Donkeys, Wheels, and Snow

Hello fellow Manifestites! Hey, look at that, another month has gone by, and apparently I'm not being very diligent in updating the blog. Believe it or not, I just haven't seen too many things that were blog-worthy in the last 2 months. I haven't run into too many idiots at the poker tables, and the new year brought a start to a new job, where things are going very well. So for that, I apologize, but I do have some ideas for keeping posts somewhat regular. We'll just see if I'm motivated enough to actually do something with these ideas.

Wisconsin winter is upon us. So far we've been spared most of what we usually get. However, that didn't stop me from nearly crippling myself on what must have been the only patch of ice in the city. Earlier this week I was walking in from the garage, and slipped on a small patch of ice on the corner of one of the back stairs. My left ankle rolled pretty good, and I imagine the next 7-8 steps could have landed me on America's Funniest Home Videos. You see, my thoughts weren't that I damn near broke my ankle. My thoughts were "shit, I don't want to fall face first in the snow." So, here I was, basically running with my body parallel to the ground trying to stay upright. A few hours later my left ankle was swollen to the size of a softball, my right thigh was pulled, and my right hip felt like it had been dislocated. A little self-donk here :)

Today I witnessed what almost ended up being a 3 donk pile up. Let me try to set the scene. I'm in the left turn lane at a fairly major intersection, and my light is red. I'm headed east, ready to turn north. Donk A was a women in a mini-van. She was traveling northbound, in the left lane, making a left turn to head westbound. Donk B was cool guy in a Ford Escort (yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds). He was in the left land headed southbound.

What happens next was pretty funny, but hard to explain. Cool Donk isn't turning eastbound, (this is important, remember this); he's headed south, and since his light is green, he has the right of way and is moving through the intersection. Donk A was on the phone, and making a left turn. She had her turn signal on, saw Cool Donk headed southbound, but decided to pull into the intersection anyway. Now, what usually happens in these situations is both drivers will put the brakes on, which is exactly what happened. However, what I didn't mention was that Cool Donk had about a foot of snow on the roof of his car. Well, it was nice and sunny today, and snow was melting everywhere. The act of him putting his brakes on caused the snow to slide forward, covering his entire windshield, and completely obstructing his view. Donk A (mini-donk?) stares at him trying to figure out what he's going to do. Cool Donk, not thinking of the fact that he has windshield wipers, gets out of his car, and, without any gloves on, proceeds to start wiping the snow off of his windshield. Mini-donk just stares at him for a second or so, wondering if she's really seeing this donk standing in the middle of the intersection, with no gloves on (well, come on, you can't be Cool Donk if you don't wear your gloves! Who cares if it's 17 degrees out!), wiping the snow off of his windshield. She finally decides enough of it, and she's going to finish making her turn. Note that by now, with all the movement, her turn signal is no longer on.

But wait, there's more! Enter 900 year old grandma in a cadillac donk (GC Donk), who is traveling southbound in the right lane. As most 900 year old GC Donks will do, she approaches the intersection at the breakneck speed of about 12 miles per hour. I can only imagine what she thought when she saw a mini-van in the middle of the intersection, poised to turn but with no turn signal on, and a total donkey jumping up and down, rubbing his hands together, an wiping snow from his windshield. So, naturally she decides to put her brakes on. Mini-donk finally sees her and puts her brakes on. GC Donk starts to go. Mini-Donk decides to go. GC Donk puts her brakes on again. Mini-donk puts her brakes on again. The game of chicken is on! Meanwhile, Cool Donk is just standing next to his car with his mouth wide open, rubbing his frost-bitten hands together. I imagine the only thing running through his mind was cold air. He gets in his car and proceeds through the intersection, which is a good thing, because meanwhile, the game of chicken has finally chosen a winner. GC Donk decides she's going to pull around to the LEFT of Mini-Donk, and proceed through the intersection. Mini-donk floors it, and continues with her left turn. I get about 3 seconds to sit there and process everything that happened, and then my light turns green.

As I finish making my turn, I ask myself, "hey self, why did I ask the Manifestites to remember that Cool Guy wasn't turning?" Oh yes, I nearly forgot! I looked up in the rearview mirror to see that Cool Guy made a U-turn and was now turning right, to head eastbound. Unbelievable. No, I believe it. I just am glad I was there to witness this triple act of donkness.

Until next time Manifestites. Next time may be tomorrow, it may be next week, or it may be next month, but until I say there is no next time, there will be a next time. So, until then. Or something.

Morphy