Unlimited Text and Donking Plan!

Helllllloooooooooo Manifestites! I'm alive, really I am! I've done some thinking over the last few months and was trying to think about how I had so many different ideas for blog entries over the years, and yet nothing is really coming to me now. I don't think it's as much lack of ideas as it is lack of motivation, and other things getting in the way. I've saved up probably 2 entries worth of poker table chat that's pretty good, and have a few other ideas, but I just haven't taken the time to sit down and write them up.

Another thing came to mind. I first started the blog in mid 2005 when I was on a lot of pain killers in preparation for neck surgery. Due to the neck and subsequent arm problems I wasn't able to play bass at all for about 2 years, and now I'm in a band that's doing pretty well in the Milwaukee area. So here's the strange thing, I'm back on the pain killers again, and have another surgery scheduled for Wednesday the 21st. Now the disc below the one I had removed in 2005 is acting up and I'm going to have yet another fusion done. I'm hoping this means I'll have a rush of interest to post blog entries, but not to get your hopes up, cause there's just as good of a chance that I'll just forget about it even more.

This time around the problems have been really annoying. Numbness and tingling in my arm and hand, pain in my neck and shoulder, blah blah blah, you guys don't need to hear about that. They did try a myriad of nerve drugs on me though. The worst was this shit called Topamax. It was originally created for migraines, but also was found to work with some neck/back problems. Since my neck problems were causing migraines it seemed like a slam dunk. However, the list of side effects is almost as long as the list of excuses DaVoice has come up with as to why it's taken almost 2 years to pay off a $84 debt between what used to be friends. That's another story altogether, and one that probably won't make a blog entry, even though it might have been my best troll ever, next to the EYE(tm) troll (starts here). Anyway, the list of side effects was ridiculous, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, drowsiness, dizziness, memory loss, nausea, oh yeah, and "numbess and tingling". So I start taking it for 3 days and all of a sudden my hands are both numb, I can't think straight, I'm tired all the time but can't fall asleep at night, and I can barely remember things that I was just working on minutes before. Oh yeah, and my appetite went nuts. I have a very high metabolism and big appetite as it is, but this was just insane. I wanted to eat every hour. My only guess is that the memory loss thing kicked in and I forgot I was full, so I just ate again. Who knows.

Anyway, so while I'm dealing with all this, life is going on around me, and I haven't just stopped to write up some blog entries for my faithful readers. Well, today has been a special day, and the blog entry just fell out of the sky.

For starters, we have one of those cheap $100 blue plastic pools in the back yard. It's 12 feet wide and just under 3 feet deep. The kit came with a cover and a small filter. Last night we came home and the cover was cut in half and on the ground, all the kids' pool toys were on the ground, and half the water was gone. Yet, none of the grass around the pool was wet. At all. I'm currently working on the theory that we were visited by a very hungry T-Rex, but I didn't see any footprints, so I can't be sure.

Next, my wife wakes me up this morning going crazy saying a fish jumped out of the tank. I have a 125 gallon African Cichlid tank, and the biggest fish who was maybe 5" long managed to jump through an area 2" big and landed on the floor behind the tank. I scooped him up and put him back in the tank and went back to bed. Later in the day when I went to feed them I noticed he was gone. I looked behind the tank and there he was, all dried up and croaked. What a dumbass. I mean, I knew fish were dumb to begin with, but how dumb does something have to be to realize that the floor, which has no water on it, is not a place for something that requires water to live. He would have been a great addition to RGP, but alas, he's on his way to being a great addition to a landfill somewhere.

So finally, to end my day, I get a text message. Now, I used to get phone calls all the time for wrong numbers on my cell. I think I even wrote about it at one point on the blog, let's see....oh yeah, here it is. I've had the same cell number for a good 10 years now, but it seems every month or so I'm getting a call for someone looking for Laqueesha, or Vaneesha, or something that I swear sounded like Marknala. I usually just mumble something about not having any drugs and hang up, but sometimes they just don't stop.

I've also had a few text messages over the years. I don't really like texting. Saying I hate it is being a bit harsh, but it's generally something I don't care for. I type pretty fast, close to 100wpm, and I text at almost 100wpm less than that. At least now I have a phone with a touch screen and a full keyboard on it, so I can type at 15wpm or so. I hate the standard texting language where every other word is a single letter. I swear at some point in our lives some idiot is DC is gonna spill coffee on the Declaration of Independence and they'll just have someone write up a text version of it which will be 2 lines, each word as 1 letter. Ok I'm rambling, and to think, I only had the Topamax for 2 weeks and that was back in April. So where were we? Oh yeah, text messages from strangers. I usually just ignore them, but tonight was something different. So, I get a text, and it reads:

"hey why u mad at me?"

Now like I said, normally I just ignore them and go on. But I figured, hey, I'm not paying way too much money for a texting plan I rarely use for nothing, so let's see where this goes.

me: "u know y"

It's simple really. Obviously I have no clue wtf this idiot is talking about, so he must know.

him: "No u know you're my baby. No matter what happens!!!"

me: "not after what u did I'm not"

He sounded guilty, so I went with it. At this point I'm not sure if it's a he or she, so I'm not tipping my hat quite yet.

him: "wat did i do?"

me: "u know"

I figure I can play this game all night, or at least until I get bored with it.

him: "I don't know. Tell me"

me: "Why should I? your the one who did it"

him: "Wat have I done to u? Come on now you know me and I would never do anything to hurt u"

So at this point I have to step it up a bit. This guy (assuming it's a guy) is getting annoying. He's way too well spoken to be a standard moron, right? Notice the use of "your" on my part. That cracks me up, and yes, it was intentional. Then again, if you didn't realize that, please send me your cell number and I'll text you. Ok right, back on track here. Time to take this to the next level.

me: "I know u were with someone else so u can stop the act."

him "Who was I with Nesha?"

I didn't know if he missed a comma, and meant "Who was I with Nesha" as if he was texting to Nesha (that would be me), or if he meant "Who was I with, Nesha?" as if he was asking if he was with Nesha." Only obvious reply:

me: "WHO IS NESHA??????"

him: "That's wat I call u for short"

So this guy is so stupid he has to explain to me, err, Nesha, what his nickname for her is? This is gonna be fun...

me: "Is that why u were with her cuz I'm short???"

him: "Bae u not making any sense what are u talking about?"

me: "U know what I'm talkin about!!!"

And we've come full circle! Round 2, coming up!

him: "No I don't bae. Would u please tell me so I can clear the air cause you been mad at me this whole time for nothing"

me: "I cant belive u. U think i am stupid dont u?"

him: "Not at all but I think you're mad at me for nothing"

me: "my feelings are nothing now???"

At this point he's actually confusing me now, cause I have no clue what he's on about. Apparently he made Nesha mad and is now trying to make up, or something. Oh well, he gets a bit into it here:

him (over 3 messages): "Of course u know u mean the world to me and u know that. Why u treating me like a different person now. U just stop talking to me right after u found out /// That's why I been needing to talk to u but I've been so busy studying for the test /// your bf or ex br called me"

That was a lot to try to figure out. Her boyfriend or ex brother called him, that's what I was able to decipher from that. Oh, and she stopped talking to him right after she found out. Found out what? Well, we'll just have to improvise here.

me: "Thats right after I found out. What do u expect me to do?"

I missed a comma there, so that makes no sense. Then again, it's funnier this way I think.

him: "And what did u find out?"

him: "Let me guess another rumor that u thought was true?...Nesha if u think something u need to call me or text me all this time we haven't talked for what??"

I find that last part extremely funny. Here's some dumbass trying to make up with what I assume is his girlfriend, and he's doing it over text messages. He won't just pick up the damn phone and call her, instead he just lets it go around and around. Or I do, or something.

me: "I saw u with her!!!"

him: "Seen me with who Nesha?"

That's a damn good question, really. Let's see, he did say something about "finding out", so well, let's just make up something here.

him: "Just because u think something without even talking to me. Do u think that's fair?"

me: "U must think I'm dumb. First u tell me your gay then I see u kissing some skank"

LOL, I can't help myself. This should be funny.

him: "I told u what??!!!... who did I kiss??"

me: "U mean u arent gay?"

him: "Is this a joke?... what are u talking about?"

me: "Wait who is this?"

him: "This is Marlon dork!!!"

me: "I dont know anyone named Marlon dork. I think u got the wrong number."

I was hoping to take it and just have fun from here for a while, but he gave up texting. The phone rang about 5 mins later, from a "Restricted" number, but I let it go to voicemail. I might have answered it, but as I was relaying this conversation to a friend, he was telling me how he got this crazy voicemail at 2:30am the other day from some guy yelling and screaming thinking he called a girl who stood him up. Yeah buddy, gave you the wrong phone number too! But sigh, Marlon didn't leave a message. He must have actually figured it out.

I hope this post finds you well my donk loving friends. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy