQ. I have $40 so I just shove it in. 1st guy folds, 2nd guy folds, 3rd guy has fuckin KK. WTF? Why would someone flat a raise and 2 calls with KK? Does he think some idiot is gonna re-raise behind? Err, oh yeah.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So that's it for this time. Until next time!</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div><div>xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com</div><div><br /></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-9960791359276707762010-08-29T18:49:00.003-05:002010-08-29T19:28:09.878-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 8/29/10Hello Manifestites! It's that time once again. The good, the bad, the ugly, the horrific, and then way past that, some of my hands. Before I start, I'll say that I received a request for my email address, since some of you don't know what it is. Best way to get a hold of me is xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com, and I'll include that in my signature for the rest of my posts. Sorry about that!<div><br /></div><div>These past two weeks have been interesting. For those following RGP, I have to say, it's official...don't make bets with people online. You would think that of all of the newsgroups out there, one called rec.gambling.poker would be one that you would be able to make poker related bets with someone and have them honor their bet when they lose. Nope, this isn't the case. Everyone knows the story of the person now known as DaWelch, and most know that the post I made here announcing I was leaving RGP was total BS and just a setup to pull off one of the biggest and best trolls in RGP history. But this one is simply amazing. </div><div><br /></div><div>Back in 2008 I made a bet with someone that I'll just call "Alan" cause not only is that his name, he uses "quotes" on every other damn word, making his posts nearly impossible to read. Anyway, "Alan" made up some nonsense post about how great Annette Obrestad was and how she was a "lead pipe cinch" (his words) to make the final table in the 2010 World Series of Poker main event. She just won the WSOP Europe main event at the age of 18, and this year was the first she was old enough to play in the US based events. He went on to say that ESPN would have a great fantasy final table with her busting Hellmuth and going on to win. Ok dude, whatever. He's basically a delusional moron with no poker abilities at all. I've enjoyed trolling the shit out of him over the years, to the point where he claims he left RGP because of me. LOL to that. Anyway, I bet him $50 that neither Annette nor Hellmuth would even cash in the 2010 main event. He took the bet, I confirmed, and that was that. Fast forward to 2010 when both of these poker giants busted on day 1, and I show up to RGP to collect my bet. Nope, "Alan" mysteriously vanishes from RGP. He then shows up a few weeks ago, I ask him wtf, and start one of the larger threads in RGP history. Turns out that a few total morons including one crazy lunatic named Boise decided that if they take a few posts of mine out of context, including one a full 18 months after the bet was made, that they could invalidate the bet. I won't go into all the details, but needless to say I got stiffed, "Alan" is a welch, and now his name goes down in RGP history as being a scumbag who welches out of a $50 bet. Pathetic. As my latest troll, I decided to just stop reading/posting to RGP for a while. The sheer amount of stupidity that those threads dredged up is almost too much to handle, and I can find better use of my time for sure. It's only a matter of time before one of those morons proclaims that they ran me off of the newsgroup. Right. In their dreams.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, onto better things. Recovery from neck surgery is going well. I've been back in the office at work for the last few weeks straight, had a few mornings where I wake up completely sore and stiff, but for the most part I'm getting better every day. I do have this thing where it feels like something is kneeling on my windpipe, but they tell me that's normal (uhh, what?) and that it'll go away soon. What's that? STFU and get to the hands already? Alright, you asked for it!</div><div><br /></div><div>I missed a week of posting and realized how many big hands are played over the course of a few thousand hands, so I did some heavy editing. There's a bunch of larger hands where it's just AA vs. KK all-in or something similar that I just left out. I won't do a top 5, more like top 10 or so of each, and I'm starting to get more creative when writing these (read: my mind wanders worse than a foreigner lost in a Canadian swamp), so I decided to fold. Uhh, right. Here goes.</div><div><br /></div><div>Wins:</div><div><br /></div><div>+$48.25 - Some moron gobbles UTG+2.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>This gobbling shit has got to stop, cause there's no point behind it.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don't get why they do it, cause it makes absolutely no sense at all.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>At any rate, it lets me play shit like 8c5c, which by some strange coincidence is what I have this hand.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I'm maybe 75/25 calling vs. re-raising here, and my randomizer of vicodin plus remembering stories from my childhood reminds me of the time I fell off of the garage roof and sliced my leg open on the aluminum shed from my knee all the up to my upper thigh, so, uhh, what?<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Oh, yeah, I called.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Someone raises behind to $3.75, the gobbling moron folds, I have suited cards, and I remember my leg stinging like a god awful son of a bitch (no stitches though, as the cut wasn't deep), so I called again.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Flop 6c 9h Ac and he checks.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>I don't know what the hell this means really.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>The top 3 hands he re-raises with are AA/KK and AK, and unless he has AA, I don't see why he checks here.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Ok fine, I'll see a free card, I check.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Turn 3c and how he bets $7.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Well, I've never in my life folded a flush using both my hole cards, so I raise to $23, and he calls.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>River 4s, he checks, I bet $22, he tanks and puts his last 75c in (that bet will never get old), I obv call and he has AQo.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Jesus, I wrote a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>AQ sucks btw.<span style="mso-spacerun:yes"> </span>Seriously, it's one of the worst hands in poker.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$47.20 - standard big pair vs. big pair, but the action was weird. UTG+2 raises, guy with QQ calls, I re-raise to $10 with AA, BB cold calls all that, first raiser folds, QQ shoves, I re-shove, the guy who cold called $9.50 folds, and my AA holds up to bust the guy who trap/shoved himself into the rail.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$23.90 - I raise with T9 cause you know, it was suited, and get 1 caller named "illraiseyou". Flop 9AJ rainbow, I bet $3, he calls. Wait, the guy named illraiseyou calls? Surely that's a typo? Nope, he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 clubs up, I bet $6, and illraiseyou calls. Wait, what? Yup. River Q giving me a straight, I bet $15, and the guy named illraiseyou, yes folks, calls again. He mucks AQo. Well done illcallyou. 4 times even.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$92.20 - biggest win so far since doing these hands. Half the table limps, I complete on the SB with Ac4c, BB checks. Flop is A24 2 hearts, and yikes, here I am first to act with 2 pair vs. the world. I bet $2, BB calls, folds to the button who raises to $10. At this point I have no clue wtf to do. BB has to have "something", and the raiser has to have "something", but that something could be something retarded like, oh, AQ. Fuck it, I shove for $47.75. BB INSTA-calls, and at this point I figure he has to have 35, and the button calls as well, so I figure he has to have a set here. Nope, BB has As2s and the button has Ah5h. Turn Jd, river Qd, and I bust both of them.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$33.50 - I raise with AA and get instagobbled. This shit pisses me off and the fucker's name is mii boo which tilts me to no end, so I shove on his ass. He finds the call with the monster that is 77, and somehow I win.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>+50.45 - I know you're gonna accuse me of making this up, but here goes anyway. I raise UTG with KK, 2 callers. Flop 9T3, I bet and get one caller. Turn 4, I check, guy named i5bet72o bet $10, I call. River 5, no flush possible, I check, this fucker shoves. WTF, I put him on 72o and call. He had AQo. Did I mention AQ sucks? Actually I'm surprised that FullTilt didn't just crash at this river. AQ which never wins vs. KK which never wins. Kinda surprised I didn't just end the world there. Sorry about that, I'll be careful next time.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$28 - I call a raise in position with 8h7h and see a flop of 6Q8 rainbow. Guy bets small so I call. Turn 7, he bets $8, I shove and have him covered, he calls with KQo. I make a full house boat on the river with a 7. The nice thing about these morons that play KQ is that they never, ever fold it if they flop a pair.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$50.25 - UTG limps, moron raises, I call on the button with 44, limper calls. Flop is JA4 rainbow. Limper checks, moron bets $5.50, I raise to $20, limper folds, moron calls. Turn 4, moron checks, I check behind, cause you know, that's what everyone does when they hit quads. River 5 and moron shoves on me. I think about it for a second, trying to see if there's a straight flush possible, then I ask him if he can beat quads. He doesn't answer, so I think he's bluffing and I hit call. Moron has AJo, which is the universal hand of the moron. Thanks, moron!</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$55.50 - I've been adding 50c/1 to my table time lately, with mixed results. In this hand, MP raises to $3, I call with 34 cause well, it's suited, someone behind raises to $13, other guy calls, and I can't really see folding here, so fk it, I call. Flop 3T4 rainbow, lol. Re-raiser pre checks, original raiser bets $30, I just move in for my $75ish, and somehow both of them fold. Uhh, ok. Thanks?</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$46.05 - Guy raises who has a name similar to zuul. Remember that movie? There is no Dana, there is only zuul. Great stuff. For a good few months after that movie came out, everything used that quote. There is no pizza, only zuul. There is no piano, only zuul. Etc. etc. Anyway, I call with 85 for the obvious reasons. Some moron behind me gobbles, and I want to strangle him. So yeah, half the table calls. Flop is Ts 8c 3s and I'm getting pissed already cause I know the gobbler has some nonsense and is gonna bust me after I miss a zillion outs. I check, gobbler bets $4.50, I raise to $16, gobbler shoves and of course I call. He has QQ. I nail the 4s on the turn, he somehow misses the 4th spade to hit a higher flush, and there is no gobbler, only zuul.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$41.55 - UTG limps, I raise with JJ, guy behind me re-raises, limper folds, I call. Flop is 4J4 and this guy leads out and pots it, leaving himself $25ish behind. I just get it in figuring he has an overpair and isn't folding, so calling here makes no sense. He instantly gets it in with the monster that is AK. The way he played it I was sure he had AA/KK. Oh well, thanks dude.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>+$47.15 - Cutoff raises to 1.50, I'm 50/50 calling vs. raising here with TT. I call this time, blinds fold. Flop is KT7, he checks, I figure he's done with it so I just bet $3, but he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 spades and 2 hearts up, he checks again, I bet $8, he calls. WTF is going on here. River 3h and he checks again. I can see him having a flush here approximately never, but I can't imagine him calling another bet. So I just go for max value and shove for a good $15 over the pot. He calls with the monster that is KQo. Wow, so bad.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>And now, the anti-wins, known as losses by some, donktitude by others, and just plan bad by the rest:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>- $50.15 - I raise with AA and get 2 callers. Flop is 9c3dJd. BB checks, I bet $4, guy behind folds, BB raises to $14, and I'm stuck. I can basically shove or fold here. There's so many possible draws that calling makes no sense at all. I shove and BB has KdQd. For added insult I hit my set on the turn with the Ad.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$36.05 - UTG+2 raises to $2.50, and here I am with some suited cards, 6h5h this time, so I call in position on button, and both blinds fold. Flop is Ah 5c Th and I flop a worthless pair and a pretty flush draw. He bets $2, I raise to $7, he calls. Turn 2d and now I'm stuck. He has "something" on the flop that he's calling with, so I'm sort of stuck. I check behind figuring that every one of these fucks bets the river if you check behind the turn, so if I hit my draw maybe he bets into me. River Qc and he checks to me. I don't know wtf to do, I channel my inner dipshit and figure I can't win without a bet, so instead of making a reasonable bet, I just shove it in, which is what I'll do with the nuts, and he owns me with AQ. Did I mention I hate AQ?</div><div><br /></div><div>-$34.05 - folds to me on the SB and I complete with As2s. I don't see much value in raising here, I figure if I raise and he calls and I bet the flop and he calls or raises and I give up, I lose more than if I just limp and bet any flop. Or something. Flop 43J and I pot it, but he calls. Turn 5, I bet $3 and he gobbles, which is what these fuckers do on the turn with something completely retarded. We get it in, and sure enough, his retarded hand is the nuts, 76o. Today's lesson topic is implied odds. Don't be a statistic. Just say no. Or something.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$22 - this one I can't even look at, cause I see I had 66 and lost $22 on a board of 24KA9. I scare me.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$21 - UTG limps, I raise wtih JJ, and half the planet calls. Flop 465, 1 check, I say fuck it and bet $9.75, some fucker behind gobbles me all-in, rest fold. Gobble shover has 88 and rivers the nice 7 to send me into a frenzy.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$43.25 - ahh yes my good friend KK. Guy raises to 1.50, I make it $6 with the trash that is two kings. He calls. Flop 987 and we get it in. He has 78o. Splendid pre-flop call sir. Then again, see previous lession about implied odds.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$41.15 - I've been playing 50c/1 both with full and half stacks. I actually started half stacking to try and fix some leaks I have playing full stacks. This one I started the hand with uhh, well, $41.15, imagine that. I get one raise, a re-raise, and it's on my SB and I have AQc. I don't like calling, I don't like folding, and I don't like shoving. I probably hate shoving the most, so that's what I did, right into AA. There's a lesson in here somewhere about AQ, I just know there is.</div><div><br /></div><div>-59.05 - I call a raise with 45s, which is probably a mistake when half stacking, but I blame BSOD. Flop 2s 9d 3s and I almost can't sit up straight now. We take like 17 raises on the flop to get it in, he has AsQs and I'm hurting. Turn Q, river T and I wake up 2 hours later and have no clue where I am.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$180.30 - yup, you read that right. I'm known for taking shots, rampaging, donkstriking, whatever you want to call it. I decided to take a shot at $2/$4 for the hell of it. I started the session with $200, down to $180.30 here. I raise UTG with QQ, get called behind, there's a re-raise to $40, BB cold calls that, and here I am. One of the benefits of short stacking is that the tough decisions are taken away. Basically I'm folding or shoving here. I can't see calling this much and having to fold the flop when there's what, like a 40% chance of an overcard flopping or whatever it is. I just get it in here. Caller and re-raiser fold, but BB has AA. Oopsie. Needless to say there will be less 50c/1 in the future.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$44 - UTG+1 raises 5xBB, I usually re-raise with QQ but don't know wtf this raise means since it's not all that normal, so I call along with 2 others. Flop is JQT and I groan. Preflop raiser bets $3.50 which means he missed pathetically, I raise to $12, but then get re-raised behind. I can't ever see folding here so I just hand my stack to AK.</div><div><br /></div><div>-$49 - this one is fun. Guy raises, I call with 7s9s. Flop is Ts 8s 6c. So I flopped the nuts with an open ended straight flush re-draw. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get owned silly. Ooh, I know, how about get all-in with TT. Yup, that'll do it. Turn 4s, river 4d. Yuck.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>And there we have it. I hope you enjoyed this installment. I've gotten a few good comments about these so I might as well keep posting until I get sick of it. I do have an entry to write up submitted by RGP's own Diputsur, and he only sent that to me like 2 years ago, so I'm close to starting to write that up. I also have probably 2 entries worth of random donk chat, so I'll get to those. In the meantime I'll keep at these. Until next time!</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div><div>xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com</div><div><div><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p></div></div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-79618858317361601712010-08-16T21:44:00.003-05:002010-08-16T22:06:12.508-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 8/16/10Hello Manifestites! I received some positive feedback last time, so I'll continue what I've titled my notepad doc the ever so descriptive "big hands" posts. I figure I'll write up 10-15 from each, then pick the best 5 or so and post them here. As expected, I had a few big pair vs. big pair hands, some that went my way, others that didn't. Overall I don't think these are entirely too exciting, but who knows, maybe I'll impress you with my awesome (or completely moronic) play. Note that these hands aren't the biggest money winners or losers. These are merely the ones that I picked from my biggest winners or losers. Some of them might be much less than others just because of how funny they are (to me). Also note that they aren't in any sort of order. I think I'll post most of them in the order they actually happened, since that's the order I wrote them down in, and arranging them into something meaningful takes time, and we surely can't have that now, can we?<div><br /></div><div>Neck-wise, things are still progressing nicely. I started work back at the office today and while it was pretty brutal pain-wise, I made it through the day and got home intact. Physical therapy started last week and I'm doing range of motion exercises first before strengthening. I still have a ways to go before I'm considered really fully healed, and I'm limited to lifting a max of 10lbs for at least another month and a half, but I'm able to do nearly everything my job requires and can do most of the things in my day to day life.</div><div><br /></div><div>Enough with the chit-chat, on with the hands!</div><div><br /></div><div>Top 5 from the money winners:</div><div><br /></div><div>1) +$52.50 - moron UTG gobbles, I call with 33. Note that I don't have any previous notes on this guy, so my determining factor that he's a moron is 1) he's playing poker, and 2) he gobbles UTG. Flop 386, and bingo bango bongo, I do a little jig. He bets $2.75, and I have the perfect flop to just call on, so I call. Granted, overpairs are never going away, but big cards rarely call a raise here. With position I'm happy to let him fire the turn. Turn Ks, and I think that's a pretty good card for me. He bets $6, I raise to $30, he calls. River 4s and he checks to me. I figure the game's up here, but I move in for $31 and he calls, mucking AA.</div><div><br /></div><div>2) +$17.60 - this one is fun. Folds to button who raises to $1.50. I call on the SB with cards to be revealed later. Try to figure out what I have here as you read. Flop Jc 2d 3c, and I think this is a flop that's going to miss his 2 random bullshit cards that he raises the flop with, so I bet $2.50, but he calls. Turn 8c, so I check, he bets $5.50, I raise to $15, and he calls. WTF? River 5s adn I move in for $27. He somehow folds, and I take the pot with the monster that is 9h7h. Stupid bastard.</div><div><br /></div><div>3) +$39.40 - very basic coinflip. I raise UTG with QQ, get 1 caller, and guy behind re-raises to $7.75 with a $39.90 stack. I hate calling here and folding if an overcard hits, so it's either shove or fold time. I look to the second hand on my watch, per Harrington's standard randomizer suggestion, and realize that not only am I not wearing a watch, I don't even own a watch, nor have I since those little plastic watches we used to have in grade school. Remember those things? Those were kinda cool. Well, if you were 10 years old I guess they were cool. By this time I forgot what I was doing, but got the time warning, so I moved in. Good enough randomizer I guess. He called with AK, board 8T8T5 and I win a flip. I guess it's a good thing I didn't reminisce about the time we duct taped some poor freshman to the wall 2 ft. off the ground, otherwise I might have folded.</div><div><br /></div><div>4) +$23.25 - QQ again. Some moron maggot gobbling fuck gobbles my raise with 88 and calls off his stack when I shove. I love maggots.</div><div><br /></div><div>5) +$36.80 - UTG+1 raises, I call on the button with Th9h. Flop 3h Jd Ts and he bets $2. These bets are usually totally weakness, so I raise to $5.50, but he calls. Turn 7h and now I have so many outs there's now way I can hit one, right? He checks, I bet $8, he calls. River Kh, I shove, and he calls me with AhKd. Splendid flop and turn play sir, and thanks for the stack.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bonus coverage!</div><div><br /></div><div>6) +$45.30 - I raise UTG+1 with 99, folds to a guy named "IFoldNuts4U" on the button who raises to $6.50. Eh, sure buddy, I call. Flop 953 all diamonds. He bet a lot on the flop so I just check shove the ever lovin shit out of him. He calls with QQ with a diamond, I boat up on the turn and dodge the 2 outer and, well, bust his ass. He didn't have the nuts which is why he didn't fold. That's a pretty stupid strategy imo.</div><div><br /></div><div>Even more bonus coverage!</div><div><br /></div><div>7) +$82.35 - raise to 99 cause apparently it's a fuckin goldmine today, 1 caller. Flop A49 2 spades. I bet $4, guy calls. I figure he can have an A, set or flush draw here. Turn 5c. I check, cause I think he bets a lot of his hands. He bets $5.50, I raise the shit out of him to $25, and he calls. River Tc, which doesn't make any draws. I can't really check here cause I don't think he bluffs the river with a missed draw. I raised on the turn big enough so that I could shove the river if he called, so I shoved. This moron called with AQh. Yeah, cause sometimes I have AJ there. Ok sir, thanks!</div><div><br /></div><div>I don't get what's going on here, but we have yet another hand:</div><div><br /></div><div>8) +$59.80 - raise with 33, get re-raised, get 2 calls behind, so I call. Flop 543 and I do what everyone who flops a set does, I check to the raiser. He bets $25, and I decide just to call, hoping the guy behind me goes wild, but he doesn't. In retrospect I should just shove here, since calling looks much stronger than shoving, and I only have $22 behind. Turn 7, and I check call the rest, and TT plays it like the nuts. I could see if he had something like KK, cause I can never fold it, but TT on that board seems like he should just use the transfer function instead of playing and save on the rake.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>That's it for be playing like a genius and winning all the monies. Let's turn the tables, shall we? Here's the top losses since last time:</div><div><br /></div><div>1) -$64.80 - UTG limps, I raise with KK, both blinds call, UTG calls. Flop KT9, checks to me, I bet, blinds folds, UTG calls. Turn 7, UTG bets $5, I raise to $20, he moves in, obv has QJ. I curse KK once again. At some point in my poker life I'm going to just fold KK. Until then, I'll at least have material for this section, if anything.</div><div><br /></div><div>2) -$39.70 - someone in EP limps, button raises to $3, I call on BB with 66, UTG calls. Flop T63 2 hearts, checks to button who bets $6. I decide to call hoping UTG does something. I mean, something other than folding, which he did. Turn K, and now I'm thinking with the big raise pre, I could very well be up against KK. At this point, he either has KK or I'm way, way ahead, with a small possibility of him having TT. I check, he bets $10.50, and I don't want to scare off something like JJ, so I just call. My plan is to play this like a missed flush draw, assuming no heart on the river. River is an offsuit 7, I shove, this fucker has 8s9s! Oops.</div><div><br /></div><div>3) -$47.95 - I limp after 2 limpers with 5d7d. Someone behind raises, 2 calls to me, so I call last to act. Flop Js 6s 4d. It checks past the original raiser, and the other guy bets $6.50, folds to me and I call. Turn Kd, and I really don't know what to do here. Open ended straight draw, 7 high flush draw. WTF. I check, he bets $14.50 with $24 left, and I have him covered. I decide I don't want to call and see the offsuit 2 on the river, so fuck it, I shove. Right into QdTd. At least I made my flush on the river...</div><div><br /></div><div>4) -$19.20 - UTG+2 raises, I call with JJ. I'm 50/50 calling vs. re-raising here against a normal opponent, but this guy only has $19.20, (weird coincidence to how much I lost in this hand, eh?), so I just call. Flop is 8JK, and we both start digging our holes. As I'm running back with my first armful of branches and twigs, the turn is the 7s. . He bets $3, I raise to $9 purely for value, he shoves with KK. Trapped again!</div><div><br /></div><div>5) -$20.85 - cutoff raises, I call on the button with 5s4s, both blinds call. Flop T44 and it checks to me. Well wtf, now what do I do? I know, I'll overbet the pot to make it look like I have a T. I bet $10, SB calls, rest fold. Fucker has $9.10 left, and called $10. This is either some retarded shit like 66, or he has me owned. Turn A, and naturally he checks to me, so now I'm sure I'm owned, so what do I do? Bet him all-in. Actually I bet $9 and made him put the last 10c in to see if he was serious. His hand? J4. Suited, naturally. </div><div><br /></div><div>There's bonus coverage here too...you guys don't just get a bonus when I'm a genius, you get the other side too!</div><div><br /></div><div>6) -$61.50 - 3 limpers to my BB and I have AA. I know these idiots call anything, so I raise to $4. Button calls and so does the SB. What the hell?. Flop 852 rainbow. I bet $10, button calls, SB folds. At this point I don't know what to do, cause they play TT-KK this way, and they even play A8 cause it's suited this way. Turn 9s. I figure fuck it, I can't fold so I'm just getting it in. He has 55. My motto for Rush poker is flop a set, stack a donk. Apparently this guy has the same motto. Or at least now he does.</div><div><br /></div><div>7) -$51.60 - I raise with my friend, goddamn motherfucking bitch ass KK, one behind calls. Flop 492 2 diamonds, I bet $3, get raised to $7. At this point he has such a wide range, playing KK can turn into a self head-shot. I re-raised to $13 figuring I'd fold if he pushed (which in reality means I call). He calls. Looks like a flush draw to me. Turn 4s, pot is almost the same size as what he has left, I convince myself that he plays A9 and TT-AA like this as well as sets, so I shove into 99. Bleh.</div><div><br /></div><div>3 more in the file, guess how many more you guys are gonna get?</div><div><br /></div><div>8) -$40.25 - Riase with AA and the button calls. Flop 847 2 diamonds. I bet $3 and get raised to $6.50. I channel my inner dumbass and call, figuring he already has a set and I can keep the pot small if I just call, and that if he is drawing I'll let him draw for free. I honestly don't know, but the HH says I called, so we'll go with that. Turn 7, and I check, he bets $7, I say that's funny, that's what I'd bet if I had a 7, and I call. River 2 and I check again. He bets $25 and I pay off the monster that is K7. On the other hand, if I shove the flop he puts me on AK and I bust. This way I saved $7 something. Where's my vicodin?</div><div><br /></div><div>Oh btw, if you guessed 3 above, you were wrong. Thanks for playing tho.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>9) -$29.10 - This ended up being my last hand of the night for this day. I mean, as soon as I saw the hole cards I checked the sit out next hand box, but based on what happened and some fo the previous hands (which you've no doubt read about), I just gave up for the night. I raise the button with 67h, SB re-raises. Basically everyone in rush raises the button when it folds to them, and a good 25% of those are re-raised by the blinds because they realize that 100% of the buttons raise. So I call with position. Flop is 5h 4d 4h, so I've flopped a pretty damn huge draw, and in reality I have 7 high. But, BSOD has taken over, so when he bets I just shove. He takes a while, but calls with 99, which was interesting. Turn 5, river 4 and I have a full boat house! Unfortunately his full house boat beats my full boat house, so he wins.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>That's it for now, kids. I hope you enjoyed this, but don't expect all this bonus coverage all the time. Actually maybe you will, cause I've had some big swings since these hands (last hand was 8/11), both up and down.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyone interested in a story from RGP's very own Diputsur when he tried to take on Absolute Poker's online chat support? I have that in the works. Until next time!</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-86025010502680283322010-08-06T18:17:00.006-05:002010-08-06T19:18:33.779-05:00Confessions of a Rush Poker DonkHello Manifestites! It is I, your fearless donk of a leader. I have something new for you today. First, some personal stuff... As you may know, on July 21st I had another major neck surgery. Last time I had this surgery, back in 2005, it was a grueling 2 month recovery. This time I was off of work for 8 days, and started working from home this week. I should be back in the office in another week or so. If anyone is interested in an x-ray shot (closest thing to a nude XaQ Morphy shot you'll ever get, sorry ladies!), here you go:<div><br /></div><div><a href="http://www.xaqmorphy.com/2010neck.jpg">http://www.xaqmorphy.com/2010neck.jpg</a></div><div><div><br /></div><div>Yesterday the doctor cleared me to drive "when I feel ready." I figured this was a perfect chance to take a small trip to the nearest Walgreens, which is 8 blocks away. Yeah, we'll just say I'm not ready to drive yet. Fortunately I went there to pick up more pain pills, and the worst of it was when I was backing into the garage. This really sucks because I just bought a new Mazda Speed3 2 weeks before surgery and I'm itching to drive it again. It's a monster of a car, and I really love it.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, let's get on with it, shall we? Back in January, FullTilt poker introduced Rush Poker, which is a brand new format for online poker, never seen before. Basically it's a pool of players who play on the same tables, and as soon as you fold your hand, you are immediately moved to another table, where another hand starts right away. I'll let you use your googling skills if you are interested, but basically it allows for 300-400 hands per hour per table, and is great for rakeback and bonus whoring. I admit, I'm completely addicted to rush poker. The mad clicking, the breaking down of hands into poker at its most basic form, the madness, etc. It's great. The only thing I miss from a normal game is the lack of chat, because you're only on the table with the same people for one hand, and after that the table changes.</div><div><br /></div><div>Getting more to the point here, I had an unusual session recently where in the span of 700 hands (1 hour) of no limit hold'em, I had AA 9 times, AK 11 times, AQ 13 times, KK 5 times and QQ twice. Naturally I lost almost $90. When I told a friend about it, he asked me if those hands were the cause of the loss or if there were others. I decided to write up the top 10 losing hands, and had a good laugh at some of the stupid ridiculous things I did. So, I decided to write up some more and post them here, hopefully for your enjoyment, but if not, at least for mine.</div><div><br /></div><div>As I really started playing again a few months ago, I'm stuck playing low limits, so the game is 9 handed NLHE, blinds 25c/50c, with a $50 max buyin. I've done very well in this game, turning a starting deposit of $200 into several thousand. I plan on moving up within a few months, assuming things go well. That said, here's the top 5 money winners and money losers over the last few days. My plan is to write up the top 5 for both each day, and then every few days/weeks/months/years, post the highlight reel here, since a lot of the hands will be boring such as AA vs. KK all-in preflop. I've had some real doozies for winners in the past, but if I went searching for them this blog entry would turn into an all-night activity, so I'm just going to go the last 2-3 days. I promise there will be some good ones in the future.</div><div><br /></div><div>Note that the amount is either a + or -, and is the total amount won or lost in the hand, and not the size of the pot. An astute reader would then figure out that if I won $40, the pot was probably $80.</div><div><br /></div><div>We'll start with the money winners, top 5:</div><div><br /></div><div>1) +$52.90 - I raised with 99 and the BB called. Flop was T87 rainbow, so I flopped an open ended straight draw. He checked, I bet $3.50 which is my standard continuation bet size with or without a hand, and he raised to $8. This raise serves no purpose at all, since I'm not folding any draws, so I decided to call. AT/KT is well within his range here, so I don't want to go nuts just yet. Turn was an offsuit 6, BOOM. He bet $10, I didn't see him folding, so I moved in and he beat me into the pot with QQ. I don't know wtf he thought I had, or if he even thought about it at all, but the river was another T and I busted his ass good.</div><div><br /></div><div>2) +$52 - Someone raised, I called with 66, the BB re-raised to $5, the original raiser folded, and it's on me. I'll call this every time as long as the raiser has maybe 75BB in his stack or more. He had over 100BBs, so I called. Flop was JQ6 with 2 spades. Boom, star spangled banner went off in my head, along with showtunes. I was very careful not to give off any tells though. He checked, which is what these guys will do with a lot of hands, and I don't make it a habit of folding sets, so I bet $8. He insta re-raised to $36.75, I moved in, and he called with the best re-raising hand from the BB possible, which is the monster that is 74 suited. I somehow dodged a spade and busted his ass too. These morons.</div><div><br /></div><div>3) +$46.50 - folded to me in the SB, I completed with 5d7d. Flop was 9d 5c Jd. My eyes immediately glaze over, and I bet the pot. The BB raised to $2.50, I re-raised to $13. I know Doyle Brunson says don't go broke in an unraised pot, but I can bet you Doyle didn't have full on BSOD (that's bright shiny object disorder) after flopping a pair and a flush draw when he said that. I did, so when my opponent raised to $40, I shoved for $9 more, he called with the monster that is J6o. I somehow rivered a diamond and put a nice note on him.</div><div><br /></div><div>4) +$24.65 - I got all-in preflop with AK vs. a shorty's JJ, board ran 32T45, and I now have a documented case of me winning a race.</div><div><br /></div><div>5) +$22.50 - I raised with JJ, about 13 people called including a short stack, some other idiot re-raised, I only had about $35 in my stack cause I don't have auto top-off on and I was being stubborn, so I just moved in. The shorty called with the monster drool-inducing hand that is AJo, the rest folded. The board ran 34J2, and I somehow dodged the 5 on the river to bust him.</div><div><br /></div><div>Bonus hand!) +$10.65 - this one isn't a big winner, but was pretty amusing to me. The same K8 moron that you'll read about in the losing hands section was again at my table. He raised, I called with 33. Flop was 675 and he bet $1. This bet tilts the hell out of me, so I'm going to either raise or call here. I think I'm good, and don't want to raise, have him call with KJo cause he has overcards and see a J on the turn, so I call. Turn is a 4, and now I know I'm good. He bets $1 again. This line is a standard one for retards everywhere. I raised to $7 and he called. Uhh, ok. River was a 9, no flush possible, and he fuckin bets $1 again. I figured ok, fuck you pal, and moved in for $44. He thought for a while, but eventually folded. Want to get a note on you that you're a moron? Bet $1 on every street. That'll do it.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>Now we have the top 5 money losers. Warning, some of these are not for the faint of heart, but I can say for sure that they belong on this blog:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>1) -$30.60 - raise with AA, world calls. Flop K98, get all-in with the $1 betting genius from above who has K8. You know, cause it was suited.</div><div><br /></div><div>2) -$22.60 - Some fuckin moron gobbles. This of course sets me on life tilt. I have QQ and raise to $4.50, and he calls. Flop 37J with 2 spades, he checks, I bet $8, he shoves his last $18 in and somehow I'm drawing dead to his red 44. These fucking gobbling maggots can all go fuck off.</div><div><br /></div><div>3) -$22 - raise with TT, both blinds call, flop 456 2 hearts, SB leads, I raise, he calls, turn 8, check/check, river 2, he pots it, I'm bad. He had A7o.</div><div><br /></div><div>4) LOL -$19.75, all I see in the summary of my tracking software is that I had 65s, flop K7T rainbow. I'm afraid to look at the HH to see wtf I did.</div><div><br /></div><div>5) -$17.75 - 44 somehow lost all that on a 2337T board. I wonder who played this session anyway?</div></div><div><br /></div><div>No bonus hand for this section, sorry.</div><div><br /></div><div>So what do you think? Interested in reading these? Not interested? Would rather see my head on a pike? Still starting at my x-ray picture wondering wtf that all is? Well, I rather enjoyed writing these up, and laughing at myself, and in the end, that's the whole reason this blog is here, for amusement, so I'm going to keep this practice up until I'm completely bored with it. That may be tomorrow, that may be 3 years from now, who knows. Until next time!</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-48460524355103482102010-07-16T23:35:00.000-05:002010-07-16T23:36:15.235-05:00Unlimited Text and Donking Plan!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 18px; ">Helllllloooooooooo Manifestites! I'm alive, really I am! I've done some thinking over the last few months and was trying to think about how I had so many different ideas for blog entries over the years, and yet nothing is really coming to me now. I don't think it's as much lack of ideas as it is lack of motivation, and other things getting in the way. I've saved up probably 2 entries worth of poker table chat that's pretty good, and have a few other ideas, but I just haven't taken the time to sit down and write them up.<div><br /></div><div>Another thing came to mind. I first started the blog in mid 2005 when I was on a lot of pain killers in preparation for neck surgery. Due to the neck and subsequent arm problems I wasn't able to play bass at all for about 2 years, and now I'm in a band that's doing pretty well in the Milwaukee area. So here's the strange thing, I'm back on the pain killers again, and have another surgery scheduled for Wednesday the 21st. Now the disc below the one I had removed in 2005 is acting up and I'm going to have yet another fusion done. I'm hoping this means I'll have a rush of interest to post blog entries, but not to get your hopes up, cause there's just as good of a chance that I'll just forget about it even more.</div><div><br /></div><div>This time around the problems have been really annoying. Numbness and tingling in my arm and hand, pain in my neck and shoulder, blah blah blah, you guys don't need to hear about that. They did try a myriad of nerve drugs on me though. The worst was this shit called Topamax. It was originally created for migraines, but also was found to work with some neck/back problems. Since my neck problems were causing migraines it seemed like a slam dunk. However, the list of side effects is almost as long as the list of excuses DaVoice has come up with as to why it's taken almost 2 years to pay off a $84 debt between what used to be friends. That's another story altogether, and one that probably won't make a blog entry, even though it might have been my best troll ever, next to the EYE(tm) troll (starts <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2007/05/worst-music-ever-uber-troll-part-1.html" style="color: rgb(34, 51, 68); ">here</a>). Anyway, the list of side effects was ridiculous, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, drowsiness, dizziness, memory loss, nausea, oh yeah, and "numbess and tingling". So I start taking it for 3 days and all of a sudden my hands are both numb, I can't think straight, I'm tired all the time but can't fall asleep at night, and I can barely remember things that I was just working on minutes before. Oh yeah, and my appetite went nuts. I have a very high metabolism and big appetite as it is, but this was just insane. I wanted to eat every hour. My only guess is that the memory loss thing kicked in and I forgot I was full, so I just ate again. Who knows.</div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, so while I'm dealing with all this, life is going on around me, and I haven't just stopped to write up some blog entries for my faithful readers. Well, today has been a special day, and the blog entry just fell out of the sky.</div><div><br /></div><div>For starters, we have one of those cheap $100 blue plastic pools in the back yard. It's 12 feet wide and just under 3 feet deep. The kit came with a cover and a small filter. Last night we came home and the cover was cut in half and on the ground, all the kids' pool toys were on the ground, and half the water was gone. Yet, none of the grass around the pool was wet. At all. I'm currently working on the theory that we were visited by a very hungry T-Rex, but I didn't see any footprints, so I can't be sure.</div><div><br /></div><div>Next, my wife wakes me up this morning going crazy saying a fish jumped out of the tank. I have a 125 gallon African Cichlid tank, and the biggest fish who was maybe 5" long managed to jump through an area 2" big and landed on the floor behind the tank. I scooped him up and put him back in the tank and went back to bed. Later in the day when I went to feed them I noticed he was gone. I looked behind the tank and there he was, all dried up and croaked. What a dumbass. I mean, I knew fish were dumb to begin with, but how dumb does something have to be to realize that the floor, which has no water on it, is not a place for something that requires water to live. He would have been a great addition to RGP, but alas, he's on his way to being a great addition to a landfill somewhere.</div><div><br /></div><div>So finally, to end my day, I get a text message. Now, I used to get phone calls all the time for wrong numbers on my cell. I think I even wrote about it at one point on the blog, let's see....oh yeah, <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2009/01/happy-year-of-donk.html" style="color: rgb(34, 51, 68); ">here</a> it is. I've had the same cell number for a good 10 years now, but it seems every month or so I'm getting a call for someone looking for Laqueesha, or Vaneesha, or something that I swear sounded like Marknala. I usually just mumble something about not having any drugs and hang up, but sometimes they just don't stop.</div><div><br /></div><div>I've also had a few text messages over the years. I don't really like texting. Saying I hate it is being a bit harsh, but it's generally something I don't care for. I type pretty fast, close to 100wpm, and I text at almost 100wpm less than that. At least now I have a phone with a touch screen and a full keyboard on it, so I can type at 15wpm or so. I hate the standard texting language where every other word is a single letter. I swear at some point in our lives some idiot is DC is gonna spill coffee on the Declaration of Independence and they'll just have someone write up a text version of it which will be 2 lines, each word as 1 letter. Ok I'm rambling, and to think, I only had the Topamax for 2 weeks and that was back in April. So where were we? Oh yeah, text messages from strangers. I usually just ignore them, but tonight was something different. So, I get a text, and it reads:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>"hey why u mad at me?"</div><div><br /></div><div>Now like I said, normally I just ignore them and go on. But I figured, hey, I'm not paying way too much money for a texting plan I rarely use for nothing, so let's see where this goes.</div><div><br /></div><div>me: "u know y"</div><div><br /></div><div>It's simple really. Obviously I have no clue wtf this idiot is talking about, so he must know.</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "No u know you're my baby. No matter what happens!!!"</div><div>me: "not after what u did I'm not"</div><div><br /></div><div>He sounded guilty, so I went with it. At this point I'm not sure if it's a he or she, so I'm not tipping my hat quite yet.</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "wat did i do?"</div><div>me: "u know"</div><div><br /></div><div>I figure I can play this game all night, or at least until I get bored with it.</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "I don't know. Tell me"</div><div>me: "Why should I? your the one who did it"</div><div>him: "Wat have I done to u? Come on now you know me and I would never do anything to hurt u"</div><div><br /></div><div>So at this point I have to step it up a bit. This guy (assuming it's a guy) is getting annoying. He's way too well spoken to be a standard moron, right? Notice the use of "your" on my part. That cracks me up, and yes, it was intentional. Then again, if you didn't realize that, please send me your cell number and I'll text you. Ok right, back on track here. Time to take this to the next level.</div><div><br /></div><div>me: "I know u were with someone else so u can stop the act."</div><div>him "Who was I with Nesha?"</div><div><br /></div><div>I didn't know if he missed a comma, and meant "Who was I with Nesha" as if he was texting to Nesha (that would be me), or if he meant "Who was I with, Nesha?" as if he was asking if he was with Nesha." Only obvious reply:</div><div><br /></div><div><div>me: "WHO IS NESHA??????"</div></div><div>him: "That's wat I call u for short"</div><div><br /></div><div>So this guy is so stupid he has to explain to me, err, Nesha, what his nickname for her is? This is gonna be fun...</div><div><br /></div><div>me: "Is that why u were with her cuz I'm short???"</div><div>him: "Bae u not making any sense what are u talking about?"</div><div>me: "U know what I'm talkin about!!!"</div><div><br /></div><div>And we've come full circle! Round 2, coming up!</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "No I don't bae. Would u please tell me so I can clear the air cause you been mad at me this whole time for nothing"</div><div>me: "I cant belive u. U think i am stupid dont u?"</div><div>him: "Not at all but I think you're mad at me for nothing"</div><div>me: "my feelings are nothing now???"</div><div><br /></div><div>At this point he's actually confusing me now, cause I have no clue what he's on about. Apparently he made Nesha mad and is now trying to make up, or something. Oh well, he gets a bit into it here:</div><div><br /></div><div>him (over 3 messages): "Of course u know u mean the world to me and u know that. Why u treating me like a different person now. U just stop talking to me right after u found out /// That's why I been needing to talk to u but I've been so busy studying for the test /// your bf or ex br called me"</div><div><br /></div><div>That was a lot to try to figure out. Her boyfriend or ex brother called him, that's what I was able to decipher from that. Oh, and she stopped talking to him right after she found out. Found out what? Well, we'll just have to improvise here.</div><div><br /></div><div>me: "Thats right after I found out. What do u expect me to do?"</div><div><br /></div><div>I missed a comma there, so that makes no sense. Then again, it's funnier this way I think.</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "And what did u find out?"</div><div>him: "Let me guess another rumor that u thought was true?...Nesha if u think something u need to call me or text me all this time we haven't talked for what??"</div><div><br /></div><div>I find that last part extremely funny. Here's some dumbass trying to make up with what I assume is his girlfriend, and he's doing it over text messages. He won't just pick up the damn phone and call her, instead he just lets it go around and around. Or I do, or something.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>me: "I saw u with her!!!"</div></div><div>him: "Seen me with who Nesha?"</div><div><br /></div><div>That's a damn good question, really. Let's see, he did say something about "finding out", so well, let's just make up something here.</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "Just because u think something without even talking to me. Do u think that's fair?"</div><div>me: "U must think I'm dumb. First u tell me your gay then I see u kissing some skank"</div><div><br /></div><div>LOL, I can't help myself. This should be funny.</div><div><br /></div><div>him: "I told u what??!!!... who did I kiss??"</div><div>me: "U mean u arent gay?"</div><div>him: "Is this a joke?... what are u talking about?"</div><div>me: "Wait who is this?"</div><div>him: "This is Marlon dork!!!"</div><div>me: "I dont know anyone named Marlon dork. I think u got the wrong number."</div><div><br /></div><div>I was hoping to take it and just have fun from here for a while, but he gave up texting. The phone rang about 5 mins later, from a "Restricted" number, but I let it go to voicemail. I might have answered it, but as I was relaying this conversation to a friend, he was telling me how he got this crazy voicemail at 2:30am the other day from some guy yelling and screaming thinking he called a girl who stood him up. Yeah buddy, gave you the wrong phone number too! But sigh, Marlon didn't leave a message. He must have actually figured it out.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>I hope this post finds you well my donk loving friends. Until next time!</div><div><br /></div><div>Yours Donkily,</div><div><br /></div><div>Morphy</div></span>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-2275342442194800822010-02-03T17:22:00.002-06:002010-02-03T17:39:15.257-06:00The Donkey Manifesto Presents - The List - Poker Strategy part 2Hello Manifestites! See, I promised, and I delivered. Last week I posted part one of the 2nd installment of the list found <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2010/01/donkey-manifesto-presents-list-poker.html">here</a>. For those who haven’t read it, go back and read first before starting here, as there is not much, but some cohesiveness to the two parts. One thing I’ll say before we start is that I leave the quotes as they were typed. There are some obvious typos, and half-drunken mystery words and various other things that I don’t really want to edit. I think they work well in their original state. That said, let’s jump right in, shall we?<br /><br />When we last left The List, we were talking about gobblers and nits and beggars, oh my! TNL left us with some of his wisdom. Over the years TNL has come up with some great new terms. Here’s the birth of the term ratstab, which was invented one day when a friend would sit at a table, win a few small pots, make up some excuse about his wife needing him, then show up at a new table within a matter of 30 seconds or so and repeat the whole thing again.<br /><br />thenutlow: gonna ratstab his way to another $6 profit andthen ysteriously have to do some made up bullshit so he can run down his hole with that big bag of loot ratting its way on his shoulder<br />thenutlow: "ratstab"<br />thenutlow: verb: to win a small sum of money quickly and escape the table for spurious reasons<br /><br />Then we have the min buyin guys, aka maggots, another TNL term. These fuckers buy in for the minimum and are like small little firecracker mines on the table. Just big enough to cause a loud noise and maybe burn a little if stepped on, but small enough that it’s hard to see them. Here we have the tale of one particular maggot I ran into while trying to un-quit poker and was forced to play at the low levels:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: this other fuck bought in for $10 about 4 times, now has $85 and probably hasn't had this big of a win since he discovered himself for the first time<br /><br />Speaking of maggots, I used to go out of my way to try busting them just to watch them erupt in a hate-filled drooling rant. TNL got a little carried away with this one:<br /><br />thenutlow: wheres thes something strange, on the poker table, who you gonna call? maggot busters!!!!!<br /><br />When we play poker, especially online, we come up with all sorts of pet nicknames for our opponents. Idiots, morons, donkeys, retards, nits, maggots, the list goes on and on. When talking about retards inevitably the thought of them drooling all over themselves while playing poker comes to mind. I’ve collected a few drool related comments throughout the years. Here’s two of the best:<br /><br />RonDworkin: these people are going to drown in each others drool<br /><br />thenutlow: this retard is the 10 times world series of drooling-onto-keyboard champion<br /><br />And speaking of champions, I don’t even remember where this quote came from, but it’s funny as hell, well it is to me at least:<br /><br />thenutlow: its like the natiional retards HU championship and these two have out-tarded the rest of the field and are battling huhu<br /><br />Ok back to some poker shall we? One of the most important concepts in learning how to play poker is counting outs. An out is a card that will improve your hand. I won’t get too far into the theory here, but just a quick example. Let’s say you have 2 hearts in your hand, and there’s 2 hearts on the flop. There are 13 hearts in the deck, you know of 4 total, so to fill your flush draw you have a total of 9 outs. What is 9 outs like?<br /><br />Mukwrm715: and 9 outs is like christmas for a player of my standards<br /><br />I, on the other hand, disagree completely:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: 3 outs is plenty<br /><br />Sometimes we are down to so few outs it seems like we have no chance:<br /><br />FellKnight: I HAVE NO OUTS<br />XaQ Morphy: how about that?<br />FellKnight: EXCEPT THAT ONE<br /><br />Sometimes we have so many outs we don’t know what to do:<br /><br />thenutlow: i cant even count the outs coz my socks are still on<br /><br />And then of course, how to apply standard poker thinking to counting outs:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: sad fuckin day when you flop trips and immediately think about what your outs are<br /><br />Taking the topic of outs one step further we have the term drawing. When you call a bet with 4 to a flush it’s called drawing to the flush. Drawing is the heart of the drooling retard strategy of poker. Where there’s a flush, there’s a way! How do I do when drawing, you ask? <br /><br />XaQ Morphy: man I draw so bad I make a 2 year old retarded kid look like Picasso<br /><br />And then of course there’s how well I do against someone who is drawing:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: the day I fade a fuckin J high flush draw is the day I win the poker champion of the universe award<br /><br />Then we have the standard calling station line of thinking. Holdem is a 7 card game afterall…in this hand I made large bets on the flop and turn, my opponent who was obviously drawing missed, and I let him try to bluff on the river because I knew he had no chance of winning a showdown. He of course checked behind with no hand at all, and I won the pot…<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: and can't bluff the river<br />XaQ Morphy: just gives up<br />XaQ Morphy: but I could bet $3 million into a 3c pot, and he'll fuckin call as long as there's a card to come<br /><br />Ahh yes, drawing. One of my favorite subjects. Speaking of drawing and flushes and such, Omaha is known as a game of draws. It’s just about the only poker game where you can flop the nuts and be an underdog to win the hand. A fucked up game for sure. Note that there are two main forms of Omaha, high only and hi/lo, where the pot is split between the best high hand and the best low hand. If you don’t understand Omaha these quotes won’t make much sense, so I’ll stop babbling and get on with it. You may be familiar with the PLO (pot limit Omaha) Pied Piper of Donks series of videos found <a href="http://www.donkeymanifesto.com/videos">here</a>, but I wouldn’t necessarily use them to try and learn the game or get any better at it. Over the years I’ve developed a hate/hate, err, I mean a love/hate relationship with the game. We start with a strategy tip on how not to play:<br /><br />curtiskrunk: who reraises in omaha????<br />curtiskrunk: idiots, that's who<br /><br />On the subject of Omaha hi/lo, Muk chimes in:<br /><br />Mukwrm715: fucking people would ride a horse off a cliff if you wrote A2 on the side of it<br /><br />In Omaha, hands with AA in them are very deceptively strong. They are great before the flop but are very hard to continue with after the flop. In this hand TNL and I witness some moron going broke with basically no hand as his aces go down in flames:<br /><br />thenutlow: i mean if ur not gonna fold AA on that fucking flop, u might as well just set up a nodding donkey to mash the call button foreever more<br /><br />Along with AAxx hands, double suited hands are another trap for our donkey friends. Give them a hand with 2 hearts and 2 diamonds in it, and they go wild. Or:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: the fucking cards could be a King, Apple, -5 and a piano, and these fuckers would see any flop as long as the colors matched<br /><br />Because you can only use 2 of your 4 hole cards to make up your 5 card hand, hole cards with 3 of a kind in them aren’t strong at all, and are generally folded preflop. Or are they?<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: It's a new part of my arsenal at the poker table. If you ever play me and think to yourself "what in the holy name of the donkey could Morphy have here?", the answer is just as likely to be the nuts as it is 2292.<br /><br />Nearly all the online sites have Omaha tournaments as part of their normal lineups. A few sites have had rebuy events, where you can rebuy if you bust in the first hour of play. It generally makes for a crazy first hour, a fairly slow next few hours, and then a race to the finish. Well, that’s not exactly how TNL described it, but I was close:<br /><br />thenutlow: the one thingi love about these omaha rebuys is that the tourney is deepstacked until the bubble,then the fucking penny donk scumcuntations just do all they can to bank a matchstick and then after the bubble breaks its just like a turbo shipfest<br /><br />Most of the time I play Omaha it’s a pot limit format, PLO or PLO8 (hi/lo). Occasionally I’ll find myself stuck in a limit Omaha hi/lo game, and well…<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: omaha without a "get my stack in now and get me the fk outta here" button is hard to play<br /><br />One night famous donkey and former RGPer EstebanAA apparently was out of matches, because instead of just lighting thousands of dollars on fire, he decided to put it in play at various PLO tables on FullTilt. I saved a bunch of hands where he got his stack in with no hand, no draw, and no hope of winning, and sent them to some friends. FellKnight had this to say:<br /><br />FellKnight: i could be blazed out of my mind on heroin, ecstacy and weed, and I'd still play better than that<br /><br />Ahh, Omaha, how I hate thee. Then again, it could be worse, it could be 7 Card Stud, or Stud hi/lo (aka Stud8). What is Stud, you may ask?<br /><br />thenutlow: if poking a hot iron bar in your eye was a sport, that would resemble Stud most accurately.<br /><br />Stud games are played in what’s called limit form, which means that each betting street has its own set betting amount. Our friend Joe here (aka some anonymous fucker I only played once in my life) has limit strategy down cold:<br /><br />Joe_Banks: there isnt alot of folding in limit, it just has to go yer way<br /><br />I however, have figured out the secrets behind Stud games:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: I figured out stud/stud8<br />XaQ Morphy: it's a race to 2 pair, and then jumping around like a bunch of retards to see who wins<br /><br />Another form of Stud is called Razz, which is dealt the same, bet the same, but the worst hand wins. Aces are low, and A2345 is the “best” hand. During what I like to call my Percocet years, before/during/after neck and arm surgeries in 2005/2006, I found I could actually play the game of Razz fairly well. TNL didn’t really get into it though…<br /><br />thenutlow: blah blah razz talk blah blah<br /><br />On the subject of Razz, one day I searched my stalker list (that is, a list of people who are really bad that I want to play again), I saw one of them playing a Razz freeroll. TNL has his opinion on freerolls in general:<br /><br />thenutlow: i wouldn't play a 2 man freeroll vs the nodding donkey for a place in immortality<br /><br />There’s that nodding donkey again…ahem, but Razz freerolls have a special place in TNL’s heart:<br /><br />thenutlow: I sometimes feel sorry for these poor fucks that live on the streets and have to sleep in the freezing cold, but that pity pales in comparison to the levels of sorrow i feel for the fuckers that willingly enter a razz freeroll with 2400 people<br /><br />Most players have their favorite hands in holdem and other forms of poker. There are also ones that players despise for one reason or another. AA is easy to play, just set up the nodding donkey, and well, you know the rest. 63 of clubs is easy to play as well, aka The Morphy, the power of 6c3c is beyond comprehension for most humans. A really tough hand to play is JJ, and…<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: JJ on the button is like an invitation to just get up from the table and walk away<br /><br />My most hated hand is KK. I seemed to do just fine with it until I met TNL. Only then I did truly understand his pure hatred for this miserable piece of poker profanity. As the old saying goes:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: someone wake me up when I get KK so I can get busted by A3o and go to bed<br /><br />On the subject of KK, one night I was playing and got my stack in with KK vs. some moron with an A and fuck, I don’t even know if he had a 2nd card. As the board came down TNL switched gears mid-sentence:<br /><br />thenutlow: Ace on the what the fuck?<br /><br />Ahh yes, KK is possibly the most tilt-inducing hand of poker. Speaking of tilt, here’s one of the more interesting tilt chats I’ve seen. I was playing on some stupid ass site where you pay a monthly fee and all the games are essentially free, but there are ways to win real money. It was run by a former RGPer, and while it seemed like a good idea and was completely legal in the US, because it was basically a site full of retards and freerolls, it went the way you’d expect it to: straight out of business. Anyway, I was playing in a tournament one day and got moved tables. Suddenly I see this mess:<br /><br />(Observer) samson1121: NIGGGER<br />(Observer) samson1121: ?#!*<br />(Observer) samson1121: #!*?#!<br />(Observer) samson1121: GAY<br />(Observer) samson1121: #!*<br />(Observer) samson1121: ?#!*?<br />(Observer) samson1121: #!*?<br />(Observer) samson1121: #!*<br />(Observer) samson1121: @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@<br />(Observer) samson1121: ?#!*?#!*?#!*<br />(Observer) samson1121: ?#!*?#!*?<br />(Observer) samson1121: THE ?#!*?#<br />(Observer) samson1121: ?#!*?#!<br />(Observer) samson1121: BAST ARD<br />(Observer) samson1121: F UCK<br />(Observer) samson1121: #!*?#!<br />(Observer) samson1121: NIGG ER<br />(Observer) samson1121: JEER<br />Nuke: ummm Samson -- he's not at this table lol"<br /><br />LOL, seems our friend samson was so tilted he didn’t even realize the person his hatred was intended for was gone. Add a drooling retard and a freeroll site together with a smattering of tilt and what do you get?<br /><br />(Observer) firemother: honey we'll meet in freeroll and then you talka big like now<br /><br />Not sure what language that was, but maybe she could get this idiot to translate for her:<br /><br />Christ1234 [observer]: all players wait of big carts many players play not poker<br /><br />There are a lot of activities that are somewhat related to poker. A lot of poker players used to or still do play video games, some have played other card games, and a lot of them golf. Do I golf, you ask? <br /><br />XaQ Morphy: I don't even bother trying to golf, cause anything as frustrating as poker that involves metal poles just has bad news written all over it<br /><br />As you’ve seen in previous blog entries, I like to tilt people on the poker table, because it generally makes them play bad and give their money away. The guy below and I have a history of getting into it on the table. This exchange I just crack up over, so I’ll include it here:<br /><br />PhippsJ: your like the 5 foot 5 guy at the bar trying to pick fights<br />PhippsJ: and everyone just laughs at<br />XaQ Morphy: yup that's me<br />XaQ Morphy: except I'm 5 foot 10<br />XaQ Morphy: and have a blackbelt in dawnkeigh-do<br /><br />As the poker world knows, the internet is full of resources, from various web sites, blogs, forums, newsgroups, etc. The internet newsgroup rec.gambling.poker (RGP) is where we all met, and really how this blog started. A while back Fell and I were talking about just giving up RGP because of how useless it’s become, but he just couldn’t do it. Why?<br /><br />FellKnight: RGP IS ALL I HAVE DUDE<br /><br />Necron99 chimes in with a great quote from several years ago:<br /><br />Necron99: If the world was run by rgp we would all be sleeping with our cousins, living on diets of cheesewhizz and self treating serious medical complaints with a xanax and a bottle of good scotch.<br /><br />Along with the newsgroups and forums, several programs and tracking sites have come out. My buddy IceOhio was having problems with his game, so he downloaded a trial version of PokerTracker (PT) which is a tool to help analyze your play. His results weren’t all that great:<br /><br />IceOhio: i ran my hand histories thru PT.. it said "Ummm, dude. You need a new hobby"<br /><br />One of the online tracking sites is called Sharkscope. It tracks online SNG tournaments and has various little icons next to players’ names to categorize them. There's a shark, several levels of stars, and for those not so great players, a little fishbowl with a goldfish swimming around. My thoughts on that?<br /><br />(10:49:20 PM) XaQ Morphy: but to be honest if I had a fishbowl next to my name on sharkscope, I'd eat a gun<br /><br />This next quote has no real place, but I thought it was funny so I saved it. A term in online poker that people like to use when winning pots is “ship it”, said when winning a pot. It does sound pretty, well, what?<br /><br />tbuck27: I almost said "Ship It" and then I remembered I'm not a homosexual<br /><br />Yes, that’s it. As seen in the first List entry and in part 1 of this entry, The List can show us how we progress throughout the years. This first quote was from April, 2007:<br /><br />TheFlip2k1: that was ridiculous<br />obv: thanks for your valued opinion<br />obv: now shut the fkk up<br /><br />And the next was just last year, in September of 2009. I wasn’t thinking of the quote above when I wrote this, but as soon as I did I had a déjà vu type experience and had to save it. Sure enough, damn near word for word:<br /><br />goldgammon: rididuclous<br />XaQ Morphy: ty for your valued opinion<br />XaQ Morphy: now shut the fk up<br /><br />So that’s it. A super long entry, a ton of quotes, and some seriously heavy poker strategy. I hope you found something in here to help you with your game, in one way or another. The next post or series of posts from The List covers the subject of animals. I won’t promise any type of date at all, but I will make a best effort to get it here before 2013. Oh wait, I forgot one last tip. Note taking is very important in poker. You should always take notes on how your opponents play, how they bet, what types of hands they play, etc. etc. I’ve taken this to an entirely new level, and I leave you with this final quote:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: I have a new way of taking notes<br />XaQ Morphy: instead of just putting hand histories into their notes, I'm gonna put the item that I'd most likely to smack them on the head with<br />XaQ Morphy: so this guy's notes are "tack hammer"<br /><br />Until next time!<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-61075030042993793052010-01-27T23:12:00.002-06:002010-01-27T23:16:45.385-06:00The Donkey Manifesto Presents - The List - Poker Strategy part 1Hello Manifestites! I bet I know what you’re thinking. “Is Morphy messing with us?” “Is this really the 2nd installment of The List?” “Has it really been over 3 years since the last installment of The List?” “What the hell is The List?” “everyoneisouttogetmetheonlinesitescheatmetheresaguynamedvenxwhoworksforstarsftpstolemoneyfrommybankaccountkillkillkillmustkillcan’tlivewithoutthebloodbloodbloodcrazycrazycrazy”. Hey look, RGP’s own Igotskillz is here with us too!<br /><br />Yes, it’s true, this is the 2nd installment of The List, Poker Strategy. As I’m writing this intro I don’t know how long this is going to be, but to say I have more quotes for this installment than the first is like saying there may be a few retards on RGP. Speaking of the first, for those who don’t know what this is all about, the first installment can be found <a href="http://donkeymanifesto.blogspot.com/2006/12/donkey-manifesto-presents-list.html">here</a>. For a quick recap, The List is a culmination of various quotes, mostly from IM chat with various people, some from table chat, and a few misc. quotes here and there that I’ve gathered since its inception in 2005. When I see them I take them and copy them into a file and save them for future use.<br /><br />I’ve been putting this off for way too long. For a while I had various reasons why I didn’t want to post the next installment, for a while I didn’t know if I wanted to continue the blog at all. A lot of it had to do with poker, I actually quit playing in 2007 and cashed out my roll, blah blah ok yeah whatever you guys don’t give a shit about that. At one point I became really motivated to do it, opened up the text file I had as The List, realized it was going to take a lot of work just to sort the quotes out into a format where I’d be able to start figuring out how to come up with an entry. So here it is. I can’t promise you any useful poker advice here, but I can offer some of the most amusing quotes I’ve either witnessed or written over the past few years. Some of them might be “have to be there” type of quotes, but the important thing is that they were funny to me.<br /><br />As we last left The List, we were graced by these words from our long-lost friend Muk:<br /><br />Mukwrm715: thank you i like play the poker<br /><br />No, that’s not it. This is the one I mean:<br /><br />Mukwrm715: if i can beat a woman with a penis at cards, i am obviously the best<br /><br />Err, nope, that ain’t it either. Maybe it’s this one…<br /><br />Mukwrm715: i am tearing through my stars money like the site is closing down in 10 minutes<br /><br />Ah yes, there it is. That’s still one of my all time favorites. Muk had some incredibly awesome quotes over the years. I’m sure we all remember this one:<br /><br /> Mukwrm715: so adam ft's in a game he claims no knowledge of, james wins a tournament, and i get beat by a 3 outer<br />Mukwrm715: looks like things are back to normal<br /><br />Part of the fun of The List is that I can take quotes days/weeks/years apart and put them together to tell a story. Here’s a nice quick sampling to really kick off this entry:<br /><br />Mukwrm715: i am looking for something pretty again<br />Mukwrm715: hello all in, my name is matt<br />Mukwrm715: that was a cruel cruel joke<br />Mukwrm715: I just donked off millions of chips<br />Mukwrm715: i need to go break something<br /><br />Speaking of breaking something, I think everyone who has ever played online poker has a love/hate relationship with at least one poker site. PokerStars seems to be one of the favorite targets of semi-random shots of hatred. Now let’s make sure we understand where we are here. I’ve never once had the thought or shared the opinions of those that believe poker sites are rigged. Kind of reminds me of a quote:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: Losers need to get support from other losers about their losing.<br /><br />Anyway, what I mean is that while we joke all the time about RiverStars, the turn of a thousand outs, “ooh look, 38o is on special today” and various other ridiculous notions, in the end we are rational human beings and understand how absurd the notion of a site rigging their deal to create action is. By “we”, of course I mean those of us who aren’t total retards and spend their time posting on various online sites whining about how rigged things are. Ahem, anyway…on with the quotes…<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: you know your day is fucked when you open up stars and the first thing you are greeted with is a big dose of retard<br /><br />TNL had some, well, interesting things to say about Stars. We’ll see how he progresses in his mission to never play there again.<br /><br />7/3/2006:<br />thenutlow: gg stars.. you have had ur last $$ outta me<br /><br />3/17/2007:<br />XaQ Morphy: at least it doesn't all of a sudden look like stars<br />thenutlow: lol<br />thenutlow: i aint ever playin on that fucking site again<br />thenutlow: as long as i live<br />XaQ Morphy: lolol<br />thenutlow: fuck that shit house<br /><br />5/8/2007:<br />thenutlow: thank fuck for that<br />thenutlow: lemme close that shit hole down and never open again for as long as I <br />thenutlow: 2 hours<br /><br />11/5/2007:<br />thenutlow: well<br />thenutlow: it was a cheap way to reinvigorate my hatred for that pisshole<br />thenutlow: i swear<br />thenutlow: if I ever play another hand of poker on that fuckhole<br />thenutlow: fucking fuckers<br /><br />Progress! Such a wonderful thing. Speaking of PokerStars, here’s a random quote from some guy about their Sunday tournament, now known as the Sunday Million:<br /><br />hazards21: a donk always wins this<br />hazards21: so if u arent one<br />hazards21: u dont have a chance<br /><br />For those who don’t believe it, put google to use and search out Vikidin’s Sunday Million win from last year. Stars had a video of his play and it was one of the most tilt inducing things I’ve ever watched. Imagine a guy who literally never won a single thing, donked away $25k over the course of his poker life, and then binked the $200k first prize through a series of calls with no hand no draw and a never-ending stream of gobbles. Gobble? What’s a gobble? Funny you should ask. The term gobble first appeared sometime in 2006 on RGP in this post by yours truly:<br /><br />Subject: The gobble<br /><br />“Nothing drives me more crazy than the gobble. Play NL holdem long enough, cash or tourney, and you'll run into these masters of the gobble, and they will slowly eat away at any sanity you have left with their gobbling gobble style.<br /><br />There's no good way to play vs. a gobbler, because they are out there to master the art of the gobble. The gobble is the most worthless bet in poker. Nothing is more useless than some gobbler calling a raise with A3o, checking the A high flop, then throwing in the check-gobble vs. some poor shmuck with KK. <br /><br />The gobble is everywhere. There's the pre-flop gobble, which entices everyone to call and try to bust said gobbler. There's the previously mentioned check-gobble, the "I have 55 the board is QJ9, and I think you have AK" flop gobble, and then of course there's the "I chased my hand all the way to the end and hit it" fucking river gobble.<br /><br />I'm serious, the best way to take all my chips is to get a team of gobblers at a table, and just have them take turns gobbling my stack away. Pre-flop gobble, check gobble, turn gobble, river gobble, it's all there. Just take my chips, I can lose another buyin. Fucking gobblers.”<br /><br />Of course most of RGP remained true to form (i.e., totally clueless), and had no idea what I was talking about, so I wrote the following post as an explanation. I trust that my loyal readers out there, both of you, are already well versed in having to deal with the rancid hate-inducing tilt machine that is the gobble. <br /><br />“It has come to my attention that my dear friends on RGP might not know what the gobble is. The gobble, of course, is the min raise, and to some extent, the min bet. The term was coined by TNL, and completely overused and kicked in the head by me. No doubt FellKnight will be writing a "guide to gobbling" article soon.”<br /><br />Later in that thread we have this gem, also written by yours truly:<br /><br />“These fuckers drive me crazy. I'm serious. You guys could stack me, one gobble at a time, and there's nothing I can do about it. Hell, for 1BB I'll call with 3 high all the way to the river."<br /><br />Sadly enough, the last sentence is damn near spot on.<br /><br />The origin of the term gobble came from the fabled ancient city of Nutlough, long time ago, galaxy far far away, etc. etc. Either that or it was this quote:<br /><br />thenutlow: these fucking masters of the cock-gobble are gettin on my nerves<br /><br />Then again, maybe it’s one of those Matrix type things:<br /><br />thenutlow: we are in gobbleverse and the only winners will be the min raisers<br /><br />On the topic of raising/betting/folding, there’s a bunch of quotes I’ve collected over the years that deal with this topic. Most importantly, you should always have a strategy in mind when playing a poker hand. You know, like this:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: I will say this...I know what I'm going to do before I make the preflop raise. I set up scenarios...if I raise and he jams, what will I do? That way when it happens, I can contradict myself and do the opposite.<br /><br />On the subject of having a plan, sometimes our goals aren’t as lofty as the goals of others:<br /><br />AKQJT9: I'm pretty close to doing soemthing stupid again<br />AKQJT9: and here it undoubtably comes<br /><br />AKQJT9 is a really good friend of mine, but watching him at the poker table is somewhat of a conundrum for me. On one hand I want to help him and see him do well, but on the other hand, well, this quote from FellKnight describes it best:<br /><br />FellKnight: its funny to watch his "omgwe'reonthebubbleihavetosurvive" and his "OMFGTOPPAIR" reflexes do battle<br /><br />AKQJT9 has a great attitude about it though, as witnessed by this quote:<br /><br />AKQJT9: I love watching retards try to play poker<br />AKQJT9: that's why I have a mirror next to my screen<br /><br />Alright, back to the strategy. In poker there are multiple levels of thinking. First level thinking is what hole cards you have, and that’s where most players live their entire poker lives. Second level is thinking about what your opponent has. Third level is thinking about what your opponent thinks you have. Fourth level is thinking about what your opponent thinks you think he thinks you have, and the fifth level is that one fucking level that Mario keeps getting his ass kicked by those flying turtle fuckers. Err, umm, yeah nevermind. Anyway, second level thinking isn’t a Phil Hellmuthian look into your soul and figure out you have AQ type of thing, it’s putting a story together and putting your opponent on a possible range of hands. Like, umm, this:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: "please fold, sir" is a range, right?<br /><br />On the other hand, sometimes our opponents are a bit easier to read. One day I was watching a friend play and a guy on his table basically never folded. He finally busted him and I said this:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: I'm thinkin the only range tex folds with there is misclick<br /><br />Sometimes we try to entice our opponents to do something that we want and a lot of times that’s accomplished by telling them the opposite of what we want. For example, if we want them to call we type in “fold idiot, fold!” or something to that effect. RGP’s beloved Misst74 sort of got caught here with her choice of words:<br /><br />misst74: call me bitch<br /><br />Hmm, I wonder what she really was after? Sometimes no matter what we do it seems like there’s no hope, as this quote described:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: as soon as this guy stops hitting every hand, you're due to win a ton of money from him<br /><br />That was a great night…Fell was playing some guy named slushie on Pacific poker and was getting annihilated. After about 2 hours things finally started to turn his way, and several hours later he busted slushie’s account, winning over $10k from him. Ahh, those were the days. Fell had a way about him that made people listen. Maybe not understand, but at least listen. Eventually someone finally understood what he was talking about:<br /><br />FellKnight: I FEEL LIKE HELEN KELLERS TEACHER<br /><br />One day TNL had a massive grudge match going, and was beating the other guy pretty badly. Best way to describe a winning session like that?<br /><br />thenutlow: am squeezing that bastard like opium is seeping out of its pores<br /><br />On the other hand, when he isn’t squeezing them, it’s more like this:<br /><br />thenutlow: fuck me... stephen hawkins runs better then i do<br /><br />This next one I’m rather proud of and to this day is probably the best compliment I’ve received about my poker playing. Note that the chat came from an observer. I imagine I did something stupid and busted him. Raising is fun!<br /><br />weirdobob (Observer): i've never seen anyone play so wreckless as you do XaQ<br /><br />On the other hand, not everyone shares my opinion about raising:<br /><br />DOWNR: lmao<br />DOWNR: you ppl who raise b4 the flop are all punk rookies<br /><br />Of course the opposite of people who raise are, well, a quote would be best to tell it:<br /><br />thenutlow: you are a horrible infected animal otherwise known as a "nit"<br /><br />What is a nit, you may ask? The basic definition of a nit in poker is someone who doesn’t give action on the poker table. It’s far more complicated than that though, and the complexity runs fairly deep. There are nits that won’t ever bet without the nuts, there are nits who never ever raise, there are nits who play so few hands you don’t even realize they are there, and many many more types. They are generally bad for the game, but sure are fun to make fun of. We’ll start with what I’ve called the Nit’s Prayer. The back story here is a “token” satellite on FullTilt where the top however many people get a $26 or $75 token that can be used to enter various tournaments. They aren’t very hard and don’t require a lot of skill, but are a good way to watch a bunch of idiots knock each other out while you sit there and wait to have a token handed to you. Or at least that’s what this guy thought. A moment of silence please for our nit friend:<br /><br />RisingPhoenix10: nice one, keep that up<br />AtteK: ok<br />RisingPhoenix10: lemme just ride your coattails to the token<br />XaQ Morphy: a nit's prayer<br />XaQ Morphy: dear lord, let me sit here and blind away while everyone else does the work<br />XaQ Morphy: we thank you for thy fold button<br />XaQ Morphy: we thank you for thy min raise<br /><br />On a side note, get a nit who gobbles and you have a truly disgusting specimen of nit. Speaking of nits, RGP is full of them. The way they talk they’ll never put a single penny in a pot without the nuts (the best hand possible), and sit there defending their plans as if it’s the only way to play poker. TNL had a great quote about them a while back:<br /><br />thenutlow: these fucking nits could flop quads with a backdorr pass to eternal life and figure out a reason to fold<br /><br />Related to that, FellKnight had a similar quote, about a totally different situation:<br /><br />FellKnight: these fuckers would need quads with a str8 flush redraw to get it in<br /><br />Sometimes you just know what your opponents have. The nits sit there all day long checking and folding and wake up and out of nowhere throw in a big bet. This is the reaction I usually have:<br /><br />XaQ Morphy: holy shit he bet<br />XaQ Morphy: he must have a royal 8 of a kind<br /><br />I’ve had friends who play pretty nitty at times. One day while TNL and I were watching one and TNL had the best advice I could have offered:<br /><br />thenutlow: tell the idiot to get it in<br /><br />TNL likes to stir up trouble when he plays low level tournaments and often tilts his opponents. The nits there just can’t stand it and love to follow him around and berate his play. His retort?<br /><br />thenutlow: win lose or draw, i feel good my friend<br />thenutlow: you on the other hand, are crying like a rabid parrot over a bad beat for the grand sum of $10<br /><br />Speaking of the grand sum and nits, many poker sites have issues with players begging for money from the rail. These nits are especially annoying because they are relentless in their pursuit of a few dollars. This guy had his future set from the moment he created his online name:<br /><br />GFY Beggar (Observer): Would any of you kind folks be willing to spot me 5 dollars, please?<br /><br />Sometimes the retards, nits, beggars and idiots just are too much. Add to that a few nasty bad beats and you end up starting to think like a nit, as seen here:<br /><br />thenutlow: you know its a fuckin day when u want to just call with the nuts so u lose less<br /><br />So I have an interesting dilemma. I have so many quotes that there are a full 13 pages of blog entry in MS Word. So far the longest blog entry has been 9 pages. Remember our theme here at the Manifesto, we’re looking for quantity and not necessarily quality (past year aside obviously), so I’m going to split this up into 2 parts. The other part is already written and ready to go, so all I have to do is wait a few days and post it. I’m going to leave this up for a week before posting part 2 of this entry, but trust me, it will be there!<br /><br />Until next time.<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-60889663304023218182009-12-06T22:36:00.002-06:002009-12-06T23:13:12.860-06:00The End of an EraHello Manifestites! I hope this posting finds you in good health and all that crap. There's a matter that has come up that I feel I need to explain in a little further detail, and what better place than the blog to explain it.<br /><br />As you may or may not know, I've been a member of the usenet group rec.gambling.poker (RGP) for the past 5 years. I lurked for about 6 months before posting and posted for the first time in late 2004. I originally started reading it for the poker theory and eventually became part of the community that is RGP. There was a time when RGP had it all, good poker discussion, good people, a good feeling of community, a regular online home game, etc. However, over the years it's deteriorated to place that is full of people who can't/don't know how to discuss poker, a slew of political discussions that I don't get involved in, and people who literally can't stand each other yet spend all day posting back and forth, bitching at each other like a bunch of old ladies.<br /><br />Over the past 2-3 years I've turned RGP from a place of knowledge to my own personal sandbox. I love watching idiots frolic in their own stupidity, and there was no better place to do this than RGP. It didn't even take much, a well-timed post here or there, a tangent, threadjack, all out troll, or just nudging certain people in the right direction. It was great to sit back and watch the fireworks for a while, but lately it's become just flat out boring.<br /><br />Now, let me tell you another story. There was a poster who won't be named, but as a hint, used to be "the voice" of poker back in the day, whatever day that was. He had been in and out of some life trouble, but late 2008 he spent a considerable amount of time on RGP. Several times he posted a woe is me story and actually got people to send him money both in loans and via flat out charity. There were several RGP home games set up on Stars, and he would literally beg for money to play in them, asking either for loans or stakes, promising to pay back 50% if he won, which naturally he never did.<br /><br />On November 22nd, 2008, he asked to borrow money from a good friend of mine, FellKnight. Fell loaned him $22 to play in 4 $5.50 RGP games, and Mr. Voice told him he would be paid back within a few days, or earlier if he cashed. Naturally, he didn't. Fell decided to let him parlay the money into a few double or nothing football bets, because Mr. Voice assured him that he would pay back, and somehow the sum became $84 (although the nits on RGP have spent considerable time arguing whether it should be $84 or $88. Who cares.) Still, not earth shattering money by any means, but also not an amount that someone would just brush off. After all, there's a reason for betting actual money, and there's a reason there's a term called a gentleman's bet.<br /><br />Anyway, to make a long story short, Mr. Voice failed to pay Fell back. He made a near record number of excuses, kept promising a date to pay back, and kept falling through. Fell bugged him for a while but knew that it was probably a pointless venture and that based on the ever increasing woe is me messages begging for money that Mr. Voice posted on RGP, it became pretty obvious that the money was lost.<br /><br />Back in August, Mr. Voice posted a brag post on his facebook account about how he bought a brand new big screen TV and only spent $150 on it. I decided to troll the shit out of him on RGP, so I posted a congrats message to him on the TV and that if he can afford that he must have paid Fell back already. Mr. Voice told me that in no certain terms was I to get involved, and even went to say that Fell never asked me to post anything on RGP. This is true, but on the other hand, Fell at that point would have said nearly anything in email to get Mr. Voice to pay up so he could be done with him.<br /><br />Sometime after all of this I started thinking of a decent way to leave RGP. I was becoming increasingly bored with the vast number of true idiots there, the ones who refuse to let an argument die unless they get the last word in, no matter how wrong they've been proven, the ones who USE ALL CAPS AND RANDOM !! EXCLAMATION !! MARKS !! and open up dozens of different threads, changing the fucking subject line all over the place to the point where you can't even follow their discussions, to the complete nitfucks who offer such bad poker advice you wonder if they've ever won a session of poker in their lives without having the deck run them over. I still enjoyed trolling the everloving shit out of those idiots, but I knew my days were numbered and it was just a matter of time before I closed it down never to open it again.<br /><br />Sometime in late October/early November I was on an AIM chat with Fell and in a fit of drunken irritation he tried to post a message calling out Mr. Voice as welching on the bet. He failed miserably in posting, but told me that he would post something on the 1 year anniversary of the original loan, if I reminded him. Bam, plan set in motion. I knew exactly what I was going to do, knew who the targets were, and knew that it would create the perfect moment of chaos for my exit and the big GFY to RGP that it's deserved for so many years.<br /><br />Naturally I completely forgot on 11/22/09 to remind Fell, but I did remember the next day, so on 11/23, Fell posted the glorious "Mr. Voice is a welch" thread. It took 24 minutes for the fireworks to start flying, and by the time I got to the thread I was so amazed at the completely ridiculous comments that were made that I just sat back and laughed my ass off. Then the fun began. It seems the popular choice by the RGP old guard was to defend their friend and say that because he's fallen on hard times that the debt should be completely forgotten. They then turned on me and that's when it became more fun. I NEVER once posted anything about Mr. Voice's condition, medical, emotional or otherwise, except for the fact that he couldn't pay back a debt of less than $100 in a damn year. Instead I attacked those who attacked me.<br /><br />The best part was when RGP's own village idiot K9way showed up. He has pissed all over RGP spouting the most ridiculous nonsense anyone has ready for the past 3 years, and just never knows when to quit. The only people who don't think he's a true moron are the true morons themselves, and it seems Mr. doggystyle took it upon himself to start flat out making shit up about what I'd posted in the thread. It didn't take long for the game of fetch to commence, and within about 5 posts I had doggy chasing his tail so fast I'm surprised he could sit up straight. I kept this up, posting little tidbits here and there, and then on 11/25 I stopped posting altogether. The thread took a life of its own, and based on the last count I've been told the thread seems to have finally stalled at 213 messages. Howard Beale, eat your heart out!<br /><br />However, apparently some of these idiots, Mr. doggystyle being one of them, think that they "ran me out" of RGP. First of all, the thought of someone I've never met running me out of an online newsgroup that anyone can post to from anywhere is completely ridiculous. Apparently the timing on my last post and when Mr. Voice actually showed up in the thread was too coincidental for some. I just happened to stop posting before he showed up.<br /><br />Anyway, I'll end this by saying that no, none of you idiots on RGP ran me out of anything. I made the decision to leave RGP months before that, but had to wait for the right opportunity. The right opportunity presented itself weeks before that thread even existed, and everything went according to plan.<br /><br />So what next? Well, I won't completely break ties from RGP. I have friends that I met through RGP and I will still talk to them obviously. I'm still available via email at xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com, still on AIM as XaQ Morphy and I'll probably still post a message there whenever I post a new blog thread, depending on how often I decide to post. I just wanted to clear up this little matter of the morons who think I was run off of anything. That still cracks me up just thinking about it.<br /><br />I actually made some progress towards the next posting of The List. It's taking a lot longer than I thought because of how many quotes I have for this installment. Maybe by Christmas? Maybe not. We'll see. Until next time.<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-8784217492033360102009-11-17T12:01:00.002-06:002009-11-17T14:58:16.756-06:00Illegal Border DonkingHello Manifestites! What can I say, 2009 has been a pretty crappy year. My last post was in January, almost a year ago. I had a few things lined up for blog posts and then weird things started happening. I quit poker again for about the 15th time. Our wonderful economy took an ugly turn and the company that hired me on in December did mass layoffs and one day in February I was brought into a room with 60 others and told I no longer had a job. I was out of work for 3 months with the very real possibility of having to play poker for a living, and it disgusted me. Of all the possible professions that I’m qualified for (or not, depends on which side of the joke I’m on), poker is about the last on my list for things I’d like to do. The thought of spending day in and day out grinding against a bunch of retards that are only playing poker because they can’t function in society enough to leave their parents’ basements just makes me ill. Thankfully the poker gods were kind to me and did not let me pursue my lifelong nightmare of having to push buttons on a computer for a living. Instead, I work in IT. Err, wait a minute…<br /><br />I took a job in May that required over 100 miles of driving each day and although I had a lot of time on the road, I honestly did not run into a single episode of Donkeys on Wheels, despite the long drive and somewhat crazy construction along the way. It’s almost like the collective idiot is working together to make the world a better place. Or something. Fortunately for me things look to be turning around, new job coming up next month much closer to home, poker is somewhat enjoyable lately, and the holidays are coming up.<br /><br />Anyway, enough about me. A friend of mine had what can only be described as an incredible experience (and unfortunately for him, almost none of it good) earlier this year, and he shared the story with some friends. I read it and immediately thought of you, my faithful readers, who have been checking this site day in and day out just waiting for that next blog entry. I got his permission to edit the story to take out names and specific places, and I have it here for you in all its glory.<br /><br />As a precursor to this, I’ll say that my friend, who we’ll call, umm, Mr. Q, has had some interesting experiences in his life of less than 30 years. Several years ago he got into a situation where he met a girl here in the US (he lives in Europe somewhere), moved here and married her thinking he could become a legal citizen that way. Well, things don’t work that way for non-Mexicans, so once the US Govt. got a hold of him they deported him and banned him from entry to the US for several years. A while after that he met another girl from the US and one can only surmise that at some point about oh, 9 months or so prior to his story begins, she visited him and a partaking of the secret love dance of the Dawnkeigh took place.<br /><br />While I did edit the story to take out names and places, I left in the typing/grammar as is. Mr. Q’s native language is not English, so it would have been nice of me to help him out, but I’m not that helpful really, and I think the way its written actually helps portray the story from his point of view. That said, here it is, in all its glory. Enjoy!<br /><br /><br /><br />“My fiancée is expecting my child very soon, and because of some medical problems and the already very tiring task of taking care of her first child (not mine) she told me that she would like having me around to help. So because of the custody agreement not allowing her to leave the state she was pretty much stuck in her state, I would have to come to her. Her situation would have allowed her to be able to support me financially if there was no other way, and the whole online poker thing means i wouldn't really need a work permit. So that leads to a plan of me just walking across the border from canada,<br />because frankly there is no secure border there.<br /><br />The story begins in the end of may, when i cash out some money to pay for a ticket to canada. The flight was in early june, buying the ticket was easy. From there the plan was that my fiancée would come to the airport, grab my luggage, give me a compass and a flashlight, drive to the border with me, spend the night in a motel, and pick me up on the american side to drive to her place. That much for the Theory of it, in practice it all happened slightly different. It started one day before i left home with me sending her some more money for gas and stuff and for having a couple hundred lying around that i didn't want to carry with me. So then we have failure number 1, moneygram failed to do the only thing they do, when she tried to pick up the money she was told it wasn't there. That issue luckily was fixed with just about one hour of talking to some chick at the moneygram place who could not be bothered to even check the receipts they obviously keep before the hour long talk. As soon as she actually did check them the whole issue was fixed within 5 minutes....so there goes a total of about 5 hours for fixing that issue.... didn't need sleep anyway. now it's 10pm on the night before the flight, and i barely have enough time to disassemble my computer to take it with me, make some food, and finish packing before i need to get to the airport. 2 stop flight to my destination was really not bad at all. except for having a 7 hour flight after no sleep for 30 hours and the guy next to you can just not sit still for two minutes. Oh well who needs sleep anyway.<br /><br />1st airport in canada<br />After getting off the plane, there obviously was the passport check, then going through immigration. no problems so far for some reason....but wait, then they want to check my luggage. so because of some strange items in my luggage they don't really believe my story, which was just a short vacation in canada.... strange items in my luggage ingclude the computer and some poker books. They send me back to immigration for a more in depth discussion with them. No matter, the connecting flight doesn't leave for 3 hours so why would i mind sitting down and having a long talk with someone. Eventually i changed my story somewhat, telling her that i was going to meet my fiancée who was going to have my child soon.... she still looked very sceptical, told me that she probably shouldn't let me go, but would anyway. Then she said that i would be banned from canada if i didn't manage to leave the country by the date of my return flight, and that there would be a warrent for my arrest. Neato off to airport 2.<br /><br />2nd airport in canada<br />Getting out of the plane i obviously looked for my fiancée, didn't see her. turned on my cell phone, called her and heard it ring one time before the battery went dead. No problem, i can just go somewhere, sit down and wait. Eventually i got paged and was told that she would be about 2 hours late. Still not a problem. About 5 hours after my flight landed i was slightly worried.... so I spend a fortune on a coin phone calling her. She had to tell me that the canadian immigration wouldn't let her into the country. Great, stuck in the airport with not enough money to get a motel room and not enough money to get to the border.<br />I decided to get a cab into town with the little money i did have and got majorly ripped off. I went to subway for some food and ended up paying way too much for the worst sub i've ever eaten. So far canada is going great....<br /><br />Eventually subway closes and i decide to have a seat in the parking lot behind it to try and think of what to do. Interestingly enough there was a bar right next door which seemed to be the only thing still open at the time. A couple of guys around my age were playing football in the parking lot and kinda stumbled over me, made me come in. We had quite a long conversation about where i've come from, why, what happened, etc. Eventually they decide to look up phone numbers/locations for homeless shelters and the like and bus companies that i might be able to call in the morning for a reasonably cheap ride somewhere near the border. I end up making the reasonably retarded decision to just go hitchhike to the border right then. One of the guys gives me C$40 that i tried but failed to refuse. I get them to call a cab for me and i tell him to take me as far south on the high way as i have money for (saving the $40, though). So then i'm standing somewhere on the highway at 2am with 80 pounds of luggage.<br /><br />I decide to get rid of some of the stuff that i won't need anymore, stuff that can just be bought again if needed, like the poker books I had bought with fpps from stars. heavy stuff, big stuff.... and i feel bad for leaving it at the side of the road, but i didn't feel like i had too much of a choice. I certainly couldn't walk with that much luggage, and getting someone to stop, pick me up, and get that much luggage in the car would probably be difficult as well. So the suitcase is now somewhere at the side of the highway, it has an address tag on it in case you find it and want to send it back ;) . I only have to wait about 3 hours before i get picked up for probably not more than 10 miles. Not 5 minutes go by after getting dropped off before the Canadian police pulls over to ask me what i'm doing and where i'm going.<br /><br />Here we have the difference between canadian and police in my country. The officer who talked to me told me that he had a call out, but if i don't get a ride before he comes by again he will give me a ride to the nearest town himself. In my country the officer would tell you to get off the damn highway because it's not a damn sidewalk.<br /><br />I actually manage to get a ride from there within 10 minutes, taking me to the same town that the cop would have taken me. He dropped me off at a 7Eleven. I got myself a dr pepper and went on. Unfortunately i had to wait about 2 hours before someone picked me up again. Very nice guy he was, though, he gave me something to drink, some chips, some mini donuts.... he didn't take me all that far unfortunately, probably around 10 miles. From this point on I'm on the road that leads directly to the little border town that i want to go to. Unfortunately there isn't much trafic besides heavy trucks that have the order not to pick up anyone. I end up walking farther than the next guy takes me, and from there i walk another hour or so before the last guy picks me up and drives me for 80 miles or so.<br /><br />Small Border Town<br />I don't actually see any houses except for a gas station/motel/restaurant that's on the road to the border crossing. A very nice girl, looking a bit younger than me, is working behind the counter. I ask her how much i would have to pay for a room and she says $39. Clearly i hit the jackpot considering i have $40 in my pocket....unfortunately you silly Canadians and Americans just can't be bothered to include taxes in your prices.... very annoying. After we cleared that up, she tells me that there's a motel in another town that has rooms for $25. She even asks someone if they could give me a ride over there, it just would be a while. A few minutes later she offers to buy me dinner. I would like to say i tried to refuse.... but i was so hungry.... she was serious too, and the food was quite good. Very small restaurant but they made a pretty good burger that i ordered (along with fries) because it was pretty much the cheapest thing on the menu. About an hour after that she asks me if i would rather stay there or go to the other town. I tell her that i would rather stay there and she ends up covering the difference between the 40 bucks i had and the 43.25 or so the room would have been out of her tip jar, then she ends up giving me a $5 phone card on top of all that. I'm enourmously grateful, but she never even gave me her name....Amazing how nice those canadians are.... i would definitely go back any time. Sure beats the hell out of my country. I have to wait about half an hour while they get the room ready for me, and from there i just end up going inside, getting in bed and falling asleep almost immediately for about 12 hours.<br /><br />I guess you could take everything above as the prologue, now it gets interesting. i get up around 3am, use the phone card to call my fiancée to let her know i'll be starting to walk now, put the phone card back into the room, so that maybe someone else will profit from the genorosity of that girl without her having to pay for another phone card. And off i go to the forest, or what i thought was forest anyway. I walk along the road to the west about 2 miles before going south towards the USA. So far so good, sunrise should be reasonably soon after i cross the border (the border town is about 4 miles from the US border), shouldn't be a problem to just walk south for a while, right ?<br /><br />Eventually, after my very limited sense for what time it is it should have been akound 7am (i didn't have a watch since my cellphone always took that job) i decide i should be heading southeastish so i don't miss the meeting point. But it's not much of a problem if i don't actually get to the meeting point, it is under 20 miles from the border, so I could just get there, get to some gas station and ask if i can make a phone call.... shouldn't be a problem at all. Most of the walk i didn't really think that i was deviating from the straight line that i was trying to walk. However, it was a pretty cloudy day and in the woods i couldn't see the sun for most of the day. Sometime in the afternoon i was suspecting that i hadn't been going south for a while. At this point i really only wanted to get out of the woods tho, since i had my doubts of getting out of there alive. I still had my bag with another 40 pounds of mostly clothes with me, which caused me to take very frequent breaks after never walking very far. So unfortunately the bag had to stay while i tried to get out of the damn woods. Another thing that made my life very difficult at this point was that the so called woods were mostly swamp. A few times during the journey i felt like i was surrounded by very deep water on all 4 sides and for long hours the path i chose to walk consisted of roots of the trees that i had to step on to stay dry. Dry is said too much, my pants and shoes were soaked pretty much from the very start. The journey through the woods was very interesting, i saw a buck, way too close for my taste, a bear, also way too close for my taste, but they both seemed to be afraid of me. To make the long story short(er), ever since the afternoon i just tried to get out of the woods, maybe somewhere that would tell me where the hell i was. I was certain i was on US side and i thought i was reasonably close to roseau. Eventually i heard big trucks in the distance and decided to just follow the sounds to the road. It took a long time to find said road, it was well after dark when i got there. I decided to follow the road to what i thought was south.<br /><br />Now here comes the zinger of the whole story. After walking on that road for about 20 minutes i came back to the exact spot i started at. Neato. Now unfortunately i didn't have money, i didn't have that damn phone card, i hadn't had anything to eat or drink in about 35 hours and it was getting very cold. The gas station was open all night, but no one was attending it. Still there was a truck pulling in and i actually begged the driver for some food or drink, but he said he had nothing. I decided that i couldn't just sleep in near freezing temperatures and so i just started walking to the south again. This time, though, i was smarter, or bolder, at first anyway. I walked on the road until i got pretty close to the border crossing, that was closed at night. Only stepped back into the swamp/forest about half a mile away. Obviously i ended up getting lost again..... genius i am. So now i know that my sense of direction in the swamp is totally nonexistant, there's no sun, no moon, no idea where i'm going. I end up trying to sleep some, in wet clothes, near freezing temperatures, but from all the walking and dehydration i felt pretty hot. Still i ended up waking up shaking all over, freezing horribly. No way to get back to sleep. So i end up just standing there waiting for sunrise. Eventually i see the tips of the trees having some sunlight on them and i think i know where i need to go. I get back near the road, and keep walking in the forest about 150 yards from the road, almost never taking my eyes off of it. At some point in the morning i ended up walking about 100 yards before taking a break, more often than not a short nap, because i was too exhausted and hungry to keep going. I had told my fiancée on the phone that if i wasn't there by the previous night i would very likely not make it. Now I'm assuming that i need to get to the meeting point very quickly so i could maybe call her before she's back home 700 miles away, plus at this point i'm so hungry that i don't think i could go much longer. New plan, just walk on the damn road. That actually worked pretty good. I was able to go about 10 times the distance before needing a break. So there i am sleeping on the shoulder of the road when the border patrol pulls up.....I tell him that i'm a US Citizen of course, unfortunately i left my ID at home.... but somehow he doesn't believe me. He puts handcuffs on me, and searches my backpack, so then he finds my passport.<br /><br />The border patrol apparently has a very lengthy booking process, or they don't do it very often.... took them about 5 hours to finish the whole paperwork. They tell me that they will be searching my hard drives and my cell phone (i still have neither of em back). They tell me that I can request to see an immigration judge that may let me stay in the country, so i could see my daughter be born. (unfortunately i found out when i saw the judge that there was 0 chance of that happening). They tell me that if i request to see the judge it would be about 7 days that i would have to spend in jail.<br /><br />Eventually they take me to the local county jail and tell me that I would be moved in a couple of days, most likely monday. I ended up getting moved to a larger city jail in another state on tuesday. where i was told it would be a couple of days before i see the judge. It was a pretty nice jail. We only got locked down between 10pm and 6am, there was a day room that 8 cells were attached to. We spent most of the time in said day room. They had a nice poker game going, no blinds, ante 1, going to 2 soon as someone got knocked out, then 3, etc. buyin 1 rahmen noodle. over the whole time i was there i stayed pretty much even. after 7 days i got moved again (4 days after they told me i would have seen the judge), now to another county jail. There i was told that i would be seeing the judge after 10 days. I kinda didn't believe those guys since i figured that it had already been too long so it should be a day or 2 at most.... wrong again. 2 weeks after i got moved to that county jail they took me to the court. immigration court is arguably the worst thing you can go to. There were 15 locals that day. we all got put into one cell. A short time later there were transports from 3 other jails all throwing people into that one cell. One toilet, no privacy, and you get to stay there from about 8am until about 5pm.<br /><br />Alright, finally seeing the judge, they told me there just is no way I would get to see my fiancée unless i got someone to pay the bond (initially set at $15,000). So at the hearing i asked the judge to reduce the bond, and he set it at $7,500. Unfortunately still way more than me or my fiancée would be able to come up with. So at this point i knew i wouldn't see her and i wouldn't get to see my daughter being born. And i knew that i had just wasted 24 days trying to see the judge when I coulda just told the border patrol that they should just deport me. Now, court was at the end of june, I was told that deportation to my country was pretty quick, i would leave within 2 weeks, probably sooner. The rest of the time in jail i was always thinking i would get deported tomorrow.... disappointed day after day. Finally 4 days later they got me out of bed at 5am, telling me that i'd get deported (they don't tell you until that morning....). unfortunately they took me to immigration court and from there i was taken to yet another county jail. I definitely could have done without that experience..... after 2 months in jail i was strip searched the first time. The food was the worst I have ever eaten and after getting moved to a different cell after dinner i was in a cell that was so cold that i couldn't sleep at all. No matter, Immigration was actually honest and i got woken up for breakfast at 4:25am where i was told that i'd be getting deported after breakfast.<br /><br />I was given back my clothes (still smelling like the thing from the swamp) and after getting dressed (and letting me sit there for over an hour) they took me back to immigration court where i was given my backpack and everything else that the border patrol took from me, except for my cell phone and hard drives. Then they took me to the airport (state in the midwest US) and 2 people escorted me, handcuffed (glad they took the shackles off my feet at the court), to the gate. They actually took off the handcuffs then. They were nice people. From there i was escorted to an airport in the southwest of the US where we had nice mexican food for lunch at the airport, 4 hour overlay. Had some decent conversations, those people get around a lot, have a lot of stories to tell. Until bording started for the flight to my country they had me under the impression that they would be coming along, but they just got me on the plane and watched so i didn't get back off. Delta airlines unfortunately had very shitty service on that flight and computer problems with the entertainment system (redhat, was rebooting over and over, showing all the normal boot up messages of a linux system). They actually fixed that about 2 hours into the flight.<br /><br />Back home<br />Back in my home country there actually were 2 cops waiting for me when i got off the plane. They checked the paperwork, checked if there were any crimes on my record and all kinds of stuff. Eventually they let me go. Now I'm in my country but 400 miles from home, no money in my pocket.... The police suggested that i go visit the church services inside the airport who may be able to help me. They let me call my brother, who amazingly enough was at home, and even more amazingly was able to get me a train ticket home. He picked me up at the train station, drove me to the house where I thought i lived, and started a long conversation. He said that my family didn't actually want me to ever get inside that house again.<br /><br />Now that very last paragraph requires about this much text again to explain. The short version being that they made some very unreasonable requests about me doing maintanence on this property (owned by my family), which was one of the reasons i had for leaving.... and i didn't tell my family that i was planning to leave.... they weren't happy. The situation is not resolved but right now i have a place to stay.”<br /><br /><br />So there it is. Completely true, verified, etc. Poker books still unclaimed as far as we know, so if you happen to be walking along the highway next to a swamp, keep a lookout for a suitcase full of books.<br /><br />A few of you have asked what the future was for the Manifesto. I’m unsure myself. I have been gathering stuff up, and I spent some time organizing The List into a spreadsheet where I can sort/filter out based on subject, which potentially makes writing up blog entries easier. I also have been saving up some rather amusing table chat. I’d say right now I have enough material for 4 more entries which should cover me through 2010 or so. Ok just kidding, I’m hoping to have installment #2 of The List within the next month. Until then, enjoy!<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-39414979457582409092009-01-05T20:40:00.003-06:002009-01-05T20:49:12.550-06:00Happy Year of the Donk!Hello Manifestites and Happy New Year! Yes here we are in 2009, which is known in some distant civilizations as the Year of the Donk. If we aren't all wiped off the face of the earth by some global-warming-triggered event, kill each other over table scraps due to the recession/depression, or are smashed into oblivion by a comet or asteroid, we should have a pretty good year ahead of us. In fact, the Year of the Donk may just turn out to be just that. Pull up a chair and see if you agree based on three tales of donk induced donkocity:<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Garbage Pickers</span> - I never understood why so many people seem to be driving around all day long just to pick up someone else's garbage. I'm not talking about your every day rummage sales and getting rid of unwanted crap for a quarter. I'm talking about actual garbage that is put into an actual garbage collection location for the purpose of disposal. As some of you know, we were greeted by a nice 3 inches of water in our basement last weekend due to a backed up storm drain. One room of the basement was semi-finished, and we have a lot of stuff down there, so that meant a fun week of removing everything from the room, bleach cleaning the floor, and either cleaning up things we want to keep or throwing them out. This brings a new meaning to "throw out the crap you don't want", and I'll leave it at that.<br /><br />Among the things we tossed out were a big computer box full of misc. computer parts, electronics, books, gaming hardware and other junk. This was set aside for a rummage sale that never happened, and was just sitting in the basement taking up space. Entire bottom covered with water...dump the whole damn box. I put it outside next to the garbage bins, the box was ruined and soaking wet, and everything inside was soaked. I had a few gig bags for my basses that were ruined, a cheap old bass that I haven't played that I never even bothered to open up the bag and check (although I'm sure it was ruined - water everywhere, inside the pickups, battery compartment, everything), and a 20 year old hard case that was soaked on the inside, so I just got rid of it all. Yet, within 1 day of putting this outside in the garbage collection area, someone came by and took all of it. I suppose they didn't care that they were picking up stuff covered in well, sewer water, and I suppose they don't care that half the shit probably didn't work, nor did they even stop to think why all this "great stuff" was sitting out, soaking wet, in 15 degree weather. I can just imagine the conversation now:<br /><br />Idiot: look honey, I got me a new geetar!<br />Idiot's honey: uhh, what's that god awful smell?<br />Idiot: duhhh, well, I didn't shit myself today (yet), so I dunno, did you let one loose?? hahrhahrhrhrharhahrhar, burp!<br /><br />And so on. It hurts to channel the mind of the stupid, so I'll try not to do that anymore.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">They Took Your What???</span> - We live on the southwest side of Milwaukee in a semi-quiet neighborhood on a somewhat busy street. We've never had crime problems in the neighborhood, people can walk around at night without issues, and with the exception of the semi-busy street it's just a quiet average middle class neighborhood. There are a lot of city workers in the area, cops, teachers, city workers, etc. because in order to work for the city they have to live in the city, and this is one of the better areas to live in. So, when something bad happens, it's a pretty big deal. We have an alley, and some people also have parking slabs next to their garages. My next door neighbors have 3 cars and a 2 car garage, so they park one on the slab. Well, the other morning my neighbor Greg woke up to find his 2 front wheels missing, and another car down the alley had 1 wheel missing as well. Uhh wtf? OK so maybe I'm just not into the whole crime spree crackhead homeless loser lifestyle where stealing wheels off of people's cars in a neighborhood filled with cops is considered something fun to do. Maybe I've never had it so bad that the first thing I think of when I need some extra money for my crack habit is to go steal someone's wheels off of their cars. But what the hell is going on here, who is going to walk around stealing wheels off of cars? We're not talking great cars either...a 10 year old Altima wagon, and an old Chevy Celebrity or some piece of shit like that. Did one of these losers buy a car with only one wheel? This is amazing to me at least...<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Sorry, Umm, Wrong Number</span> - and finally, it's not like I enjoy taking advantage of stupid people, but ok what the hell, I enjoy manipulating stupid people for my own enjoyment. The other day after I got home from work my wife was looking at her phone and didn't look very happy. I asked her what was wrong and she said some guy kept calling her and was leaving weird messages. Sure enough, right as she was telling me about this her phone rang. It showed up as a private number, so she ignored it and it went to voicemail. I listened to it, and well, it was something alright. Imagine a 2 minute long message from a guy with a german/mexican/indian accent using the word "baby" every other word and talking about wanting a dick up his ass. He then ended the message with "I'll call you back in 10 minutes baby" and hung up. While listening to this voicemail another call came in which I ignored, and that went to voicemail with 3 more minutes of the same nonsense. He said at the end of that message that he'd call back in 15 minutes. I hung up and said uhh, ok then, and just then the phone rang. I did my best imitation of umm, someone with a high pitched voice with a fake british accent and answered the phone: "HELLO?!?!?" [click]<br /><br />Here's where it gets interesting. 30 seconds later MY phone rang, and I didn't get to it in time, but noticed it was the same thing: private number. It was becoming clear now that this moron was given a fake number, probably drooled on the last few digits and was trying every single number in order. My wife's number ends in 35, mine ends in 36, other digits are the same. I feel sorry for the first 34, and what was likely the next 60+ until the idiot's battery probably ran out. Oh but yes, RING, and there goes my phone again. Time to put an end to this:<br /><br />Me (in best sounding pissed off gruff voice): HELLO.<br />Donk: HI!<br />Me: Is this the faggot that keeps calling here and leaving gay ass voicemails on my wife's phone?<br />Donk: Yes!<br />Me: [blink blink wtf?!?!?]<br />Donk: mumbles something<br />Me: What the fuck is your issue, are you trying to go to jail tonight?<br />Donk: I'm looking for Maria, she gave me this number<br />Me: I can assure you that no one named Maria gave you this number, now what the fuck is your problem you stupid fuck?<br />Donk: no no no no no...<br />Me: [cutting him off] yes yes yes yes yes listen you moron, you called my wife's number about 10 times and now you're on mine, what the fuck is your fucking problem anyway?<br />Donk: mumbles something<br />Me: Ok well keep talking please because all I need to do is either have you call either of our numbers again, or keep you on the line for another 10 seconds and the cops should be at your house within 5 minutes, so...<br />Donk: [click]<br /><br />That's one way to take care of it at least. God I hate stupid people. Anyway, I have another story from the place I recently left that should be amusing. I'll try to get that written up in the next, umm, well, in 2009, how's that? Until next time!<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-7241888778560677712008-11-03T15:44:00.005-06:002008-11-05T10:24:58.037-06:00Are You a Donk or a Donk?Hello Manifestites! I bet you've been wondering if your fearless leader has left you. Never fear my loyal readers of the donk. I am here and well, albeit short on material, and even shorter on patience and motivation to put things together. I know I owe you the next entry for The List, and I've actually totally ignored a few Donkeys on Wheels possibilities, but fear not, I have not left you. Today's entry features one particularly inept donk, a few games of what I like to call workplace babelfish, and even my mom trying to make the blog. Actually now that I have it written out it will likely move into more than one entry, but I liked the workplace babelfish line so I decided to keep it. Anyway, go grab a nice tall cool glass of stfu and listen juice, and well, stfu and listen. Onwards!<br /><br />As some of you know, I've been working in the IT industry for a gruelling 15 some years. Recent jobs have had me working a lot with Citrix and VMWare, and running the server environments for large companies in the Milwaukee, WI area. I'm at one of those now, a large manufacturing company with nearly 1500 servers located around the globe. I get all sorts of issues that come up, but I've managed to trick people into thinking I'm one of the smarter members on my team (not very tough considering some of the competition), and as a result I get all the "special" issues to deal with (read: crap sandwiches).<br /><br />I'd like to share with you some chats I've had with a guy we'll call Pat because, well, that's his name. Pat is a pretty stupid moron of a donk, but we won't let that get in the way of his goals to apparently be the most clueless person possible. He somehow managed to get his co-worker Bill (mentioned later) fired, and inherited all the shit that this other guy did, and of course doesn't know a fucking thing about it. So his default course of action is to blame it on us. (We're called the Wintel team by the way). Favorite phrases of his are "I don't know anything about this, Wintel has always handled it for us" and "uhhh, vmkdfmmfkdlj; <drool>". Most of the stuff we get is all tracked in a ticketing system, and even though were *supposed* to be considered tier 3, we get all sorts of ridiculous shit sent our way. So here's the notes in the ticket I receive:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Need to have someone to shut down processes on Server237 and Server238. Do not restart the process, but shut it down. </span></span><br /><br />Seems pretty simple, right? Sure, but dear Pat, WHAT FUCKING PROCESSES DO YOU WANT SHUT DOWN YOU MORON??!?!? Uhhh, sorry. You guys aren't as far along as I am. So I pull up my IM program and decide to see how badly he wants to piss me off today:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: Hi Patrick</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Hello</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: for this ticket, what processes do you need shut down on Server237/238?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: dcm on 238 and background processor and websphere on 237</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: are you the app owner for these servers?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: yes, I just don't have remote access yet, Bill was gonna do it, however, he has left for the day<br /><br /></span></span>Great, for a quick translation: the guy who knows wtf he's doing left for the day, and asked this retard to handle it. We get requests like this all the time...the application owners want to do something to their app that likely will fuck it up for all future use, and want us to abet them in their donkness. Wonderful. I don't know what these services do and frankly I don't care. But I know that sometimes these guys reboot the servers during their work, and a standard Windows service when set to automatic will start automatically (neat, huh?) at boot-up. So I try to get more info from him. I'm already logged into the server remotely and am starting to look for whatever it is that he's talking about.<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: ok, are they services that start up? Do you want me to set them to disabled? If so, who will take care of getting them started up again?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Yes, we will correct everything after the tad db get restored tonitr</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: tonite<br /><br /></span></span>What? Did I just ask an either/or question and he answered yes? That surely can't be right. Not sure wtf the rest of his line was supposed to mean, so I ignored it. Meanwhile, I'm looking at the services on the server and don't see anything even closely related to whatever the fuck dcm is supposed to be. Remember, I don't really care what the app is on the server or what it does. That's not my job. My job is apparently translating moron into English...<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: ok, by dcm do you mean the DCOM Server Process Launcher?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: The Kronos Data Communications apps</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: do you know what the process and/or service name is?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: It should be running on the task bar</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: let me try logging onto the local console<br /></span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: ok</span></span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span></span>Ok, ignoring the fact that he's calling something with the initials KDC "dcm" I actually managed to get something useful from this. From what he's saying, it's not a "process", it's a program running on the task bar (yes, I realize that this will spawn a "process" but I'm trying to simplify this for those who don't care). I'm logged in remotely (via remote desktop or rdp) and I don't see anything running. There's about a 2% chance that there's something running on the local console that I just don't know what the "process" name is in the list of random shit running on a Windows box (box is just a name for server). So I go to logon to the local console of the server which through the wonders of modern technology I can still do from my desk...<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;"></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: I didn't see it via rdp</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: On Server248 ?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: 238</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: should it be 248? the ticket said 238</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: yes<br /><br /></span></span>There it is again! Well, not as bad this time, but he's still going out of his way to be as vague as possible. Keep in mind that we have 1500 servers in the environment and while I'm simplifying the names here for the purpose of the blog entry, the servers are just numbered sequentially so we'll have like file001/002/003 etc. then apps001/002/003 etc. and there's no meaning to the number other than to separate it from the others. So server 237 could be a totally different app than 238. I could shut down 237 by mistake and take down something major whereas 238 is the one that really needs work on it. I hate it when the people who own the apps don't even know the names of their own goddamn servers, but that's another discussion. So here we go, let's try to find out what the fuck server he's talking about before I wind up shutting down an app on the VP's personal torrent server or some shit.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: is the other one still Server237?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Server237 contains Web/Application/Background Processor, they all need to be shut down</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: and the other server is Server238 or Server248?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: yes</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span></span>Fuck me, he did it again, for 100% certain this time! Are you fucking stupid or just a moron? Yes? Great! Go fuck off and leave me alone then ffs!<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br />Morphy: yes? which one is it?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: 248<br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: ok I don't see anything in the task bar on Server237...so I'm going to need the exact names of the processes and/or services that need to be shut down</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: It may have been shut down already, in task manager, are there any apps running?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: no</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: on either server</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: I just logged into the the s/w is running on 237<br /><br /></span></span>klakjdsl;fkajsdfl;kjasdf WTF? If he just logged into it then what the fucking hell am I doing bothering with this shit? Jesus, this guy is a fuckin moron. Ok fuck it, one last try and I'm done...<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: ok then I'm going to need the exact names of the processes and/or services that need to be shut down</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Kronos should be the only thing running, so you can shut down everything</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span></span>Hmmm, I wonder if this will work...<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br />Morphy: do you want me to shut down the server???</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span></span>Nah, there's no possible way that he's going to start out asking to shut down a program on a server and agree to having me just power the fucker off. These people don't have remote access to power them back on. I do of course, because I have ZEEE POWERRRRRRRRR MUAHAHAHA err, sorry. But this fucker doesn't have any access to the datacenter where the server lives, and even if he called up the operations center, they wouldn't do shit for him either. Now it's a game, I just want to see if I can get away with this...<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Yeah, as long as the TAD db isn't loaded on that box</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: I don't know what that is</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Thats the Kronos Dev Oracle database</span><br /><br /></span>The what? The KDO TAD db WTF SOL PDQ STFD STFU GFY and GTFOH???<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: how would I tell if that's on either of these servers?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Its loaded on (name of some Unix server that we don't support)</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: So we can just shut down those 2 boxes<br /><br /></span></span>Jesus Christ, he's gonna let me shut the servers down isn't he? This is great, and I'm actually paying attention now and sitting up at my desk. I need to ask one more question though...<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;"><br /></span><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: ok, and how will you get them turned back on?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Yes</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: So just to confirm, I will power these boxes off right now. I'll notify the GOC not to page out any alarms. You will then take care of bringing them back online. Is this correct?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Pat: Yes</span></span><br /><br />YES! YES IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING! Oh boy, what a moron. I mean, I could sit here and correct him. I could tell him that when I ask a "how will you do this" question that "YES" isn't even a fucking possible answer to it. Or, I could copy/paste the chat to the ticket, shut down the servers, and send myself a copy of the chat to post to my blog later. I don't suppose you guys have guessed which route I'll take? Boom, servers down, noted in ticket, and I contacted the GOC (uhh, global, umm, operations, cookie? err wait, center, yeah that's it) and told them to put those servers into blackout mode which ignores any alarms coming from them. Then I left early for the day, hah!<br /><br />Of course every story has a happy ending, right? Yup, Bill comes in the next day and SPRIZE! can't get to his servers. So he contacts a guy he knows on my team who we'll call Tony, cause that's what he tells me is the name of his alter ego. I won't go into my thoughts on people who feel the need to use alter egos to post things online. Err, ummm, nevermind. Anyway, I of course sent Tony the chat above so he was able to laugh at Pat with me, and I'm sure he knew that the next morning Bill would be getting a hold of him anyway. Here's that chat:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: hey bud</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: hey</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: my buddy bill is pissed</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Morphy: hah uh oh, why? lemme guess, they finally figured out they have no way to power the boxes back on?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: lol here his chat:</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: Bill: tony buddy ol' pal</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: mmmmm</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: I cannot remote or into Server237</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: it looks like 248 as well.</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: wtf</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: blame that on pat,, he had morphy shutdown both dev servers</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: shutdown</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: that idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: yes said he would bring them up.. hol don i'll send u the sm </span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: Do I need a ticket to get restarted?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: sorry I will hold on</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: y..</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: read email.,. what a dork</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: yes ticket?</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: y</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: k. tks</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: morphy will be pleased</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: great</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: screw it I will email pat to create the ticket</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Tony: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Bill: I am going home now and will deal with it on Monday</span></span><br /><br />And there we have it. Since then we've had Pat runins monthly or so, where he doesnt' know wtf he's doing, how to ask what he needs, or anything. I'm pretty sure this fucking guy has a map at his desk for how to get to the bathroom. His latest was knowing 3 months in advance that a security certificate was going to expire, then waiting until 2 days after it expired to put in a production outage incident. Hopefully management will realize what a moron this guy is and get rid of him, or throw him off the building, or something. Or maybe I'll find a new job and quit. Hmmm...that sounds pretty damn tempting. Until next time.<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />Morphy</drool>XaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-37527368661581581782008-08-31T23:47:00.002-05:002008-08-31T23:52:50.309-05:00Morphy's Fish TankHello Manifestites! Last post I believe I was roll building. Yeah, I had an issue where a supposed friend of mine busted one of my accounts (yes, my fault for giving the password out, no need to discuss that), and I lost all interest in playing for a while, so I cashed out what I had on the other site I play on and left poker again for a while. I got a rakeback a while back from FullTilt and have been playing on that. At this time it's unknown whether or not I'll continue playing, as the trust I had in this person was crushed. Enough about that...<br /><br />I do have 2-3 blog posts coming, and I'll just say "soon" for the timeframe. One is the way overdue next installment of The List post, and the other is a collection of IM chats I've had at work that have to be seen to be believed (but not necessarily understood!).<br /><br />However, the reason for this post is to announce a new blog I started. I'm starting up a new fish tank and have never had a chance to document a tank from start to "finish"...I hate to use the word finish because a tank is a living, evolving thing, but it's the best word for it at this time. So I bring you:<br /><br />Morphy's Fish Tank (<a href="http://morphysfishtank.blogspot.com">http://morphysfishtank.blogspot.com</a>)<br /><br />Enjoy, and until next time!<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13858596.post-16287372756977224772008-06-28T12:27:00.002-05:002008-06-28T13:06:30.417-05:00Random Donk ChatHello Manifestites! Ahh, it's summertime. Time for the great outdoors, air conditioning, sunburn, kids screaming in the backyard pool, bugs, and the humidity. Oh the humidity! It's also about time that I stop fucking around with my poker game and do something somewhat serious. Yes folks, it's roll building time!<br /><br />Thanks to our wonderful soon-to-be communist government and their UIEGALMNOPWTFSOL law that they passed, the financial side of the online poker world has been turned upside down. Neteller stopped serving US customers, and many of us cashed out our rolls and have been screwing around since then with no real bankroll to play on. It's a very tough grind coming up from quarter and dollar levels to try and play for anything meaningful. It's just too easy to say "hell, it's only $500, see if I can double it up quick" and dump it all on one table hoping to get lucky (that is, not get KK vs. a flush draw), then end up quitting poker again out of disgust. I do have to say, I have the most experience at quitting poker than anyone I know! So I'm happy to say that at least for the time being, I'm out of the true donk levels and am working up a nice roll.<br /><br />Of course the trip through the land of the donk is a tough one, and on a site like Bodog, can be a true test of patience and willpower. Add to that the Bodog bug that allows you to bypass the swear filter, and it can be well, more fun than it should be. The following are various random chats that I've had over the last 2 months or so while rebuilding. I save them to a text file in case I might ever use them or just get a laugh out of them. Time to clear out the file and share it with my faithful readers (and all you idiots who read this out of sheer hatred towards me so you can post on RGP how pathetic I am. There's a special place in my heart for you morons). Here we go!<br /><br />In the hand prior to this chat, I had 64 on the BB in a NLHE game, checked preflop, no one bet on the flop, hit trip 4s on the turn and busted some idiot who couldn't bet top pair:<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">hartdog63: omg sick call</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: how do you even stay for flop with 6 4 </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: me?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: yea</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: well sparky, it's like this</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: no one raised</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: and I was on the big blind</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: so I hit the button labeled check and WHAMMO, the flop was dealt</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: pretty incredible huh?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: sorry d i c k</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Duck12: that is the ******est comment i've ever heard</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Duck12: don't do that again</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Duck12: i feel gay just reading it</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: well I'm sorry, ask a retarded question, get a retarded answer</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Duck12: yeah armor don't ask retarded questions</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: it's very likely he can't help himself</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: he even stayed after flop</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I did?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: oh yeah</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you mean when it checked around and no one bet?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: pretty fuckin hard to imagine I didn't fold, isn't it?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: what an *******</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: asshole?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: yep</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'd rather be an asshole than a complete fuckin idiot such as yourself</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">armorbill: you are</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: and so are you sir</span><br /></span><br />Ahh yes, the truly clueless at work. This next one is a great example of how acting like you're mad gets people to lose IQ points as they dig themselves deeper into the stupidity that is their own mind. It starts out innocent enough:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: it's a wonder alright</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: fuckin idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: who</span></span><br /><br />Sigh, they never will get it will they? This was a PLO hand where I held the Ace of whatever 3 suits were on the board. I made a pot bet on the river knowing that they can't have the nuts because I have their card. Naturally that doesn't stop them from getting in with the 17th nuts or whatever this idiot had. Note that throughout this chat I'm actually laughing my ass off, and I bet he thinks I'm about to go on a neighborhood shooting spree:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u make a terrible play and get mad at me</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: now thats funny</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: ahh yes, and the guy calling with the 9 high flush made the good play?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: and I'm not mad</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: it was obvious u did not have a flush</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: just merely calling you a fucking idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u would have bet it on the turn</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: why would I do that?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: well if i'm an idiot what does that make u</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: good question</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i guess u are re.tarded then</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol but stay mad i find it hilarious</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'm not mad you fuckin dipshit</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: yes u are u made a terrible poker play and instead of owning up to it all u </span><span style="font-family: courier new;">can do is take it out on</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: me</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: sad and pathetic</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I knew you didn't have the nuts</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: so I made a bet that someone with half a brain could never call</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: which leaves you where?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: and i knew i had u beat</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: thats why i called</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: no, you knew you had a 9 high flush, and likely the drool all over your </span><span style="font-family: courier new;">keyboard proves it</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: your bet was obvious u don'tbet the pot if u have the flush</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u make a value bet</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'll keep that in mind</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: ty for the tip</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u lost u made a bad read get over it</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u have already refilled atleast twice now</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: that says all we need to know about u</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: there's plenty more where this came from</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: stop crying</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: try another hobby</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: maybe spades suits u</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: care to play headsup for your roll there champ?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: all 77.35 of it?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: since there are no heads up tables i say no</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: and now i only have 77 b/c i beat u in a hand</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: no one is sitting on 10/20 on table Atlanta</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: your anger has gotten the best of u</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'll put 1k up against yours</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: what does 1k have to do with our conversation anyway</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u lost </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'm sitting</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u made a bad play</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: it happens</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: calm down</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: come join me champ</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: waiting</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: still waitign</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol i never said u were out of cash just the fact that u've had to refill </span><span style="font-family: courier new;">twice already is </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: an indication of how u play</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;"></span></span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: it is?</span><br /> <span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: and u will be waiting a long time if u think i'm gonna sit down and play for </span><span style="font-family: courier new;">1k</span><br /> <span style="font-family: courier new;"></span></span><br />Whew! I'm the worst headsup player in the world, so this idiot just passed up on a free $1000. Sure am glad he didn't sit down, or well, you guys wouldn't be reading this.<span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;"> <br /><br /></span><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol but it obviously makes u feel good to be there</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: figures</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: make a bad call, win $10, talk shit, and can't back it up</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: if u are such a high roller then calm down i made a great call and u are so </span><span style="font-family: courier new;">upset over u can't say </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'm not upset, I already said that sparky</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: nh and move on u got to your panties in a wad</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: its sad</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: yeah u are not upset u just felt the need to call me out</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: yes, you're a fuckin idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: do we need to go over this again?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: take a deep breath</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: take notes or something, try to keep up</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: maybe go walk around outside</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: cool off</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: now why the hell would I want to do that</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: b/c u are upset no matter how many times u deny it</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'M NOT UPSET YOU FUCKIN MORON</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: take a deep breath</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: smoke some dope</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: man you idiots have no sense of humor</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: this is just a 50 dollar table pro</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: relax</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: only an idiot would want an opponent he thinks is on tilt to relax</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: no u are calling everyone at the table an idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: wow</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: therefore you are a fuckin idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i'm here to pass thetime</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: not trying to pay my bills</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I would hope not</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: when someone makes a great call against me i say nh</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i dont cry about it forever</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: if you were to make a great call I would have no problem saying nh</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I'm sure you'll get your chance</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u got outplayed</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: just accept it</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: move on </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: but when you make a call like that, it's not nh</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: don't get so upset</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: it's "OMGIGOTAFLUSHDRAW"</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u tried to buy the pot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: it was obvious</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I made a bet that any thinking player would fold to</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: so again</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i guress your fragile ego got damaged</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: sorry i called</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i would have folded if i knew it would upset u like this</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you should be!</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i must say i have enjoyed making fun of u tho</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you what now?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: sir</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: i don't really like to embarrass people but u deservef it i guess</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you have a lot of work to do if you think that was making fun of someone</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: see u around donkey</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: ahh yes</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: run away with your monster profit</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: go upstairs and brag to your mom about your big win</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: relax take a deep breath</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">onedaywonder: u will feel better</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you don't get it do you?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: what an idiot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: so how are the rest of you idiots doing tonight?</span><br /></span><br />Well that was fun. A few days later I sit down at some table, and the first thing I see is this:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: i know this riiged ****** gonna win</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: ****er prolly plays 4 bodog</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: *** you</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: rigged site bot</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">V47Y5: nh</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: not playing this s ass s no more</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: blo me</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">V47Y5: we'll miss you</span></span><br /><br />Well I couldn't resist joining in, so I decided to throw in a few lines here:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: look, a talking bot!</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">V47Y5: as will my bankroll</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: i tell efgveery one bodog rigged</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I don't think efgveery one will believe you</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: come to baltimore birtch ]</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: i bweat the shii to oua your ass</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: muthhha ***er</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: leave you bleeding in the street</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: punk ass *****</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: I light your dog on fire</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: and chop his head off</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">V47Y5: why would i want to come to baltimore if you were going to "bweat the shii oua" my ass?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: take you that long to respond who re e </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: little ****</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: c uu n t</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: hope they pauy well in china</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: little *****</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: ch iin k</span></span><br /><br />Well well, someone has some anger management issues. Whereas in the chat before this it should have been obvious that I was just stringing the guy along, there's a real possibility that this guy is going to go break every crayon in his crayon box after this episode. About two weeks after the chat above (remember, when he said he would never play there again), I saw him on a table:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: hi gl</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: what's your name?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: doug</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: hi doug, very nice to meet you</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: ya u too</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you aren't gonna light my dog on fire if I beat you are you?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: hmmmmm</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">doug11667: was that u</span></span><br /><br />My guess is he's still on the site somewhere, losing money and lighting things on fire. Hope he has some fireproof dog food!<br /><br />This next donkerlude happened at a PLO table. Nothing like using the chat as your personal venting area. This guy has some issues for sure:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">eligatorblood: play holdem..this game is like flipping coins</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i know</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: but in holdem</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i get even worst beats</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: these days</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: its a ****in joke</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: 2-3 outers there</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: crack my hands</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: today</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i push all in</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: no i get one ****** to push all in with 9 6 off suit</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: and i have kings</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: and i have a flush draw and a better hand</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: everything mate</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: and at the river he caught 6</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: the non spade 6</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: bodog is seriously ****ing with me</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: lately</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: and i just want to break even</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: a lofty goal indeed</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: if the people didn't get so lucky on me</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i would actually be quite ahead</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: funny how that works</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: here the worst hand wins</span></span><br /><br />Unfortunately he took my little snipe remarks to mean "hi, I want to be your friend forever, please share all of your bad beat stories with me." Well fuck that, let's see if I can annoy the shit outta him:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: the other day man</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i am in a tourney</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: right now?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i push all in AA against KK 10 10 and AQ</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: the AQ won</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: with 4 cards to a flush</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: did you win it?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i hit my ace by the way</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: how much did you win?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: no</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i had a set of AA</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you know a flush beats a set right?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: yeah</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: but mate</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: he caught 4 cards</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: he had AQ</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: not suited</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: well holdem is a 7 card game you know</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you get 2 hole cards</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: against AA KK I TT</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: and there are 5 community cards that all players share</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: and you make up your best 5 card hand from a combination of those cards</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: whatever man</span></span><br /><br />Seems like that did the trick. "Whatever man." Hmm, wonder if he learned that from my 8 year old?<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i hope for once i will get lucky with the worst hand</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: just once</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">eligatorblood: should happen eventually</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: because people are doing it to me all the time</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">nigmeplz: if u play bad u will lose more</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">Batence: i losse with the best hand EVERY TIME</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: not really the strategy you should be going for</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;"> Batence: what strategy shoud i be going for mate</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: well I think I speak for all of us when I say one that involves much less whining</span><br /></span><br />And that was that. The rest of these are just various short clips:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">maclindoors: such a set up hand</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: yah the biggest part of the setup was making you call a raise with 4 high</span></span><br /><br />This next one was a hand I posted to RGP. I had T9, flop 978, he shoves KK in for a 4x the pot bet, I call, river my straight, and bust him. I couldn't think of anything better to say, so this was it:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">h82bukid: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">h82bukid: true to your name </span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: shut up idiot</span></span><br /><br />Here's two random chats from a guy who really has some issues. These happened a few weeks apart:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">PhippsJ: well i guess we know who the table idiot is here</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: the guy who has filled up the chat talking to himself?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: or the guy whining about a bad beat?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">GonzagaJere: I know! The guy with a small stack!</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I was in the pool!!!</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: oh</span></span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">PhippsJ: your like the 5 foot 5 guy at the bar trying to pick fights</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">PhippsJ: and everyone just laughs at</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: yup that's me</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: except I'm 5 foot 10</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: and have a blackbelt in dawnkeigh-do</span></span><br /><br /><br />Random comment:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">drb64: you pros must be bored being on a small dollar table like this</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I like to watch retards frolic in their natural environment</span></span><br /><br />This next one was interesting. The player here is a regular at $2/$4 NL and up, and while I don't think he's the greatest player, I used play him fairly regularly a year ago or so and he sure seemed like a winning player to me. One day he shows up on a 50c/$1 PLO table and is playing like a true idiot, so I had to ask him wtf was going on. Needless to say the chat was destined to end the way it did:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: lol well done there champ</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: was gonna ask why you aren't playing 300 max anymore, but now I know</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">chump_status: this is his chick</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: you must be really good looking</span></span><br /><br />This next fucker kept posting $3 big blinds and would time out when the action got to him, folding his hand. At least he was honest:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: hey threeaaas, how much have you lost so far by posting a blind and timing out?</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">ThreeAAAs: my fault man</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">ThreeAAAs: 10 dollars</span></span><br /><br />I have no clue what this is in reference to:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">grobux: i had 22</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: if you had 22 that was the worst raise in the history of the last 3 hands</span></span><br /><br />And finally, against a typical "maybe if I bet more he'll fold" player...I was in the $2 small blind with J3 and called $1 since the odds were plenty. Flop was AQJ84 and I check/called bets that got bigger on every street. I somehow managed to beat my opponent's 3 high. How did I know, you may ask? Easy, and remember, TYPING IN ALL CAPS MAKES THINGS LOOK FUNNY:<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: NO BLUFFY BLUFFY 4 U</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">The Nubster: lol</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">The Nubster: nice call</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: TY</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: I READ INTO YOUR SOUL</span><br /><span style="font-family: courier new;">DOKTER DONKEY: DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, SO HIT CALL</span></span><br /><br />That's all for now. Until next time!<br /><br />Yours Donkily,<br /><br />MorphyXaQ Morphyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17701736559549057659noreply@blogger.com4