Hello Manifestites! I've started something new. Instead of putting together the next entry for The List series, I've gotten a hold of some recording software. Yes, I've entered the world of recording my boring ass poker sessions and commenting on them for mass consumption.
I sort of invented the term the Pied Piper of Donks a while back when friends and I noticed that I seemed to be some sort of retard magnet at the poker tables. They just seems to follow me around, so the title just sort of stuck. I decided to mess around with recording a session, and it took a total of about 3 minutes to figure out I must have been piping already.
I apologize in advance for the sound quality, particularly towards the end. I had some issues with the machine I recorded it on and didn't feel like going back and fixing it. I recorded the video and narrated it after the fact. I'll probably do some videos later on recording the audio live as well. The link is below. It's an embedded shockwave flash file and it's about 23 minutes long Enjoy1
http://www.donkeymanifesto.com/plo1
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
Monday, August 27, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
The Worst Music Ever – Uber Troll, Epilogue
Hello Manifestites! It's about time we wrap this up. I almost didn't post this because it's fairly anti-climactic, but then realized that I needed to post something to keep my adoring fans happy (umm, right). So here it is. For those of you who haven't read the Uber Troll (tm), please navigate to posts from earlier this year and read all 4 parts, otherwise this won't make much sense at all.
When we last left our hero, Rockin' Rick Choad had given Paul some bad news. The new Kworbane Stone just wasn't a hit, despite some pretty extraordinary efforts to re-record the vocals. You've heard it for yourselves, and I don't think anyone can argue with that fact. But something weird happened. Paul seemed to have vanished. I thought my reject email would have been the end of it, and around that time is when I posted the first of the Uber Troll (tm) parts to the blog here. then nearly 3 weeks later, I receive this email:
Hi Rick.
I want to apologize for "disappearing" for a bit of time. I have been contemplating quite a bit lately RE: many "life" events including my life, "day-job" career changes (gotta pay those bills, gotta pay those bills...uh, yeah), searching for a mate/wife, other things, and, of course, The Kworbane Stone.
I would like to, albeit belatedly, congratulate you on your marriage. All my best wishes for a lifetime of happiness and the blessings of as many children God Himself will grace you with. I am 45, never married, no children...this is the biggest hole in my life, by far. Although I am not one to give advice, treat her well...and start your family as soon as possible with as much love as you can give.
RE: "...or do you feel we've come to the end of the road in our musical
business relationship?"
I never dissolve good business relationships. I know I am a professional. I hope so after 45 years on this Earth. You also have proven yourself a professional through your concern, caring, patience, diligence, open-mindedness, openness, and thoughtfulness. I have sincerely appreciated it all. Thank you. At this point, no matter what I decide or you decide, I would like to consider our business relationship still open. One never knows when and where one will meet again.
What to do...what to do...
Your response caught me a little bit by surprise and I have been spending some time thinking about the whole matter, what I'm going to do, conferring with trusted colleagues and friends and family, and, especially, what I'm going to write back to you.
Rick, I have at least five albums worth of original material much like The Kworbane Stone, as well as other Rock genres. I have a plethora library of songs written, songs recorded, songs in process, recordings in process, lyrics, finished and in process, etc...even material such as a Rock Opera in process as well as writing Gregorian/Polyphony music inspired by my Tridentine Roman Catholic faith and my long-standing membership in the Palestrina Tridentine Choir.
Rick, you have been patient and so have I. At this point, however, if I have to consider stepping back from the microphone of EYE(tm), I really need to speak directly with you, face-to-face (euphemistically) via teleconference. I need to understand where all this may go and where EYE(tm)'s place is in it and what is in it for all parties involved. I now need to know who you really are and, much more importantly, I need to speak with you regarding the details of what you and PolyGram/Universal would like to see done, where you fit in, where PolyGram/Universal fits in, where I fit in...I have business questions RE: direction and outcome that need answers and eMail is just not the best "conduit" at this time.
In an age of "Fall Out Boys'" and "Britney Spears'", PolyGram/Universal has just a plethora of diverse artistry on roster. I have, quite extensively, perused the Universal web site. You are dealing with a Child Of The 70s, a multi-instrumentalist/performer/composer/producer/engineer that is trying to be a "fish-NOT-out-of-water" in a young music generation that cares more for narcissism than artistry.
One of my friends suggested that I suggest to you that you listen to other EYE(tm) songs. You can access the EYE(tm) songs directly at [link to Paul’s web site]. These songs are simply a "smattering" of EYE(tm) and are not, by far, everything available. Also, the songs can somewhat give you an indication of myself as a
multi-instrumentalist/performer/composer/producer/engineer.
Gary and I have re-listened many times to The Kworbane Stone (ReMix) self-criticizing ourselves based on your response eMail. I believe there IS improvements that still can be made and that, maybe, we were too busy concentrating on the "micro" to stand back and consider the "macro".
In 1993 I was offered a record contract offer from a subsidiary of Atlantic Records. I turned it down thinking I could obtain something better. In 1995 (or 1996) I received a production artist development offer from a known Nashville producer based on "The Kworbane Stone" and another song I submitted to him, "Ecksuhgeesis". I, again, thought something better was "down the pike" and declined. In both instances, singing was not an issue. At the time, the closest that singing came to being an issue was that the known Nashville producer mentioned to me that I was "not the best singer in the world and not the worst" but he also caveat'ed his comment with "...that's what vocal coaches are for...". He wasn't concerned nor was Atlantic in 1993.
At this point, for me, you and I now need to talk, not eMail. I need to know who I'm dealing with and we need to talk business. Again, if I'm going to consider stepping back from the microphone of EYE(tm), this is what I require. This is my next step. If you can oblige, great. If you cannot, I understand. In the event you cannot oblige, I am compelled to shop EYE(tm) to other "outlets". I am sure you understand.
Many times in life, what we say and/or what we write never comes out the way we feel or planned. This is how I feel about this eMail. Somehow, I cannot adequately express myself right now but this is the best I could "muster". I apologize.
Again, best of all in your marriage blessing. Truly.
I hope we can continue to move forward and I look forward to your reply.
Thanks, Rick.
Buena suerta y adios...for now.
Yikes! There are so many amusing things in that email I don't even think I can do them justice by pointing them all out. Did this idiot really turn down 2 record deals? Is he really trying to tell Rick that his "music" (and we'll use that term loosely) is art and that it may be the younger generation's problem for not liking it rather than his own? Wow.
Well a while back I set things in motion with the overseas trip, so I knew now was the time to end it. I've had this email written up for a while; it was just a matter of time until I sent it. I didn't see any way to drag this out any further, unless I wanted to actually get involved with voice calls. That wasn't a road I was prepared to go down. So it saddens me to bring my readers the following news:
To Whom It May Concern:
You have been in contact with Jimmy Simmens, aka Rick Choad, who was a consultant of ours here at PolyGram Records. We are writing to inform you that Jimmy passed away late last week in a small aircraft accident in Tokyo, Japan. Jimmy was a true believer in so many people out there that his loss is not easy for us to comprehend and deal with.
At this time we are unsure of the level of communication Jimmy had with you. We will be going over his email and business records. If we find an interest level sufficient to pursue further communication, we will be in touch. Please understand that this was very unexpected, and it may take some time to sort through all of the records.
At this time funeral arrangements are being made in Tokyo with his new wife now widow. She is asking that the funeral be kept private.
Please join us in a moment of silence for Jimmy. He will be missed.
Sincerely,
PolyGram Records
A sad day indeed. Paul replied almost immediately with this:
To: Mrs. Simmens, PolyGram Records, Mr. Simmens' Family and Staff, and all who allowed EYE(tm) into their lives if but for a little while:
Please accept our most sincere and heartfelt condolances in the loss of your husband and friend. Although our brief contact with Mr. Simmens was tertiary, he seemed to conduct himself as a gentlemen full of professionalism, optimism, perseverence, concern, caring, patience, diligence, open-mindedness, openness, and thoughtfulness. I personally felt an affinity to him even though I did not really know or meet him.
We are truly sorry for your loss.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord;
and let perpetual light shine upon him.
Introibo ad altare Dei. Ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam.
And I will go in unto the Altar of God.
Unto God, Who giveth joy to my youth.
Amen.
And there we have it. Onward... umm, oh yeah. (tm).
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
When we last left our hero, Rockin' Rick Choad had given Paul some bad news. The new Kworbane Stone just wasn't a hit, despite some pretty extraordinary efforts to re-record the vocals. You've heard it for yourselves, and I don't think anyone can argue with that fact. But something weird happened. Paul seemed to have vanished. I thought my reject email would have been the end of it, and around that time is when I posted the first of the Uber Troll (tm) parts to the blog here. then nearly 3 weeks later, I receive this email:
Hi Rick.
I want to apologize for "disappearing" for a bit of time. I have been contemplating quite a bit lately RE: many "life" events including my life, "day-job" career changes (gotta pay those bills, gotta pay those bills...uh, yeah), searching for a mate/wife, other things, and, of course, The Kworbane Stone.
I would like to, albeit belatedly, congratulate you on your marriage. All my best wishes for a lifetime of happiness and the blessings of as many children God Himself will grace you with. I am 45, never married, no children...this is the biggest hole in my life, by far. Although I am not one to give advice, treat her well...and start your family as soon as possible with as much love as you can give.
RE: "...or do you feel we've come to the end of the road in our musical
business relationship?"
I never dissolve good business relationships. I know I am a professional. I hope so after 45 years on this Earth. You also have proven yourself a professional through your concern, caring, patience, diligence, open-mindedness, openness, and thoughtfulness. I have sincerely appreciated it all. Thank you. At this point, no matter what I decide or you decide, I would like to consider our business relationship still open. One never knows when and where one will meet again.
What to do...what to do...
Your response caught me a little bit by surprise and I have been spending some time thinking about the whole matter, what I'm going to do, conferring with trusted colleagues and friends and family, and, especially, what I'm going to write back to you.
Rick, I have at least five albums worth of original material much like The Kworbane Stone, as well as other Rock genres. I have a plethora library of songs written, songs recorded, songs in process, recordings in process, lyrics, finished and in process, etc...even material such as a Rock Opera in process as well as writing Gregorian/Polyphony music inspired by my Tridentine Roman Catholic faith and my long-standing membership in the Palestrina Tridentine Choir.
Rick, you have been patient and so have I. At this point, however, if I have to consider stepping back from the microphone of EYE(tm), I really need to speak directly with you, face-to-face (euphemistically) via teleconference. I need to understand where all this may go and where EYE(tm)'s place is in it and what is in it for all parties involved. I now need to know who you really are and, much more importantly, I need to speak with you regarding the details of what you and PolyGram/Universal would like to see done, where you fit in, where PolyGram/Universal fits in, where I fit in...I have business questions RE: direction and outcome that need answers and eMail is just not the best "conduit" at this time.
In an age of "Fall Out Boys'" and "Britney Spears'", PolyGram/Universal has just a plethora of diverse artistry on roster. I have, quite extensively, perused the Universal web site. You are dealing with a Child Of The 70s, a multi-instrumentalist/performer/composer/producer/engineer that is trying to be a "fish-NOT-out-of-water" in a young music generation that cares more for narcissism than artistry.
One of my friends suggested that I suggest to you that you listen to other EYE(tm) songs. You can access the EYE(tm) songs directly at [link to Paul’s web site]. These songs are simply a "smattering" of EYE(tm) and are not, by far, everything available. Also, the songs can somewhat give you an indication of myself as a
multi-instrumentalist/performer/composer/producer/engineer.
Gary and I have re-listened many times to The Kworbane Stone (ReMix) self-criticizing ourselves based on your response eMail. I believe there IS improvements that still can be made and that, maybe, we were too busy concentrating on the "micro" to stand back and consider the "macro".
In 1993 I was offered a record contract offer from a subsidiary of Atlantic Records. I turned it down thinking I could obtain something better. In 1995 (or 1996) I received a production artist development offer from a known Nashville producer based on "The Kworbane Stone" and another song I submitted to him, "Ecksuhgeesis". I, again, thought something better was "down the pike" and declined. In both instances, singing was not an issue. At the time, the closest that singing came to being an issue was that the known Nashville producer mentioned to me that I was "not the best singer in the world and not the worst" but he also caveat'ed his comment with "...that's what vocal coaches are for...". He wasn't concerned nor was Atlantic in 1993.
At this point, for me, you and I now need to talk, not eMail. I need to know who I'm dealing with and we need to talk business. Again, if I'm going to consider stepping back from the microphone of EYE(tm), this is what I require. This is my next step. If you can oblige, great. If you cannot, I understand. In the event you cannot oblige, I am compelled to shop EYE(tm) to other "outlets". I am sure you understand.
Many times in life, what we say and/or what we write never comes out the way we feel or planned. This is how I feel about this eMail. Somehow, I cannot adequately express myself right now but this is the best I could "muster". I apologize.
Again, best of all in your marriage blessing. Truly.
I hope we can continue to move forward and I look forward to your reply.
Thanks, Rick.
Buena suerta y adios...for now.
Yikes! There are so many amusing things in that email I don't even think I can do them justice by pointing them all out. Did this idiot really turn down 2 record deals? Is he really trying to tell Rick that his "music" (and we'll use that term loosely) is art and that it may be the younger generation's problem for not liking it rather than his own? Wow.
Well a while back I set things in motion with the overseas trip, so I knew now was the time to end it. I've had this email written up for a while; it was just a matter of time until I sent it. I didn't see any way to drag this out any further, unless I wanted to actually get involved with voice calls. That wasn't a road I was prepared to go down. So it saddens me to bring my readers the following news:
To Whom It May Concern:
You have been in contact with Jimmy Simmens, aka Rick Choad, who was a consultant of ours here at PolyGram Records. We are writing to inform you that Jimmy passed away late last week in a small aircraft accident in Tokyo, Japan. Jimmy was a true believer in so many people out there that his loss is not easy for us to comprehend and deal with.
At this time we are unsure of the level of communication Jimmy had with you. We will be going over his email and business records. If we find an interest level sufficient to pursue further communication, we will be in touch. Please understand that this was very unexpected, and it may take some time to sort through all of the records.
At this time funeral arrangements are being made in Tokyo with his new wife now widow. She is asking that the funeral be kept private.
Please join us in a moment of silence for Jimmy. He will be missed.
Sincerely,
PolyGram Records
A sad day indeed. Paul replied almost immediately with this:
To: Mrs. Simmens, PolyGram Records, Mr. Simmens' Family and Staff, and all who allowed EYE(tm) into their lives if but for a little while:
Please accept our most sincere and heartfelt condolances in the loss of your husband and friend. Although our brief contact with Mr. Simmens was tertiary, he seemed to conduct himself as a gentlemen full of professionalism, optimism, perseverence, concern, caring, patience, diligence, open-mindedness, openness, and thoughtfulness. I personally felt an affinity to him even though I did not really know or meet him.
We are truly sorry for your loss.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine: et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord;
and let perpetual light shine upon him.
Introibo ad altare Dei. Ad Deum qui laetificat juventutem meam.
And I will go in unto the Altar of God.
Unto God, Who giveth joy to my youth.
Amen.
And there we have it. Onward... umm, oh yeah. (tm).
Yours Donkily,
Morphy
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