Welcome again fellow Manifestites. Today we have a new feature for you, the interview of the week/day/month/year/whatever. Yes, there are a lot of sites that do interviews of semi-famous people, but there are very few that I’m aware of that are willing to take that chance, go the extra mile, and ask questions that others just don’t have the guts to put into their interviews.
For our first interview, we talk to RGPer and fellow Manifestite FellKnight. Fell recently announced his leave of absence from his job to pursue his dream of becoming a poker pro. I’m sure you will find this interview simply fascinating. So, without further babble, on with the interview!
Morphy: We here at the Manifesto want to ask the questions the other sites are afraid to ask. We want to give our readers a chance to get to know our interviewees. So, tell us something interesting about yourself. No, I mean something interesting.
Fell: I'm a poker player by night, an enlisted man by day, you really think I have anything interesting to say about myself? You gotta be kidding me...
Morphy: What's your favorite food?
Fell: Pizza. Just ask GambleAB and veeRob
Morphy: Just what the hell is a FellKnight anyway?
Fell: It was a monster from the Diablo II video game. I liked the ring of it, and have been using it as my online moniker ever since.
Morphy: Diablo, eh? Just as a guess, how many cows do you think you've killed?
Fell: Thousands. Tens of thousands.
Morphy: You seem to be very good at poker. What color is your chair?
Fell: Black. My life revolves around the color black.
Morphy: So you work for the Canadian military, eh? So, eh, I really don't have a question here, eh, I just thought this would be funny as it is, eh?
Fell: Why do you have no Polar Bears on the streets of New York? Jeez, you put us down all the time, but if we were gone, you'd be all like "AAAHHH!! POLAR BEARS!!! SEND FOR THE CANUCKS!!!"
Morphy: One of the hot topics in the online forums these days is the cheating by using multiple accounts. As you may know, JJProdigy did not return emails requesting an interview here, so unfortunately, you'll have to do. The big question here is relating to cheating in online poker. Taking this topic into consideration, do you feel it is best to have the sound up or down when playing online poker?
Fell: Up. But that's because I don't cheat. I could imagine somebody playing 6 accounts in the same tournament on Pacific Poker for example and the buzzer ringing every second. That would suck. Hey, maybe that's why none of the big names play at Pacific. EUREKA!
Morphy: In your opinion, who is a better player, JJProdigy, or his grandma?
Fell: His grandma won the tournament right?
Morphy: Do you have any advice for young, aspiring poker players such as yourself? I mean, like, what kind of car gets the best gas mileage for delivering pizzas?
Fell: I'd imagine one of those smartcar dealies, but that's not very efficient when you need to transport 15 pies. Judging by the cars that the delivery boys around here drive, I'll have to go with a Chevette.
Morphy: Ok, strategy question here. You have AK on the button. UTG raised 3xBB, MP re-raised to 6xBB. The question is, have you ever worn one of those hats with the can holders and straws attached?
Fell: Nope. I always figured I'd have to wait until I died and went to heaven for that.
Morphy: In your opinion, and not just taking into consideration the number of posts, which troll do you think has produced the most humor on RGP: A) the stop-and-go in the dark troll, B) the rampaging troll, or C) CincyKid's wife expecting a baby?
Fell: I didn't realize that a troll rampaged RGP. Oh wait, I guess that would be a dungeons and dragons thing. Well, we all know that CincyKid would never lie to us on RGP, so I'll go with the stop-and-go in the dark troll.
Morphy: Another hot topic in the online community is rigged poker sites. There are many, many theories out there from many, many people as to what sites may or may not be rigged, how the sites are rigged, who they are rigged against, etc. So that said, do you think these people are drunk, or forgot to refill their prescriptions?
Fell: All of the above?
*ring*
"Uh, hello?"
*inaudible muttering*
"Oh no, that's terrible! I'll be right over!"
Uh, hey look, its been a blast, but I gotta go, uh, do something. Take care manifestites!
Fell
Hmmm, well, it seems Fell had something else to do. You know, between the Canadian military and playing poker, I can’t imagine he has much free time. Or something.
Stay tuned, as we ask the questions no one else is willing to ask. You want to know intimate details of your favorite, or not-so-favorite semi-famous people? This is the only place to get them!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Where's My Donking Time Machine!?!?
Among some of my pet peeves are incompetence and the inability to read. Unfortunately I see stuff like what I'm about to write about all the time. Email seems to bring out the stupid in normally semi-intelligent people. I'm breaking a rule of mine that I don't write about work related items on this blog, but I just can't let this pass up, so I'll be as vague as possible with unnecessary details.
There’s this item that is having a problem at work. Last week late Friday we talked about it, but one of the key individuals (our Donkey for this post) wasn’t present. Monday was a company holiday, so talk resumed yesterday. It was decided that a group of us needs to get together to discuss the next steps. Thus starts the emails…
Boss to us: Meeting request, 2/22/06 10:00am-10:30am.
Me to group: Boss, we have a meeting from 10:00am-11:00am for (insert name of large important project here). Could we reschedule this for another time?
So far, this sounds pretty straight forward. Enter Donkey:
Donkey to group: How about 10:30am?
(THUD), as my head hits the desk. Donkey hasn’t been the brightest of people since he started at the company, but man, can we at least tell time ffs? So meanwhile I talk to the boss to find out what other times he can make. He said based on the fact that the meeting is 30 minutes, he can either make 11am or it will have to wait until 4pm. I also discovered that because I replied to the email, I’m now in charge of getting a new time set up.
Me to group: Our meeting will still be going on at 10:30am. Does 11am work? I talked with the boss and he has time at 11am, but after that his first opening is 4pm.
Donkey to group: How about 11:30? 11 is a daily meeting with the team involved in this issue.
So here we have 2 attempts at scheduling a freaking meeting that have failed. It’s a meeting, people. Pick a time and go. Figure out how many minutes are needed, look at your calendar, and pick a time. It’s not brain surgery. The boss stated pretty clearly that for a 30 minute meeting, 11 or 4 are the times that work. So I talk to the boss, we have a few laughs at Donkey’s expense, and he moves things around to accommodate the 11:30am time. Everything is set, and half the company is then invited to the meeting, which is a conference call for most people, since many of them are half-way across the country.
Fast forward to today, meeting day. It’s 11am and I’m hungry. But no, I need to wait until after this meeting to eat. If there’s one thing that bothers me almost as much as incompetence, it’s when people fuck with my lunch time. Waiting and waiting, and 11:30am comes along. I jump on the conference call, and there’s confusion. To make a somewhat long story a bit shorter, it turns out that Donkey is still in his 11am meeting, which is scheduled for an hour.
Now my head hurts, and I just wasted more time writing with this. And I’m still hungry!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
========================================
Update...
Boss sends out a new meeting request for 2:00-2:30pm today.
Key person to group: Conflict at this time - I can't avoid. Am available at 3:00pm for 30 minutes and 5:00pm or later...
Donkey to group: key person's attendance is critical. Boss, can we try for 4:00?
My god. How fucking hard is it to tell time? Now he makes key person almost seem like a jerk for having to explain to him how to read a fucking clock. I'm pretty sure this asshat makes about twice what I do, which makes me sick!
I really hope I don't have any more updates to this, but based on what I've seen so far, there's a really good chance I'll have another!
There’s this item that is having a problem at work. Last week late Friday we talked about it, but one of the key individuals (our Donkey for this post) wasn’t present. Monday was a company holiday, so talk resumed yesterday. It was decided that a group of us needs to get together to discuss the next steps. Thus starts the emails…
Boss to us: Meeting request, 2/22/06 10:00am-10:30am.
Me to group: Boss, we have a meeting from 10:00am-11:00am for (insert name of large important project here)
So far, this sounds pretty straight forward. Enter Donkey:
Donkey to group: How about 10:30am?
Me to group: Our meeting will still be going on at 10:30am. Does 11am work? I talked with the boss and he has time at 11am, but after that his first opening is 4pm.
Donkey to group: How about 11:30? 11 is a daily meeting with the team involved in this issue.
So here we have 2 attempts at scheduling a freaking meeting that have failed. It’s a meeting, people. Pick a time and go. Figure out how many minutes are needed, look at your calendar, and pick a time. It’s not brain surgery. The boss stated pretty clearly that for a 30 minute meeting, 11 or 4 are the times that work. So I talk to the boss, we have a few laughs at Donkey’s expense, and he moves things around to accommodate the 11:30am time. Everything is set, and half the company is then invited to the meeting, which is a conference call for most people, since many of them are half-way across the country.
Fast forward to today, meeting day. It’s 11am and I’m hungry. But no, I need to wait until after this meeting to eat. If there’s one thing that bothers me almost as much as incompetence, it’s when people fuck with my lunch time. Waiting and waiting, and 11:30am comes along. I jump on the conference call, and there’s confusion. To make a somewhat long story a bit shorter, it turns out that Donkey is still in his 11am meeting, which is scheduled for an hour.
Now my head hurts, and I just wasted more time writing with this. And I’m still hungry!
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
========================================
Update...
Boss sends out a new meeting request for 2:00-2:30pm today.
Key person to group: Conflict at this time - I can't avoid. Am available at 3:00pm for 30 minutes and 5:00pm or later...
Donkey to group: key person's attendance is critical. Boss, can we try for 4:00?
My god. How fucking hard is it to tell time? Now he makes key person almost seem like a jerk for having to explain to him how to read a fucking clock. I'm pretty sure this asshat makes about twice what I do, which makes me sick!
I really hope I don't have any more updates to this, but based on what I've seen so far, there's a really good chance I'll have another!
Friday, February 17, 2006
Donkeys, Wheels, and Snow
Hello fellow Manifestites! Hey, look at that, another month has gone by, and apparently I'm not being very diligent in updating the blog. Believe it or not, I just haven't seen too many things that were blog-worthy in the last 2 months. I haven't run into too many idiots at the poker tables, and the new year brought a start to a new job, where things are going very well. So for that, I apologize, but I do have some ideas for keeping posts somewhat regular. We'll just see if I'm motivated enough to actually do something with these ideas.
Wisconsin winter is upon us. So far we've been spared most of what we usually get. However, that didn't stop me from nearly crippling myself on what must have been the only patch of ice in the city. Earlier this week I was walking in from the garage, and slipped on a small patch of ice on the corner of one of the back stairs. My left ankle rolled pretty good, and I imagine the next 7-8 steps could have landed me on America's Funniest Home Videos. You see, my thoughts weren't that I damn near broke my ankle. My thoughts were "shit, I don't want to fall face first in the snow." So, here I was, basically running with my body parallel to the ground trying to stay upright. A few hours later my left ankle was swollen to the size of a softball, my right thigh was pulled, and my right hip felt like it had been dislocated. A little self-donk here :)
Today I witnessed what almost ended up being a 3 donk pile up. Let me try to set the scene. I'm in the left turn lane at a fairly major intersection, and my light is red. I'm headed east, ready to turn north. Donk A was a women in a mini-van. She was traveling northbound, in the left lane, making a left turn to head westbound. Donk B was cool guy in a Ford Escort (yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds). He was in the left land headed southbound.
What happens next was pretty funny, but hard to explain. Cool Donk isn't turning eastbound, (this is important, remember this); he's headed south, and since his light is green, he has the right of way and is moving through the intersection. Donk A was on the phone, and making a left turn. She had her turn signal on, saw Cool Donk headed southbound, but decided to pull into the intersection anyway. Now, what usually happens in these situations is both drivers will put the brakes on, which is exactly what happened. However, what I didn't mention was that Cool Donk had about a foot of snow on the roof of his car. Well, it was nice and sunny today, and snow was melting everywhere. The act of him putting his brakes on caused the snow to slide forward, covering his entire windshield, and completely obstructing his view. Donk A (mini-donk?) stares at him trying to figure out what he's going to do. Cool Donk, not thinking of the fact that he has windshield wipers, gets out of his car, and, without any gloves on, proceeds to start wiping the snow off of his windshield. Mini-donk just stares at him for a second or so, wondering if she's really seeing this donk standing in the middle of the intersection, with no gloves on (well, come on, you can't be Cool Donk if you don't wear your gloves! Who cares if it's 17 degrees out!), wiping the snow off of his windshield. She finally decides enough of it, and she's going to finish making her turn. Note that by now, with all the movement, her turn signal is no longer on.
But wait, there's more! Enter 900 year old grandma in a cadillac donk (GC Donk), who is traveling southbound in the right lane. As most 900 year old GC Donks will do, she approaches the intersection at the breakneck speed of about 12 miles per hour. I can only imagine what she thought when she saw a mini-van in the middle of the intersection, poised to turn but with no turn signal on, and a total donkey jumping up and down, rubbing his hands together, an wiping snow from his windshield. So, naturally she decides to put her brakes on. Mini-donk finally sees her and puts her brakes on. GC Donk starts to go. Mini-Donk decides to go. GC Donk puts her brakes on again. Mini-donk puts her brakes on again. The game of chicken is on! Meanwhile, Cool Donk is just standing next to his car with his mouth wide open, rubbing his frost-bitten hands together. I imagine the only thing running through his mind was cold air. He gets in his car and proceeds through the intersection, which is a good thing, because meanwhile, the game of chicken has finally chosen a winner. GC Donk decides she's going to pull around to the LEFT of Mini-Donk, and proceed through the intersection. Mini-donk floors it, and continues with her left turn. I get about 3 seconds to sit there and process everything that happened, and then my light turns green.
As I finish making my turn, I ask myself, "hey self, why did I ask the Manifestites to remember that Cool Guy wasn't turning?" Oh yes, I nearly forgot! I looked up in the rearview mirror to see that Cool Guy made a U-turn and was now turning right, to head eastbound. Unbelievable. No, I believe it. I just am glad I was there to witness this triple act of donkness.
Until next time Manifestites. Next time may be tomorrow, it may be next week, or it may be next month, but until I say there is no next time, there will be a next time. So, until then. Or something.
Morphy
Wisconsin winter is upon us. So far we've been spared most of what we usually get. However, that didn't stop me from nearly crippling myself on what must have been the only patch of ice in the city. Earlier this week I was walking in from the garage, and slipped on a small patch of ice on the corner of one of the back stairs. My left ankle rolled pretty good, and I imagine the next 7-8 steps could have landed me on America's Funniest Home Videos. You see, my thoughts weren't that I damn near broke my ankle. My thoughts were "shit, I don't want to fall face first in the snow." So, here I was, basically running with my body parallel to the ground trying to stay upright. A few hours later my left ankle was swollen to the size of a softball, my right thigh was pulled, and my right hip felt like it had been dislocated. A little self-donk here :)
Today I witnessed what almost ended up being a 3 donk pile up. Let me try to set the scene. I'm in the left turn lane at a fairly major intersection, and my light is red. I'm headed east, ready to turn north. Donk A was a women in a mini-van. She was traveling northbound, in the left lane, making a left turn to head westbound. Donk B was cool guy in a Ford Escort (yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds). He was in the left land headed southbound.
What happens next was pretty funny, but hard to explain. Cool Donk isn't turning eastbound, (this is important, remember this); he's headed south, and since his light is green, he has the right of way and is moving through the intersection. Donk A was on the phone, and making a left turn. She had her turn signal on, saw Cool Donk headed southbound, but decided to pull into the intersection anyway. Now, what usually happens in these situations is both drivers will put the brakes on, which is exactly what happened. However, what I didn't mention was that Cool Donk had about a foot of snow on the roof of his car. Well, it was nice and sunny today, and snow was melting everywhere. The act of him putting his brakes on caused the snow to slide forward, covering his entire windshield, and completely obstructing his view. Donk A (mini-donk?) stares at him trying to figure out what he's going to do. Cool Donk, not thinking of the fact that he has windshield wipers, gets out of his car, and, without any gloves on, proceeds to start wiping the snow off of his windshield. Mini-donk just stares at him for a second or so, wondering if she's really seeing this donk standing in the middle of the intersection, with no gloves on (well, come on, you can't be Cool Donk if you don't wear your gloves! Who cares if it's 17 degrees out!), wiping the snow off of his windshield. She finally decides enough of it, and she's going to finish making her turn. Note that by now, with all the movement, her turn signal is no longer on.
But wait, there's more! Enter 900 year old grandma in a cadillac donk (GC Donk), who is traveling southbound in the right lane. As most 900 year old GC Donks will do, she approaches the intersection at the breakneck speed of about 12 miles per hour. I can only imagine what she thought when she saw a mini-van in the middle of the intersection, poised to turn but with no turn signal on, and a total donkey jumping up and down, rubbing his hands together, an wiping snow from his windshield. So, naturally she decides to put her brakes on. Mini-donk finally sees her and puts her brakes on. GC Donk starts to go. Mini-Donk decides to go. GC Donk puts her brakes on again. Mini-donk puts her brakes on again. The game of chicken is on! Meanwhile, Cool Donk is just standing next to his car with his mouth wide open, rubbing his frost-bitten hands together. I imagine the only thing running through his mind was cold air. He gets in his car and proceeds through the intersection, which is a good thing, because meanwhile, the game of chicken has finally chosen a winner. GC Donk decides she's going to pull around to the LEFT of Mini-Donk, and proceed through the intersection. Mini-donk floors it, and continues with her left turn. I get about 3 seconds to sit there and process everything that happened, and then my light turns green.
As I finish making my turn, I ask myself, "hey self, why did I ask the Manifestites to remember that Cool Guy wasn't turning?" Oh yes, I nearly forgot! I looked up in the rearview mirror to see that Cool Guy made a U-turn and was now turning right, to head eastbound. Unbelievable. No, I believe it. I just am glad I was there to witness this triple act of donkness.
Until next time Manifestites. Next time may be tomorrow, it may be next week, or it may be next month, but until I say there is no next time, there will be a next time. So, until then. Or something.
Morphy
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