These past two weeks have been interesting. For those following RGP, I have to say, it's official...don't make bets with people online. You would think that of all of the newsgroups out there, one called rec.gambling.poker would be one that you would be able to make poker related bets with someone and have them honor their bet when they lose. Nope, this isn't the case. Everyone knows the story of the person now known as DaWelch, and most know that the post I made here announcing I was leaving RGP was total BS and just a setup to pull off one of the biggest and best trolls in RGP history. But this one is simply amazing.
Back in 2008 I made a bet with someone that I'll just call "Alan" cause not only is that his name, he uses "quotes" on every other damn word, making his posts nearly impossible to read. Anyway, "Alan" made up some nonsense post about how great Annette Obrestad was and how she was a "lead pipe cinch" (his words) to make the final table in the 2010 World Series of Poker main event. She just won the WSOP Europe main event at the age of 18, and this year was the first she was old enough to play in the US based events. He went on to say that ESPN would have a great fantasy final table with her busting Hellmuth and going on to win. Ok dude, whatever. He's basically a delusional moron with no poker abilities at all. I've enjoyed trolling the shit out of him over the years, to the point where he claims he left RGP because of me. LOL to that. Anyway, I bet him $50 that neither Annette nor Hellmuth would even cash in the 2010 main event. He took the bet, I confirmed, and that was that. Fast forward to 2010 when both of these poker giants busted on day 1, and I show up to RGP to collect my bet. Nope, "Alan" mysteriously vanishes from RGP. He then shows up a few weeks ago, I ask him wtf, and start one of the larger threads in RGP history. Turns out that a few total morons including one crazy lunatic named Boise decided that if they take a few posts of mine out of context, including one a full 18 months after the bet was made, that they could invalidate the bet. I won't go into all the details, but needless to say I got stiffed, "Alan" is a welch, and now his name goes down in RGP history as being a scumbag who welches out of a $50 bet. Pathetic. As my latest troll, I decided to just stop reading/posting to RGP for a while. The sheer amount of stupidity that those threads dredged up is almost too much to handle, and I can find better use of my time for sure. It's only a matter of time before one of those morons proclaims that they ran me off of the newsgroup. Right. In their dreams.
Anyway, onto better things. Recovery from neck surgery is going well. I've been back in the office at work for the last few weeks straight, had a few mornings where I wake up completely sore and stiff, but for the most part I'm getting better every day. I do have this thing where it feels like something is kneeling on my windpipe, but they tell me that's normal (uhh, what?) and that it'll go away soon. What's that? STFU and get to the hands already? Alright, you asked for it!
I missed a week of posting and realized how many big hands are played over the course of a few thousand hands, so I did some heavy editing. There's a bunch of larger hands where it's just AA vs. KK all-in or something similar that I just left out. I won't do a top 5, more like top 10 or so of each, and I'm starting to get more creative when writing these (read: my mind wanders worse than a foreigner lost in a Canadian swamp), so I decided to fold. Uhh, right. Here goes.
Wins:
+$48.25 - Some moron gobbles UTG+2. This gobbling shit has got to stop, cause there's no point behind it. I don't get why they do it, cause it makes absolutely no sense at all. At any rate, it lets me play shit like 8c5c, which by some strange coincidence is what I have this hand. I'm maybe 75/25 calling vs. re-raising here, and my randomizer of vicodin plus remembering stories from my childhood reminds me of the time I fell off of the garage roof and sliced my leg open on the aluminum shed from my knee all the up to my upper thigh, so, uhh, what? Oh, yeah, I called. Someone raises behind to $3.75, the gobbling moron folds, I have suited cards, and I remember my leg stinging like a god awful son of a bitch (no stitches though, as the cut wasn't deep), so I called again. Flop 6c 9h Ac and he checks. I don't know what the hell this means really. The top 3 hands he re-raises with are AA/KK and AK, and unless he has AA, I don't see why he checks here. Ok fine, I'll see a free card, I check. Turn 3c and how he bets $7. Well, I've never in my life folded a flush using both my hole cards, so I raise to $23, and he calls. River 4s, he checks, I bet $22, he tanks and puts his last 75c in (that bet will never get old), I obv call and he has AQo. Jesus, I wrote a lot. AQ sucks btw. Seriously, it's one of the worst hands in poker.
+$47.20 - standard big pair vs. big pair, but the action was weird. UTG+2 raises, guy with QQ calls, I re-raise to $10 with AA, BB cold calls all that, first raiser folds, QQ shoves, I re-shove, the guy who cold called $9.50 folds, and my AA holds up to bust the guy who trap/shoved himself into the rail.
+$23.90 - I raise with T9 cause you know, it was suited, and get 1 caller named "illraiseyou". Flop 9AJ rainbow, I bet $3, he calls. Wait, the guy named illraiseyou calls? Surely that's a typo? Nope, he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 clubs up, I bet $6, and illraiseyou calls. Wait, what? Yup. River Q giving me a straight, I bet $15, and the guy named illraiseyou, yes folks, calls again. He mucks AQo. Well done illcallyou. 4 times even.
+$92.20 - biggest win so far since doing these hands. Half the table limps, I complete on the SB with Ac4c, BB checks. Flop is A24 2 hearts, and yikes, here I am first to act with 2 pair vs. the world. I bet $2, BB calls, folds to the button who raises to $10. At this point I have no clue wtf to do. BB has to have "something", and the raiser has to have "something", but that something could be something retarded like, oh, AQ. Fuck it, I shove for $47.75. BB INSTA-calls, and at this point I figure he has to have 35, and the button calls as well, so I figure he has to have a set here. Nope, BB has As2s and the button has Ah5h. Turn Jd, river Qd, and I bust both of them.
+$33.50 - I raise with AA and get instagobbled. This shit pisses me off and the fucker's name is mii boo which tilts me to no end, so I shove on his ass. He finds the call with the monster that is 77, and somehow I win.
+50.45 - I know you're gonna accuse me of making this up, but here goes anyway. I raise UTG with KK, 2 callers. Flop 9T3, I bet and get one caller. Turn 4, I check, guy named i5bet72o bet $10, I call. River 5, no flush possible, I check, this fucker shoves. WTF, I put him on 72o and call. He had AQo. Did I mention AQ sucks? Actually I'm surprised that FullTilt didn't just crash at this river. AQ which never wins vs. KK which never wins. Kinda surprised I didn't just end the world there. Sorry about that, I'll be careful next time.
+$28 - I call a raise in position with 8h7h and see a flop of 6Q8 rainbow. Guy bets small so I call. Turn 7, he bets $8, I shove and have him covered, he calls with KQo. I make a full house boat on the river with a 7. The nice thing about these morons that play KQ is that they never, ever fold it if they flop a pair.
+$50.25 - UTG limps, moron raises, I call on the button with 44, limper calls. Flop is JA4 rainbow. Limper checks, moron bets $5.50, I raise to $20, limper folds, moron calls. Turn 4, moron checks, I check behind, cause you know, that's what everyone does when they hit quads. River 5 and moron shoves on me. I think about it for a second, trying to see if there's a straight flush possible, then I ask him if he can beat quads. He doesn't answer, so I think he's bluffing and I hit call. Moron has AJo, which is the universal hand of the moron. Thanks, moron!
+$55.50 - I've been adding 50c/1 to my table time lately, with mixed results. In this hand, MP raises to $3, I call with 34 cause well, it's suited, someone behind raises to $13, other guy calls, and I can't really see folding here, so fk it, I call. Flop 3T4 rainbow, lol. Re-raiser pre checks, original raiser bets $30, I just move in for my $75ish, and somehow both of them fold. Uhh, ok. Thanks?
+$46.05 - Guy raises who has a name similar to zuul. Remember that movie? There is no Dana, there is only zuul. Great stuff. For a good few months after that movie came out, everything used that quote. There is no pizza, only zuul. There is no piano, only zuul. Etc. etc. Anyway, I call with 85 for the obvious reasons. Some moron behind me gobbles, and I want to strangle him. So yeah, half the table calls. Flop is Ts 8c 3s and I'm getting pissed already cause I know the gobbler has some nonsense and is gonna bust me after I miss a zillion outs. I check, gobbler bets $4.50, I raise to $16, gobbler shoves and of course I call. He has QQ. I nail the 4s on the turn, he somehow misses the 4th spade to hit a higher flush, and there is no gobbler, only zuul.
+$41.55 - UTG limps, I raise with JJ, guy behind me re-raises, limper folds, I call. Flop is 4J4 and this guy leads out and pots it, leaving himself $25ish behind. I just get it in figuring he has an overpair and isn't folding, so calling here makes no sense. He instantly gets it in with the monster that is AK. The way he played it I was sure he had AA/KK. Oh well, thanks dude.
+$47.15 - Cutoff raises to 1.50, I'm 50/50 calling vs. raising here with TT. I call this time, blinds fold. Flop is KT7, he checks, I figure he's done with it so I just bet $3, but he calls. Turn 8 putting 2 spades and 2 hearts up, he checks again, I bet $8, he calls. WTF is going on here. River 3h and he checks again. I can see him having a flush here approximately never, but I can't imagine him calling another bet. So I just go for max value and shove for a good $15 over the pot. He calls with the monster that is KQo. Wow, so bad.
And now, the anti-wins, known as losses by some, donktitude by others, and just plan bad by the rest:
- $50.15 - I raise with AA and get 2 callers. Flop is 9c3dJd. BB checks, I bet $4, guy behind folds, BB raises to $14, and I'm stuck. I can basically shove or fold here. There's so many possible draws that calling makes no sense at all. I shove and BB has KdQd. For added insult I hit my set on the turn with the Ad.
-$36.05 - UTG+2 raises to $2.50, and here I am with some suited cards, 6h5h this time, so I call in position on button, and both blinds fold. Flop is Ah 5c Th and I flop a worthless pair and a pretty flush draw. He bets $2, I raise to $7, he calls. Turn 2d and now I'm stuck. He has "something" on the flop that he's calling with, so I'm sort of stuck. I check behind figuring that every one of these fucks bets the river if you check behind the turn, so if I hit my draw maybe he bets into me. River Qc and he checks to me. I don't know wtf to do, I channel my inner dipshit and figure I can't win without a bet, so instead of making a reasonable bet, I just shove it in, which is what I'll do with the nuts, and he owns me with AQ. Did I mention I hate AQ?
-$34.05 - folds to me on the SB and I complete with As2s. I don't see much value in raising here, I figure if I raise and he calls and I bet the flop and he calls or raises and I give up, I lose more than if I just limp and bet any flop. Or something. Flop 43J and I pot it, but he calls. Turn 5, I bet $3 and he gobbles, which is what these fuckers do on the turn with something completely retarded. We get it in, and sure enough, his retarded hand is the nuts, 76o. Today's lesson topic is implied odds. Don't be a statistic. Just say no. Or something.
-$22 - this one I can't even look at, cause I see I had 66 and lost $22 on a board of 24KA9. I scare me.
-$21 - UTG limps, I raise wtih JJ, and half the planet calls. Flop 465, 1 check, I say fuck it and bet $9.75, some fucker behind gobbles me all-in, rest fold. Gobble shover has 88 and rivers the nice 7 to send me into a frenzy.
-$43.25 - ahh yes my good friend KK. Guy raises to 1.50, I make it $6 with the trash that is two kings. He calls. Flop 987 and we get it in. He has 78o. Splendid pre-flop call sir. Then again, see previous lession about implied odds.
-$41.15 - I've been playing 50c/1 both with full and half stacks. I actually started half stacking to try and fix some leaks I have playing full stacks. This one I started the hand with uhh, well, $41.15, imagine that. I get one raise, a re-raise, and it's on my SB and I have AQc. I don't like calling, I don't like folding, and I don't like shoving. I probably hate shoving the most, so that's what I did, right into AA. There's a lesson in here somewhere about AQ, I just know there is.
-59.05 - I call a raise with 45s, which is probably a mistake when half stacking, but I blame BSOD. Flop 2s 9d 3s and I almost can't sit up straight now. We take like 17 raises on the flop to get it in, he has AsQs and I'm hurting. Turn Q, river T and I wake up 2 hours later and have no clue where I am.
-$180.30 - yup, you read that right. I'm known for taking shots, rampaging, donkstriking, whatever you want to call it. I decided to take a shot at $2/$4 for the hell of it. I started the session with $200, down to $180.30 here. I raise UTG with QQ, get called behind, there's a re-raise to $40, BB cold calls that, and here I am. One of the benefits of short stacking is that the tough decisions are taken away. Basically I'm folding or shoving here. I can't see calling this much and having to fold the flop when there's what, like a 40% chance of an overcard flopping or whatever it is. I just get it in here. Caller and re-raiser fold, but BB has AA. Oopsie. Needless to say there will be less 50c/1 in the future.
-$44 - UTG+1 raises 5xBB, I usually re-raise with QQ but don't know wtf this raise means since it's not all that normal, so I call along with 2 others. Flop is JQT and I groan. Preflop raiser bets $3.50 which means he missed pathetically, I raise to $12, but then get re-raised behind. I can't ever see folding here so I just hand my stack to AK.
-$49 - this one is fun. Guy raises, I call with 7s9s. Flop is Ts 8s 6c. So I flopped the nuts with an open ended straight flush re-draw. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get owned silly. Ooh, I know, how about get all-in with TT. Yup, that'll do it. Turn 4s, river 4d. Yuck.
And there we have it. I hope you enjoyed this installment. I've gotten a few good comments about these so I might as well keep posting until I get sick of it. I do have an entry to write up submitted by RGP's own Diputsur, and he only sent that to me like 2 years ago, so I'm close to starting to write that up. I also have probably 2 entries worth of random donk chat, so I'll get to those. In the meantime I'll keep at these. Until next time!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
xaqmorphy@donkeymanifesto.com
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