Legal Age for Donkey Hunting?

Good evening loyal Manifestites! Pull up a chair, and let's talk about this episode's featured donkey, Wisconsin Republican Rep. Scott Gunderson. Mr. Gunderson feels that we should be putting guns into the hands of our children.

Ok, so it's not quite that straight forward, but here, read for yourself:

http://www.wsaw.com/home/headlines/2214081.html

For those that aren't aware, deer hunting is pretty big in the state of Wisconsin. It's a time where crazy rednecks can get together, drink beer, freeze their asses off, and in extreme cases, shoot each other! (Look up the Chai Vang murder spree news for more info on this). Every once and a while they can actually see and/or shoot at and/or hit a deer.

Well, it seems that our Donkpublican friend Mr. Gunderson feels that kids are losing interest in hunting, and wants to lower the age that they are legally allowed to hunt. That doesn't sound too bad, right? Under normal circumstances, no, it sounds perfectly acceptable. But this donkey has decided that the age of 8 (that's EIGHT for those who read Nigerian 419) is the perfect age to put a gun into a child's hand and have them blow the brains out of what hopefully ends up being a deer, and not Uncle Jimmy.

Now, I'm all for stupid people killing each other to thin the dumbass population, but this is taking it a little to far. What's worse is apparently this bill has already passed the state assembly, no doubt a group of beer drinking, pickup driving rednecks who all have 8 (EIGHT) year old boys, and is one step closer to becoming a law.

Maybe I'm wrong, and 8 (EIGHT) year olds really need to start learning how to shoot, kill, gut, and clean a deer while drinking beer and freezing their assess off. Or maybe this is just a bill that puts Darwinism into action, by hopefully killing off the parents who are stupid enough to give their 8 (EIGHT) year old child a gun and tell them to go chase deer around in the woods.

Stay tuned here in November in case this bill passes, because I'm sure the death of Uncle Jimmy will be a tragic story.

Until next time!

Morphy

Absolute Donke-mail

I have to start this post off with an apology. I apologize because I've let my readers down over the last few months by not posting very much of anything. When this whole thing started, I figured I would easily be able to come up with one post a week or so, and at worst slip to one every two weeks. Well, as you can see, that didn't happen.

2005 was a terrible year for the Morphy family. I won't go into too many details, but it included 2 major surgeries, getting screwed out of short term disability, 3 job changes in 12 months, a death in the family, some asshat hitting my car in the church parking lot on Christmas Eve, and the 2 year old running away from us into a crowd and up an elevator in a mall. Looking back, that would make a pretty good entry in itself, but we were all pretty shaken up over it. It ended with me telling the customer service lady off after we got our daughter back, because when we first went to her to report it, she told us she was busy helping another lady in line with a gift certificate. But, I have to say that 2006 is looking better already. Other than coming down with walking pneumonia, I started a new promising job at a large company here in the area, and things are slowly coming together nicely.

Before I get into this post, I want to know what people like about the Manifesto. I don't see many comments posted even when I request them, but the hit counter goes up fairly consistently, despite the lack of new material. I know a lot of the readers are from RGP, but are there any of you out there that just found this blog, or don't have a clue what RGP is, or even possibly found RGP through this blog? Let me know. Leave a comment, or if you prefer to stay relatively anonymous, email me: xaqmorphy@gmail.com.

So today I was looking through my email and I realized I completely forgot about an entry submitted by a loyal Manifestite. My apologies goes out to Pat, who, due to my error, will receive a complimentary free month of the Manifesto, on us. Pat writes about an issue he had with Absolute Poker, in regards to one of their promotions. The promotion reads:

Enter any real money Omaha, Omaha H/L, Stud or Stud H/L multi table tournament before midnight, December 31st, 2005, and we will reimburse you 100% of your buy-in amount, up to $20 in unrestricted cash. Enjoy a free tournament on Absolute Poker! Please email Support@AbsolutePoker.com with “Free Tourney” in the subject line, indicating the date and multi table tournament number that you played in, and Support will add the cash to your account within 24 hours This is a ONE TIME ONLY offer.

He said that the last time they had a similar promotion, he finished in the money (well done!) and received his buy-in back. So he looks for a $20 tourney and there are none. However, he sees a $10 tourney with rebuys (for non poker playing people, a rebuy tourney allows you to buy a certain amount of chips anytime you go broke, usually for the first hour or so. In this case, the tourney entry fee is $10, and $10 gets you a new set of chips if you decide to buy them). Pat wanted to know if this promotion would cover this tourney, so he fired off this email:

There are no $20 Omaha/Stud MTT's, but there is a $10 Omaha H/L MTT with rebuys. Does this promotion mean you will reimburse up to $20 for the $10 rebuy MTT?

Absolute replied:

Thank you for your e-mail.

It DOES include the rebuy tourneys, UP TO $20 TOTAL, including the rebuys or add ons.

If you want to take advantage of the promotion, please follow the instructions given on the coupon, and don't forget to include your nickname, e-mail address, tourney number, date played, etc.

Thank you,
Ann
Team Absolute - Customer Support

This seems straight forward enough. He plays the tourney, pays for it himself, and they reimburse him $20. So, if he plays a rebuy tourney, his first $10 entry fee gets paid for as well as one $10 rebuy. Sounds perfect, right? So he finds a $5 tourney with rebuys, plays, and busts 2 short of being in the money. Oh well, at least the tourney was free. He then emails them requesting reimbursement, including all of the information they requested. Absolute, however, decided to change their policy:

Thanks for your email. Let me tell you that this promotion reimburses only the amount you invested in the tournament, and it could be of up to $20.00.

The tournament #12345, had a buy-in fee of $5.00, please confirm that this is the tournament you want to redeem your coupon for. Note that this promotion expires until December 31st.

Thanks for playing at Absolute Poker! If there is anything else we can help you with, please let us know. We're here for you!

Sincerely,
Anayuri
Team Absolute - Customer Support

Hmmm, well, Anayuri doesn't seem to realize the policy, right? So Pat sends this email (note that rebuy tourneys also have addons, which allow you to pay an amount to add more chips on at the end of the rebuy period. There are single and double addon tourneys out there).

This is the correct tournament. My total investment was $20.

$5 Buy in, $5 rebuy, and double addon.

Absolute then replies:

I'll be more than pleased to help you out in the matter, as my coworker stated this coupon reimburse only the BUY IN FEE of the tourney you played, which is $5, we do not reimburse the total investment, only the BUY IN.

Please let us know if you still want to apply the bonus and I'll be more than glad to credit the $5 to your account.

Thanks for playing at Absolute Poker! If there is anything else we can help you with, please let us know. We're here for you!

Sincerely,
Marcela
Team Absolute - Customer Support

Now, it's not the money that he's after as much as the principle, as this has turned into one big mess of a miscommunication. He replies to them again, this time including the email from "Ann" which reinforces the fact that rebuys will be covered. Absolute again replies:

We apologize for the inconvenience, would you be so kind and please send us the table number and the hand number in order verify what happened.

Thanks for playing at Absolute Poker! If there is anything else we can help you with, please let us know. We're here for you!

Sincerely,
Javier
Team Absolute - Customer Support

Ummmm, table number? Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot...over?

Pat then replies explaining that he is asking about a promotion and that a hand number or table number won't help here. Absolute replies:

Thanks for contacting us!

I really apologize for the confusion and the inconveniences!

I am glad to inform you that your account has been credited with $20 for tournament #12345. Enjoy them!

Thanks for playing at Absolute Poker! If there is anything else we can help you with, please let us know. We're here for you!

Sincerely,
Gabriel
Team Absolute - Customer Support

Whew. Fortunately for Pat, Absolute was able to make good on their promotion. The sad thing is, it took 2 days, 4 different customer support reps, and 8 emails to get there.

I've ranted about customer service before, and I'll continue that rant. There's no reason this email chain should have happened. The problem is, these companies treat customer service as an entry level, minimum wage job (unless it's outsourced to some other country, in which case minimum wage would be an exponential increase), and as long as they have bodies answering calls and emails, they are happy. There are people out there who aren't as persistent as Pat or I would be, and will read one of the first emails and just assume they read something wrong, and take the $5. How much is enough? How many times do we have to see emails from employees of the same company contradicting one another? Unfortunately, I don't have an answer, and I don't see an end to the horrible customer service that these companies are providing.

Until next time, which I hope isn't too long!

Morphy

What State Am I In? Confusion?

Happy Donk Years everyone!

2006 has is here, and to bring in the new year, I have a nice case of pneumonia! Other than that, things are going well. I somehow survived 2005 and am ready for a new year full of donkey sightings.

This one comes to us from my local cable internet provider, and isn't the greatest entry, but remember, quantity over quality, and in case you haven't notice, we've been lacking in both lately. I won't give their name here, but it rhymes with Toad Gunner. I have had nothing but troubles dealing with the complete donkeys that work for this company, but since the connection has been good, I haven't looked at moving my service somewhere else.

So of course for the last 3 weeks or so I've been having connectivity problems in the evenings, where my internet connection would just drop. A simple DHCP renew brings back the connection, and it doesn't seem to happen with any regularity. It went away for a few weeks, but came back this week. So I went to Toad Gunner's support page and checked their network status.

Sure enough, under "Internet Connectivity" the status is Red, which stands for unplanned event/outage. The standard "...subscribers in this area may have problems...we apologize for any inconvenience..." message is listed. Then I notice the affected area, which is listed as WICONSON. I wasn't aware that the name of our state was so hard to spell, but I figured who knows, maybe the support company that is located in a small island in the Pacific somewhere isn't familiar with the spellings of each individual state, especially the ones with more than 3 letters. I decided to bring up their support chat page, so I can be told by a support donk that they can't help me and that I have to call another support donk to fix the problem. But that requires effort, and all I'm looking for is information as to why their internet connectivity for my state (or WICONSON, whatever the hell that is) has been an issue for almost a month now.

Here's a transcript of the chat, with my comments inserted:

XaQMorphy has entered the chat room [note: not my real name]

Chris H: Thank you for choosing Toad Gunner Technical Chat. My name is Chris H. , could I have the first and last name, and the phone number with the area code of the account holder please?

XaQMorphy: XaQ Morphy 414-555-1212

Chris H: Thank you. With whom am I speaking currently?
[OK, so I'll let him go on this one. He probably has a section of things he just copies/pastes into the window, and I'm sure he has to see "BigBoy420" and "FluffieBunny" all day long. He gets a pass here.]

XaQMorphy: I've been having intermittent problems with my internet connection dropping, for the past few weeks. Today I checked the network status page and see a Red status for WICONSON that dates back almost a month. Can I assume this is for Wisconsin ? What is the status of this issue, and when can I expect it to be resolved?

Chris H: We have no technical issues listed for your area. That network status page is updated by the local office. When you lose your connection do any of the lights on the cable modem turn off or start flashing?

The rest of the chat went as expected, with him telling me I had to contact the support line, but I had to wait until I lost my connection before I called. But wait, what was that he said? "That network status page is updated by the local office." Huh? The local office, which is located in Milwaukee, WISCONSIN? Milwaukee, as in the biggest city in WISCONSIN? Are you telling me that the person responsible for updating the network status page that can potentially be seen by tens if not hundreds of thousands of customers, the donkey who LIVES IN WISCONSIN, can't spell the name of the freaking state he/she lives in? Shit, even Microsoft Word can figure out that "WICONSON" should be "WISCONSIN," and look at all the possible donkey blog entries that company could create.

Come on people. I fear for my childrens' futures. This donkey somehow managed to get through filling out a job application and passing an interview to get hired by this company. Granted, they are in an entry-level customer service job, but what freaking donkey can't spell the name of the damn state they live in? Even the biggest donkey redneck can still figure out how to spell Alabamer, or Kintucky, but come on, this isn't very hard here!

Hey, ummm, fellow Manifestites, do me a favor...email me at xaqmorphy@gmail.com or post a comment to this thread and tell Mukwrm to get off his ass, send me the pictures, and post his blog entry from his adventures in Kingman, Arizona. I promise this one will bring a good laugh. Until next time!

Morphy