Dnky Mnfsto n th Wld

Greetings Manifestites! Lately nothing has been going on. Days go by, no interesting driving stories, nothing all that interesting at work, and things are just going by day by day. That doesn't mean anything is wrong, it just makes for not much going on with the blog. I do have a few posts in the works, but until they come to fruition, I haven't run into any situations worthy of writing about. Until tonight.

The situation is a cash game on a major poker site. About 5 hands in I see a free flop with A5h, flop the nut flush and a gutshot nut straight draw, and get people who apparently learned how to bet on Sesame Street. They gave me over 5:1 odds on the turn, I hit the flush on the river, and this one chick goes off on me. The chat after that just got bizarre. I'll leave it relatively unedited, but I'll take out non-relevant chat entries and Dealer messages. It's up to you to figure out who I am.

koolaid1: damn flush
Hi Friend: nice cards on river
Hi Friend: congrats
koolaid1: horrible
DOKTER DONKEY: there was only one card on the river
Hi Friend: yeah..the one u neede
Hi Friend: to mak ur flush..congrats
Hi Friend: least say ty
DOKTER DONKEY: actually there were 12 that would have given me the best hand
Hi Friend: true
Hi Friend: appropriately named
Hi Friend: but.....
DOKTER DONKEY: tilty a little?
Hi Friend: i used to play lik that too
DOKTER DONKEY: lol
Hi Friend: sometimes it pays off
DOKTER DONKEY: play like what?
Hi Friend: draw alot for cards
DOKTER DONKEY: nothing wrong with drawing
Hi Friend: nah...we luv it
DOKTER DONKEY: is that why you gave me the perfect odds to call?
Hi Friend: nuthin wd get u off ur draw
DOKTER DONKEY: certainly not the odds you gave me
Hi Friend: hey..dont tak it the wrg way
DOKTER DONKEY: I'm not
Hi Friend: this is pokr
DOKTER DONKEY: www.vowels.com
Hi Friend: i lik to gamble too
DOKTER DONKEY: yes, we all saw your call with AJ and no hand no draw
DOKTER DONKEY: just ask drew
drew_1790: haha
DOKTER DONKEY: well, QQ is better than that AJ mess

I don't remember the exact hand, but this idiot held AJ on a board of QQxx, no hand, no draw, and called down bets from the pre-flop raiser. She appropriately put him on AK, because when the J hit the river she took the pot.

DOKTER DONKEY: but hey
DOKTER DONKEY: I wasn't the one that started attacking others
DOKTER DONKEY: that was tilty over here
Hi Friend: huh?
DOKTER DONKEY: exactly
Hi Friend: u r easily intimidated friend
DOKTER DONKEY: nah
Hi Friend: i was bein nice i said congrats
DOKTER DONKEY: very doubtful
DOKTER DONKEY: Hi Friend: appropriately named
DOKTER DONKEY: remember that?
Hi Friend: i think u may hav been pikd on in school sumtine..
DOKTER DONKEY: holy crap what language is that?
Hi Friend: im not that mean bully friend

Hi Friend: consider me a friend
DOKTER DONKEY: hi friend
DOKTER DONKEY: hah, get it
Hi Friend: not good at short tables either
DOKTER DONKEY: I hate full tables
Hi Friend: i donk off alota money here at the beginner levels
DOKTER DONKEY: and the levels you normally play are?
Hi Friend: 25 cent
DOKTER DONKEY: lol
leosii: lol

So at this point she sits out and leaves. I was a bit disappointed because she was playing like a complete moron, but oh well, not much I can do about it. But wait...about 2 minutes later she sits down on the other side of me.

Hi Friend: hi fellows
DOKTER DONKEY: neat trick
Hi Friend: ohhhh...he friend
Hi Friend: its u again
DOKTER DONKEY: actually still, I didn't go anywhere
Hi Friend: oh my gosh
DOKTER DONKEY: do you have problems finding your way around the house at night?
Hi Friend: i live in a trailer
Hi Friend: st8 shot
DOKTER DONKEY: believe it or not, that's no surprise to me
Hi Friend: 12 foot wide
Hi Friend: i bel u..
Hi Friend: r u always mean and rude to players
Hi Friend: or is it jus me?
DOKTER DONKEY: yeah pretty much
Hi Friend: oh
Hi Friend: well thats maks me feel btr then

Ok so things get real weird now. I run into a lot of idiots in the field, as we call it in the business, and by the business I do mean the industry. But I don't think I've run into something quite like this before...

Hi Friend: r u where u wish to be professinally speakin?
Hi Friend: lik ur job n stuff
Hi Friend: or r u always lookd over when someone else is promoted
DOKTER DONKEY: just got promoted, thanks
DOKTER DONKEY: hopefully you don't work where written communication skills are important?
DOKTER DONKEY: because no offense, but my 6 year old has better communication skills than you do
Hi Friend: jus chatin friend
DOKTER DONKEY: is that slang?
Hi Friend: do u lok for other that hav mistakes?
leosii: yes
DOKTER DONKEY: sometimes I do
leosii: lik txt in u
DOKTER DONKEY: but in your case, I don't have very far to look
Hi Friend: ahhh.u wrk for the govt?
DOKTER DONKEY: no
Hi Friend: govt job...ahhhh
Hi Friend: accounting
DOKTER DONKEY: nope
Hi Friend: lol
leosii: Doc Al how u been?
Hi Friend: lol
DOKTER DONKEY: I'm sorry, I'm a little rusty on nitwit speak, could someone translate that to english for me?
leosii: T2V
Hi Friend: thats mean jus hav fun..
Hi Friend: be nice
Hi Friend: n hav a smile w me
DOKTER DONKEY: no seriously, I have no idea wtf you mean
leosii: nr 4 u
leosii: undersnd
leosii: no
DOKTER DONKEY: ahhhhhhh, I'm being double teamed

So WTF, now this idiot starts in! I couldn't figure out what she was saying, but now I have 2 of them 2 contend with?!?!

Hi Friend: hes a concrete kinda guy
Hi Friend: if he smile he wud get a headache
DOKTER DONKEY: no, reading this is giving me a headache
leosii: u b ok in a bit
Hi Friend: no comma after no
Hi Friend: close enuf 4 govt wrk tho
DOKTER DONKEY: ok, tell me the truth
DOKTER DONKEY: you got a hold of your mom's credit card and are playing online poker, right?
leosii: ur not da acct doc i am
DOKTER DONKEY: I don't even know what that means
Hi Friend: u r confused right?
leosii: 4 sur doc is
Hi Friend: lol
DOKTER DONKEY: yes, mildly confused
DOKTER DONKEY: I don't speak dimwit
DOKTER DONKEY: so I'm having problems translating
leosii: its calld abrvatin
Hi Friend: that doesnt surprize me
DOKTER DONKEY: it's called what?
leosii: ferris, beuller, class, anybody?
Hi Friend: he only understands debits n credits
DOKTER DONKEY: what in the world are you talking about?
leosii: know, (hahah) dats me'
DOKTER DONKEY: I need some aspirin
leosii: no doc al, u need t2v meet in LV!
DOKTER DONKEY: yeah sorry I don't speak moron, so you're gonna have to either start making sense, or get someone to translate
Hi Friend: jus kiddin i hpe i really didnt mak u upset donkey...
DOKTER DONKEY: I'm not upset
DOKTER DONKEY: never was
Hi Friend: k
Hi Friend: that means ok
DOKTER DONKEY: yes, thanks
leosii: tks 4 clfyin 4 him

At this point I couldn't take it anymore, so I unchecked auto-post blind, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just owned by 2 drooling, incompetent idiots, but by then I was really starting to fear for my sanity, since I could feel the brain matter oozing out of my ears.

Until next time kids, have fun!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy