Greetings fellow Manifestites! So some strange things are going on. I’m not sure if they’ve suddenly gotten smarter, or organized in some way, but the donkeys have been really quiet lately. About a month ago someone asked when I was going to update the blog. I had nothing then. It’s a month later, and, umm, I got nothin’ really worthwhile.
I guess the problem is, I am pretty picky as to what I consider blogworthy material. It’s not every day you get 2 idiots to almost blow themselves up 20 ft. off the ground (see Darwin Tried: Chicken Fried Donk), and once something like that happens, the bar raises just a little bit. After that, the typical idiot running a red light while on the phone and nearly killing an old lady walking across the street just doesn’t seem as interesting. But, I realize that there are fans out there, and all of you are anxiously awaiting my next entry, to see what sort of donks I run into next. As I’ve said in the past, there are a few things that go on at work that could make it, but I would rather keep things in the workplace off of the blog. I did run into a real interesting situation with Citrix, which is the software company that makes the main product I support every day, but since my average reader likely doesn’t understand what Citrix is or does, it’s pretty hard to make sense out of it.
Now, that said, one thing did cross my desk yesterday that I feel is at least worth a mention. I want to warn readers who managed to get this far without falling asleep from the boredom that this isn’t one of the better entries. I almost didn’t post it, but our motto of quantity over quality rang out, and I decided to go with it. It doesn’t end with the usual jaw-dropping, mind-numbing donkishness that I usually run into, but I did chuckle a number of times while reading my end of the exchange below, so I figured it was good enough to post.
I was going through my morning routine of attempting to wake up, read a bunch of emails from people who spend all day complaining about this and that, and generally attempt to look busy, when I decided to check my gmail account. Let’s see, hand histories from WPX that take 5 hours to get there that I totally forgot about, some newsletter crap from various poker sites I don’t play on, a tracking number from www.woot.com for something I don’t remember buying, and hey…what’s this:
FROM MRS ELA BIBANG.
This is my private email address firstname.lastname@example.org
For introduction i am the wife LT COL FLORENCIO BIBANG of EQUATORIAL GUINEA. He was accused of plotting to overthrow the government with two others namely LT COL FELIPE ESONO NTUMU and LT COL ANTIMO EDU.They are currently held in the maximum security prison in NIGERIA under inhuman conditions as we were meant to understand by some of the human right watch observers who have visited them.
They fled the country and sought refuge in CAMEROUN from where they proceded to NIGERIA.
They where apprehended by the NIGERIAN authorities and ever since then no news and sign of their release.
My children and i have fled to the REPUBLIC OF IVORY COAST for our safety after passing through hell in the hands of the security operatives/agents of the government.
Why i have written to you is for help ;i want you to help us get some funds stashed in a finance house in holland by my husband the worth is $2.5million.
This was money meant for the purchase of ammunition which was never used due to the accusations and his eventual escape.
I have the address of the company and contact and hope that you will understand my plight and help us.
once you have shown interest and ready to help i will divulge the information so that you will make the necessary transaction and secure the funds for us.
We shall discuss your percentage when you have notified me of your interest.
we need this funds for our upkeep and eventual migration to europe.
I await your mail.
Conatct me through this private email address email@example.com .
MRS ELA BIBANG
Hey, a typical Nigerian 419 scam. I get these from time to time and typically just delete them. But, something struck me as overly funny about this one, so I decided not to delete it, and maybe come back later and read it again. These are pretty strange, because they are so obviously scams, but there are enough morons out there who get their bank accounts wiped out by these criminals that it’s apparently worth it for them to write up these emails and spam the world.
I came back a few hours later after dealing with something particularly annoying, and read the email again. I decided I couldn’t let it go:
FROM XAQ MORPHY. WITH URGENT ATTENTION NEEDING.
Good day. I am XAQ MORPHY originating from ODS, RGP, WTF and PDQ. I just received your message of urgency and want to be providing my assistance because the happenings of circumstances to be coincidental cannot be passed up.
In 1963 I was stationed in the Moroncan Navy in the small fishing village of Dawnkei. It was here that I had I met the man later introduced to me as LT COL FLORENCIO BIBANG of EQUATORIAL GUINEA. I also had the extreme pleasure of meeting his twin brothers, E. Walla and O. Walla.
It was to be my mission of protecting the citizens of that small fishing village, so many years ago. As you know, many governments in so-called foreign nations are having corruptness in the experiences of dealing with national citizens. This I am sure you have been witnessed of.
While in the village of Dawnkei I was extremely lucky to have had the experience of having my life saved by Mr. BIBANG and his brothers Walla and Walla. While performing my morning constitutional rituals, I was attacked by many ravenous WILDEBEESTS. FLORENCIO and his private Ting Ting saved me from sure doom. Unfortunately LT COL FLORENCIO BIBANG of EQUATORIAL GUINEA was forced to leave Dawnkei, and I was unable to repay the needful favor. To him I am owing my life.
Please letting me know how I may be of assistance. I have waited many years for the contact of this email, and now is the time to be performing acts of goodwill to those that have allowed my stay in this lifetime to continue. Please do the needful and allow me to save you and your family.
I still chuckle reading that, so if anything, I’m amused, which makes this post a success. I was surprised to actually receive a reply today, but it appears that my attempt at humor was seen as just that:
ELA BIBANG to me
you are very very funny.
i like your sense of humuor.
keep it up.
So Mrs. BIBANG, I’m glad I was able to brighten your day. I imagine scamming stupid people out of thousands of dollars can get depressing now and then. I’m glad I could help. Now, if you could please do the needful and send me your bank account information and mailing address, I will send you your share of my life’s savings, ONE THIRD OF THIRTY FIVE CENTS IN US CURRENCY.