Once a Donkey, Always a Donkey

Last week was my first week back to work after my surgery. Unfortunately I didn't get to witness any true donkey sightings, but based on the driving, and the fact that the weather is starting to get colder with more rain, I imagine it's just a matter of time until the driving stories start pouring in again. Until then, I'll have to rely on poker to give me material.

Yesterday I was doing something I don't remember, and my wife (FunkyRed) says "you have to see this guy in my room." So I jump on right after she won a big hand. She had 2 pair, bet most of her stack on the river when a 3rd diamond hit, and the guy folded. This chat then occurred:

always87: i had flush low high
always87: flush i had the 5 and 6
always87: opf diamonds
Dealer: always87 has 15 seconds left to act
FunkyRed: flush draw?
always87: no flush
FunkyRed: you folded a flush?
always87: but low high i thought u had higher than 6

Ok, so the obvious question is, what in the world is a "flush low high"??? Now we have donkeys inventing poker terms. That's Donktastic! I told her to ask him wtf a "flush low high" was:

always87: yes i foled a flush
always87: did u have me beat
always87: ?
FunkyRed: yes
FunkyRed: what is low high?
always87: like i had a 6

Ahhh, now that explains it! Errr, ummm, ok. A few hands went by, then our donkey lost most of his chips. If I remember the hand correctly he checked it to the river, then made some sort of stupid bet, and was called with 2nd pair. I knew it was just a matter of time before I couldn't help myself and say anything, so this was a great time to jump in:

always87: how can you make that call
XaQ Morphy (Observer): maybe he had low high?
always87: ?????
always87: ???????
always87: ??????????
XaQ Morphy (Observer): exactly

In the chat that follows, our donkey doesn't even realize that I showed up shortly after his hand with FunkyRed, and he's obviously not smart enough to realize that I was watching her. Instead, he figured I was some observer that just decided to watch a SNG for fun. I then start having fun. I figure even a donkey of this nature will figure out that I'm just messing with him, but, ummm, maybe not:

always87: im not poor, ican can afford a 5 dollar tourney
always87: i don't watch
XaQ Morphy (Observer): wtf are you talking about?
always87: you
XaQ Morphy (Observer): I had low high, sorry
always87: ARE YOU CHEATING??
always87: IM REPORTING YOU!
XaQ Morphy (Observer): I HAD LOW HIGH!
always87: BLAH BLAH
always87: PEASENT
XaQ Morphy (Observer): wtf is a "PEASENT"???
always87: YOU
XaQ Morphy (Observer): that's not a word, sir
always87: WHO ARE YOU
XaQ Morphy (Observer): but then again, since "low high" isn't a poker term, "peasent" might as well be a word

So, while this was going on, I had a game of my own going on, so I missed the "WHO ARE YOU" ummm, statement I guess, since punctuation was apparently to hard for this donkey to use. A few minutes went by, and I was about to fully go back to my game (instead of donking off money while toying with this guy), when he starts in again (and apparently found the question mark key again):

always87: WHERE DID POOR GUY GO
always87: ?
XaQ Morphy (Observer): right here sir, waiting for
more words of wisdom from you
always87: WELL HELLO
always87: WHO THE UFCK ARE YOU
XaQ Morphy (Observer): one of the admins here
always87: NO
XaQ Morphy (Observer): I received a complaint that you were being abusive, so I came here to see if it was true
always87: YEAH OK
always87: I SAID GL ALL
always87: NOW LET ME PLAY
XaQ Morphy (Observer): yeah, see, that's uncalled for
always87: IM INNGNORING YOU
Dealer: always87 has 15 seconds left to act
XaQ Morphy (Observer): english only at the tables please, sir
always87: LALALALA

Right about the same time, two other players are in a hand. One moves in, and another is faced with calling his stack off. This is where our donkey appears to completely lose it:

always87: ALLLLLL IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN
XaQ Morphy (Observer): one person to a hand please
always87: ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIN
always87: 458-6325
XaQ Morphy (Observer): did you forget your medication today sir?
always87: 6589214565555
always87: 5
always87: 5
always87: 5
always87: 5
always87: HE HAS A 5
always87: ALLLLL IIIIIIN

Now, what I wasn't able to include was the timing on this hand. The board had 2 5's on it, and apparently our donkey was sure that one of the players had a 5. However, all of the chat after I said "one person to a hand please" from our donkey was AFTER the hand was over. After that I lost interest, our donkey didn't say much, and lost after calling away his chips on a board he couldn't beat. Poor, poor donkey, I hope they can up his dosage a bit.

Morphy