Dot Dot Dot Donk Donk Donk Dot Dot Dot

Hello Manifestites, and welcome to the world of one handed typing. As you know from my last entry, I had elbow surgery to relocate a major nerve. They had to release and reattach a major muscle in my arm, so I’m 2 weeks into a very long, 12+ week recovery. I’m getting better at one handed typing every day, and have messed a bit with some speech recognition software. I’m planning a blog entry to detail all of this, but a situation came up yesterday that is too good to pass up.

So I’m playing in a SnG on Bodog yesterday (SnG = 1 table poker tournament). The blinds start out very low at 5/10, and I typically see some strange things betting-wise during the first few orbits. Sure enough, some guy raises to 115 and shows AsQs when the table folds. The next hand he makes it 80, gets one caller, sees a flop of A84, jams 900+ into a pot of 180, and shows AA when his opponent folds. Well, I can’t let that go unnoticed, so I feel I need to compliment him. Forgive my lack of capitalization or punctuation in my chat here: it’s times like these I wish I had 2 good hands to type with!

XaQ Morphy: i see you've mastered betting in nl holdem, very nice
Clovus: ty
Clovus: last tow hands i show back to no chat When I clean the board no offense guys

So I’m sitting here trying to decipher just what in the hell that is supposed to mean, when this shows up, filling the entire chat window:

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I didn’t know what to make of that, but it would soon become painfully obvious that I wasn’t dealing with your ordinary every day dimwit. A few hands later, right in the middle of someone else’s chat, here it is again:

Clovus: -
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Well, you know me, any time I see the opportunity to mess with someone, I jump at it.

XaQ Morphy: wtf is your issue?
eisezu: i think he's just clearing the chat board
XaQ Morphy: why?
Clovus: cleaning the chat and your on iggy
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XaQ Morphy: what language is that?

Not 3 seconds later he does it again. I mean, I guess I can see doing it once and a while, seeing as on Bodog there’s no timestamp on the chat, so you really don’t know when a certain message was written, but ffs, this was getting absurd. So, I decided to have a little fun.

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XaQ Morphy: quit it

XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
XaQ Morphy: '
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XaQ Morphy: assmonkey

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XaQ Morphy: cut it out assburglar

Clovus: put me on ignore then you dont see it like i dont see you
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XaQ Morphy: i'm going to report you for spamming you pathetic loser
eisezu: why does it bother you so much morphy?
XaQ Morphy: because, he's breaking violations of the site
eisezu: he's not really
XaQ Morphy: if he can't deal with it, why doesn't he just close the chat down
XaQ Morphy: instead he has to ruin the chat experience for the rest of us

Ok, so I may be embellishing a little here. But others also see that I seem to be very bothered by it and may think I’m on tilt. Not that I need any help loosening up the play of the mass idiot-supreme that is the average Bodog player, but who knows. What this donkey doesn’t understand is that even if I block his chat, his ridiculous “chat clearing” is still making it impossible for others to chat. Some more:

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XaQ Morphy: that's it, you're done sparky

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XaQ Morphy: wait, I got it…it’s morse code. let me translate
XaQ Morphy: clovus…is…a…dumbass…

So right about now, he calls off most of his stack with Ac6c and beats AK with a straight. Then this gem:

Clovus: suited hands win more often even though I got the st8 more outs
Clovus: 52 48 odds in his favor

Blink blink, what? For those that don’t know, while suited (or s0000000000ted, as known in the secret jargon of online poker) cards are more valuable than their non-suited counterparts, the suitedness is typically only worth 3-4%. In the hand above, the AK was a 70:30 favorite over his A6 of clubs. We were down to 3 now, “in the money” and thanks to the supreme donkey and his suited cards, he has the chip lead. I was going to comment on his vast knowledge of poker, but I was dealt a hand I had to move in with on his big blind. I showed of course. I’ll let you guess what I had based on this hint:

$1520.00 is not called, return back to XaQ Morphy
XaQ Morphy shows High Card, Three

A few hands later I was dealt an Ace in the same spot, jammed at him again, and he was all so happy to double me up with Q high, ensuring himself 3rd place.

Oh yeah, and I sent this email to Bodog’s support:

Hi, please remove the chat for user Clovus. He was spamming the chat window with dashes, which is extremely annoying, and disrupts the chat of anyone else that wishes to use it. He did not refrain when asked to stop. Thanks,

Sometimes you just have to step up and take matters into your own hands. Until next time!

Yours Donkily,

Morphy