Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 8/29/10

Hello Manifestites! It's that time once again. The good, the bad, the ugly, the horrific, and then way past that, some of my hands. Before I start, I'll say that I received a request for my email address, since some of you don't know what it is. Best way to get a hold of me is xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com, and I'll include that in my signature for the rest of my posts. Sorry about that!

These past two weeks have been interesting. For those following RGP, I have to say, it's official...don't make bets with people online. You would think that of all of the newsgroups out there, one called rec.gambling.poker would be one that you would be able to make poker related bets with someone and have them honor their bet when they lose. Nope, this isn't the case. Everyone knows the story of the person now known as DaWelch, and most know that the post I made here announcing I was leaving RGP was total BS and just a setup to pull off one of the biggest and best trolls in RGP history. But this one is simply amazing.

Back in 2008 I made a bet with someone that I'll just call "Alan" cause not only is that his name, he uses "quotes" on every other damn word, making his posts nearly impossible to read. Anyway, "Alan" made up some nonsense post about how great Annette Obrestad was and how she was a "lead pipe cinch" (his words) to make the final table in the 2010 World Series of Poker main event. She just won the WSOP Europe main event at the age of 18, and this year was the first she was old enough to play in the US based events. He went on to say that ESPN would have a great fantasy final table with her busting Hellmuth and going on to win. Ok dude, whatever. He's basically a delusional moron with no poker abilities at all. I've enjoyed trolling the shit out of him over the years, to the point where he claims he left RGP because of me. LOL to that. Anyway, I bet him $50 that neither Annette nor Hellmuth would even cash in the 2010 main event. He took the bet, I confirmed, and that was that. Fast forward to 2010 when both of these poker giants busted on day 1, and I show up to RGP to collect my bet. Nope, "Alan" mysteriously vanishes from RGP. He then shows up a few weeks ago, I ask him wtf, and start one of the larger threads in RGP history. Turns out that a few total morons including one crazy lunatic named Boise decided that if they take a few posts of mine out of context, including one a full 18 months after the bet was made, that they could invalidate the bet. I won't go into all the details, but needless to say I got stiffed, "Alan" is a welch, and now his name goes down in RGP history as being a scumbag who welches out of a $50 bet. Pathetic. As my latest troll, I decided to just stop reading/posting to RGP for a while. The sheer amount of stupidity that those threads dredged up is almost too much to handle, and I can find better use of my time for sure. It's only a matter of time before one of those morons proclaims that they ran me off of the newsgroup. Right. In their dreams.

Anyway, onto better things. Recovery from neck surgery is going well. I've been back in the office at work for the last few weeks straight, had a few mornings where I wake up completely sore and stiff, but for the most part I'm getting better every day. I do have this thing where it feels like something is kneeling on my windpipe, but they tell me that's normal (uhh, what?) and that it'll go away soon. What's that? STFU and get to the hands already? Alright, you asked for it!

I missed a week of posting and realized how many big hands are played over the course of a few thousand hands, so I did some heavy editing. There's a bunch of larger hands where it's just AA vs. KK all-in or something similar that I just left out. I won't do a top 5, more like top 10 or so of each, and I'm starting to get more creative when writing these (read: my mind wanders worse than a foreigner lost in a Canadian swamp), so I decided to fold. Uhh, right. Here goes.

Wins:

+$48.25 - Some moron gobbles UTG+2. This gobbling shit has got to stop, cause there's no point behind it. I don't get why they do it, cause it makes absolutely no sense at all. At any rate, it lets me play shit like 8c5c, which by some strange coincidence is what I have this hand. I'm maybe 75/25 calling vs. re-raising here, and my randomizer of vicodin plus remembering stories from my childhood reminds me of the time I fell off of the garage roof and sliced my leg open on the aluminum shed from my knee all the up to my upper thigh, so, uhh, what? Oh, yeah, I called. Someone raises behind to $3.75, the gobbling moron folds, I have suited cards, and I remember my leg stinging like a god awful son of a bitch (no stitches though, as the cut wasn't deep), so I called again. Flop 6c 9h Ac and he checks. I don't know what the hell this means really. The top 3 hands he re-raises with are AA/KK and AK, and unless he has AA, I don't see why he checks here. Ok fine, I'll see a free card, I check. Turn 3c and how he bets $7. Well, I've never in my life folded a flush using both my hole cards, so I raise to $23, and he calls. River 4s, he checks, I bet $22, he tanks and puts his last 75c in (that bet will never get old), I obv call and he has AQo. Jesus, I wrote a lot. AQ sucks btw. Seriously, it's one of the worst hands in poker.

+$47.20 - standard big pair vs. big pair, but the action was weird. UTG+2 raises, guy with QQ calls, I re-raise to $10 with AA, BB cold calls all that, first raiser folds, QQ shoves, I re-shove, the guy who cold called $9.50 folds, and my AA holds up to bust the guy who trap/shoved himself into the rail.

+$23.90 - I raise with T9 cause you know, it was suited, and get 1 caller named "illraiseyou". Flop 9AJ rainbow, I bet $3, he calls. Wait, the guy named illraiseyou calls? Surely that's a typo? Nope, he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 clubs up, I bet $6, and illraiseyou calls. Wait, what? Yup. River Q giving me a straight, I bet $15, and the guy named illraiseyou, yes folks, calls again. He mucks AQo. Well done illcallyou. 4 times even.

+$92.20 - biggest win so far since doing these hands. Half the table limps, I complete on the SB with Ac4c, BB checks. Flop is A24 2 hearts, and yikes, here I am first to act with 2 pair vs. the world. I bet $2, BB calls, folds to the button who raises to $10. At this point I have no clue wtf to do. BB has to have "something", and the raiser has to have "something", but that something could be something retarded like, oh, AQ. Fuck it, I shove for $47.75. BB INSTA-calls, and at this point I figure he has to have 35, and the button calls as well, so I figure he has to have a set here. Nope, BB has As2s and the button has Ah5h. Turn Jd, river Qd, and I bust both of them.

+$33.50 - I raise with AA and get instagobbled. This shit pisses me off and the fucker's name is mii boo which tilts me to no end, so I shove on his ass. He finds the call with the monster that is 77, and somehow I win.

+50.45 - I know you're gonna accuse me of making this up, but here goes anyway. I raise UTG with KK, 2 callers. Flop 9T3, I bet and get one caller. Turn 4, I check, guy named i5bet72o bet $10, I call. River 5, no flush possible, I check, this fucker shoves. WTF, I put him on 72o and call. He had AQo. Did I mention AQ sucks? Actually I'm surprised that FullTilt didn't just crash at this river. AQ which never wins vs. KK which never wins. Kinda surprised I didn't just end the world there. Sorry about that, I'll be careful next time.

+$28 - I call a raise in position with 8h7h and see a flop of 6Q8 rainbow. Guy bets small so I call. Turn 7, he bets $8, I shove and have him covered, he calls with KQo. I make a full house boat on the river with a 7. The nice thing about these morons that play KQ is that they never, ever fold it if they flop a pair.

+$50.25 - UTG limps, moron raises, I call on the button with 44, limper calls. Flop is JA4 rainbow. Limper checks, moron bets $5.50, I raise to $20, limper folds, moron calls. Turn 4, moron checks, I check behind, cause you know, that's what everyone does when they hit quads. River 5 and moron shoves on me. I think about it for a second, trying to see if there's a straight flush possible, then I ask him if he can beat quads. He doesn't answer, so I think he's bluffing and I hit call. Moron has AJo, which is the universal hand of the moron. Thanks, moron!

+$55.50 - I've been adding 50c/1 to my table time lately, with mixed results. In this hand, MP raises to $3, I call with 34 cause well, it's suited, someone behind raises to $13, other guy calls, and I can't really see folding here, so fk it, I call. Flop 3T4 rainbow, lol. Re-raiser pre checks, original raiser bets $30, I just move in for my $75ish, and somehow both of them fold. Uhh, ok. Thanks?

+$46.05 - Guy raises who has a name similar to zuul. Remember that movie? There is no Dana, there is only zuul. Great stuff. For a good few months after that movie came out, everything used that quote. There is no pizza, only zuul. There is no piano, only zuul. Etc. etc. Anyway, I call with 85 for the obvious reasons. Some moron behind me gobbles, and I want to strangle him. So yeah, half the table calls. Flop is Ts 8c 3s and I'm getting pissed already cause I know the gobbler has some nonsense and is gonna bust me after I miss a zillion outs. I check, gobbler bets $4.50, I raise to $16, gobbler shoves and of course I call. He has QQ. I nail the 4s on the turn, he somehow misses the 4th spade to hit a higher flush, and there is no gobbler, only zuul.

+$41.55 - UTG limps, I raise with JJ, guy behind me re-raises, limper folds, I call. Flop is 4J4 and this guy leads out and pots it, leaving himself $25ish behind. I just get it in figuring he has an overpair and isn't folding, so calling here makes no sense. He instantly gets it in with the monster that is AK. The way he played it I was sure he had AA/KK. Oh well, thanks dude.

+$47.15 - Cutoff raises to 1.50, I'm 50/50 calling vs. raising here with TT. I call this time, blinds fold. Flop is KT7, he checks, I figure he's done with it so I just bet $3, but he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 spades and 2 hearts up, he checks again, I bet $8, he calls. WTF is going on here. River 3h and he checks again. I can see him having a flush here approximately never, but I can't imagine him calling another bet. So I just go for max value and shove for a good $15 over the pot. He calls with the monster that is KQo. Wow, so bad.

And now, the anti-wins, known as losses by some, donktitude by others, and just plan bad by the rest:

- $50.15 - I raise with AA and get 2 callers. Flop is 9c3dJd. BB checks, I bet $4, guy behind folds, BB raises to $14, and I'm stuck. I can basically shove or fold here. There's so many possible draws that calling makes no sense at all. I shove and BB has KdQd. For added insult I hit my set on the turn with the Ad.

-$36.05 - UTG+2 raises to $2.50, and here I am with some suited cards, 6h5h this time, so I call in position on button, and both blinds fold. Flop is Ah 5c Th and I flop a worthless pair and a pretty flush draw. He bets $2, I raise to $7, he calls. Turn 2d and now I'm stuck. He has "something" on the flop that he's calling with, so I'm sort of stuck. I check behind figuring that every one of these fucks bets the river if you check behind the turn, so if I hit my draw maybe he bets into me. River Qc and he checks to me. I don't know wtf to do, I channel my inner dipshit and figure I can't win without a bet, so instead of making a reasonable bet, I just shove it in, which is what I'll do with the nuts, and he owns me with AQ. Did I mention I hate AQ?

-$34.05 - folds to me on the SB and I complete with As2s. I don't see much value in raising here, I figure if I raise and he calls and I bet the flop and he calls or raises and I give up, I lose more than if I just limp and bet any flop. Or something. Flop 43J and I pot it, but he calls. Turn 5, I bet $3 and he gobbles, which is what these fuckers do on the turn with something completely retarded. We get it in, and sure enough, his retarded hand is the nuts, 76o. Today's lesson topic is implied odds. Don't be a statistic. Just say no. Or something.

-$22 - this one I can't even look at, cause I see I had 66 and lost $22 on a board of 24KA9. I scare me.

-$21 - UTG limps, I raise wtih JJ, and half the planet calls. Flop 465, 1 check, I say fuck it and bet $9.75, some fucker behind gobbles me all-in, rest fold. Gobble shover has 88 and rivers the nice 7 to send me into a frenzy.

-$43.25 - ahh yes my good friend KK. Guy raises to 1.50, I make it $6 with the trash that is two kings. He calls. Flop 987 and we get it in. He has 78o. Splendid pre-flop call sir. Then again, see previous lession about implied odds.

-$41.15 - I've been playing 50c/1 both with full and half stacks. I actually started half stacking to try and fix some leaks I have playing full stacks. This one I started the hand with uhh, well, $41.15, imagine that. I get one raise, a re-raise, and it's on my SB and I have AQc. I don't like calling, I don't like folding, and I don't like shoving. I probably hate shoving the most, so that's what I did, right into AA. There's a lesson in here somewhere about AQ, I just know there is.

-59.05 - I call a raise with 45s, which is probably a mistake when half stacking, but I blame BSOD. Flop 2s 9d 3s and I almost can't sit up straight now. We take like 17 raises on the flop to get it in, he has AsQs and I'm hurting. Turn Q, river T and I wake up 2 hours later and have no clue where I am.

-$180.30 - yup, you read that right. I'm known for taking shots, rampaging, donkstriking, whatever you want to call it. I decided to take a shot at $2/$4 for the hell of it. I started the session with $200, down to $180.30 here. I raise UTG with QQ, get called behind, there's a re-raise to $40, BB cold calls that, and here I am. One of the benefits of short stacking is that the tough decisions are taken away. Basically I'm folding or shoving here. I can't see calling this much and having to fold the flop when there's what, like a 40% chance of an overcard flopping or whatever it is. I just get it in here. Caller and re-raiser fold, but BB has AA. Oopsie. Needless to say there will be less 50c/1 in the future.

-$44 - UTG+1 raises 5xBB, I usually re-raise with QQ but don't know wtf this raise means since it's not all that normal, so I call along with 2 others. Flop is JQT and I groan. Preflop raiser bets $3.50 which means he missed pathetically, I raise to $12, but then get re-raised behind. I can't ever see folding here so I just hand my stack to AK.

-$49 - this one is fun. Guy raises, I call with 7s9s. Flop is Ts 8s 6c. So I flopped the nuts with an open ended straight flush re-draw. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get owned silly. Ooh, I know, how about get all-in with TT. Yup, that'll do it. Turn 4s, river 4d. Yuck.

And there we have it. I hope you enjoyed this installment. I've gotten a few good comments about these so I might as well keep posting until I get sick of it. I do have an entry to write up submitted by RGP's own Diputsur, and he only sent that to me like 2 years ago, so I'm close to starting to write that up. I also have probably 2 entries worth of random donk chat, so I'll get to those. In the meantime I'll keep at these. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy

xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com

Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk - 8/16/10

Hello Manifestites! I received some positive feedback last time, so I'll continue what I've titled my notepad doc the ever so descriptive "big hands" posts. I figure I'll write up 10-15 from each, then pick the best 5 or so and post them here. As expected, I had a few big pair vs. big pair hands, some that went my way, others that didn't. Overall I don't think these are entirely too exciting, but who knows, maybe I'll impress you with my awesome (or completely moronic) play. Note that these hands aren't the biggest money winners or losers. These are merely the ones that I picked from my biggest winners or losers. Some of them might be much less than others just because of how funny they are (to me). Also note that they aren't in any sort of order. I think I'll post most of them in the order they actually happened, since that's the order I wrote them down in, and arranging them into something meaningful takes time, and we surely can't have that now, can we?

Neck-wise, things are still progressing nicely. I started work back at the office today and while it was pretty brutal pain-wise, I made it through the day and got home intact. Physical therapy started last week and I'm doing range of motion exercises first before strengthening. I still have a ways to go before I'm considered really fully healed, and I'm limited to lifting a max of 10lbs for at least another month and a half, but I'm able to do nearly everything my job requires and can do most of the things in my day to day life.

Enough with the chit-chat, on with the hands!

Top 5 from the money winners:

1) +$52.50 - moron UTG gobbles, I call with 33. Note that I don't have any previous notes on this guy, so my determining factor that he's a moron is 1) he's playing poker, and 2) he gobbles UTG. Flop 386, and bingo bango bongo, I do a little jig. He bets $2.75, and I have the perfect flop to just call on, so I call. Granted, overpairs are never going away, but big cards rarely call a raise here. With position I'm happy to let him fire the turn. Turn Ks, and I think that's a pretty good card for me. He bets $6, I raise to $30, he calls. River 4s and he checks to me. I figure the game's up here, but I move in for $31 and he calls, mucking AA.

2) +$17.60 - this one is fun. Folds to button who raises to $1.50. I call on the SB with cards to be revealed later. Try to figure out what I have here as you read. Flop Jc 2d 3c, and I think this is a flop that's going to miss his 2 random bullshit cards that he raises the flop with, so I bet $2.50, but he calls. Turn 8c, so I check, he bets $5.50, I raise to $15, and he calls. WTF? River 5s adn I move in for $27. He somehow folds, and I take the pot with the monster that is 9h7h. Stupid bastard.

3) +$39.40 - very basic coinflip. I raise UTG with QQ, get 1 caller, and guy behind re-raises to $7.75 with a $39.90 stack. I hate calling here and folding if an overcard hits, so it's either shove or fold time. I look to the second hand on my watch, per Harrington's standard randomizer suggestion, and realize that not only am I not wearing a watch, I don't even own a watch, nor have I since those little plastic watches we used to have in grade school. Remember those things? Those were kinda cool. Well, if you were 10 years old I guess they were cool. By this time I forgot what I was doing, but got the time warning, so I moved in. Good enough randomizer I guess. He called with AK, board 8T8T5 and I win a flip. I guess it's a good thing I didn't reminisce about the time we duct taped some poor freshman to the wall 2 ft. off the ground, otherwise I might have folded.

4) +$23.25 - QQ again. Some moron maggot gobbling fuck gobbles my raise with 88 and calls off his stack when I shove. I love maggots.

5) +$36.80 - UTG+1 raises, I call on the button with Th9h. Flop 3h Jd Ts and he bets $2. These bets are usually totally weakness, so I raise to $5.50, but he calls. Turn 7h and now I have so many outs there's now way I can hit one, right? He checks, I bet $8, he calls. River Kh, I shove, and he calls me with AhKd. Splendid flop and turn play sir, and thanks for the stack.

Bonus coverage!

6) +$45.30 - I raise UTG+1 with 99, folds to a guy named "IFoldNuts4U" on the button who raises to $6.50. Eh, sure buddy, I call. Flop 953 all diamonds. He bet a lot on the flop so I just check shove the ever lovin shit out of him. He calls with QQ with a diamond, I boat up on the turn and dodge the 2 outer and, well, bust his ass. He didn't have the nuts which is why he didn't fold. That's a pretty stupid strategy imo.

Even more bonus coverage!

7) +$82.35 - raise to 99 cause apparently it's a fuckin goldmine today, 1 caller. Flop A49 2 spades. I bet $4, guy calls. I figure he can have an A, set or flush draw here. Turn 5c. I check, cause I think he bets a lot of his hands. He bets $5.50, I raise the shit out of him to $25, and he calls. River Tc, which doesn't make any draws. I can't really check here cause I don't think he bluffs the river with a missed draw. I raised on the turn big enough so that I could shove the river if he called, so I shoved. This moron called with AQh. Yeah, cause sometimes I have AJ there. Ok sir, thanks!

I don't get what's going on here, but we have yet another hand:

8) +$59.80 - raise with 33, get re-raised, get 2 calls behind, so I call. Flop 543 and I do what everyone who flops a set does, I check to the raiser. He bets $25, and I decide just to call, hoping the guy behind me goes wild, but he doesn't. In retrospect I should just shove here, since calling looks much stronger than shoving, and I only have $22 behind. Turn 7, and I check call the rest, and TT plays it like the nuts. I could see if he had something like KK, cause I can never fold it, but TT on that board seems like he should just use the transfer function instead of playing and save on the rake.

That's it for be playing like a genius and winning all the monies. Let's turn the tables, shall we? Here's the top losses since last time:

1) -$64.80 - UTG limps, I raise with KK, both blinds call, UTG calls. Flop KT9, checks to me, I bet, blinds folds, UTG calls. Turn 7, UTG bets $5, I raise to $20, he moves in, obv has QJ. I curse KK once again. At some point in my poker life I'm going to just fold KK. Until then, I'll at least have material for this section, if anything.

2) -$39.70 - someone in EP limps, button raises to $3, I call on BB with 66, UTG calls. Flop T63 2 hearts, checks to button who bets $6. I decide to call hoping UTG does something. I mean, something other than folding, which he did. Turn K, and now I'm thinking with the big raise pre, I could very well be up against KK. At this point, he either has KK or I'm way, way ahead, with a small possibility of him having TT. I check, he bets $10.50, and I don't want to scare off something like JJ, so I just call. My plan is to play this like a missed flush draw, assuming no heart on the river. River is an offsuit 7, I shove, this fucker has 8s9s! Oops.

3) -$47.95 - I limp after 2 limpers with 5d7d. Someone behind raises, 2 calls to me, so I call last to act. Flop Js 6s 4d. It checks past the original raiser, and the other guy bets $6.50, folds to me and I call. Turn Kd, and I really don't know what to do here. Open ended straight draw, 7 high flush draw. WTF. I check, he bets $14.50 with $24 left, and I have him covered. I decide I don't want to call and see the offsuit 2 on the river, so fuck it, I shove. Right into QdTd. At least I made my flush on the river...

4) -$19.20 - UTG+2 raises, I call with JJ. I'm 50/50 calling vs. re-raising here against a normal opponent, but this guy only has $19.20, (weird coincidence to how much I lost in this hand, eh?), so I just call. Flop is 8JK, and we both start digging our holes. As I'm running back with my first armful of branches and twigs, the turn is the 7s. . He bets $3, I raise to $9 purely for value, he shoves with KK. Trapped again!

5) -$20.85 - cutoff raises, I call on the button with 5s4s, both blinds call. Flop T44 and it checks to me. Well wtf, now what do I do? I know, I'll overbet the pot to make it look like I have a T. I bet $10, SB calls, rest fold. Fucker has $9.10 left, and called $10. This is either some retarded shit like 66, or he has me owned. Turn A, and naturally he checks to me, so now I'm sure I'm owned, so what do I do? Bet him all-in. Actually I bet $9 and made him put the last 10c in to see if he was serious. His hand? J4. Suited, naturally.

There's bonus coverage here too...you guys don't just get a bonus when I'm a genius, you get the other side too!

6) -$61.50 - 3 limpers to my BB and I have AA. I know these idiots call anything, so I raise to $4. Button calls and so does the SB. What the hell?. Flop 852 rainbow. I bet $10, button calls, SB folds. At this point I don't know what to do, cause they play TT-KK this way, and they even play A8 cause it's suited this way. Turn 9s. I figure fuck it, I can't fold so I'm just getting it in. He has 55. My motto for Rush poker is flop a set, stack a donk. Apparently this guy has the same motto. Or at least now he does.

7) -$51.60 - I raise with my friend, goddamn motherfucking bitch ass KK, one behind calls. Flop 492 2 diamonds, I bet $3, get raised to $7. At this point he has such a wide range, playing KK can turn into a self head-shot. I re-raised to $13 figuring I'd fold if he pushed (which in reality means I call). He calls. Looks like a flush draw to me. Turn 4s, pot is almost the same size as what he has left, I convince myself that he plays A9 and TT-AA like this as well as sets, so I shove into 99. Bleh.

3 more in the file, guess how many more you guys are gonna get?

8) -$40.25 - Riase with AA and the button calls. Flop 847 2 diamonds. I bet $3 and get raised to $6.50. I channel my inner dumbass and call, figuring he already has a set and I can keep the pot small if I just call, and that if he is drawing I'll let him draw for free. I honestly don't know, but the HH says I called, so we'll go with that. Turn 7, and I check, he bets $7, I say that's funny, that's what I'd bet if I had a 7, and I call. River 2 and I check again. He bets $25 and I pay off the monster that is K7. On the other hand, if I shove the flop he puts me on AK and I bust. This way I saved $7 something. Where's my vicodin?

Oh btw, if you guessed 3 above, you were wrong. Thanks for playing tho.

9) -$29.10 - This ended up being my last hand of the night for this day. I mean, as soon as I saw the hole cards I checked the sit out next hand box, but based on what happened and some fo the previous hands (which you've no doubt read about), I just gave up for the night. I raise the button with 67h, SB re-raises. Basically everyone in rush raises the button when it folds to them, and a good 25% of those are re-raised by the blinds because they realize that 100% of the buttons raise. So I call with position. Flop is 5h 4d 4h, so I've flopped a pretty damn huge draw, and in reality I have 7 high. But, BSOD has taken over, so when he bets I just shove. He takes a while, but calls with 99, which was interesting. Turn 5, river 4 and I have a full boat house! Unfortunately his full house boat beats my full boat house, so he wins.

That's it for now, kids. I hope you enjoyed this, but don't expect all this bonus coverage all the time. Actually maybe you will, cause I've had some big swings since these hands (last hand was 8/11), both up and down.

Anyone interested in a story from RGP's very own Diputsur when he tried to take on Absolute Poker's online chat support? I have that in the works. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy

Confessions of a Rush Poker Donk

Hello Manifestites! It is I, your fearless donk of a leader. I have something new for you today. First, some personal stuff... As you may know, on July 21st I had another major neck surgery. Last time I had this surgery, back in 2005, it was a grueling 2 month recovery. This time I was off of work for 8 days, and started working from home this week. I should be back in the office in another week or so. If anyone is interested in an x-ray shot (closest thing to a nude XaQ Morphy shot you'll ever get, sorry ladies!), here you go:

http://www.xaqmorphy.com/2010neck.jpg

Yesterday the doctor cleared me to drive "when I feel ready." I figured this was a perfect chance to take a small trip to the nearest Walgreens, which is 8 blocks away. Yeah, we'll just say I'm not ready to drive yet. Fortunately I went there to pick up more pain pills, and the worst of it was when I was backing into the garage. This really sucks because I just bought a new Mazda Speed3 2 weeks before surgery and I'm itching to drive it again. It's a monster of a car, and I really love it.

Anyway, let's get on with it, shall we? Back in January, FullTilt poker introduced Rush Poker, which is a brand new format for online poker, never seen before. Basically it's a pool of players who play on the same tables, and as soon as you fold your hand, you are immediately moved to another table, where another hand starts right away. I'll let you use your googling skills if you are interested, but basically it allows for 300-400 hands per hour per table, and is great for rakeback and bonus whoring. I admit, I'm completely addicted to rush poker. The mad clicking, the breaking down of hands into poker at its most basic form, the madness, etc. It's great. The only thing I miss from a normal game is the lack of chat, because you're only on the table with the same people for one hand, and after that the table changes.

Getting more to the point here, I had an unusual session recently where in the span of 700 hands (1 hour) of no limit hold'em, I had AA 9 times, AK 11 times, AQ 13 times, KK 5 times and QQ twice. Naturally I lost almost $90. When I told a friend about it, he asked me if those hands were the cause of the loss or if there were others. I decided to write up the top 10 losing hands, and had a good laugh at some of the stupid ridiculous things I did. So, I decided to write up some more and post them here, hopefully for your enjoyment, but if not, at least for mine.

As I really started playing again a few months ago, I'm stuck playing low limits, so the game is 9 handed NLHE, blinds 25c/50c, with a $50 max buyin. I've done very well in this game, turning a starting deposit of $200 into several thousand. I plan on moving up within a few months, assuming things go well. That said, here's the top 5 money winners and money losers over the last few days. My plan is to write up the top 5 for both each day, and then every few days/weeks/months/years, post the highlight reel here, since a lot of the hands will be boring such as AA vs. KK all-in preflop. I've had some real doozies for winners in the past, but if I went searching for them this blog entry would turn into an all-night activity, so I'm just going to go the last 2-3 days. I promise there will be some good ones in the future.

Note that the amount is either a + or -, and is the total amount won or lost in the hand, and not the size of the pot. An astute reader would then figure out that if I won $40, the pot was probably $80.

We'll start with the money winners, top 5:

1) +$52.90 - I raised with 99 and the BB called. Flop was T87 rainbow, so I flopped an open ended straight draw. He checked, I bet $3.50 which is my standard continuation bet size with or without a hand, and he raised to $8. This raise serves no purpose at all, since I'm not folding any draws, so I decided to call. AT/KT is well within his range here, so I don't want to go nuts just yet. Turn was an offsuit 6, BOOM. He bet $10, I didn't see him folding, so I moved in and he beat me into the pot with QQ. I don't know wtf he thought I had, or if he even thought about it at all, but the river was another T and I busted his ass good.

2) +$52 - Someone raised, I called with 66, the BB re-raised to $5, the original raiser folded, and it's on me. I'll call this every time as long as the raiser has maybe 75BB in his stack or more. He had over 100BBs, so I called. Flop was JQ6 with 2 spades. Boom, star spangled banner went off in my head, along with showtunes. I was very careful not to give off any tells though. He checked, which is what these guys will do with a lot of hands, and I don't make it a habit of folding sets, so I bet $8. He insta re-raised to $36.75, I moved in, and he called with the best re-raising hand from the BB possible, which is the monster that is 74 suited. I somehow dodged a spade and busted his ass too. These morons.

3) +$46.50 - folded to me in the SB, I completed with 5d7d. Flop was 9d 5c Jd. My eyes immediately glaze over, and I bet the pot. The BB raised to $2.50, I re-raised to $13. I know Doyle Brunson says don't go broke in an unraised pot, but I can bet you Doyle didn't have full on BSOD (that's bright shiny object disorder) after flopping a pair and a flush draw when he said that. I did, so when my opponent raised to $40, I shoved for $9 more, he called with the monster that is J6o. I somehow rivered a diamond and put a nice note on him.

4) +$24.65 - I got all-in preflop with AK vs. a shorty's JJ, board ran 32T45, and I now have a documented case of me winning a race.

5) +$22.50 - I raised with JJ, about 13 people called including a short stack, some other idiot re-raised, I only had about $35 in my stack cause I don't have auto top-off on and I was being stubborn, so I just moved in. The shorty called with the monster drool-inducing hand that is AJo, the rest folded. The board ran 34J2, and I somehow dodged the 5 on the river to bust him.

Bonus hand!) +$10.65 - this one isn't a big winner, but was pretty amusing to me. The same K8 moron that you'll read about in the losing hands section was again at my table. He raised, I called with 33. Flop was 675 and he bet $1. This bet tilts the hell out of me, so I'm going to either raise or call here. I think I'm good, and don't want to raise, have him call with KJo cause he has overcards and see a J on the turn, so I call. Turn is a 4, and now I know I'm good. He bets $1 again. This line is a standard one for retards everywhere. I raised to $7 and he called. Uhh, ok. River was a 9, no flush possible, and he fuckin bets $1 again. I figured ok, fuck you pal, and moved in for $44. He thought for a while, but eventually folded. Want to get a note on you that you're a moron? Bet $1 on every street. That'll do it.

Now we have the top 5 money losers. Warning, some of these are not for the faint of heart, but I can say for sure that they belong on this blog:

1) -$30.60 - raise with AA, world calls. Flop K98, get all-in with the $1 betting genius from above who has K8. You know, cause it was suited.

2) -$22.60 - Some fuckin moron gobbles. This of course sets me on life tilt. I have QQ and raise to $4.50, and he calls. Flop 37J with 2 spades, he checks, I bet $8, he shoves his last $18 in and somehow I'm drawing dead to his red 44. These fucking gobbling maggots can all go fuck off.

3) -$22 - raise with TT, both blinds call, flop 456 2 hearts, SB leads, I raise, he calls, turn 8, check/check, river 2, he pots it, I'm bad. He had A7o.

4) LOL -$19.75, all I see in the summary of my tracking software is that I had 65s, flop K7T rainbow. I'm afraid to look at the HH to see wtf I did.

5) -$17.75 - 44 somehow lost all that on a 2337T board. I wonder who played this session anyway?

No bonus hand for this section, sorry.

So what do you think? Interested in reading these? Not interested? Would rather see my head on a pike? Still starting at my x-ray picture wondering wtf that all is? Well, I rather enjoyed writing these up, and laughing at myself, and in the end, that's the whole reason this blog is here, for amusement, so I'm going to keep this practice up until I'm completely bored with it. That may be tomorrow, that may be 3 years from now, who knows. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy